Thursday, February 9, 2017

Neden Kazoo February 2017

Putting the N in News                         February 2017

By Jean Babtise -Chief Field Reporter
Hello everyone! It’s mean Jean Baptise here to teach you the wonders of cooking. Now as many people know I am a big fan of “Sword to table” meaning that I feel, in my personal opinion, that a meal tastes best when you know who killed it. Ideally of course that person would be you. So put on those safari hat thingys and grab your five foot, we are going on a safari.

Now the first we are going to talk about the Necrotrolls, these are those big nasty buggers that someone broke out out neden for some reason. These pesky runts bleed acid, can easily break a person’s armor and the spine it was protecting, and in general they are just unpleasant to be around.

So I find, in my personal experience that the best way to deal with these buggers is to just… ignore them mostly. However in the interest of land protection I have found that, of all things, healing magic works the best against them.
The reason for this is simple. The trolls are filled with acid, but were modified surgically to do so, if someone is able to subdue and raise a necro troll, their vitals return to normal, removing the same chemicals that protects them from the acid.
But it doesn’t remove the acid.

The results are not pretty, in fact I’ll rate them way up there on my “least prettiest things I’ve ever seen”, but its pretty fast, though good luck getting close enough to touch a guy trying to kill you.

The real advantage of course is that now that your meet is already dissolved you got excellent soup stock, so once you pour the troll innards into a glass you can boil away that acid and get to work.

I like to get one of those fossilized fay hair, you know those teng hua delicacies and boil it in the troll stock along with a rok egg, now if you can’t find a rok egg a chicken will do but I am judging you, and so is all of society. You poor person you.

Now that your cauldron is all bubbly a great way to add a little pow is to add that packet that comes with those teng hua things along with some shredded jerky. If you do not have any you are the reason I’m broke but you can use a cooked sausage of some kind as well.  It adds a chewiness to the dish and makes it all smokey without it, you know… actually smoking. What can also work is thin cuts of the troll’s leg meat, which should be gaimy enough to have maintained a whole state during the acid dissolution.

Good luck Gastrosaders and remember to boil that acid off, I am not responsible for your death. Or anything.

“While the Boys are away their items will play” A tale of Ruffians and Robbery
 by Sir Syruss O’Leary of Neden

Long rides…Man I hate long rides, it always makes me anticipate the activity to a level of a neurotic state. Things like when will we be there, how long has it been, will there be enough fun activities to make this trip worth it all rush through my head. Thing about long trips they always make you think...
The Road from Neden to Rhiassa is mired with undead, trolls and bandits looking to make a quick score. You add that danger plus all this rain…(it always seems to rain during my flashbacks.. that and it’s always black and white).. then it is easy to see the Neden Boys were going to run into trouble.
The pitter patter of raining on top of horses galloping and wagon

wheels turning can be somewhat euphoric, it can settle your soul like a new mother rocking a babe to sleep. It can  cause you to drift off in a not-quite-awake not-quite-asleep phase that leaves you peaceful but vulnerable.

**CRACK KA BOOM** thunder and lightning strike the horizon lighting it up like a Northern Fire in the sky, brief glimpses of daylight on a wet lake of a day as our petitioner Gumbo likes to say.
**BOOM CRACK CRASH*** that wasn’t thunder!!!! Sir Naj yelled.
I poke my head out of the carriage to see what the hubbub was all about. My Good friend and Neden’s petitioner and dutied carriage driver was pulling over the head cart to avoid another Magical Attack.

Up a head was a Floating Dragon being controlled by Two handsome looking Bandits  

It was the famous Miguel and Tulio!!!! Corsican Pirate Captain Tommy Diceni had just put a 100 Doubloon reward for their capture. The poster however did not mention Two Fighters casting spells, nor did it mention them owning a dragon, nor did it give any indication how they knew which route we were taking.  Our routes are selected carefully by Lord Nymbous O’Leary to assure our arrival at gatherings with all our Treasures “intact”. A word here that means together in the chests we put them and not in the pockets of bandits.

“Bandits but when did Bandits get so jack up with cool spells?” Dresden yelled **LIGHTNINGBLOT*** Dresden through his lightning-bolt with half assed precision but it was quickly absorbed by Tulio and recast at Ditched….Ditch who was completely caught off guard was thrown through the air and crashed into a near tree.

