Arc Sphere Distortions

Arc Sphere Distortions

by Steven "Therian" Matulewicz

Da'oud & (in) Food

Da'oud & (in) Food

Written by: Iawen Penn

Date: February 7th, 1012 M.R.
My father Nero told me this story as he heard it told to him by those actually there... that there were two priestesses: one a sexy blonde and one a bendable raven-haired beauty, who had a very docile red-head linked arm and arm in them up in Folkestone somewhere. It was June of 1002 by a Mortal's Reckoning (M.R.), so almost ten years ago at this point. Anyway, the story goes that they were calling this girl 'Pumpkin' and were bringing her to a very nice place to lay down and relax. Turns out they had been attempting to use the girl to place the spirit of a being called Tabitha within, but their original ritual had (purely by accident) been disturbed by the adventurers that day. Thus, they attempted to drag Pumpkin to a secondary location. Pumpkin, however, was definitely not in the best straights for traveling and some trigger words would set her off into a frothing, angry, venomous female who laid hands on people to choke them to death.

One of those trigger words was an adventurer's name: Da'oud. (dow-ood like 'food'). Boy, did Tabitha Not Like Da'oud.

Eventually, some adventurers wised up to what the two priestesses were doing and killed and scalped them, but hadn't a clue what was up with Pumpkin. They dragged her throughout the rest of the quest (whatever it was) and met up with the larger group of adventurers. Repeatedly, people made the mistake of calling for Da'oud which would have Pumpkin throttling the nearest person, spitting curses on Da'oud's name and threatening to grind his bones into... usually someone would flat or kill Pumpkin at this point (and raise her immediately). She would then be her spacey, 'what's going on self'. When the whole story tumbled out, there was a split on what to do with the peasant girl, as no one knew a Seer at the time who could ask how to fix it. To grant the girl peace, they killed and scalped her, too, but sent her spirit on to 'a good goddess'.

After the quest was over, someone made a comment about how many different things Da'oud could possibly be cooked or made into. And then, oddly, a list was found on the actual quest as well. Seemed Pumpkin had already planned for such things...

1. Da'oud Wellington
2. French Fried Da'oud
3. Da'oud Kabobs
4. Da'oud Stroganoff
5. Da'oud Shanks
6. Da'oud-loaf
7. Chili con Da'oud
8. Deep Fried Da'oud
9. Da'oud Curry
10. Da'oud Under Glass
11. Da'oud Rump Roast
12. Da'oud Forrester
13. Da'oud Heart Stew
14. Da'oud A La King
15. Da'oud Cacciatore
16. Da'oud Lo Mein
17. Da'oud Fricassee
18. Da'oud Kiev
19. Moo Goo Gai Da'oud
20. Da'oud Pot Pie
21. Da'oud A La Orange
22. Da'oud Croquettes
23. Da'oud Tetrazzini
24. Da'oud Beer-Basted BBQ Ribs
25. Da'oud Vinaigrette
26. Maple Syrup Battered Da'oud
27. Da'oud Raviolis
28. Da'oud Pilaf
29. Da'oud Rice Pudding
30. Da'oud Rinds
31. Da'oud Meringue Pie
32. Da'oud Souffle
33. D'Mousse (Mousse of Da'oud)
34. Da'oud Strudel
35. Soft-boiled Da'oud
36. Da'oud Fondue!
37. Da'oud on a Half Shell
38. Da'oud Omelet (with Cheese)
39. Cyalume-Water-Boiled Da'oud
40. Da'oud Cocktail (make sure it is pink)
41. Da'oud Thermador
42. Filet of Da'oud
43. McMuffin Da'oud
44. Da'oud Cheesecake
45. New Montaglion Da'oud Chowder
46. Da'oud in a Can
47. Da'oud Spicy Poppers
50. Da'oud Alfredo
51. Da'oud Bisque
52. Da'oud Gibblets n' Gravy
53. Da'oud Teriyaki on a Stick (Five Foot Preferred)
54. Da'oud Flambe'
55. Da'oudtain Dew
56. Moo Shu Da'oud
57. Da'oud Tartars
58. Da'oud done al dente with shrimp
59. Upside-Down Da'oud Cake
60. Da'oud Burritos with Rice & Beans
61. Da'oud with a nice Chianti and Fava Beans (candlelight required)
62. Da'ouds in a Blanket
63. Hickory Smoked Da'oud
64. Tollhouse Da'oud (for the kiddies)
65. Da'oud Cordon Bleu
66. Da'oud Rangoon
67. Shake & Bake Da'oud (he might like this, be careful)
68. Pickled Da'oud
69. Da'oud Sunny Side Up
70. Da'oud Pate
71. Salisbury Da'oud
72. Da'oud Over Easy
73. General Da'oud Chicken
74. Da'oud Gumbo
75. Da'oud Suey
76. Sauerda'oud
77. Philly Cheese Da'oud
78. Devil's Da'oud (Cake)
79. Da'oud Noodle Casserole (take out the cigarettes first)
80. Chilled Da'oud Brains
81. Rocky Mountain Da'oud with Ridges
82. Shredded Da'oud on a Hard Roll
83. Da'oud 'Surprise'
84. Spam, Eggs, Bacon & Da'oud

