by Ethan "Jean-Baptiste" Goldman
You know, I’m rarely asked to talk about feasts. I don’t know what I’m putting out, or putting off, but people don’t see fit to ask me about such things often. Perhaps because people find my own diet so strange, perhaps because people think ill be overly critical and review the food.
Well they are right we are doing that.
So the first thing I noted was that the feast was inside. Perhaps due to a lack of serving staff, or who knows, the big barbeque area from last Folkefeat’s festivities were not used again this time, when you sort of assumed itd make sense. Then again that’s more a barbeque thing, and barbeque is not what we had. Well actually that was the second thing, the first thing I noticed was that I forgot to eat lunch that day and only had a banana that entire day, this will become relevant later on.
The first thing that were available were helpings of appetizers, rather then the traditional 3 kinds of butter and giant loaves of bread, there were vegetable platters, cheese platters, and platters to put the other platters food on. There were also meat pies, deviled eggs, and crostinis. Now you cant exactly review a vegetable platter, its carrots and ranch they don’t have any difference in their tastes so lets skip the plates and get to the bakes.
I bit into the meat pie and stared into the distance, and yet despite eating three pies, not a single titan emerged to rain death and despair across the world. So Chimerons still in the lead there I suppose. In fact I had the deviled egg and didn’t taste the SLIGHTEST hint of devil! It was just dill! I like dill, but I don’t like subverted expectations.
I also like crostines. They had roasted grape on them! I didn’t know you could roast a grape, they kinda looked like those purple olives. The grapes went really well with the honey goat cheese, and that’s where the trouble started.
You remember that bit where I said “I only ate a banana the entire day”, if not scroll up. I said itd be important later, and later is now. You see, when you don’t eat you tend to overcompensate. I hate 12 pieces of crostini… maybe. I lost count, all I knew was it was too many crostinis. I knew this because I flipped a Dillveled egg atop a crostini and swallowed it whole. This was not a good idea. It tasted good, but it was too much. That day I learned why they call those eggs “Deviled.”
I learned a lot that day, some things I never expected. Did you know Malaki WASN’T a Knight of the Realm till a few days ago? I sure didn’t, good on him. I just see a white belt and just assume you know. But more happened then just white belts. I also learned the value of fancy beer mugs (High!) and some secrets that will haunt me to this day. And also, when you eat so many crostinis you cant even taste your chicken, don’t eat a kahula trifle.
But heaven forbid, if you do, DO NOT GO TO OUTER SPACE. But what could I do? A random person went into a building and asked nicely. We had no choice BUT to go into outer space!
The portal to the further realms was inscribed with runes. They said “Do your best” which was very encouraging, we needed that encouragement in order to calm the cosmos down. We had to play tag, tell bedtime stories, do ring around the rosey. Maybe we were talking to children stars, maybe Orion is hiding some hobbies from us we don’t know about, maybe we are all hiding something… but celestials seem somewhat childish. Well when they aren’t fighting the Yellow King I suppose. Even when you make them tired, you have to tuck them into their own personal beds, because if they do it themselves they’ll get lost and a planet will probably die.
It was at this point the astroids attack, and I lost my war with low gravity crostinis and had to flee the scene. I ASSUME the heroes saved the solar system… but the teng hua night quest was awfully dark…
So that’s what you missed about the feast, it was a great reunion, a great bidding war for strange experiences and art and fancy steins. But you know what wasn’t there?
Ginger.
Can we talk about ginger I want to talk about ginger lets talk about ginger we are talking about ginger. Ginger is one of the greatest spices on Gaias green dirt. Its sweet but it burns like hell and lets your eyes go all verai on you, you see things that haven’t happened, but they always happen anyway later. Does the ginger let you see the future, or does the ginger simply ensure the world you already see becomes true? At one point a man dreamed of a butterfly but when he woke up he was the butterfly staring at the man. Reality is a circle, its not about what your eating its about whats eating you. How many pieces of ginger have you eaten, how much of what you see is through candied eyes? Does it stick to your fingers or were they your fingers all along.
You know one gram of ginger makes you larger, one bit makes you small. But the third one makes you feel nothing at all. I think that’s true, I’d have to ask the ginger but im out of the ginger and the ginger doesn’t talk except with your lips, so you can only meet the ginger if you eat the ginger. Its good for your heart but nothing helps your soul.
So yeah there wasn’t any ginger in folkestone and that’s not a problem then but then I thought about it later, and looking back ginger is a great food and it really should’ve been at the feast I mean, ginger just does SO MUCH for you. You can make so many things with ginger, it’s the spice to make things nice, and spice must flow.
How do you roast a grape anyway?