Morning Coffee Break

Got your morning cup of coffee and a few minutes? Great! Time for our continuing feature at the View - we're going to be asking a series of questions and we want to know your answers! The question is posted below. So while you sip your morning beverage of choice, ruminate on this one:

It's the time of year for expressing thanks. Right here, right now, think of someone in Realms that has made your time here better, more meaningful, more fun, more interesting, and tell us all who they are and why you're thankful for them.

Head on back to social media and let us know in the comments!

A Butchery Advertisement

Hey there say there gang. Crew, homies, lonelys, and one and onlys.

Its the Realm’s greatest cannibal probably, your best friend, Sir Jean Baptise, with news for the View.

It's getting colder, well it ain't but people are going “Well it should be colder why isn’t it cold” and isn’t that good enough? Winter is coming, whether it wants to or not (and it appears it does not), and with winter comes the possible greatest hobby in all of our fair society, the blind gift exchange…

But wait… times getting late… do you really have time to prepare a heartfelt gift at THIS late hour?

What about… ACTUAL HEARTS (for legal reasons there is no correlation).

INTRODUCING……………..

BAPTISE BUTCHERY, FOR YOU FROM… YOUR FRIENDS!

Thats right, we are doing a good old Yule Meat Swap…

Wait, I'm in the wrong nation to call it that…

WE ARE DOING A GOOD OLD FASHION YULE CORPSE SWAP! Phew, much cleaner.

For this season, Baptise Butchery will be taking your orders of jerky not just for YOU, but for your friends!

Order to your specific tastes, order our special mystery meat! Sign the wavier, sign your soul! Probably the former, the jerky isn’t really worth your soul, save that for Rexan jr.

But if you want to give a little, you can enlist in the Mystery Meat program! And your name will be randomized with a bunch of other names who enlisted, and you can order the best jerky for someone else!

It's like a random grab bag really, but now someone is to blame for it, who ISN’T me.

You can always order for someone else! Give it as a gift! A bribe! A flirtatious gesture! A vague threat that you know where they live and how to stuff dead bodies in THEIR BED. We can only suggest you do SOME OF THOSE OPTIONS! 

Prices are around 15 dollars for a bag! 

And remember the Baptise family motto: For You, From you. 

And as always, for legal reasons we never met!

Meme Monday

 by the Meme Team

 

Rumors for November 1022

 [Across the Realms]

Places where the veil to the Faerie Wildes is thinner and where high Fae populations reside within the Realms proper have reported sightings of a strange figure standing just out of view. Word says that the form is humanoid but featureless, almost like a shadow that flickers in and out of place, and only able to be seen in the corner of your eye. Nothing seems to occur out of the ordinary where it's sighted, however, so it is not viewed as a threat.

~~~

In all major cities of the Realms vaguely human-shaped beings of water appear to march around spouting off decree from the Lord of Corruption. Their words outline that the war with Voraniss is one based on territorial differences and they request that all other nations remain neutral in this effort. Any nation that acts in such a way to assist Voraniss will be recognized as if they have declared war upon the rightful Crown of Sothron and treated as such.

~~~

North of Chimeron, West of Banecroft, a beam of light falls from the sky; a continuous stream of blue and purple. It just sort of sits there. Shimmering. It is visible from quite a ways away. Researchers from the Subtle Threads Magical Research group and the Academy of Scientific and Magical Technologies are on site investigating.

[Chimeron]

An arson/theft was committed inside a Church of Aurora within Chimeron proper earlier this month. The identity of the individual is still unknown and at large. The extent of the damage was a burnt up desk and a broken door, it is believed that no one was injured.

[The Faerie Wildes]

Many places in the Wildes are preparing for the change of seasons. Some fae speak of how the Winter Court is still upset over last year's attempts by the Summer Court to try to extend their season, and how they're concerned the balance of the Courts might cause new problems again, especially with the recent unseasonal warmth.

[Stonewood]

The northern Stonewood Farms have been celebrating a successful harvest. Not quite the yields this year that they should be getting, but with a lot of optimism that now that the Farms are reclaimed and cleaned of a lot of the demonic energy that infested them, there will be many good years to come.

Starhaven's martial law has been rolled back entirely, and there is no longer a curfew. There is a higher guard presence which makes some people uneasy, but crime is at an all-time low.

Guess That Realmsie!