This list ended there with a pencil mark that seems dragged across the page, as if interrupted, or so the story went.

...I'm sort of curious if she ever made it to one hundred and one ways. - Iawen Penn

What You Missed: The Event Which Must Not Be Named IV

by Ed "Tuilli" Drummond

A wet and bloodstained parchment is found on a riverbed, parts of a raven found nearby, mangled by some large raptor. There are parts of the message that have been rendered unreadable.

To: ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪
Hogwarts. Another year. Looks like it may be my last.

⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪ ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪
We arrived to class tardy (fashionably of course), but Dumbledore sent us students on yet another dangerous quest.  I really question that ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪ guy’s credentials….  

He told us we needed to gather some items to pose a defense against ol’ no-nose himself, Voldemort.  A hippogryph feather, a purple chizpurfle egg, a special flower, the cloak of a Dementor and a rune.

We set off to herbology class first, gathering flowers from the constantly annoying Inferi  with flower puzzles to help free the hippogryph.  Once that was free, we had the flower we needed. To move onto our next class: Runes.

When we got there, we had to blindly scribe a rune, all the while being interrupted by more Inferi (⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪ Really?  Is security at Hogwarts that terrible?).  I had another issue with  ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪, leaving me even more empowered than before, much to my chagrin. From there we moved onto what I can only imagine was an open study hall for transfiguration and care of magical creatures.  These liberal arts classes are getting a little extreme at this point.  A few classmates including Lily, Vesper, Kyara and Aveline were transfigured into crab-like creatures, collecting eggs while we help fight off the the loud fwoopers who were protecting a nest.  This also resulted in Grebinar botching the incantation and wand movements, turning him into some fwooper/chizpurfle hybrid.  It was awful. All throughout these classes we were interrupted by a few death eaters who were trying to push us back.  That didn't go well for them.  We fought off yet more Inferi, death eaters and some creatures whose power we had to carefully gather, bucket by bucket.  

⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪ ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪
Finally during the break we were able to whisk off to Borgin and Burkes for some “refreshments”.  I have discovered I quite enjoy mermaid spine.  Good stuff.

Soon after, we were fighting off devil's snare while others solved a puzzle that allowed us access to one of our items on the ol’ Hogwart’s shopping list.  I heard that Spider got a hold of yet another unicorn for lunch.  I wasn’t even helping this time, so McGonagall can’t give me  ⧪⧪⧪⧪ this time at least.  I heard Bright made the mistake of getting between Spider and a meal.  I was surprised to see Bright intact later on, thats for sure.

Thanks to my (and a few other’s) more advanced study in Patronus casting, we were able to quickly dispatch a Dementor, giving us our final item to ward and hopefully destroy Voldemort (the man who tragically lost his nose when he ran at the wrong wall in King’s Cross station).

