“What you Missed” – W.I.G.O.H. 2
By: Michael “Swoop” Zajac
Last night I had such a weird dream that involved so many of you I thought I would share my trials
and tribulations in this strange dream realm I visited. It definitely gets hazy at some points, but strap
yourselves in, for as the Neden boys too often say, “It’s about to get weird.”
I with fellow adventurers and Riverhawks journeyed to a small town, where reports of people
having trouble entering and leaving sleepyville and sweet tattoos appearing on their persons piqued
our interest. Ever quick to make a buck of the suffering of poor townspeople, Master Sir Therian was
selling his various snake oils and potions near the town limits. Seeing a prime opportunity to unload
some still-moist Neden coins I purchased some scrolls that would blow people up if they read them,
take that smart people! We were briefed by the locals on their predicament then led to a place
where we could enter this strange dreaming realm.
As we collectively entered this realm, we encountered some hippie poking some nature bits in
the middle of a clearing. After shooing him away with our non-whimsical haircuts and love of the
free market (and likely our absurd amount of weaponry) we discovered a wee creature left near a
small bush, one which we immediately captured. We named it SeFlicia, a combination of the two
names presented Sebastian and Felicia, and since Crispin seemed to have an affinity with it he was
left in charge of the beast.
In the next room, there were bats. So many bats. More bats than one could possibly have the
patience to swat away. I attempted to communicate with them, hanging upside down on pillars and
swooping my Swoop wings, to little avail but to make myself dizzy. We slayed many bats, and I
became the Man-Bat™, until we heard a din of laughter coming from further on in the cave. We
turned a corner and we found ourselves in opening in the cave, with a group of chuckling skeletons
lumbering around. Sensing my forte, I approached the chuckling bones and attempted to join their
ranks as fellow chuckler. While I was swatted away (tough crowd) we noticed some carvings on a
wall where the beginning of various jokes had been engraved. By chance we knew one of them and
told the whole joke to one of the bony blokes, and he keeled over in laughter so hard he fell to bits!
We sat and then tried to think of various ends of jokes on the wall, with me trying my own brand of
humour on the creatures (How do two funny fighters start a fight? They slapsticks!) being met with
limited success. Eventually we thought of all the jokes on the wall and managed to move on with the
laughing bones finally silenced.
As we progressed in this dreaming realm, our sight started to fade for many. We then
encountered a sort of field with deathly traps laid about, and it was up to those could resist the
magical blinding to guide the rest through the maze. With only minimal death, most of us through,
almost! In an ironic twist, further still we found more bats accompanied by these large, angry
eyeballs that would strike at people, then when hit enough would begin to ask, “Who are you?”
After many attempts and various false personas, I decided to show the large eye my “Identification”
(See exploding scroll above), to which it immediately blew into a fine, slightly salty goop.
Then, there were bees. Large, almost human sized bees. Bees with challenges. Challenge bees, if
you will. There was a spelling bee, thankfully it gave one of the 14 words I knew how to spell, a
riddle/ puzzle bee that I immediately tried to blow up with a scroll but it failed which was very sad, a
magic bee and a ‘cloak and dagger’ bee. Since I was stabbed by the dagger bee, when I arose I could
only speak in a series of buzzes, which was very disconcerting, especially when trying to solve
riddles. My various companions were also stricken with other maladies, from whimsically switching
emotions to continually blathering their stream of consciousness, though I’m not sure if this was
different than what they usually do. Even with a speak spell, it was only a half success, as now I
could only speak Insectefae (See French), but since I had the accent down and could say Oui and
No, it was close enough as we ventured into the next room.
The next bit was precarious, with a huge cavern with only some stalagmites to cling to as bats
swarmed around us. Speaking the 4-5 words of Insectefae I knew, we navigated to the other side a
familiar face was waiting for us. An embodiment of Chronos was waiting for us, with a proposition
for a brave soul. He was looking to take an avatar to serve for one thousand years, to which Viro
boldly stepped forward to take. Around the room was scattered memories from various pasts, small
snapshots from time.
As we moved forward, a verdant grove was before, with a large tree standing near the center.
Much to our surprise the tree began to speak to us, or rather a fellow stuck within the tree.
Apparently he had been infused with it, and some sort of corruption was seeping through him. This
was followed by waves of creatures swarmed us, with cries of Hysteria and Diskordia echoing
throughout their ranks. Since they had not learned the basic tactic watching their flanks or keeping
their support caster alive, it was a fun distraction to run around the sides and stab all of them.
Eventually it was discovered that the tree man’s heart was exposed, and with a little awkward
fondling, a cure disease spell was loosed into his heart which seemed to purify his corruption.
Finally, the final area was some odd child’s playroom, with stuffed animals all about and a young
child sitting in the middle. A voice beckoned to us that only one could be left standing, and seeing as
how the stuffed creatures packed enough punch to knock someone out, the room quickly devolved
into a madness of flying fur. Eventually one was left standing, and as the crowd gathered to see his
reward, a giant cat burst through the wall, with various fiends riding upon it! One particularly
boisterous fellow seemed immune to most normal attacks, but thankfully vessels filled with
exploding water appeared which were immediately flung at his head and groin area. This seemed to
slay the villain rightly, after which a loot chest popped out of him and everyone got some money
and a dagger. Hooray!
Now usually my dreams involve a lot more creamy potatoes and dancing showgirls, but this one
was so out there it just seemed rude not to share. That and the fact other people seem to
remember the events as well made it particularly striking. Maybe next time in the dreaming I can
will myself some more snacks and other tasty surprises. For now though, I’ll stick to what I can get.
Your Dreamer,
Swoop.