Squire to Baron Diamond of Banecroft, Knight of the Sable Dragon
The tenets of the Knights of the Sable Dragon are:
Protect the Realms
Serve as an exemplar of honor
Maintain a diversity of membership
Train inexperienced adventurers
My squireship to the Knights of the Sable Dragon was untraditional from before it even began. I approached Baron Diamond at Feast of Chimeron in 2007 and asked what it would take for me to become his squire. Many people see this as uncouth; the squire should be asked by the knight, not ask to be squired. Baron Diamond apparently wasn’t too put off by my forwardness, as, three months later, he had me take a knee and gave me my squire’s sash (The Knights of the Sable Dragon uses sashes instead of belts). The squiring ceremony itself was also untraditional. It was at Queen of Hearts, but it was on Sunday before Queen’s War instead of Saturday during court.
To this day, my squireship seems different from most. Yes, I’m given tasks, but I find many of my tasks are self-assigned, as well as having ones given to me by my knight. I also find the dynamic between the Baron’s famous diplomacy and my directness has created an interesting dynamic. We tend to argue over who gets to give up our seat for the other, and I find myself saying “Sir, I’m your squire. It’s alright to criticize me!”
The most abnormal aspect of my squireship, however, was a period of a year I spent without it. I had my squireship suspended as a punishment for losing my temper and severely lashing out against another player.
This suspension was a humiliating and enlightening experience. It drove home the fact that I really, really, really screwed up. I had let people down who I admired and who wanted me to succeed. I was to be suspended for a year, after which the knights would consider allowing me to be a squire again. I had a deadline and people who would be watching with a critical eye, expecting me to mess up, yet hoping I didn’t.
I had the motivation and the deadline to improve, but that did not make it easy. Over the course of the year, I didn’t think I would make it. I had bad days and backslides. There were people I still couldn’t look in the eye. I snapped at people, and I said and did some things was ashamed of. Every misstep felt like a failure. I felt like I didn’t deserve to ever be re-squired, but I still worked myself harder than I ever have before. The more I tried, the more I realized there was more on the line than an honor in the game.
I was learning about myself on a level I never had before. I sought help from everyone who was willing, I sacrificed, I humbled up, I made plans and contingencies and, most importantly, I learned everything I could about myself. I learned what causes me to lose control, what warning signs to look for, and how I can keep myself from making the same mistake again.
In spite of my bad days and my doubts, the order decided that my efforts were sufficient, and I earned a second chance. The first day I was eligible, Baron Diamond told me his intention of giving me my squireship back. While I knew I still had a long way to go, the hard work had paid off. While the squireship was my motivation, however, the biggest reward was the change in myself. I felt, and still feel, more comfortable and confident as a result of everything I learned in my year of suspension.
The primary responsibility of a squire is to learn. The squire must learn service, honor, and, above all, the squire must learn about themself. The knight’s job is to teach, but the squire’s learning must not be limited to the teachings of the knight. The knight cannot teach the squire about themself, but can provide opportunities for self-discovery by the squire. My suspension was such an opportunity. It was the kick in the pants that I needed to learn the lessons that helped me in the game and in real life. I see the change in myself every day, and others see it as well.
I'd like to publicly thank Dan Diamond, the rest of the Knights of the Sable Dragon, and everyone else who has helped me, whether it be through motivation, coaching, or simply patience. The community nature of the Realms has not only helped me improve myself, but made me want to grow and improve as a person on a level greater than real life has ever been able to.