You Will be Missed

You Will Be Missed, Meatshield 
by Casey "Karhma" Lemay

 So Meatshield was a good friend of mine,

 As many of you know or have heard my rhymes. 

He would wander off with me far and wide, 

To see what far-off places had to hide. 

Infernal weapons I learned how to make, 

But little did we know what was at stake. 

Gathering all sorts of material in hell one day, 

Please forgive me for some of the things I’m about to say. 

We stumbled upon what I thought was a rumor, 

And once again, please excuse my humor. 

It was the infamous IMP PORN!!!! It does exist!!! 

We couldn't help it, had to look, we couldn't resist.

 It was awful and gruesome, they were goin’ at it like rabbits! 

And that right there is where Meatshield picked up some habits. 

That’s it, the trip was over, after that horrible sight, 

If we left right then we be back at the shop by night. 

Weeks went by I thought things were dandy, 

But Meatshield was slowly becoming less handy.

 Investigating his room I found it more “scummy,”

 I think he was giving JB a run for his money. 

He would disappear for days and weeks at a time,

 Again, sorry this isn't the most PG-rated rhyme. 

Disappointed, I knew my Meatshield was hooked, 

All because of that cursed day we just had to look. 

After much thought about what to do, 

I knew the only thing to get him through. 

Send him to Shadow he always knows best! 

He would fix him right up and Meatshield would pass the test. 

For Shadow always knows what to do with magic things, 

This right here folks, is why I call him my king! 

So let this cautionary tale be a fair warning, 

For my dear Meatshield, I am now somewhat in mourning. 

He is in time-out off and safe in the Shadow Plane, 

And maybe one day will return to me a little more tame. 

When looking for materials within hell, 

This one time and one time only I will tell: 

The item for infernal weapons you are looking for is IMP HORN, 

I pray to shadow you do not find yourself viewing IMP PORN.