Another in our continuing series! In the below picture there is a Realmsie-shaped black hole. Can you figure out who it is based only on the profile? Tell us on Facebook if you think you know who it is! The answer will be revealed later in the day.

Butcher's Beastiary: Trolls

by Jean Baptise

Brown, gruff, and large. Few foes can strike as much fear as a Troll.

Trolls are part of the goblin family, in fact some claim a Troll is a sortof “Veteran” goblin, or a goblin that has done some sort of ritual to strengthen itself. Or maybe they are just fat.

Regardless, Trolls are the opposite of a kobold. They are naturally armored, they carry big long hand and a halves in one hand and a boulder in another, and they regenerate. Yes a Troll frequently will thwart death, despite having no necromantic, or indeed magical pulse in them.

To defeat a troll, you have to watch its off arm, that is the one where the boulder is. The Troll will rarely swing the boulder, but if it throws it, this will force you and your team to scatter… or die. Dying is on the table if you want. Free dimension. 

The troll also can not be killed until its heart is removed from its chest, or rather it is “rendered soulless”, which really, is more a side effect of goring the beast than anything else. In Chimeron, where Trolls and their goblin allies have long warred against the kingdom, their musculature is too difficult to cut with mere knives. One needs to either use a hammer or a axe, since, though it is not pretty, the muscular regeneration will often work against the troll on bones, causing the limb to remain useless.

Some Trolls have learned to carve their blades of heavy stone and “Swing” the boulder, crushing foes with raw brutal force. But worse is a Troll Twin.

Trolls you see, are not like most species. When a troll mixes blood with another troll they form a blood oath that is stronger than most… anything, most Troll twins aren't actually literal twins, as Trolls very rarely give birth to siblings at all. However whenever a troll bond is formed, it can be near indestructible. Simply put, if one of the trolls are defeated, its brother will immediately run to the others rescue, even if dead their regeneration will suddenly hasten to do so. The only way to stop this is to impale the troll, and prevent the wound from closing.

Troll meat is very gamey, and tends to be an acquired taste for a sophisticated palette. Its the blue cheese of meat… which may raise an alarm bell to some. If you see your troll steak wriggling you can rest at ease knowing its very fresh. You see even without the heart, troll meat still grows… just very slowly.. You can not jerky it due to that, as slow cooking processes don't really help a meat that keeps growing. Troll meat can be ground into sausage with some great success, especially with their high fat content.

Todays recommended dish is a Troll dog, where one takes a ground up offal of a troll, places it in its own severed intestine, and dips it in a batter of buttermilk. Serve with malt vinegar, not ketchup. And on a stick.

Bardic Circle - Everyone's Favorite Space Bear

For the hero of Darkvale, Justari's Benevolence, Chan Ottokar

Composed and sung by Margaret August

Everybody’s Favorite Space Bear

          G                             G

When Darkvale needed a hero,

           C                                G

It was Chan who took up the fight,

G                           G

During our darkest hour,

           A7                                    D  

It was Chan who showed us the light

          G                       G

When Rexan came to destroy us

       C                                 G

Our heros stood brave and true

G                             G

Chan came back to save us all

     A7                               D

He knew what he had to do

G                                G

Everybody’s Favorite Space Bear,

       C                    G

Get up and shout hurray

G                                G

Everybody’s Favorite Space Bear

               A7                             D

He's the hero who saved the day

G                                      G

Thanks to the help of the good gods

C                                   G

Rexan met his fate that day

      G                         G

Our heros faced impossible odds

       A7               D

The evil god did pay

       G                                      G

The Just gods chosen helped guide us

C                         G

Chan paid off his debts

      G                                  G

He did what was right without a fuss

      A7              D

He left with no regrets

G                                G

Everybody’s Favorite Space Bear,

       C                   G

Get up and shout hurray

G                                G

Everybody’s Favorite Space Bear

              A7                            D

He's the hero who saved the day

G                                   G

When the grenade was thrown

C                 G

So too was Chan

G                   G

Laika tried to save him

      A7                          D

But Chan had another plan

G                        G

Chan refused to yield

C                            G

Faced with certain end

G                           G

Aurora’s tears became a shield

     A7                         D

So he could save his friend

G                                G    

Everybody’s Favorite Space Bear,

       C                    G

Get up and shout hurray

G                                G

Everybody’s Favorite Space Bear

               A7                             D

He's the hero who saved the day

Hurray!