by Ethan "JB" Goldman
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
It was the single most important and life defining zoom call in all of history, besides those other times.
It was, the SMAS Nation Renaissance Faire!
I know what you may be wondering, Hey JB, whats zoom I am a intellectual, and I understand that the term zoom call means nothing in our high fantasy game, give or take the space ships.
But hey, it was an out of character event, so I can reference the zoom.
The Nation faire was more a nation expo, or a series of national infomercials. You stand in front of a webcam, show case a power point, and go “Hey everyone look at how cool my nation is” to a bunch of bored students from WPI.
In turn they graciously do not pay attention.
It’s a beautiful cycle really.
There were 12 nations and I can do a tier list, but I am just going to go in the order I wrote them down in the notes.
The first nation that went was Rhiassa, which immediately started things strong by announcing that Aeston was dead.
I mean they didn’t but Aeston, allegedly, turned down an opportunity to give a long winded presentation. So they IMPLIED he was dead.
But what’s a Rhiassa, and what does it do? Well what Rhiassa does is serve the Realms, which to be fair, is a nation pledge every nation also pledged to do. However Rhiassa also has “a giant cheese board” and “lends out walls to people”. They also host the end of year feast, and the big summer olympic kickball tournament. Also Hildegard mentioned something about child sacrifices. I think there was a “Not” before that, but there might not be a not, so who's to say. Not Aeston, he dead.
Second to present was the Bancroft, which was presented by The Baron known as Baron comma the. Bancroft was originally one of Chimeron’s 31 flavors (more on that later) but then they decided to become independent, then they formed a coalition of independent nations, and now they are allied with Chimeron, so its not full circle but its kinda close. Bancroft is a small nation now, but it used to be rather big, having its own tower and everything. Bancroft is mostly known as Ashenmark’s dad. As most of Ashenmark have roots in the Blue Falcons, which was a subnation in Bancroft mostly consisted of young whipper snapped who grew up to be old bees. Bancroft considers itself mostly a transitory nation, somewhere to find yourself in, and then go to that place you found. It also had a musical number.
Awkwardly following the song up was Ashenmark, who I just called Bancroft’s son. I did not write down who presented this. Ashenmark serves the Realms, but they also are innovators not just in weapon construction, helping popularize bamboo, but they are innovators in weapon length! Having popularized making fun of Ashenmark getting weapon lengths wrong that one time.
Ashenmark uniquely has a modular petitioning system. Each of the full members has a designed trial and task, and you can pick 5 of them and the high lord's trial to do to prove yourself. So the more people become nation members the more options you have on trials.
Then came Chimeron, which proved to be difference makers because they actually visited in person to do the power point. Chimeron is the oldest nation in the faire, and was presented by King Cecil. Chimeron stands for inclusion and personal growth, and its nation members vary in shapes sizes ages and activity level. There are many subnations, the 31 flavors include: stick, stick with crown, the one that had to change its name, the red one, twinkle twinkle little star, and many more.
Following is Blackwood, which was presented by Valley girl. Blackwood was also formed in 1991 like Chimeron but a little bit later. Blackwood has babies, babies which Rhiassa may or may not be killing, it also has many subnations. There is the green one, the one that likes trees, the white one, the edgy one, the edgy one even though edgy was taken but it really wants to be the edgy one, Trent, Pepsi Vorainess. And many more! When you have a nation motto of “Not my problem” like Blackwood does, you have great freedom, and maybe YOU can form the 3rd or fourth edgy subnation in Vorainnes
I can not spell Vorainnes.
Followed is Neden, the best nation. Unfortunately because I already know Neden was the best nation I didn’t bother paying much attention. Neden’s a fraternal brotherhood that prides itself on bringing color and comedy to the Realms. If Neden can pride itself on anything, its flippy cup, but after that it's babe ruth, and after that is beer pong but we don't call it that, but somewhere down the line it’s our willingness to take a chance and our understanding nature. We’ve been there, whatever there is, rest assured. Is that innuendo, I guess so.
After that is Invictus! Invictus, like Neden, did not present a slideshow. Invictus is the second youngest nation, in the faire, formed by artistic differences with Grimloch who did not show up. Invictus is a nation of fighters, but not just fighters! That’s why it has things such as warmaster. They also like leather! Don’t think about it. Invictus is run on “recovering tyrannoholism” but they are taking a multistep program. Invictus can reliably be counted on to npc as crunchies, and have their own dedicated event site, with their own dedicated event soon to crown King Shandar.
Then is the newest nation, Wyvern College. Formed last year on a dare but poison drunk new players, the College is lead by Rawr (probably). They made shields! Everyone is welcome in Wyvern college, everyone, please join, they need tuition money. They won Guys Being Dudes in a tournament that had that. And they want to do more crafting, to craft things like shields. Love their shields these guys who be dudes.
Northern Alliance went next. Theres a joke here about Blackwood not being allowed to go twice, but i will not say it. Oh wait. Northern Alliance is actually its own thing, with its own unique culture, and three different tribes. Mostly Northern Alliance is “Built Different” not just in their petitioning process, but also because the northern alliance prides itself on its very fancy camp. Northern alliance mostly concerns itself with vibes, and roleplaying and chilling. To petition you just hang around them and see if you harsh their mellow or not. If they decide they don't hate you, you are in, and that’s it. No real trial. Oh and you have to decorate your hat.
Eagles Rook is many things, mostly invaded. Eagles Rook is also a knightocracy, and has been ever since they kicked the former lord out. Eagles Rook is a relatively small nation with history and collects history. Eagles Rook has a lot of ties with the fae and is the shining police state on the hill. Its also a knightly order but you don't have to be in the order to be in the nation and you don't have to be in the nation to be in the order. They don't like undead which make me sad ;n;
Then is Vorainess, which is presented by Tulkhan. It's a nation of family, but it's also a monarchy, so theres a royal family and then the metaphor family. Its lead by Druid King Hygar and Spirit Queen Kindriana, formerly called Mouse (though I've been told that's one of the ways to skin a cat (rakhasa joke (you see rakhasa are cats and (oh you got it? Really? Good.)))). Under the royals are the thanes like Tulkhan and there are a lot of other roles and jobs like Magistrate but I don’t know which rung these roles are in the family tree. The oathsworn are the full members, they have a blue bar and a cool title. They like to consider petitioning a two way street. Sure you're trying to prove yourself to them but they also are trying to impress you, and you can be the one to say “you don't deserve me”. They have a lot of weird races, and a lot of lycanthropes, which define what counts as illegal in vorainess. They have a very powerful Fish and Wildlife park ranger department, and will execute you on site for an out of date fishing license. So be wary of poaching. They, the nation of dogs, are at war with the cat demons because they were torturing Mouse. It’s not as funny as it sounds, lives were lost.
What is funny is Saurabia, Hooray! Saurabia has never been invaded because Saurabia has nothing but a volcano. It also has special socks that keep Alpacasaurus warm. They are in the deep south (Where most of their members are), but they are also Dinosaurs! That’s pretty cool. Saurabia doesn’t take itself seriously but its done quite a bit, they have money, they threw events, and they created a god in Norlund named Tychosaurus but he's really busy and in another dimension so its hard for him to return calls. Saurabia is a relaxed nation and you can join without too much stress. Just remember, you're gonna need a pun. Probably.
Twelve nations is too many.