Lavender Brown rallied the troops at night, wandering in the woods on our house paths to the ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪ tower where Voldemort and his minions were making a last stand.  Slytherin was through first, regaling the spirit of Salazar himself with tales of cunning and ambition.  The other houses very slowly filtered through to join us.  Seems the other three houses had a harder time figuring out what made them who they were… We fought wave after wave of ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪ riddles, death eaters, werewolves and boulder-throwing inferi. From time to time, even our own allies turned against us. Through the puzzles and assistance from our house founders, we gained some extra abilities which helped us take down the nigh-unending swarms, throwing boulders, fireballs and lightning bolts back at the foes. Finally, we were able to weaken the ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪ barrier enough to break through.  

We summoned and confronted Tom Riddle, (the man whose parent’s took the “I got your nose” game WAY too far) .  Sadly, Lavender Brown, who had brought us together ran in like a damned fool heroically and died a true Gryffindor.  We beat him back, completed the ritual, beat him down and killed him.  

The next morning, the few of us that remained gathered around while Dumbledore gave a speech about Lavender’s bravery,  ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪ and sacrifice.  Grebinar was awarded the  ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪ Stone for showing up (Hogwarts has participation awards) and I left Hogwarts a Prefect of Slytherin thanks to the sacrifice of the reformed former death eater Sarix Nosetti.  Dumbledore announced a memorial/shrine to Lavender would be created at Hogwarts, I hope it isn’t like the others that he keeps in the closet of  ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪ with all the the 4”x6” photos he has of McGonagall and ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪ …  

To summarize, not much found of informational value.  We may want to keep an eye on ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪ some interesting effects, both in short and long term.  

I'm on my way back to ⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪⧪,  meet you there.

Tuilli MacAengus

Ask the Editors

Ask the Editors

By, 

The Editors 

Episode 13

Hello again and welcome back to the place where we give you our honest to goodness solicited opinions on all things LARP related.

This weeks question comes to us via email:

"Should EHs start putting age limits on their events if they don't want minors attending, or should Staff, parents/guardians, and PCs alike police themselves and their friends if kids are present at an event?"

~Anonymous

Let's get some answers!

First up, Jen 'Areni' DeNardis-Rosa

“I think the answer to this question really depends on what type of event the EH is aiming for in terms of content, atmosphere, location, preference, etc. For instance, if the EH is planning no kid content or activities at all, or the event is to take place at a site that is not appropriate for kids (due to facilities or lack thereof, terrain, etc), or if the EH/ staff just does not want children at their event, they would be well within their rights to put an age limit on the event, or at least note these types of things in the event description. With the growing number of families in the Realms and a finite amount of time, age limits or announcement information pertinent to children could be helpful for parents planning on what events to attend. But again, it is up to the discretion of the EH, and any person concerned about bringing a child to an event would do well to contact the EH or staff with any questions.

As for policing, I think it goes without saying that while people should generally try to be more aware of themselves in terms of language and actions when children are around, the fact is that most people see Realms as a way to kick back, relax, and have fun on the weekends. While some events have more of a family-friendly reputation, others do not; therefore, it is not always reasonable to assume or demand that people alter the way they act in the presence of kids at different events. It would mainly be up to the parent/ guardian to determine which events are more appropriate to bring a minor to, as well as how to react to different situations while at events. As always, when in doubt - check with the EH.”

Thanks Jen!

Next, we hear from Lani 'Gwen' Grayson:

“Let me start off by saying that I believe event holders have total decision making power over their events. So if an event holder wants to ensure that an event is kid free, I think they have every right to make that announcement on their event description, just like some invitations to mundane gatherings are accompanied by the same boundaries. However, if it isn’t explicitly stated in the event write-up, I think it’s up to parents to use their best judgment when deciding whether or not a particular event is right for their child to attend. Part of that decision making process is understanding that there may be adult content at the event (either provided by the EHs or the players). I think that common sense goes a long way in these situations, with parents choosing events that are suitable for their children, and for players to be slightly more responsible in those situations where children are present. For example, we’ve always encouraged children at our Event Which Must Not Be Named series, and we’ve had a few present for several years. I think that generally the PCs have been very accommodating when children were present and we were happy to provide content for a variety of ages. At these same events, there were some adult activities that took place as well. Ultimately, the players and the parents and kids were all able to make a smart respectful choice that didn’t put unnecessary strain on any particular party involved. I think that we would be wise as a community to make sure that we aren’t alienating any particular portions of our player base, including those that prefer the company of children and those that don’t.”

