The inn is as warm and hospitable inside as it is cold and dreary outside. An amateur bard, better known under a different occupation, finishes tuning his guitar. “Gather close friends, as I sing you a ballad from my homeland. May it please both your good selves and Arioch. A little tale about…”
The Bandit Who Never Got Caught
(to the tune of “The MTA Song”)
By Daniel "Baron Diamond" Diamond
Let me tell you the Tale of a Bandit named Charlie G C
On this tragic and fateful job G D
With a sword in hand he refused to parley G C
And joined a mob to rob! G D G
(Chorus)
Did he ever get caught? No, he never got caught
And his farm is still un-bought.
He may raid the land and lead the band
He’s the bandit, who didn’t get caught.
They robbed a cabin and then a plan was formed
They held the law at bay they held their victims up
This lasted for a while until the cabin it was stormed
Before any bandit there could give up, they were all chopped up
A healer came by to reverse the hero’s harm
And Charlie was raised with the others, you see
Those slain by the bandits raised the alarm
But they were as unarmed as he.
Away he ran, with no sword
Pursued by an angry crowd.
Wounded by Ivory he outran the word
Of alarm though it was loud.
Charlie to the Inn his way was made.
A crafty adventurer offered to heal his arm
But from the way he picked up his blade
Charlie realized his intent was harm
(Chorus)
Did he ever get caught? No, he never got caught
And his farm is still un-bought.
He may raid the land and lead the band
He’s the bandit, who didn’t get caught.
He skulked Chimeron town’s streets,
But was spotted from afar.
Circled to the tavern and chanced to meet
A healer named Frank who healed him up to par.
Charlie lifted a crystal dagger on his way out.
Met a couple coming down the hill and look,
They chose to fight and flee, one each, and both pout
As Charlie got ‘em both and their silver hammer took.
But they managed to wound Charlie’s leg
And the ground was too rough to hop from the fray.
But the next hero was nice, bandaging Charlie after he did beg.
So he spared her life when he stole her silver sword away.
(Chorus)
Did he ever get caught? No, he never got caught
And his farm is still un-bought.
He may raid the land and lead the band
He’s the bandit, who didn’t get caught.
A Grimloch avenger tried to run him down,
But Charlie’s bandaged leg proved it’s worth.
He made his escape from Chimeron Town,
Fenced his loot and escaped to the North.
In the years since, he (or she, a master of disguise)
Tries to steal the Baronial payroll each year.
Got it once too, with a goblin queen, a dragon and lies.
He laughs at locks, belongs in the stocks, and knows no fear.
(Chorus)
Did he ever get caught? No, he never got caught
And his farm is still un-bought.
He may raid the land and lead the band
He’s the bandit, who didn’t get caught.