Putting the N in News February 2017
Cooking:
By Jean Babtise -Chief
Field Reporter
Hello everyone! It’s mean Jean Baptise here to teach you
the wonders of cooking. Now as many people know I am a big fan of “Sword to
table” meaning that I feel, in my personal opinion, that a meal tastes best
when you know who killed it. Ideally of course that person would be you. So put
on those safari hat thingys and grab your five foot, we are going on a safari.
Now the first we are going to talk about the Necrotrolls, these are those big nasty buggers that someone broke out out neden
for some reason. These pesky runts bleed acid, can easily break a person’s
armor and the spine it was protecting, and in general they are just unpleasant
to be around.
So I find, in my personal experience that the best way to
deal with these buggers is to just… ignore them mostly. However in the interest
of land protection I have found that, of all things, healing magic works the
best against them.
The reason for this is simple. The trolls are filled with
acid, but were modified surgically to do so, if someone is able to subdue and
raise a necro troll, their vitals return to normal, removing the same chemicals
that protects them from the acid.
But it doesn’t remove the acid.
The results are not pretty, in fact I’ll rate them way up
there on my “least prettiest things I’ve ever seen”, but its pretty fast,
though good luck getting close enough to touch a guy trying to kill you.
The real advantage of course is that now that your meet
is already dissolved you got excellent soup stock, so once you pour the troll
innards into a glass you can boil away that acid and get to work.
I like to get one of those fossilized fay hair, you know
those teng hua delicacies and boil it in the troll stock along with a rok egg,
now if you can’t find a rok egg a chicken will do but I am judging you, and so
is all of society. You poor person you.
Now that your cauldron is all bubbly a great way to add a
little pow is to add that packet that comes with those teng hua things along
with some shredded jerky. If you do not have any you are the reason I’m broke
but you can use a cooked sausage of some kind as well. It adds a chewiness to the dish and makes it
all smokey without it, you know… actually smoking. What can also work is thin
cuts of the troll’s leg meat, which should be gaimy enough to have maintained a
whole state during the acid dissolution.
Good luck Gastrosaders and remember to boil that
acid off, I am not responsible for your death. Or anything.
“While
the Boys are away their items will play” A tale of Ruffians and Robbery
by Sir Syruss O’Leary of Neden
Long rides…Man I hate long
rides, it always makes me anticipate the activity to a level of a neurotic
state. Things like when will we be there, how long has it been, will there be
enough fun activities to make this trip worth it all rush through my head. Thing about long trips they
always make you think...
The Road from Neden to Rhiassa
is mired with undead, trolls and bandits looking to make a quick score. You add
that danger plus all this rain…(it always seems to rain during my flashbacks..
that and it’s always black and white).. then it is easy to see the Neden Boys
were going to run into trouble.
The pitter patter of raining on
top of horses galloping and wagon
wheels turning can be somewhat
euphoric, it can settle your soul like a new mother rocking a babe to sleep. It
can cause you to drift off in a
not-quite-awake not-quite-asleep phase that leaves you peaceful but vulnerable.
**CRACK KA BOOM** thunder and
lightning strike the horizon lighting it up like a Northern Fire in the sky,
brief glimpses of daylight on a wet lake of a day as our petitioner Gumbo likes
to say.
**BOOM CRACK CRASH*** that
wasn’t thunder!!!! Sir Naj yelled.
I poke my head out of the
carriage to see what the hubbub was all about. My Good friend and Neden’s
petitioner and dutied carriage driver was pulling over the head cart to avoid
another Magical Attack.
Up a head was a Floating Dragon
being controlled by Two handsome looking Bandits
It was the famous Miguel and Tulio!!!!
Corsican Pirate Captain Tommy Diceni had just put a 100 Doubloon reward for
their capture. The poster however did not mention Two Fighters casting spells, nor did
it mention them owning a dragon, nor did it give any indication how they knew
which route we were taking. Our routes
are selected carefully by Lord Nymbous O’Leary to assure our arrival at
gatherings with all our Treasures “intact”. A word here that means together in the chests
we put them and not in the pockets of bandits.
“Bandits but when did Bandits get so jack up
with cool spells?” Dresden yelled **LIGHTNINGBLOT*** Dresden through his
lightning-bolt with half assed precision but it was quickly absorbed by Tulio
and recast at Ditched….Ditch who was completely caught off guard was thrown
through the air and crashed into a near tree.
