The Grimloch Tribune

 
LEAD STORY – Local Law Destroys Lich

In local news Pinewood was attacked by an unidentified man who was seemingly unaffected by any of the villager's attacks. This man stormed through the town hacking down locals like a famer during a wheat harvest.  With eerie green eyes he raised all those he defeated and bid them to his side.

Locals hid out of terror, one-man reported, “Watching them spread through town was like watching a wild fire spread, we were all terrified and couldn't do a thing to prevent its destruction. We thought for sure we would all be burned up in this madman’s rampage until we saw they arrived."

At this time over the horizon Warlord Jaha and a few of his T.H.U.G.S and soldiers of Grimloch were out on a scouting patrol making sure the borders were secure.

Warlord Jaha, Sir Rhode, XT, Sir CENSORED, Syruss, and Grott swooped down over the hill engaging the undead in a whirlwind of terror. Bones clashed with steel, undead fell upon the ground in a row leading up to the undead master. The Lich's powers were immense but Grimloch was swift to take action. They dismantled the creature as he let out a hellacious cry, a sentence that rocked the citizens to their core.

“We are coming, you cannot stop the *Blechhs*” his sentence cut short as his head was cut off, Grimloch would not allow him to spread anymore fear.


LOCAL BUISNESS-  KARMHA Creations Banner Debut  at Feast of Creathorne

As you walk through the lands of Realms you may have noticed it getting a lot prettier, now I know what you are thinking but it's not just the weather. It's Karmha spreading her wears and garbing the lands.

Some of you may have noticed her Banners, or her award winning garb from QoH, maybe you are one of the Nations she has made tabards for.  Perhaps you were at Knights of the Eternal Flame Tournaments this year and saw the banner she entered for the competition.

Wherever you have seen her wares there is no arguing the skills she has acquired.  She has provided tabards for such nations as Grimloch, Folkestone, Ashenmark, Kalithnos, and Rhiassa; as well as the Knights of the Blue Rose. She has also done belt favors and banners for most of the aforementioned nations and now she is passing that knowledge on to the rest of the realms.

So this Saturday at Feast of Creathorne for the low price of ten gold you will get not only a great session of instruction on how to make a personal heraldry banner, but all the stencils and materials to do it.

So if you ever wanted to learn how to make things prettier for these lands, or you simply just wanted a personal banner to fly as you run into battle; stop on by Feast of Creathorne to experience banner making from the Sizzling Seamlessly Selfless Seamstress.

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

Last Month, the Extremely Grotty corporation "Hipsters and Cool Guy Aficionado’s” began selling a line of fragrances called ALIBI designed for men who need excuses when coming home late. For example, as men come through the door, they could splash on "I Was Working Late" (to smell of coffee and cigarettes) or "An Undead Attacked" (evoking coagulated blood, burned flesh, and grease).

Grott was quoted saying “Hey everyman is entitled to their secrets and we are happy to help keep them”

NO WALK IN THE PARK a K-9 problem.

Like many cities  Compton, Grimloch, has a dog-litter problem that has proved unsolvable, as citizens continue to ignore pleas to pick up after their dogs and keep sidewalks clean. Finally, city officials designed a successful program (announced in December): a doggie-bag lottery. Anyone handing in a bag of dog litter would get a ticket (one ticket per bag) to a drawing with prizes ranging up to pieces of gold worth the equivalent of the weight of the bag. (Citizens would be on the honor system as to whether the "litter" in the bag came from a dog or from another source.)

Warlord Jaha was quoted as being opposed to this system:

“ I believe some of our petitioners are taking their title of Dog of Grimloch too seriously and APPARENTLY some of our seasoned members are helping perpetuate that false stereotype. I want it on record saying I am opposed to anybody not actually a dog (of the animal variety) publically defecating, it is unsanitary and just plain gross.”

Upcoming Order of the List Points

If you are eagerly trying to top yourself off early with Order of the List points so that you can compete in that elite tourney at the end of the year then be sure to hit Feast of Creathorne this weekend and start racking up points.

Once again it is points season and they are already off and running. So if you have missed the first couple of qualifying tourneys do not be discouraged there are many more to come.

Please speak with Warlord Jaha, Lord Temorse, Sir Rohde, or Sir CENSORED if you want your tourneys to count for Order of the List Points.

Well that’s it for this edition; I am investigative reporter Syruss signing off saying “Stay Classy Realms.”