Hello everyone, it is Jean Baptise, Knight of the steward with an infotainment extravaganza!
Our adventures are almost always violent, and in our age and war we tend to have old enemies, not just ancient forces that threaten us, but common foes that harry our paths. There are hundreds of evil necromancers and dark lords and skeletons still frequently dog our heels.
Hopefully, practice will make perfect, and this guide will inform you on how to identify, exterminate, and eat the threats in your own life.
The first foe is one of the earliest foes for most of us. The Humble Kobold.
Kobolds are recognizable by their yellow hue, their brown tufts of fur, and their doglike yips. Kobolds tend to frequent forested areas, and are pack hunters. They are sentient and capable of making tools, but their conversation skills tend to be limited at best.
Kobolds rarely work for any organization besides other kobolds, and are notoriously territorial, leaping in mass at anything in their hunting grounds they perceive as a threat, which happens to be anything with a sword.
The reason for this is simple. Beyond the fact Kobolds lack the agricultural society needed to learn metalworking and magic, Kobold skin is notoriously fragile, and when cut their bodies tend to… well pop. Their blood pressure isn’t particularly healthy.
Despite this, Kobolds do not hesitate to throw themselves in large numbers at their foes. Theories on this abound. The leading theory is that kobolds simply do not understand pain because any attack that would hurt them simply kills them. Therefore, boldness.
There are also theories that the kobolds that attack us are usually the old and otherwise frail and this is some sort of warrior death situation. Or even that kobolds have a hive mind and they throw their lives away in a beelike “Swarm”, thus even when a kobold dies the “Swarm” survives.
Needless to say, a Kobold is not a threat on its own, but its never actually ON its own. Make sure to show the same bravery as the kobold does. Remember YOU are the apex predator, not it.
Kobold meat is unique in that it can be eaten raw, or rather, since it’s death causes immediate shock to the meat, it self cooks. Kobold meat can be seen as rather tough, but makes for an excellent stew. I personally recommend simmering kobold meat in a pot to create a fond for french onion soup. You will be pleasantly surprised!
