By Callahan “Syruss” Marsden
LEAD STORY – Undead Undercover Bust a Huge Success
Syruss of Grimloch recently helped T.H.U.G.S agents track down local delinquents selling their blood to succubus’s for “Adult Company”.
Years of living in Grimloch have given Syruss a good sense of how undead women dress and behave. So being the crafty guy he is, he quickly through together an outfit good enough to fool the most seasoned veteran of Grimloch. In fact Grimloch member Teddy Quill tried to stake him on two separate occasions; unfortunately for him this highly trained operative was quick to show this boy that he was Grimloch Undercover- BY BEATING HIM OVER THE HEAD REPEATEDLY SCREAMING “YOU IDIOT IF YOU BLOW MY COVER I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!!!!” in a high falsetto voice.
With T.H.U.G.S agents on the ready Syruss went right to work on a known trafficking area in Down Town Compton Grimloch. He was there for more than 2 minutes when he was proposition by what T.H.U.G.S agents are dubbing the Compton Creeper.
Upon offering him a mere 15 minutes of sucking Blood from his thumb, the outraged and offended Syruss began to spray the assailant in the eyes with a liquid silver compound that Seer Dell developed for combating werewolves.
Syruss was beating him over the head and back with a mace dagger for 2 minutes before T.H.U.G.S agents could get there to get the man into custody. He was reported to have been screaming, “stop resisting STOP RESISTING STOP RESISTING!” To which the assailant replied, “Blaaagurgle gurgle”
The Compton Creeper is currently in a coma and Grimloch General and the doctors are not certain of his recovery.
People With Issues- What Do You Mean, I'm Not Mentally Stable
Ms. Fausat Ogunbayo, 46, filed a federal lawsuit against Grimloch's Administration for Children's Services because it took away her kids (aged 13 and 10 at the time) in 2008 for questions about Ogunbayo's mental stability. At the time she was seen dressed in a black cape trying to suck the blood from her kids through a straw.
After inspection Grimloch deemed she was not a Necromancer or Undead just mentally unstable.
The lawsuit asked for 900,000,000,000,000 (trillion in Silver) for damages both physical and mental from T.H.U.G.S agents and to prevent further harm to Lycanthrope Species of Ducks.
District Attorney Randolph had this to say. “She is crazy and will not see one silver, T.H.U.G.S agents may have different, somewhat edgy, techniques in handling these situations but it is usually always for the greater good".
Grimloch Going Green- Only Trees and Tigers Can Prevent These Forest Fires
In Northwood Grimloch, Local T.H.U.G.S Agents Sir Rohde and Sir CENSORED and Priest Syruss were following a trail of undead Lumber Jacks from recent events. Strangely all of these Undead Seemed to have their heads crushed and their bodies mauled.
It was until further investigation that the trio realized which Woods they had traveled into.
Without warning a giant tree branch came crashing down towards Syruss. If it was not for the quick actions of Sir CENSORED and his shield Syruss would have joined the Lumberjack Liches. Sir CENSORED's Shield cracked in two and the three quickly drew arms.
The three formed up and flanked this foliage only to discover their weapons were dealing no damage. Rohde came down on a tree branch with a mighty slam and in normal fashion for Rohde his single short shattered everywhere. Syruss rolled under the slow swing of another tree next to an Undead Lumberjack, and with a quick motion grabbed the Undead’s axe and tossed it over to Rohde who was frantically dodging tree limbs.
Rohde caught the axe mid air and brought it swiftly down on the tree's trunk as he ducked under the pines mighty swing. Suddenly with a giant creak the base began to splinter. Rohde had discovered how to affect these lumbering tree menaces.
As all three T.H.U.G.S picked up axes from their fallen foes and started to make head way in repelling the terrifying trees they heard a GROWL that sent chills up their spines.
The woods Guardian, a FURocious Tiger, had made his way to the scene, dedicated to decapitating any who would harm the Trees of Northwood.
The three made a tactical retreat so that they could get back to Grimloch with the knowledge on how to combat the trees.
The trees seem to be under control of some sort of new Necromancy being called Tree-o-mancy. T.H.U.G.S agents want to bring in Bright Oakfellow for his professional opinion.
T.H.U.G.S agent Rohde had this to say, “Aside from that crazy good looking tiger I say the battle with the trees went GRRRRRRRREAT.”
Up Coming Fun for The New Adventurers- Going to Feast Of Creathorne? New to these lands? Then do we have some fun for you!!!
Phoenix and Gavin of Folkestone is going to be running Series of tournaments for Newbies first of which is being run at Feast of Creathorne.
Each will contain activities in six categories- combat, knowledge, observation skills, scavenger hunt, puzzles/problem solving, role playing. The specific activities for each category will be different at each event.
Adventurers Can enter one or all categories. When they enter they'll get more info on what the specifics for that day will be and can then start to prepare for the specific tournament being run.
Each contestant can score up to 100 points, which will result in prizes
In addition to standard certificates and/or prizes given by the land that the tourney is being held in, each entrant will get a report card with personalized feedback (and Gavin is giving a custom cowl as an extra prize to the winner at Feast of Creathorne!!)
At the end of the year those with the highest scores will receive special prizes at Uncle Cecil’s Yule.
Other upcoming festivals where the Newbie Grand Prix will be run include Min's Backyard Bash and Blackwood Tournaments.
Well that’s it for this edition; I am investigative reporter Syruss signing off saying “Stay Classy Realms.”