From Angie Grey:
Dave touched so many lives. I wish I had an epic story of a single profound moment but I don’t. I don’t even remember how or when I met him. I don’t remember how we became friends, other than he appeared and began to treat me like one. I remember being surprised by our first invitation to his house, and even more surprised the first time he told me they’d be in Vermont and were coming to visit ours.
He made a point of getting to know people in and out of character. He remembered surprising small details from conversations. He made a point of always balancing his Realms and personal life and in doing so proved it was possible to stay relevant without being on the field every weekend.
Dave and I were planners. I’m fairly certain we are two of the people who have played a key role in organizing the most Queen of Hearts teams and enjoyed combining our efforts. He loved to strategize and analyze. His enthusiasm was contagious. I agreed to help organize more than one team because doing so meant another opportunity to work with Dave.
Dave loved fruity drinks. It didn’t match what most would have expected from a man his age. His unabashed enjoyment of them (and bacon, and Hawaiian shirts, and… well you get the picture) made his friends smile, but likely got him a sideways glance in some circumstances. Yet I can’t imagine a time when Dave would have been concerned enough about what people thought of him to have made a different choice though. Dave took the time to explore the world. He found the things he loved, and he loved them, deeply, without apology. It was an inspiration to me, someone who was raised to believe it was better to fit into the “normal” mold, especially because he was skilled, smart and would have succeeded anywhere. By being his awesome self, I know he inspired not just me but a lot of us to embrace who we are. I can’t imagine a more powerful gift.
From Dani Lacasse:
I'd like to take you to a time that wasn't too long ago but happened to be my first year in the realms. 2016. My first year in the game. And in 2016 the community held an event that holds a special place in my heart to this day. The realms hosted a fight-a-thon in honor of someone I never had the pleasure of meeting, Bud.
And being my fourth ever, I was just so excited to go out there and fight, and if you could call me getting my ass handed to me 225 times to be exact, I did.
And once we finished up, Dav came up to me and asked who I was and introduced himself to me and we chatted and took me over to a tent set up on the back corner of the tourney field and casually asked me what weapon sock I liked best.
Flash forward a few events, this man who I vaguely remembered me and remembered that weapon sock I loved, he presented me with my first ever realms sword with that very sock. Standard 3 8", nothing eccentric to anyone else, but to me it meant everything.
You told me that not only did you decide to give me a weapon because of the fighting potential you saw in me but because I had inspired you, by participating in a fight-a-thon. Raising funds for someone I had never met and doing with a smile on my face the entire time with a community I barely even knew. And I thought you were crazy at the time me inspiring someone like you!? Like John had said previously, you were someone who had been pointed out to me as someone I could always go to with any questions. It was surreal, but you told me that that was what this community was about. Coming to the aid of others when it's needed or required but when it feels right.
That very act of kindness and gesture from you is something I've held with me since, and maybe unbeknownst to but also a few lessons I'll never forget, a small gesture can impact someone so greatly.
And that you'll never know who's watching and whom you may inspire.
So thank you Dav for not only allowing me to inspire you just that once but for also being one of my biggest inspirations.
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| photo by Beth Tozier |
From James Murphy:
It was a multiday quest, it was Saturday, it was summer, it was on Abe’s land in CT about 7? Years ago, it was hot.
We had to go all over site, fight uphill to get to the location, find a box? Do the puzzle, open the box get the things inside to get put together to make the McGuffin. Dav had brought his magic 6’6” I had my big shield. I decided I was going to be his wing man. We moved through the quest, sometimes being the front line, sometimes the back line. Different heroes came and went. But every time we encountered the enemy, we were in the center of it. Just about every encounter Dav had a few things to say; “stay with us”, “go help them”, “stay in a line”, “together”, and my favorites “get that person up”, and “Now!”
Several times we switched him on shield me on the 6’6”, His magic 6’6”. I felt honored. After a long day of fighting the monsters, we make it back to the fire pit. We are collecting our thoughts when a specific player talks about keeping everything for themselves. Some of the party thought that this was a pretty shitty thing to do. The player in question then said something like: well I am going to keep the stuff just the boxes I solved. I yelled a bit. I was hot, tired, exhausted, I had never been near the boxes. We were needed to keep the monsters at bay. The player then decided to share what was found.
As we were getting ready to break for dinner, Sir Vawn comes up to me and asks me what I meant by my yelling. Tao said something about sharing and putting together the thing and all of us working together. And Vawn agreed that these were things we should be doing. And then he said, “James does the player know you were speaking in character?” I was at a loss for words. I hoped they did. But I had not gone up to them and made sure they knew. In that moment I was embarrassed. I was humbled, I was quiet.
After dinner I sought out the player and we talked. This interaction has changed how I played the game. Any time I get into it with a PC, I always make sure that we both understand IC vs OOC.
I will never forget the fighting that day. But I will also never forget the lesson Dav taught me at break.
