In local news undead plaid wearing zombies have been chopping down trees containing many residents of Grimloch's homes.
Now as you may or may not have known, Grimloch is so overly infested with undead that it is unsafe to sleep and live on the ground. Grimloch has constructed a series of houses in trees, “Tree Houses” if you will, so that they can sleep safely throughout the night. Zombies and most common undead lack the motor skill and coordination to effectively climb, at least not without making a ton of racket, in which case it is a simple matter of pushing them down and watching the "necromantic nincompoops" fall to the ground.
Now as you may or may not have known, Grimloch is so overly infested with undead that it is unsafe to sleep and live on the ground. Grimloch has constructed a series of houses in trees, “Tree Houses” if you will, so that they can sleep safely throughout the night. Zombies and most common undead lack the motor skill and coordination to effectively climb, at least not without making a ton of racket, in which case it is a simple matter of pushing them down and watching the "necromantic nincompoops" fall to the ground.
Seems like a flawless plan right, well it WAS until some smart-aleck necromancer started reanimating lumberjacks to chop down trees.
Now these "corpse crazy carbon footprint fiends" are making a sheer mess of things.
Warlord Jaha has issued an APB on any citizen wearing flannel along with wielding an axe within Grimloch lands.
T.H.U.G.S (Terrors, Horrors, Undead, and Ghoul Squad) is said to be putting a stop to this menace "at their roots."
A deadly taste of Heaven recipes from Empress Katasha of Grimloch
Hey guys, ever go to A Feast of Folkestone of or a Grimloch Grill and games; or maybe you have been lucky enough to have purchased one of those fancy private dinners from our culinary connoisseur Katasha and was all like “How did she make that?” or “ Oh god if she cooks that good how do those guys in Grimloch stay so trim?” (ahem SOME OF US DON’T) then you are in luck.
Because despite her death grip and a few black eyes, this investigative reporter managed to sneak into the Grimloch kitchen and into Katasha’s cookbook to bring you this new segment “A Deadly Taste of Heaven”
T.H.U.G.S (Terrors, Horrors, Undead, and Ghoul Squad) is said to be putting a stop to this menace "at their roots."
A deadly taste of Heaven recipes from Empress Katasha of Grimloch
Hey guys, ever go to A Feast of Folkestone of or a Grimloch Grill and games; or maybe you have been lucky enough to have purchased one of those fancy private dinners from our culinary connoisseur Katasha and was all like “How did she make that?” or “ Oh god if she cooks that good how do those guys in Grimloch stay so trim?” (ahem SOME OF US DON’T) then you are in luck.
Because despite her death grip and a few black eyes, this investigative reporter managed to sneak into the Grimloch kitchen and into Katasha’s cookbook to bring you this new segment “A Deadly Taste of Heaven”
Prep Time: 30 Min Cook Time: 2 Hrs 30 Min Ready In:3 Hrs 15 Min
Servings
Original Recipe Yield 12 servings
Ingredients
- 1 pound sweet Italian sausage
- 3/4 pound lean ground beef
- 1/2 cup minced onion
- 2 cloves garlic, crushed
- 1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes
- 2 (6 ounce) cans tomato paste
- 2 (6.5 ounce) cans canned tomato sauce
- 1/2 cup water
- 2 tablespoons white sugar
- 1 1/2 teaspoons dried basil leaves
- 1/2 teaspoon fennel seeds
- 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
- 1 tablespoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
- 4 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
- 12 lasagna noodles
- 16 ounces ricotta cheese
- 1 egg
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 3/4 pound mozzarella cheese, sliced
- 3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
Directions
- In a Dutch oven, cook sausage, ground beef, onion, and garlic over medium heat until well browned. Stir in crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, tomato sauce, and water. Season with sugar, basil, fennel seeds, Italian seasoning, 1 tablespoon salt, pepper, and 2 tablespoons parsley. Simmer, covered, for about 1 1/2 hours, stirring occasionally.
- Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Cook lasagna noodles in boiling water for 8 to 10 minutes. Drain noodles, and rinse with cold water. In a mixing bowl, combine ricotta cheese with egg, remaining parsley, and 1/2 teaspoon salt.
- Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
- To assemble, spread 1 1/2 cups of meat sauce in the bottom of a 9x13 inch baking dish. Arrange 6 noodles lengthwise over meat sauce. Spread with one half of the ricotta cheese mixture. Top with a third of mozzarella cheese slices. Spoon 1 1/2 cups meat sauce over mozzarella, and sprinkle with 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese. Repeat layers, and top with remaining mozzarella and Parmesan cheese. Cover with foil: to prevent sticking, either spray foil with cooking spray, or make sure the foil does not touch the cheese.
- Bake in preheated oven for 25 minutes. Remove foil, and bake an additional 25 minutes. Cool for 15 minutes before serving.
Take anything you want, but please don’t suck my toes!
T.H.U.G.S have finally caught an unusual vampiric criminal who had a fetish with toes. Apparently, this burglar has been taking his sleeping victims’ money and then can’t help himself when it comes to his victims feet. The suspect broke into a couple’s apartment on the night of Nov. 6 and stole some money. He then went into the couple’s bedroom, where they were sleeping, and began to fondle the male victim’s toes while feeding on his partner's "piggly wigglies" (that’s Toes for all you laymen folk.). The sleeping man reportedly woke up thinking he was being caressed by his partner. When he discovered it was not his partner, he chased the burglar who promptly fled from the home.
T.H.U.G.S officer Sir Rohde, Priest Syruss, and Sir Censored later used the description of the man and a few items he stole to arrest this burglar.
T.H.U.G.S later reported that Russell VonFootenstien was known to have a foot fetish.
He allegedly once broke into a woman’s home and woke her up by sucking on her toes until she was almost drained of blood. He was let go because the only witness was reanimated into a succubus and had to be put down before his original hearing. Russell was charged with residential entry and burglary. He is being held in Grimloch’s Compton County Jail with bail set at 100,000 gold pieces.
DEAR ROHODEY: A kind and gentle advice column featuring your favorite caring man himself Sir Rohde.
DEAR Rohodey: I work at a public library and live not far from where I work. A lot of people who use the library live in my apartment building and I run into them often. These people never hesitate to stop me when I’m clearly off the clock to ask me a slew of library questions.
I confess I’m a bit of a doormat, and I’m afraid to ask them to
leave me alone. Is there a way to tell those people to quit harassing me
when I’m not working? I’d feel so much better about myself if I learned
how. – THE ANSWER LADY
Dear ANSWER LADY:
Really? You get asked a slew
of library questions, do you? People really beating down the doors to
get the latest skinny on what’s happening at the public library, are
they? Lots of urgent queries related to the hottest advancements on the
Dewey decimal front, are there? People desperately wondering if you have
all issues of the View from Valehaven in stock?
You want some advice? Here’s my advice: Stop looking in the mirror and asking yourself so many questions about the library.
Love,
Sir Rohodey
Love,
Sir Rohodey
(No disrespect to all you lovely librarians out there we love they way you Dewey that decimal system)
Well that’s it for this edition; I am investigative reporter Syruss signing off saying “Stay Classy Realms.”