“Hey I know that dragon” Jean Baptist
exclaimed! “That’s sparky but he should be in the castle in Lords Museum. There
is no way they could have robbed that the magic Circle is “impenetrable” except
by our curator. Impenetrable is a word that it this context means unable to
open to be opened…unless you’re undead…or if I er um forgot to lock the Museum. With quick thinking JB got a magic ball from
his pocket.
“I hate those” Grebinar said while gleaming
at Jean Baptists hand. With that said Jean Baptists the Wonderful
hurled the all his might at the dragon. The Dragon with Fear in his eyes tried
to avoid the Ball. But as was his fate once, so it was again. The ball hit the
dragon square in the mouth, like my bookie usually does after welching on a few
bets; and just like I do when my bookie hits me the dragon went down…..Well
actually he was caught up in swirling red light then sucked into the ball using
some sort of demon size magic.
**Jean Baptise looked pleased with himself
and murmured something inaudible to the ball****
That just left us with these incredible
handsome and sharped dressed Banditos.
“Hey you in the top Hat” Sir Naj yelled at Miguel.
“NICE HAT!!!!” **Naj said with an angry look in his eye***
“Um thanks…I kind of stole it…do you really
think it goes with my…” Miguel was cut short before he could finish his
sentence. Before he could move an inch there was blue
swirling portal under Miguel and Naj’s hands could be seen ripping him into the
ground.
“How did you?” I went to ask Naj where he
went but he was already gone. It didn’t matter that just left Tulio who may
or may not be a brother of Tooli (I will need to check on that)and Tulio was
running head first at the Lord Carriage with a Flaming Sword and Shield with
black cover. Zodiark and Grebinar stopped him from going
down the trail. I prevented his retreat, with little option Tulio though he
would jump in the carriage and test his Metal against our Lord.
***Crash Boom Bang Boink OBSCENITIES CRASH
BOOM CRASH SHATTER SOUND***
That carriage was a rocking and when
Nymbous’s carriage is a rockin general rule is don’t go a knocking. That is of
course unless you just saw a Sword Wielding bandit enter. Just as I was about to enter the carriage
****THUD** I was hit by a flying Bandit hog tied and ready for prosecution.
“I guess the lord Needs to take care of all
the light work” Sir Nymbous said poking his head out of his carriage.
***PZZZZT SCHWIP ZZZERT gernal portal
sound*** “Hey Guys I’m back” Naj exclaimed.
“Just in time Sir Naj.. Take this roughie to
Nedcatraz Floating Detention Facility. We will process him next week. Debido
Proceso that’s what we always say” Lord Nymbous decreed.
“Detention Facility I just dropped the other
guy off in a volcano…..You know what yeah debido proceso..Gotcha boss” Naj said
quickly before grabbing Tulio and vanishing.
***PZZZZT SCHWIP ZZZERT general portal
sound***
The rain started letting up. It always seems
when the weather gets clearer so do your thoughts.
It’s then I recognized something..something
out of place… the corner of the shield cover had come off and revealed
something shiny something reflective. I quickly tore off the shield cover only to
be rated with insults from a very very angry Magic mirror. It was our Magic Mirror the one the only,
Hurtful Angry Ridiculous Rare Omnipresent Loud Decoration Making Irrational
Random Ridiculously Obvious Results or H.a.r.r.y M.i.r.r.o.r for short.
"You no good Neden boys always leaving
things about..Why when I was once hung up in the Majesty of Centaurs palace he
would have never allowed such roughies to break in and steal all his things..No
he would have beheaded them or extra headed them whatever the case may be…."Harry kept yelling but I started to drown him out, much like I drown out the
complaints about our ridiculous petitioners guide from our New Boys.
“Harry Calm down buddy and tell us what they
got.” I instructed.
“Well Master Syruss the got one dragon, one
magic mirror..” Harry started…..
“Stick to the things we didn’t fight or face”
Grebinar exclaimed.
“Well several wands, One Spell transferring
Bookend, The Magic Pensic, the Magic Wizard Hat and two magical swords.” Harry
Stated. “This will have to wait till after the feast”
Lord Nymbous explained. “We have too much to do and Siff Rawlin and Priest Z
should already be waiting for us. “I can start the investigation with Sir Naj
and Sir Blackie while you guys hit up the feast” Sarrix said from somewhere in
the back. “Great Idea” we all agreed. And so it was we fought off a half-baked
robbery…well sort of..you see they were successful in robbing us initially.
