I Can't Even

I Can't Even 

by, 

Sara 'Zarine' Jessop

Death and Fashion

Last weekend I got the opportunity to attend the annual Black and White Masquerade. It was pretty exciting for me to get away from the bathhouse on a Saturday and actually attend a social event. I love a good masquerade, and I haven't gotten a chance to go to The Black and White since the very first weekend I came to these lands. Back then I was rather quiet and shy and I don't remember too much about it as I was still finding my bearings. But I have heard wonderful things about it over the years and I couldn't wait to experience it in all it's glory.

One of the things I was most looking forward to was the opportunity to see Death himself. I have heard a lot about him and his appearances at the annual event and how he traipses around punishes people for not wearing masks. First off, I am completely intrigued by any entity that castigates mortals for bad fashion choices. I have never been a person to worship gods, but this one sounds like one I could potentially be convinced to canonize.

So all night I waited for Death to arrive. I kept an eye on the people without masks in the hopes that he would come to smite them. I felt like a kid on the eve of Yule, except instead of being excited about an obese man bringing presents I was anticipating a blood bath involving unfashionably uncouth plebs. But alas, Dear Reader, for I was to be disappointed. All night I wondered, “What will Death wear?”, and still I wonder because he never showed up!

Seriously, Death, you've disappointed me. Here I was thinking we'd be great friends and now we aren't even mediocre acquaintances. I was expecting you to arrive in the most fabulous of ensembles with the most ridiculously fantastic mask and pass your haughty judgment over us all. I wanted to know what fabrics you prefer and how many shades of black are in your closet. I wanted to ask your opinion on a variety of different options for my own funeral attire. I mean, I would just die of embarrassment if I were arrive in the afterlife wearing the same thing as someone else who was recently deceased.

Now people tell me that sometimes Death just doesn't show up. Talk about a let down.

At least I got to discover what quinoa tastes like. Spoiler alert, it's awful.

See you next Tuesday.

Zarine is the proprietor and Madam at Alchimia Lupanar, a magic marshal approved practitioner of medicine, an award winning author, and has 36 years of experience in giving her unsolicited opinion.