Warlord Jaha and his T.H.U.G.S Make Unexpected Bust While
Collecting Dead for Recycling
Warlord Jaha and T.H.U.G.S were helping collect the dead in
effort to clean up the streets of Thistle Grove.
Their process was simple: go from house to house with the cart calling for locals to “Bring Out Yer Dead.”
A situation arose when they came across Mr. and Mrs. Warrens' ranch. Mrs. Warren was trying to get the T.H.U.G.S to remove Mr. Warren from the couple’s bed.
Immediately Mr. Warren started struggling and T.H.U.G.S officers Sir Rohde and Sir CENSORED had to put him down and restrain him.
Their process was simple: go from house to house with the cart calling for locals to “Bring Out Yer Dead.”
A situation arose when they came across Mr. and Mrs. Warrens' ranch. Mrs. Warren was trying to get the T.H.U.G.S to remove Mr. Warren from the couple’s bed.
Immediately Mr. Warren started struggling and T.H.U.G.S officers Sir Rohde and Sir CENSORED had to put him down and restrain him.
Warlord Jaha came into the home to question what all of the
commotion was about.
Upon entering he witnessed an argument from the couple.
Mrs. Warren: “He is dead I tell ya”
T.H.U.G.S officer Sir Rohde: “Ma’am he is clearly moving around.”
Mrs. Warren: "WELL HE WAS DEAD A MINUTE AGO!”
Mrs. Warren: “He is dead I tell ya”
T.H.U.G.S officer Sir Rohde: “Ma’am he is clearly moving around.”
Mrs. Warren: "WELL HE WAS DEAD A MINUTE AGO!”
T.H.U.G.S officer Priest Syruss: “ Sir were you dead a
minute ago?”
Mr. Warren “I got Better.”
The statement “ I got better” was enough to arrest Mr.
Warren on suspicion of Necromancy. Right now he is being held in T.H.U.G.S
Prison in Compton
A Penny Saved...
David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Pinewood, Grimloch after allegedly knocking out an armored carriage driver and stealing the four bags of money that was stored in the back.
David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Pinewood, Grimloch after allegedly knocking out an armored carriage driver and stealing the four bags of money that was stored in the back.
Unbeknownst to our two bit thief each bag contained 800
SILVER, weighed 30 pounds, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so
that Grimloch Soldier Rillian was able to catch him from behind.
Rillian had this to say:
Rillian had this to say:
“It is remarkable how fast he was able to run with all of
that money.”
Don't Defend Yourself
Local cook, Chef Badboyishe was on trial for the kidnapping and attempted robbery of “Flour Seasons Bakers” Mr. and Mrs. Johanson in district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Randolph said the Chef, 42, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the couple testified that Badboyishe was the kidnapper and robber.
Chef jumped up, accused the couple of lying and then said, "I should of cut your [expletive] heads off!"
The defendant paused, then quickly added, "- if I'd been the one that was there."
The jury took 20 minutes to convict Chef Badboyishe and recommended a 30-year sentence.
Local cook, Chef Badboyishe was on trial for the kidnapping and attempted robbery of “Flour Seasons Bakers” Mr. and Mrs. Johanson in district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Randolph said the Chef, 42, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the couple testified that Badboyishe was the kidnapper and robber.
Chef jumped up, accused the couple of lying and then said, "I should of cut your [expletive] heads off!"
The defendant paused, then quickly added, "- if I'd been the one that was there."
The jury took 20 minutes to convict Chef Badboyishe and recommended a 30-year sentence.
Watermelon Maniac on the loose
While visiting Grimloch to help gear up for his summer Min bash, Sir Mestoph was arrested and brought in for questioning on suspected vandalism to a watermelon farm.
Upon more thorough investigation it was revealed that The undead rabbit threat has spread to the local watermelon patches, and the T.H.U.G.S called in outside help from Folkestone ‘s watermelon specialist.
With Mestoph’s watermelon expertise the T.H.U.G.S were able to track the undead rabbits within the hour.
Local Farmers rejoice to get the crops back from the Undead
Blight.
Well that’s it for this edition; I
am investigative reporter Syruss signing off saying “Stay Classy Realms.”