by Sara "Zarine" Jessop
Issue #4: Guarding the Dark
So there I was, guarding an incoming portal. My boss was all over my, er, butt, about letting stinking humans get by me. Well today I was not gonna let that happen. Sure enough, POP, a bunch of humans, and human like things, (Elves, humans, all of them seem to be half somethings, how can you tell the difference, right?). Anyway, so POP! a bunch of them suddenly gate in. it's not like we had a warning, it's all dark down here. Me and some buddies form up a line, the humans seem to be just full of surprises. Now I have been around a few casters, I know a thing or two about spells, and magic items. So it's not really surprising when this tall one and this other tall one, both in full armor with big weapons, start raising each other anytime one of them is down. Great, this guarding gig is going to be harder than normal. Usually down here nothing much happens, a Genie gets loose, living statues, a mysterious door opens or closes, rooms full of bugs, the normal stuff.
So we form up some lines, we push them back and a few of them keep getting up. Now I know what a troll looks like, and this one that kept getting up weren’t no troll. So I started hitting it, a lot, and instead of becoming a gooey mess, little pieces of itself keeps forming back together. Well shit on me, this is not how I have seen other thing regenerate. Must be an item or something really special.
The fight is not really going our way at the moment, so I really want to go help my buds, and I could not have this one get up behind us. I had to stop him from regenerating. Now understand, I did not want any items, the boss’s just take em from us, and all we get is more guarding work to try to get more. So I really don’t give a bless about keeping anything. I just want this invader to stay down. If it stays down I can then go help the rest of my guys. So I start searching it. And as I find things I am just kind of throwing the things behind me. pick up their weapon, hit them, check to see if they are still regeneration, yes toss. Pick up something else, is this a belt pouch? Yes, hit them with my weapon, still regenerating? Yes toss. Search some kind of stick off its back, hit it again, still regenerating, Crap! how much stuff does this one have?
While I was getting very distracted by this, the fighting kind of got out of hand and the boss’s pulled us back to a better position. But one of the bosses asked me why I did not keep the stuff? (so I could “give” it to them, no doubt).
I told him I did not want the stuff, I just wanted this one to stop getting up so I could protect our line and help my buds. Am I the Arsehole for searching stuff off it and not keeping it?
Signed
Guarding the Dark
Dear Guarding the Dark,
I am going to assume common is not your first language so I have taken the liberty of correcting some of your spelling and grammar mistakes. As much as I like to publish letters ‘as is’, I just couldn’t in good conscience leave some of them for all to see. Think of the children. Though if anyone is letting their children read anything I write those children already have bigger issues.
So if I am reading this correctly, you are asking if you are the Arsehole for *checks notes* not stealing? On the surface, this seems like an easy one, however there are a lot of variables to consider. For instance, I am assuming that since you refer to ‘half-human-like-somethings’ that you come from a more, uh.. monstrous society? Not knowing the customs of your culture, it’s hard to say if your boss being angry at you for blithely disregarding potential valuables from your enemy's regenerating corpse is abnormally problematic or not. It could very well be that your entire societal structure hinges on that loot and you just left it there. Could also be that your boss is just a greedy overlord who exploits his guard’s diligent expulsion of intruders for his own personal gain.
Is collecting the loot within your job description? The only information I have is that you are a ‘guard’; your responsibilities could be quite varied. Did you sign any kind of contract or is there an employee handbook stating the regulations for divvying up, uh… unclaimed property? Sounds like perhaps you need to renegotiate how loot received on guard duty is distributed. Do you have a union? If so, you really should speak to them about addressing this issue. If not, well then you really should start one as it sounds like worker’s rights are unlikely to be a high priority in your current position.
Not having the answer to any of these questions, the only way I can really judge this is using my own set of questionable morals. It sounds to me like you were simply trying to keep a good cadaver down, and quickly too so that you could get back to helping your friends. You didn’t need the copious amount of items the corpse was carrying (really, it doesn’t sound like they did either) so you left them behind rather than waste time gathering them all up for your greedy boss who wouldn’t reward you for collecting it anyways. If said boss wants you to loot corpses, then they should either compensate you accordingly or loot them them damn selves. I can’t see where not stealing from a corpse while there is still a battle to be fought would make you an arsehole.
Verdict: Not the Arsehole
So, general plebs of the land, do you think they are an arsehole? No? Maybe? Well, don’t hold back, we all want to know! Feel free to weigh in in the comments.
Have a query about your potential arseholishness? You can send your questions directly to me (sarajjessop@gmail.com if you have no other contact information for me) or you can reach me through the View’s offices at areni.daru@gmail.com .