"Dear Sir Awesome Syruss,
New reader and first time writer….. Speaking of firsts, this will be my first UCCT and I'm nervous I won't fit in, and will fail at the gift swap. What advice do you have?
Concerned in Clontarf
PS: my wife is a huge fan"
Dear No Need For Concern Bat Syruss is here,
My advice for gift-giving is simple: get to know your target. Now Lady Twenaria does a great job collecting information about each individual. Things like: favorite color, food, special wish if they could get anything in the world. She also gives you the "no-no’s" of each person: foods they hate, items to avoid, least favorite color, people they think smell the worst (just kidding)... anyway, she provides an array of info so that you can tailor-make a special gift for your target……ahem, I mean secret santa……
You want to, or at least I try to, include something from each aspect of their desires. If they want a shield, love the color red and always wanted a unicorn bear you might consider making them a shield with an artistically decorated unicorn bear cover.
Either way you can’t go wrong with something personal and from the heart.
Remember it’s like Sir Nymbous O’Leary says: “The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value.”
I hope this helps, sorry if it doesn’t
Love and Seasons Greetings,
Sir Syruss O’Leary
Order of the List
Knight of the Blue Rose
Knight of the Potentium
************************************
"Dear Syruss,
This is my first Uncle Cecil’s that I will be of the legal drinking age my Elf species (and everyone else) requires. Since it’s my first Rodeo, my first time to the dance if you will, I am going to be sticking to eggnog and whatever seasonal drinks are provided.
So my question unto you, as a Champion of Min and an all-around Party Animal (I heard you may be Gavin's spirit animal) is: how much eggnog is too much eggnog?
Your long time-reader,
Doesn’t want to Get Egg-nauseous"
******Twen, Lucas I don’t think I can answer this…….I mean, I know I am the questions guy….you're right it is my job but………….Ok Ok Ok Ok just put the sword down and I will get to the question**********
Dear Are You Sure You Have the Right Guy,
You can drink, HURRAY……..Now advice on how to do it…hmmmm lets see, and you don’t want to over-do it….hmmmmmmm I’ll tell ya this is a toughy. I think the best way to handle this is to treat Cecil’s like an office holiday party and follow these simple drinking around your co workers.
Set your limit before the event. This will help you resist the temptation to change your mind when you are actively attending the party. Now your taste buds, you know what you like to eat as far as sweets, food, beverages etc. This also applies to alcoholic drinks, If you hate apples (and who hates apples) stay away from apple-based booze (like the famous O’Leary Cider coming to an Uncle Cecil’s near you). Take advice if others tell you to stop…..Seasoned Drunkards…..I mean, seasoned members of the League of Gentleman will be at Cecil’s and their collective knowledge is both impressive and terrifying. Not only will they all be there, they all love to talk about their expertise. So don’t be afraid to take their advice, whether it is "try this new drink" or "stop having drinks all together."
I personally follow the rule of "drink all the whiskey you can," and this has always worked for me.
Decide what will work for you.
Also try the cider!
Remember it’s like Sir Nymbous O’Leary says: “The one thing I don’t like about Office Holiday parties……is looking for a job the next day.”
I hope this Helps sorry if it Doesn’t
Love and Seasons Greetings,
Sir Syruss O’Leary
Question Master Extraordinaire
Order of the List
Knight of the Blue Rose
Knight of the Potentium
Forced to answer this one responsibly by The View from Valehaven Editorial Staff
******************************
"Dear Sir Syruss,
I am afraid I may have not been the best little adventurer this year. I may have:
3….2…..1...
Broke my sword on Kyntela's head,
hid a frog in sisters bed,
made fake currency out of lead.
Somebody snitched on me
I made Swoop eat a bug,
stole some gold cause I’m a thug,
peed on Malaki’s favorite rug
Somebody snitched on me
O I think that the Krampus will get me,
Sir Vawn thinks that my actions are bad.
O I think that the Krampus will kill me,
So my question is how do I handle that???????
O I won't get gifts from Father Yule,
Somebody snitched on me.
I’m sure the Krampus planned something cruel,
Somebody snitched on me.
Next year I’ll be going straight,
Next year I’ll be good just you wait.
I’d start now but it's too late,
Somebody snitched on me.
O I think that the Krampus will get me,
Sir Vawn thinks that my actions are bad.
O I think that the Krampus will kill me,
So my question is how do I handle that???????
Love,
Naughty not a Neden Guy"
Holy Snowmen and Stocking Stuffers you are in a pickle,
Son, Krampus is like one of the scariest things I have ever gotten in a headlock, and let me tell you what a stench. Your best bet is to hide, hide like your skin and bones depend on it, cause you know, it does.
Or you could assemble an elaborate Sir Rubus Goldberg machine, with string, a big X and some sort of net…..but you're going to need someone even naughtier than you for bait. Which using someone as live bait might bump you back up to the top of the naughty list.
Man, I don’t know what you are going to do.
Are you an Order of the List winner? Because we are the toughest guys on the block I’ll tell you what….. or maybe you are a Blade Master, or a Champion of Queen of Hearts winner? All around tough person (girls are just as tough as guys). At any rate you are going to have to be one tough Ginger Bread Cookie if you are planning on going Toe to Toe with the Beast of the Snow.
Your best bet and I may have said this is: Don’t blink he’s fast, if you blink you are…….Sorry, wrong speech.
Run Not a Neden guy. Run for your life.
Remember it’s like Sir Nymbous O’Leary says: “Krampus…THE KRAMPUS... oh man he’s fu*ked.”
I hope this Helps sorry if it Doesn’t
Much Love, and Run for your life,
Sir Syruss O’Leary
Order of the List
Knight of the Blue Rose
Knight of the Potentium
Not on the Naughty list (this year)