Over the next few hours Sir Naj got some vital information out of Tulio. It appears they didn’t work alone. A man in a
fancy trilby hat hired them and gave Tulio’s partner Miguel a fancy Top Hat to
seal the deal. So we need to find the “Fancy Bandit Gang” but that is a tale
for another time…
(Tune in To the Next issue of the Neden Kazoo
to see how our Hero’s turned out ((hero’s seriously?!?!?! I guess we can call
them that))).. and don’t forget to hit the Neden Events and interact with you
Local Neden Boys at gatherings to be included in these epic tales.)
“Small talk”
By Editor in Chief Dresden O’leary
Greetings loyal readers! Dresden O’leary here, editor in
chief - Many of you attended Feast of the Leviathan, and may have noticed some
recent changes in Neden. First, a new petitioners guide was scribed, and issued
to the current petitioners at the feast, Ditch and Gumbo. Gumbo (being true to
his name) was dutifully assisting in the kitchen, and Ditch was learning the responsibility
and importance of proper feast etiquette from some of his seniors.
Before I go on, a BIG thank you to Rhiassa for welcoming
Neden to their feast hall, and for all of the delicious dishes doled out
(that’s alliteration for those of you who aren’t editors in chief) The potatoes
and tacos were a personal favorite. There were some great times had, some fun
games played, and socialization was at an all time high.
You may have noticed some Neden court business was handled at the feast,
and a couple of new positions were appointed in Neden’s newly created “small
council”, with two positions created in it. The position of “Ambassador of the
Gods” was created, with the responsibility of maintaining a positive favor with
the gods, maintaining a knowledge base of their motives, actions, likes and
dislikes; as well as looking into the possibility of god’s still unknown to
Neden and the Realm as a whole. High Priest Z was given full Neden Membership
and granted this role. The position of “Master of Coin” was created, with that
person being responsible for the Nedens financial responsibility, including
overseeing the wealth, how it is accumulated and how it is spent. This position
was given to Jayce. I recently sat down with Jayce in this week's “Small talk”:
When Did Nymbous first approach you about this new position?
“ Several months ago he sent word that he was going to be putting a counsel
of advisors together and asked me if I would consider taking the position of
master of coin and I know if shadow was around he would of been the better
choice but I felt it my duty to both country and church to help aid and bring
new prosperity to Neden “
How much gold have you won at a single time?
Not
as impressive as some other gamblers at the table games I would say just over a
thousand gold but I have done it several times now 3 to be exact I feel that
being consistently winning is more beneficial that just that one big win
What are your plans to usher in a prosperous era in Neden?
The first thing on the agenda is to
usher in a new era of the New Edin Casino get out there more bring new variety
and our Neden twist to the usual table games along with offering more different
poker games we will have the classics such as let it ride and black jack
What is your favorite rare coin?
What is your favorite rare coin?
That
is a tough one I would have to say it would be the coin that tallon left to me
before he stepped down and from what I have been told has in Shadows possession for most of his heroic career before ascending the 25 black gold tin that I keep with me
everywhere I go it is a honor to possess such an artifact especially with its
esteemed lineage of holders
Across
4. If you don’t get this well I can’t even….
6. you can get out of trouble with this in
more ways than one
7. Youngest Child of Gia
11. an excellent place to spend and make
Money
13. Thrust Only Weapon
16. We knew the members of Grimloch were made
of this so is their forge
17. the leader of a Massive Vampire army as
well as a neat spell to use with friends
18. Keep in the Southern Waste
Down
1. A studded or Magical Cape
2. a way to regain your limbs
3. Don’t Call any ladies of Chimeron that
just their coin
5. The city Capital of Necron
8. How are these two armies going to fight
across this river?
9. A great way to stir the dead
10. church in White Coast city
12. Not to be mistaken by one of Hogwarts
Houses
14. Nicest hat in Rhiassa
15. Sir Mestoph’s knightly colored Rose
19. Giant Bird of prey and chessmaster
ARMOR BOULDER
BOW BRACERS
CASTLE CREATHORNE
DRAGON FOLKESTONE
GIDEON GRYFF
HEALER HELMET
IRIS JANUS
MAGICMISSILE NYMBOUS
OGRE PIKE
RAISEDEAD RHIASSA
SCALPED SHAMAN
SHIELD SWORD
TRANSFORMATION