I Can't Even

I Can't Even 

by, 

Sara 'Zarine' Jessop

Plating

A few weekends ago I attended Nedengiving, because someone finally understands that Sundays are better than Saturdays. It was indeed the fantastic time that was promised.

Games of chance were awarding tickets for the raffle quicker than the spread of the plague. Of course my gold did get stuck halfway down the Plinko board a few times, but I'll let that one slide because Plinko is clearly the easiest way to get a hand cramp from writing your name on hundreds of tickets.

The cheddar broccoli soup, while no Blackwood meatloaf, was delicious and I ate far too much of it. The sandwich buffet was excellent, and as we all know I am an excellent judge of meats. All of the food was quite delectable. And of course having a fully stocked tavern next door did not hurt the ambiance at all. In fact, I find having ample access to alcohol really improves my opinion of our social gatherings.

I was asked by some high muckity muck in Neden to give their gathering a good review. I have to say, I was well on my way to, and then I saw this...

Photo courtesy of Tucker 'Temorse' Noyes 

… and I like, literally could not. What even is this? “Zarine, that's cranberry sauce,” I am sure you are saying in your large empty head. I know what it actually is, you ignorant plebs. I mean, what kind of presentation is this? This doesn't say 'eat me, I'm delicious', it says 'throw me in the trash, I'm gross.'

Food plating is important. Why, you are undoubtedly asking? Because, (with the exception of that blind dude at the table next to us, who I am pretty sure won some sort of weaponry, which is highly concerning) we see food before we taste it and presumably you want people to want to taste it. People want to try things that look good, not like a cranberry-ish colored blob.

Now, plating something like cranberry sauce can be challenging, especially when you purchased the jellied kind in a can, and no matter what you try to do with it, still seems to resemble said can. So my first bit of advice is to acquire some real, homemade cranberry sauce. But if you find yourself with the canned stuff and need to plate it, I have some ideas for you.

Use the moldable nature of the jelly to your advantage: Use cookie cutters to turn your cranberry sludge into festive shapes. Garnish with an orange, as both the colors and flavors compliment each other well. 

http://www.oceanspray.com/Recipes/Corporate/Crafts/Cranberry-Sauce-Garnishes.aspx

Put it on an interesting plate. And no, a plain paper plate is not interesting. I get that we don't want to be spending a lot of time washing dishes, so I am sure if you look hard enough you could find some sort of disposable plate that fits the bill. Something that isn't too much bigger than your cranberry log and compliments its loggy shape would be preferable.

Garnish it with some for reals cranberries. 

Slice it. For some reason people respond to food that is already partially prepared for them. It's like they aren't sure where or how to cut it unless you've already started it. Add a fancy garnish for fancier fanciness. 

Don't serve it. Seriously. It's disgusting anyways.

This plating issue aside, it was quite an enjoyable feast. Will I attend in the future? I could maybe...

See you next Tuesday.

Zarine is the proprietor and Madam at Alchimia Lupanar, a magic marshal approved practitioner of medicine, an award winning author, and has 36 years of experience in giving her unsolicited opinion.