“Hey I know that dragon” Jean Baptist exclaimed! “That’s sparky but he should be in the castle in Lords Museum. There is no way they could have robbed that the magic Circle is “impenetrable” except by our curator. Impenetrable is a word that it this context means unable to open to be opened…unless you’re undead…or if I er um forgot to lock the Museum. With quick thinking JB got a magic ball from his pocket.

“I hate those” Grebinar said while gleaming at Jean Baptists hand. With that said Jean Baptists the Wonderful hurled the all his might at the dragon. The Dragon with Fear in his eyes tried to avoid the Ball. But as was his fate once, so it was again. The ball hit the dragon square in the mouth, like my bookie usually does after welching on a few bets; and just like I do when my bookie hits me the dragon went down…..Well actually he was caught up in swirling red light then sucked into the ball using some sort of demon size magic.
**Jean Baptise looked pleased with himself and murmured something inaudible to the ball****
That just left us with these incredible handsome and sharped dressed Banditos.
“Hey you in the top Hat” Sir Naj yelled at Miguel. “NICE HAT!!!!” **Naj said with an angry look in his eye***
“Um thanks…I kind of stole it…do you really think it goes with my…” Miguel was cut short before he could finish his sentence. Before he could move an inch there was blue swirling portal under Miguel and Naj’s hands could be seen ripping him into the ground.
“How did you?” I went to ask Naj where he went but he was already gone. It didn’t matter that just left Tulio who may or may not be a brother of Tooli (I will need to check on that)and Tulio was running head first at the Lord Carriage with a Flaming Sword and Shield with black cover. Zodiark and Grebinar stopped him from going down the trail. I prevented his retreat, with little option Tulio though he would jump in the carriage and test his Metal against our Lord.
That carriage was a rocking and when Nymbous’s carriage is a rockin general rule is don’t go a knocking. That is of course unless you just saw a Sword Wielding bandit enter. Just as I was about to enter the carriage ****THUD** I was hit by a flying Bandit hog tied and ready for prosecution.

“I guess the lord Needs to take care of all the light work” Sir Nymbous said poking his head out of his carriage.
***PZZZZT SCHWIP ZZZERT gernal portal sound*** “Hey Guys I’m back” Naj exclaimed.
“Just in time Sir Naj.. Take this roughie to Nedcatraz Floating Detention Facility. We will process him next week. Debido Proceso that’s what we always say” Lord Nymbous decreed.

“Detention Facility I just dropped the other guy off in a volcano…..You know what yeah debido proceso..Gotcha boss” Naj said quickly before grabbing Tulio and vanishing. 
***PZZZZT SCHWIP ZZZERT general portal sound***
The rain started letting up. It always seems when the weather gets clearer so do your thoughts.
It’s then I recognized something..something out of place… the corner of the shield cover had come off and revealed something shiny something reflective. I quickly tore off the shield cover only to be rated with insults from a very very angry Magic mirror. It was our Magic Mirror the one the only, Hurtful Angry Ridiculous Rare Omnipresent Loud Decoration Making Irrational Random Ridiculously Obvious Results or H.a.r.r.y M.i.r.r.o.r for short.
"You no good Neden boys always leaving things about..Why when I was once hung up in the Majesty of Centaurs palace he would have never allowed such roughies to break in and steal all his things..No he would have beheaded them or extra headed them whatever the case may be…."Harry kept yelling but I started to drown him out, much like I drown out the complaints about our ridiculous petitioners guide from our New Boys.
“Harry Calm down buddy and tell us what they got.” I instructed.
“Well Master Syruss the got one dragon, one magic mirror..” Harry started…..
“Stick to the things we didn’t fight or face” Grebinar exclaimed. 