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| photo by Robyn Nielsen |
From Michel Venne:
I almost won a game of munchkins once versus Dave and his friend Thom. All I had to do was defeat a Lame Goblin. Because it’s munchkins, they both pilled buffs on the Goblin and I ended up losing. The amount of glee he took to remind me of this loss and my goblin trauma for over five years kept reminding me that despite claiming to not have a fantastic memory, he always remembered the things that would make us laugh.
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| photo by Tom Burchell |
From Janna Oakfellow-Pushee:
When my FolFox treatments started sending me downhill, Dave was doing his own treatments at Emerson as well. One day we figured out we were separated by a curtain (but knew who the other was due to stating your name and birthday loudly to the nurses). I told them to check his ID, make sure he was old enough. He told me to keep it down over there and he'd get whatever drugs he damn well liked. We eventually made such a good ruckus the nurses opened the curtains and we piped down once we could actually see each other. Soon we each drifted off to sleep in our chairs.
Besides a Friend, Knight Commander, GISHWHES Team member, fellow Toastmaster, mentor, and so, so much more...Dave was also a huge lifeline of support for me during the treatments, at the roughest time of his own set. I won't forget the pieces and side effects and stories he shared with me, since they were (terribly) unique to our situation. Because of him, I became a lot braver going forth in Life.
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| photo by Dustin Mack |
From Ben Lacasse:
Dave to me has always been more than a person to me, but more an ideal to strive towards. I met Dave when I was 14 years old, and I’d grown up a poor inner city kid, wrapped up in all the trappings of inner city life. My prospects were few save a good brain for word play, and a love for high fantasy media. Dave, through facilitating Riverhawk practice, unknowingly opened a door to a life that I love to lead, and wouldn’t have had access to otherwise. Through doing something so small as showing up to a fight practice and whipping our asses relentlessly, he fostered a group of nerdy kid’s love of Dungeons and Dragons into an infinitely more productive pass time. That pass time made us lasting connections across a vast community of people who span the entirety of our region. In my case, I work in the field I do because Dave helped connect me to a community that contained someone who was willing to take a chance on me when no one else was. Dave connected me to a community where I, who had an extremely complicated home life, was able to connect to respectable and genuinely good-hearted adults who cared for me like I was one of their own, Dave being one of them. I’d never had that before, and I only have that now because by some twist of fate, our paths were able to cross.
It goes deeper than that though. Dave was golden enough to be an ideal, but was down to earth enough to be a real person, which is a blessing I’ve counted on many occasions. My favorite memory that I feel best defines the kind of person that Dave is is my wife’s birthday a few years ago. Those readers who know me know that I live woefully far away from everything I participate in, which leads to a lot of frustration come the end of eventing season when the new england weather makes driving long distances less enjoyable/possible. That also means that usually when Dani and I have celebrations and don’t have the cash/time/wherewithal to plan them up to 100 miles away from our house, it usually results in relatively small gatherings because it’s hard for people to make those long treks. Dani had had a particularly long eventing season that year and on a wednesday night I’d planned an impromptu birthday gathering a night or 2 before and just put out a mass invite and hoped for the best. He and Christina were among a very select few who made it a point to be present for her on a day that many might consider small, but seeing Dani’s eyes light up when he came through the door of the restaurant was a moment I’ve relived regularly this last week when I needed a pick me up. Dave was always willing to go the distance for those he loved, and there was never a time I was in his presence that I didn’t feel that.
The last time I got to play with Dave was Leviathan 2019, where he had taken the time to craft a special personal plot for Torolf where one of his old viking tribesmen had come seeking a ritual combat of some sort. The whole scene was a labor of love that Dave personally crafted and gave to someone whom I love and respect deeply, and I felt so honored that when Dave needed somebody to help him that he reached out to me for the assist. For everything that Dave’s done for me, I am just happy I was able to give him something in return, even if it will never compare to what he’s done for me.
I love you Dave. Rest in power, brother. I wouldn't be the man I am without having you to guide me. When I need you, I'll look to Valhalla.
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| by Angie Grey |
From Jamison Bancroft:
Dave and I never really had a close relationship. Over the course of two decades, Dave and I didnt often find ourselves in the same place for long periods of time, and we didn't often find ourselves spending time with the same people. Despite that, Dave was still one of my biggest role-models within the game.
See, that's the magic of Dave. You didn't need to know him or be close to him to feel the effects he had on everyone around him. Dave embodied everything good about the Realms and it's community. Dave was a genuinely awesome person, and he will live on in the minds and hearts of every person who had the privilege of knowing him, interacting with him, and even those who only get to hear stories of him. He is a legend.
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| by Dustin Mack |
From Steve Nelson:
A memory I’d like to share of Dave was from about four years ago. It wasn’t any particular occasion, but he had something for me. It turned out he had commissioned a wood carving of my Realms character. He was all excited, telling me all about the process of working with the artist on the design. It’s incredible, and I thanked him for it but also asked why he had done it. He said that since his health problems, he occasionally wanted to do things like that and decided he didn’t have to wait for occasions or even really have a reason. It was just an uncommonly thoughtful thing to do.
