I Can't Even...
… Spring Fashion
Last week I
sat down to write about spring fashion, and how you can be the envy of all of
your friends without even wearing Chartreuse. Then I got sidetracked by alcohol
and the article took a drastic turn. Fortunately, spring lasts all the way
until summer, so I still have plenty of time to guide you towards vernal
fashion perfection.
I have been
combing through all of my fashion periodicals and attending many vogue model
soirees and I can tell you that this season is going to be fabulously fun. I
can't even wait, dear reader, to tell you all about it, so let us jump right
in!
I hope you
all have some of the spiffy sun-spectacles, because this seasons color trends
are bright. Like, super bright. So replace all those dull winter duds with some
intensely radiant hues. And yes, I must admit that I did see a bit of
chartreuse strutting about amidst these vivid colors. And guess what, dear
reader; it's still ugly. Yet the color trend this season seems to be walking
quite the fine line between uncomfortably amazing and uncomfortable hideous. If
you do intend to wear chartreuse, or any other extremely intense color, please
tread carefully. Hold the color up to your face in the mirror. If it makes you
look ill, chose a better color for your skin tone. Remember this handy rhyme:
not every hue is for you.
I often have
thought that the pure sexiness of the shoulder is quite underrated. Well, no
more. Bare shoulders are popping up everywhere. What's better than showing both
of your shoulders? Well only showing one of course! Single shoulder cut outs
and off one shoulder looks are all the rage. Leave a little something to the
imagination and only show them one shoulder with this sultry and sophisticated
look.
You know
what is not just for prisoners? Well... a lot of filthy things, but what I was
going for was stripes! Wide stripes, pin stripes, vertical stripes, horizontal
stripes, stripes of every color are in, in, in! Just remember that horizontal
stripes give the illusion of more girth and less height, so most of you will
want to stick to vertical ones which elongate the body and have a slimming
effect.
Have you got
a sleeve that is torn right up the middle? Well never fear, sleeve slits are
here! That's right plebs, with just a little bit of work you can turn those old
ratty battle clothes into something fantastically current. Whether it's a small
slit, or a completely opened up fabric appendage, this look is sure to sweep
the realms by storm. The great thing is that you can easily repurpose some of
the past seasons looks, or pay someone far less to do it for you than the cost
of a whole new shirt.
Did your
winter diet, or lack there of, make you a bit bigger around the middle than you
would like? Well, luckily for you waist cinchers are once again considered haut
couture. Since these are much smaller and easier to make than a full corset,
they tend to be much less expensive so there is really no excuse not to have a
closet full of them. And remember, if
you can still breath, it's not tight enough. “But Zarine...” No. Tighter.
Fold over
waists. What is that, you ask? It's exactly what is sounds like! Pants and
skirts alike are elevated to the next level with this simple yet trendy little
detail that can be done in a variety of ways.
Long
jackets. Trench coats, dusters, or whatever you wish to call them are hot right
now. Though I don't know when they were ever not hot. As an added bonus, you
can hide all kinds of paraphernalia in such a jacket. And they are hot. From
here until summer, ladies and gentlemen wearing such jackets will receive 10%
off at Alchimia Lupinaar. Hot.
The fashion
gods must have heard tell that it is now the law that all spells written upon
sashes must be clearly visible, as they are now in style! Yes, that's right,
you can not only stay within the law of the land, but within the laws of good
fashion as well! Clearly Kiira was more fashion forward than she realized when
she made sashes for Eris's true supporters at last years Queen of Hearts. And
Tao has been giving trendy sashes to his dealers at the Blackwood Clontarf
Casino for a few years now. Who knew Tao was such a trend setter?
I hope that
you enjoyed learning about this seasons trends. They really are quite exciting
and I'm hopeful that you all employ them in a variety of enjoyable ways. Though
many years in the realms have taught me not to expect too much of you, I do
harbor a quiet optimism that you all are at least kind of listening to me. And
I suppose your bad fashion choices are an amusement all to themselves.
See you next
Tuesday.
Zarine is the
proprietor and Madam at Alchimia Lupanar, a magic marshal approved practitioner
of medicine, an award winning author, and has 36 years of experience in giving
her unsolicited opinion.