“Well several wands, One Spell transferring Bookend, The Magic Pensic, the Magic Wizard Hat and two magical swords.” Harry Stated. “This will have to wait till after the feast” Lord Nymbous explained. “We have too much to do and Siff Rawlin and Priest Z should already be waiting for us. “I can start the investigation with Sir Naj and Sir Blackie while you guys hit up the feast” Sarrix said from somewhere in the back. “Great Idea” we all agreed. And so it was we fought off a half-baked robbery…well sort see they were successful in robbing us initially. Over the next few hours Sir Naj got some vital information out of Tulio. It appears they didn’t work alone. A man in a fancy trilby hat hired them and gave Tulio’s partner Miguel a fancy Top Hat to seal the deal. So we need to find the “Fancy Bandit Gang” but that is a tale for another time…

(Tune in To the Next issue of the Neden Kazoo to see how our Hero’s turned out ((hero’s seriously?!?!?! I guess we can call them that))).. and don’t forget to hit the Neden Events and interact with you Local Neden Boys at gatherings to be included in these epic tales.)

“Small talk”
By Editor in Chief Dresden O’leary
Greetings loyal readers! Dresden O’leary here, editor in chief - Many of you attended Feast of the Leviathan, and may have noticed some recent changes in Neden. First, a new petitioners guide was scribed, and issued to the current petitioners at the feast, Ditch and Gumbo. Gumbo (being true to his name) was dutifully assisting in the kitchen, and Ditch was learning the responsibility and importance of proper feast etiquette from some of his seniors.

Before I go on, a BIG thank you to Rhiassa for welcoming Neden to their feast hall, and for all of the delicious dishes doled out (that’s alliteration for those of you who aren’t editors in chief) The potatoes and tacos were a personal favorite. There were some great times had, some fun games played, and socialization was at an all time high.

You may have noticed some Neden court business was handled at the feast, and a couple of new positions were appointed in Neden’s newly created “small council”, with two positions created in it. The position of “Ambassador of the Gods” was created, with the responsibility of maintaining a positive favor with the gods, maintaining a knowledge base of their motives, actions, likes and dislikes; as well as looking into the possibility of god’s still unknown to Neden and the Realm as a whole. High Priest Z was given full Neden Membership and granted this role. The position of “Master of Coin” was created, with that person being responsible for the Nedens financial responsibility, including overseeing the wealth, how it is accumulated and how it is spent. This position was given to Jayce. I recently sat down with Jayce in this week's “Small talk”:

When Did Nymbous first approach you about this new position?
“ Several months ago he sent word that he was going to be putting a counsel of advisors together and asked me if I would consider taking the position of master of coin and I know if shadow was around he would of been the better choice but I felt it my duty to both country and church to help aid and bring new prosperity to Neden “

How much gold have you won at a single time?
 Not as impressive as some other gamblers at the table games I would say just over a thousand gold but I have done it several times now 3 to be exact I feel that being consistently winning is more beneficial that just that one big win

What are your plans to usher in a prosperous era in Neden?
 The first thing on the agenda is to usher in a new era of the New Edin Casino get out there more bring new variety and our Neden twist to the usual table games along with offering more different poker games we will have the classics such as let it ride and black jack

What is your favorite rare coin?
That is a tough one I would have to say it would be the coin that tallon left to me before he stepped down and from what I have been told has in Shadows possession for most of his heroic career before ascending  the 25 black gold tin that I keep with me everywhere I go it is a honor to possess such an artifact especially with its esteemed lineage of holders

4. If you don’t get this well I can’t even….
6. you can get out of trouble with this in more ways than one
7. Youngest Child of Gia
11. an excellent place to spend and make Money
13. Thrust Only Weapon
16. We knew the members of Grimloch were made of this so is their forge
17. the leader of a Massive Vampire army as well as a neat spell to use with friends
18. Keep in the Southern Waste
1. A studded or Magical Cape
2. a way to regain your limbs
3. Don’t Call any ladies of Chimeron that just their coin
5. The city Capital of Necron
8. How are these two armies going to fight across this river?
9. A great way to stir the dead
10. church in White Coast city
12. Not to be mistaken by one of Hogwarts Houses
14. Nicest hat in Rhiassa
15. Sir Mestoph’s knightly colored Rose
19. Giant Bird of prey and chessmaster

ARMOR                               BOULDER          
BOW                                    BRACERS          
CASTLE                              CREATHORNE
DRAGON                            FOLKESTONE   
GIDEON                               GRYFF 
HEALER                              HELMET
IRIS                                      JANUS 
MAGICMISSILE                 NYMBOUS          
OGRE                                  PIKE
RAISEDEAD                       RHIASSA            
SCALPED                           SHAMAN            
SHIELD                               SWORD