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| by Robyn Nielsen |
From Keith Cronyn:
At fight practice, I remember asking him how he was doing. He said he felt like he wasn’t in control of his health anymore, that he was just along for the ride. This was a somber moment. I told him when it seemed like there was no other choice, his choice was to keep going. To keep f***ing going. I didn’t realize at the time how much that meant to him; until he did keep going. Because he did. That was years ago, he fought through so much. And I’d like to think his spirit is still fighting now. Love you buddy.
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| by Matt Norris |
From Owen West:
One thing that will always impress me is the inherent value Dave saw in everyone around him. For me, it manifested in how excited he was to welcome me into his life and serve as my mentor. Put generously, I was a driven teenager who didn’t know his place in the world; little in comparison to the many accomplished adults who held Dave in high regard. Dave saw in me potential that not many had recognized, and his support and encouragement helped me grow in ways that would have been impossible otherwise. His constructive criticism was a perfect balance of a call to be better and an acknowledgement that none of us are perfect.
Thankfully, Dave’s boundless energy enabled him to help countless young men and women like myself fulfill their potential. Dave was one of the best people I know and he will be forever missed.
From Beth Tozier:
Have you ever sat down to write, and had your mind flooded with images and moments? None seem distinct or complete, but they each represent a different moment in time with someone.
That is what just happened. I sat to write of times with Dave and Vawn and even that other guy he played for a bit, but my mind would not let me settle on one thing. I will do my best to put into words as many moments as I can.
I don’t remember exactly when or how it happened, but one day we were friends. I don’t remember us meeting, shaking hands; the beginning of our friendship isn’t there. At this point, it feels like Dave and Christina were always a part of my life.
He and Christina came to my wedding. We went to concerts. We drank fruity drinks.
Had deep conversions. Argued. Went to KRF. We fought together, we fought each other. Always there was Dave and Christina, always there was Vawn.
Here are small bits of what I can remember:
I was helping out, not so many years ago, at an Uncle Cecil’s Very Merry… whatever the title was that year. I was behind the bar getting things ready with Jake/Gideon. This is (roughly) how things went:
G- Who is that that looks like Vawn?
Me- (only seeing the guy next to Vawn) Who? That guy? He looks nothing like Vawn and I don't know, some newbie.
G- It is so weird. How can you say it doesn’t look like him?
Me- How can you say it does. First of all, that guy is at least 5 inches too short and has blonde hair.
G- What?! No, not him, the one in the Eagle’s Rook tabard.
Me- Really? REALLY?! *I shake my head and motion for Dave to come over* Hey Gideon, I would like to introduce you to Vawn. Vawn, this is my idiot friend Gideon.
Dave and I laughed that Jake didn’t recognize him. Naturally all night I was introducing them to each other, and introducing Gideon to everyone in the hall. Dave laughed, he rolled with it, and every time he was introduced to Jake, he reached out with a big grin and shook his hand.
Did you know Dave and I had similar surgeries in 2005? Yup; we had matching scars on our throats from thyroid surgery. For months, after we were healed, we would joke about how Freesia and Vawn got them. Beth and Dave; we would talk about what it meant. Me with half a thyroid, him with none; me with a benign diagnosis, him with malignant. We did our best to support each other, and I did my best to be there during those early (the easy) treatments.
We went to a lot of Ani Difranco concerts (an average of one per year from 2004 to 2019). At one show in Portsmouth NH, Dave and I headed into town a few hours before the show. We went to some little shop because he assured me they had a “Life altering cheese”. He was not wrong. In the heat of the summer show, outside in the sun… Dave, myself, Jarrod, Wendy, Robyn and Eren demolished a brick of cave aged cheddar from Ireland. And, my life was certainly changed with that cheese!! It turns out, we sent so many people there looking for “Life Altering Cheese” that the store added a sign to their display “Cave Aged Life Altering Cheese.”
Bedlam; Vawn was entirely opposed to us opening Bedlam to get Bouquet out. He reg'd for the event, he showed up, and he refused to enter hell with us.
“You cannot put the whole of the realms at risk like this. You don’t know what you are going to unleash.”
“And neither do you. We will handle whatever happens when it happens. But, we have to get her… Vawn, I have to get her.”
“I’m not going in”
“Okay. If I don't come out, tell them I fell for something I believed in.”
I’m not entirely sure, but I do not think Vawn ever forgave Freesia for that. Though, when we emerged he was there. Yes, Dave stayed in the parking lot at the event where we started. Vawn waited to see if we would make it out and what would follow after us. And, over the next 8 years, he fought with us to undo what we did.
The most recent, and final memory I have was dinner just a few weeks ago. Neil and I sat with Dave and Christina in their living room. We ate take out, we laughed at the “You were the scary guy” story (ask Christina to tell you). We joked about the past, we spoke of the future.
Neil and I would have sat there all night if we had been able. But, we couldn’t do that and we eventually had to say goodnight. As we left, I hugeed Christina, told her I love her. I hugged Dave and I told him, “I love you. Thank you for being my friend.” He told me he loved me too.
That last dinner, that last hug, that last moment, I will hold on to for the rest of my life.
