Hello and for the fourth time a guest judge and I shall be judging the work submitted by various members of the realms. This week’s challenge was simple: to tell the funniest joke in whichever medium they chose. So, in order of submission, here we go:
From DelHemar comes a joke that is to die for:
Three young adventurers die on a quest, as they stand before the reaper the first adventurer waves his hand in mystical symbols, chanting under his breath before shouting “resist death!” and vanishes. A moment later he reappears with claw marks on his chest, shrugs and says “So... it turns out the beast wasn't done with me yet. Any chance you're up for the old play a game for our lives bit?”
Death thinks about this, and says “Sure we'll play for your lives.” He pulls out two sets of dice and says “Here's the game, I'll roll first, if you roll higher than me you live for as many years as you rolled, if you roll lower than me, I send you to hell for however many years I rolled.”
So the first adventurer steps forward, death rolls his dice and gets a 7. The adventurer rolls his dice and gets a 4, and is instantly consumed in fire as his soul is sent to hell.
The second adventurer steps up, death rolls a 9, the adventurer rolls a 3, and the adventurer vanishes in a flash of fire as his soul is sent to hell.
Death turns to the third adventurer and rolls his dice, the result is a 12, but before he can do anything the third adventurer throws his arms around deaths neck and gives him the biggest warmest bear hug he can muster.
Death is stunned, he pats the adventurer on the back awkwardly and says “That's, not the usual response to finding out you've just been condemned to 12 years in hell. What's the deal?”
The adventurer, without letting go, says “They've told me for years, when you Embrace Death you play a different game."
From Laika en'Naur comes a divine one-liner:
When naming the Auroran holy city of Ivory they missed a golden opportunity to name it "Luminocity".
From Orion, comes a joke those familiar with Black and White may particularly enjoy:
Why was everyone so serious at Black and White this year? Well, ever since Cecil outlawed that green drink, there hasn't been a punch line.
Coming from Cressida is the way to deal with a bandit:
From Vawn (yes..that Vawn) is an entry from the Vawn Archives:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1cY0U7c6rrmPzE93MyDldXCHmSGbehpNe/view
Also, finally, here is my own (It won’t be ranked because we have enough entries, I just wanted to share it)
A farmer woke up one day to find that his sheep had just given birth, but the baby ewe seemed to be very sick. It would only lie there and bleat really loudly. After half a day, the baby sheep’s noise was starting to get on the farmer’s nerves, so he sought the local shaman for advice. After a short hike, the farmer reached the shaman’s hut, and asked her about how to deal with the sheep. The shaman did a small ritual in front of him, and determined the sheep would get better on it’s own in two days time, but if the noise was unbearable, all he had to do was place the sheep on the farmer’s mattress, and keep it there until the ewe was feeling better. The farmer went home and placed the new-born sheep in the bed, and miraculously the bleating stopped. The farmer, thrilled. ran back to the shaman to ask how this magic worked. The shaman looked at him and matter of factly responded “Well, it’s commonly known that that no sound can be made from in bed lamb.”
These entries really helped boost my mood for the week, and judging them will be really tough. So, to keep things fair, I will bring in Temorse to help judge the task.
So, let’s take a look at Temorse’s rankings:
Hello entrants and readers. I will be your guest judge this week, no doubt selected for my discerning eye for detail and ability to enhance all the jokes by explaining them to the general public. After reviewing these jokes carefully and in great detail I’ve assessed and weighted their humor, here are the results:
In 5th place (1 point) Laika
For Laika’s joke we have what I would consider a noble effort, but this pun lands as heavy handed as one of Sir PJ’s headshots. I was told that I was able to consider bonus points, but when I inquired about those bonus points being negative, I was told it was against the rules, even given the heinous crime that is this pun. Laika’s has clear talent in the art of adventuring, and I would suggest, kindly, that he consider sticking to that strength.
In 4th place (2 point) is Orion
From Orion we have a topical joke which starts out with promise. While the great Green Drink controversy wasn’t as widespread as the Great Cranberry Sauce controversy or spoke to me as personally as the Great Crabbie controversy. It does however end in a pun, for which there can be little mercy, despite it’s promising topical start. It is said that comedy is tragedy plus time, so check back in a few years and perhaps I will have changed my mind.
In 3rd place (3 point) is Cressida
For Cressida’s joke we have a more interesting medium with which the joke is delivered. Here we have another satirical comment on an issue that is near and dear to the everyday life of the common folk, certainly not something that true nobles like myself ever have to deal with. While I wasn’t able to personally relate to this humar, given my station as a non-peasant, I still found it humorous and greatly enjoyed the way in which it was conveyed.
In 2nd place (4 point) is DelHemar
For DelHemar’s joke we start with the very real premise of newer adventurers being slain, and trying to deal with death. While the joke establishes some humor with the first adventurers attempt at using Resist Death, the second adventurers fate is slightly less interesting, only attempting to play Death’s game. However the crescendo of the joke ends with satirical comedy about one of the most powerful spells in the game by necromancers (especially the evil ones). This jokes gets high marks for its social commentary on the state of magic as well as its originality
In 1st place (5 point) is Vawn with 2 bonus points for Jace
Finally we have Vawn’s entry from the Eagle’s Rook Archive. This was the most interesting medium of all the jokes, and seemed to have several aspects of humor within. While to the comedic layman the joke in this entry may appear to be tomato based, while really is just the set up to suggest that Vawn ever had a sense of humor, even before ascending to avatar-hood. Finally, I cannot quite place it, but I have a very “Emerald Dream-y” feeling that Jace making Venne potions is actually very suggestive.
Now, for my own top 5:
In 5th place (1 point) is Orion’s joke about Back and white. It’s a nice variation on the no punch line joke, but I feel it’s a bit too soon, as I was really worried about not having poison this year at Black & White.
In 4th place (2 points) is Laika en'Naur’s joke about Aurora. It’s an absolutely fabulous pun.
In 3rd place (3 points) is Cressida’s joke about bandits. Having been lured into this trap before, I really have enjoyed it.
In 2nd place (4 points) is Vawn’s joke about the tomatoes. While I have heard the joke before, the pacing of the joke along with the visuals worked perfectly.
In 1st place (5 points) is DelHemar’s entry about embrace death. It’s a new and unique joke that had a great punchline.
So, let’s look at the combined scores for the week (including the one point for submission):
DelHemar and Vawn both came in at 10 points.
Cressida rang in at 7 points.
Orion and Laika scored a total of 4 points.
Jace is bringing up the rear of the pack without a submission at 2 bonus points.
And where does that leave the final scores? Let’s take a look:
DelHemar: 36.5 points.
Cressida: 21 points.
Aeston, Areni, and Gwen: 18.5 points.
Bart: 11 points
Iawen: 11 points
Saka: 10 points
Vawn: 10 points
Kwido: 6 points
Tarun Ul-Sikar: 5 points
Vanduke: 4 points
Laika en'Naur: 4 points
Orion: 4 points
King Alexander Cecil: 2.5 points
Jace: 2 points
Kara Nithisdottir: 1.5 points
Thoril: 1.5 points
Tune in later today for the next task!