My First Time

My First Time

(doing a Feast)

By Janna Oakfellow-Pushee

“Mama, whatcha d-doin’?”

“Working on some history for the Ivory Library, baby.”

“Why?”

“Because history’s important, yo.  It’s a way to learn your roots, where you started, and sometimes where mistakes were made and how to become a better person from that.”

“Oh. That sounds hard.”

“It’s a lot more complicated than what I just said, but yes, history can be hard.  Right now I’m working on things in order to get ready for the upcoming feast.”

“Mama, what’s a feast?”

“A place where a great many people sit down and eat lots of food, and play or sing or tell stories, or compete in games, or a whole bunch of other stuff.”

“Like Game Night?”

“Sort of, DanDan.”

“Mama, have you ever d-did… do a feast?”

“Yeah, baby, look here.”  *pulls up the Archives, begins to read out loud the reviews*

(Feast of Chimeron XVI: City on a Hill)

“...Mama, a lot of people d-did not like it?”

“No, baby, a lot of people were not fond of it.”

“D-did you… so, did you make the food to make them not like it?”

“Nah, that wasn’t the problem; food was great, I thought. It was--”

“Well, how was it your feast if you did-nit not make the food?”

“It’s called ‘Event Holding’. I--”

“So, you never d-did food for the feast thing, Mama?”

“...no, I haven’t.”

“Why?”

...and then Danielle went off to play for while, and I was left with the swirling thoughts of “Why?”

• Because I don’t want to give folks food poisoning.
• Because I don’t want any food waste.
• Because I don’t want to waste money.
• Because I don’t want to fail.
• Because I’m scared.

That was the biggest thing, actually.  Being scared.  All the above thoughts were valid, but in general, FEAR was the top rank of ‘a reason NOT to’.  There’s an Order of the Spoon, and while at the time I knew that the current feast folk I could think of were a part of the Order in some way (a Master, a Journeyman, or an Apprentice), I also thought that if one wasn’t a part of the Order, or didn’t wish to be, that one could not pull off a feast, let alone a decent one.

Then I thought of my squire-ly task from Sir Vawn Coupant, a.k.a. David Hayden, a Knight of the Realms and of Eagle’s Rook: it was all about conflict.  Here’s a definition:

con·flict
noun: conflict; plural noun: conflicts
ˈkänˌflikt/
1.
a serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one.
"the eternal conflict between the sexes"
synonyms:    dispute, quarrel, squabble, disagreement, dissension, clash; More
antonyms:    agreement
a prolonged armed struggle.
"overseas conflicts"
synonyms:    war, campaign, battle, fighting, (armed) confrontation, engagement, encounter, struggle, hostilities; More
antonyms:    peace
an incompatibility between two or more opinions, principles, or interests.
"there was a conflict between his business and domestic life"
synonyms:    clash, incompatibility, incongruity, friction; More
antonyms:    harmony

PSYCHOLOGY
a condition in which a person experiences a clash of opposing wishes or needs.
verb
verb: conflict; 3rd person present: conflicts; past tense: conflicted; past participle: conflicted; gerund or present participle: conflicting
kənˈflikt,ˈkänˌflikt/
1.
be incompatible or at variance; clash.
"parents' and children's interests sometimes conflict"
synonyms:    clash, be incompatible, vary, be at odds, be in conflict, differ, diverge, disagree, contrast, collide More
having or showing confused and mutually inconsistent feelings.
adjective: conflicted

"my feelings are so conflicted that I hardly know how to answer"

....well, snickerdoodles

In this particular case, I was in conflict with my fears and reasons not to do a feast.  I could hardly tell Dani-Danger, though, that I had tried and done everything in the Realms, if I hadn’t actually tried this.

I don’t even know if this is possible. I mean, I could probably get the same site from last year from my father, if I asked for a date.  But what about the country (I was now in Eagle’s Rook) and our lack of numbers?  What about the plot from last year?  What if nobody comes?  How can I afford this?  What would I have to do in the first place if I’m just doing the food?  And am I supposed to just do food if I’m the Feast-o-Crat(because I had seen plenty of times where a Feast-o-Crat had a lot more than just food to do (see example: Matthew Brenner), and times where the feast is more than enough to do (see example: Leilani Grayson))?

So, with all these questions on my mind, I decided to quell a few by asking for a listening ear from the two wisest folks I had in my life:

And after I was off the phone with them, I had the beginnings of menu ideas, dates for the site in Scotland, CT, and leads on whom to ask for help.  I was also reminded that if I was going to do this, that I should probably call said Knight Commander and talk to him about it. It was, after all, going to have the country’s name attached to the event.

Huh.  Guess I could attempt to do a feast thing, after all?  But what kind of feast?  And how much should I be involved in the whole thing, versus just the food?  What if I give control away, delegate?  What do I need to stay on top of?  What would I have to do myself, specifically?  Could we pay for this whole thing?  What else am I missing?

And thus, it began. Stay tuned for the next installment.