Looking back at the end of 1022, the big year that sort of felt like last year which mostly felt like the year before. Time, has lost meaning, casualty has been lost, consequence has died, given way to random chance.
And despite it all, no matter how I look at it, I am not popular.
How can I be? When I, Your Friend Sir Jean Cest Magnifique Try Baptise, does not have a SINGLE sponsor!
Me! Who almost got assassinated by Vorainess that one time! Me who ate Emissary Starblade’s kidney! Me who didn't go to any important events this year past because there was a comically Baptise shaped henchman on the other side and I do not tolerate ripoffs.
How could I, who contributed so little, amount to so little in the eyes of my peers? Is it because I’m a demon? Is it because I write long winded rants about deserving more popularity instead of actually doing something helpful?
Is it because I write articles while drink despite only having two drinks?
IMPOSSIBLE! I know why!
Its the millennials! The 1000+ crowd.
They don’t understand newspapers! They just eat hotchip and complain about gods!
Well heres a hotchip for you! Maybe Garm did nothing wrong!
…Well thats not true, he’s balance.
50% of the things he does is wrong, give or take the margin of how well the Realms is doing at the time. But maybe if you were stapled to a chair having to listen to Asmodeus lecture about demonic bylaw you’d blow up a church too!
I feel bad for Big Doggie.
Garm, give me sponsorship money.
Is this how it ends, poor Jean Baptise, forgotten in current year by the big rise of Stonewood? Am I to just fade into the winds of time!
NOO! IT IS WINTER! IT IS THE AGE OF ANGRY WRITING
I SHALL STRIVE, I SHALL PERSERVRE
LIKE THE GOOSE I WILL SOAR INT HE AIR, OR AT LEAST… FLAP MENACINGLY! I will honk at the feet of passerbys, squawk at the normies who have it SOOOO GOOD!
Neden is NOT a dead nation! It’s just really sleepy from drinking too much whiskey!
This is my year! And I… will get… MY MONEY!
SPONSOR ME DAMNIT!
This article is sponsored by the Nation of Saurabia!
You may think, isn’t that just Alpacasaurus! NO!!! Lady Twen is in it too now! She couldn’t get New Verai, so she settled for the giant volcano!
AND NOW YOU CAN TOO!!
Think about it! How many hot springs do you think a big volcano has? A lot! That means you can have the comfiest baths and cleanse all your pores. You may not have a knighthood! You may not have a treasury! You may not even have roads! BUT YOUR PORES…. THEY WILL LOOK SO GOOD!
Goblin swords will just slide off the smoothness of your skin! History will remember you! Remember you as the person who lives with all the dinosaurs!
Yes… dinosaurs! Like in elementary school! You may smirk, you may go “Dinosaurs? Thats such a silly thing to deal with” and smirk with your elves and dragons.
Heres a take, heres a spicy bit of lore. Everything that was cool when you were 5 is still cool now, you just learned how to be embarrassed.
Embarrassment only teaches you to be normal.
You are in the Realms. Normal won’t get you far.
Join Saurabia! Become best friends with a baby T-rex, live, for once in your life live.