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Tuesday, August 29, 2017

I Can't Even



I Can't Even...
By, 
Sara 'Zarine' Jessop
… an important reminder

It's a friendly reminder as this is a friendly man

I know that it is hard to believe but summer is almost unofficially over. All those weekends of war maneuvers, monster hunting, partying, and hitting the beach have really made the summer fly by haven't they? I don't know about you, dear reader, but I didn't get half of the things done over the last few months as I said that I would. My closet didn't get cleaned, my flower gardens are still filled with weeds, and my painting project is still half done. There is still time to do most of these things. It's not like it will instantly turn to winter as soon as next weekends festivities are over. We still have the best season to come, after all.

Of course there is something that you are running out of time to do that you all may have forgotten about. This coming weekend is once again the weekend that the good folks in Folkestone have designated as their 'questing' weekend, and that means that this is the last week for wearing white! White is such a lovely summer color, but alas it is completely inappropriate to wear it after the weekend that Folkestone lures us to it's lands with the promise of fun and revelry only to end up having to fight monsters and close portals. Come to think of it, this is pretty much what happens every weekend and perhaps we should have a serious conversation about how dangerous our gatherings are. But whatever happens this weekend, I would highly suggest wearing white as it's your last opportunity until after next years Tournaments of Creathorne.

This goat-girl is about to get served BBQ ribs
I would also suggest wearing something white that you don't mind ruining. It's an unfortunate truth that if you wear white you are sure to be presented with a messy meal or suddenly have need to go on some sort of stain-filled adventure. I would suggest bringing a large bib for dinner and maybe some armor for other problems that could arise. The great thing about white is that it can be bleached and returned to it's former glory, or simply dyed a different color to hide whatever misfortune has befallen you. Or perhaps you could twirl though the chaos in such a way as to make an interesting pattern and be the fashion forward innovator of the 'blood spattered' look. Stranger things have come into fashion after all. 
Before and after killing the big bad guy.
The blood really adds something here...

I won't be there, as Trent has so graciously agreed to escort me to see one of my favorite bards, but I look forward to seeing photographs of you in all of your snowy splendor. I mean, I hope that it doesn't actually snow, that would be quite lamentable. I mean that I hope to see many images of your beautiful white clothing that you'll be putting away on Monday because I wrote an article that told you that you should here, and why not have one last hurrah with it, right?

So have fun, be fashionable, and don't do anything I wouldn't do.

See you next Tuesday.

Zarine is the proprietor and Madam at Alchimia Lupanar, a magic marshal approved practitioner of medicine, an award winning author, and has 36 years of experience in giving her unsolicited opinion.