Alright everyone, I have been told two things about me. One, I am funny, two my voice is stupid.
So I mean, I better win this or pfft, there goes my career right? All downhill.
So I’ve been asked to talk about Tragic backstories, and I mean, we all got one, but none is more tragic then Jeffery Smormu.
I um, I am changing some names around, it helps with narrative freedom and also keeps my soul from being ripped from me in the bathroom.
Now Jeffery Smormu has the saddest tale I ever heard, not because he's an orphan, I mean, everyone’s an orphan.
It’s when you actually HAVE parents that the trouble starts right? Listen I have a lord name Syruss, and a demon went and said “Hey Syruss, my son, you see that baby over there. Go kill it.”
And Syruss, lord of Neden, first of his name said “Sure thing dad.”
So if Syruss had NO parents, a lot more people would.
So being an orphan? Not so bad.
No see, Jeffery Smormu started his first event at a Queen of Hearts, like this one! And the trouble started when Aeston said “Hey guys, I have a great new Idea for a maneuver.” And thus was born Hadrin’s Noun.
You all DO remember Hadrin’s Noun right? It’s quite simple. There are four orbs, Life, Substance, Direction, and Future. You grab each one in both hands, cant use weapons that'd be mad, and you have to arrange them in accord to a sequence of runic encoded patterns.
But of course, not that easy, You cant turn with the direction orb, you cant heal with the orb of life, and of course if the Life orb and the future orb touch then well, tis a cry of life and…
You know what, who cares about Hadrin’s Noun, let's talk about Cry of Life, I’ve noticed some weird things about it. You see… back in my day, which for some of you might as well mean last week, we didn’t use Cry of Life very much. I asked a healer, oh you might not know about those. So basically when you learned magic you were locked into our arcanic class hierarchy, it wasn’t so bad, mostly meant if you wanted Embrace death you had to take a lot of buy downs. But I was asking the healer about why we never use Cry of Life. And they said “Well dummy, if you use it, all the bad guys are gonna come back, and you just spent all that time trying to kill them.”
You see back in our day… well we used to win fights. Now, Cry of life, not so bad a spell.
But you got to work on timing. I saw someone who, thought he nailed the timing. Everyone was getting rolled, it was goblins, it was always goblins.
So he gets up, he takes a deep breath goes “All in the sound of my voice.”
And bless his heart, thats when his dainty little sphincter gave out.
PFBLTLBPFFT
It's quiet for a bit, and then a dead body, I think in Grimloch, raised a hand “Um… disease?”
And anyway, that’s why Jeffery has no parents.