Thanks Lani! 

Next up, Sara 'Zarine' Jessop

“I am probably in the minority here, but I would prefer that the Realms was an 18+ system. Some of this is just personal preference as it's no secret that kids are not my thing. There are some friends/family kids that I enjoy and love, but when I am kicking back on the weekend with my chosen hobby I don't want kids there.

There are other, less selfish reasons as well. The Realms tends to be fairly adult oriented. Drinking/smoking and other extracurricular activity, adult language, nudity and sexual 'innuendos' are all not appropriate for children. Some parents feel comfortable bringing their children around such things, but there are many people who are not comfortable with children present. Of course there are tamer events where many of the above mentioned things do not happen, and are perhaps more kid friendly than others, but the game as a whole is just not a place that I feel is a proper place for kids. And it certainly isn't fair for the people who either choose not to have children, or just choose for their eventing to be child-free, to have to deal with the repercussions of having children present and asking them to police themselves due to minors present. 

As our current rules have no age restrictions, ultimately it is up to the event holder to decide if their event is family friendly or not. I certainly feel that they should be perfectly able to exclude children if they so wish, or to welcome them if they feel their event is appropriate. I do think that it should be clearly stated in the event announcement, especially for newer events where there hasn't been precedent set yet, or for older events where the tenor has perhaps changed a bit over the years. Then, everyone on both sides of the fence can make an informed decision on whether or not they wish to attend.”

Thanks Sara

Next with an opinion, Alex 'Lucas' Newbold:

""Should EHs start putting age limits on their events if they don't want minors attending, or should Staff, parents/guardians, and PCs alike police themselves and their friends if kids are present at an event?"

"Well, you answered your own question right there. “If they don’t want minors attending”. Then yes, they should put an age limit in the event announcement, which would count as an Event Specific Rule. Also, age limits? You need to reframe your question. Because you know you don’t mean “can 67 year old Uncle Dave come to events?” You mean, “can my 6 year old come along with me, so I don’t have to pay a sitter.”

To your second question…

“Should PC’s alike police themselves and their friends if kids are present?”

Yeah… so… that’s a tricky thing. As a parent, I don’t expect other people to not swear around my kids. Or to not misbehave around my kids. Other adults, are other adults. I expect, to keep my kids away from people who would do things I don’t want my kids to see, or to be involved in. Needless to say, there are certain events, and event sites, that my boys won’t be spending much time at. At least until they are old enough to make decisions for themselves, or certain actions that have been tolerated in the past, stop happening at events."
Thank you Alex!


Now, let's hear from Diana 'Kiira' LaPierre:

“As the Realms stands right now, we have portions of events that are for mature participants only. It's more of a guideline than a rule, per say, but there are events that people either don't bring their children to or highly supervise them. As an example, I won't bring my children to Creathorne for the foreseeable future. With a nighttime atmosphere that encourages belligerence, excessive alcohol consumption, and mature antics, I will choose not to bring my children to that event for fear of potential hazards. On a different end of the spectrum, I won't bring my children to events where there have been several cases of people having been infected with Lyme Disease. As far as content that an Event Holder is throwing that they deem to be adult only, I have no problem with them only allowing legal adults to attend. It makes the Players and NPCs able to act in such a way where they aren't uncomfortable and need to censor themselves. Sometimes, there has been situations that have come up where children were around for inappropriate conversations and situations. It can hamper people's fun.”

Much thanks, Diana!


So there you have it, our major feelings about minors at events. It seems that most of us feel that it depends on the type of event and event holder discretion. Of course, each parent is responsible for the well being of their own child, and they also should be making informed decision on whether certain events are right for them. Please be sure to read event announcements before deciding whether or not to bring the whole family, or just yourself.

Thank you for reading! Please join us next time when we answer a very important question: "Do you think sexism is still rampant in the Realms? Why or why not? Do you care?"


Questions can be sent to Sara “Zarine” Jessop via email (Sarajjesop@gmail.com), facebook messenger, or in person. The question box will also be making the rounds at various events. Please note if you'd like your question to remain anonymous and/or if you would like to address specific editors

What You Missed: The Event Which Must Not Be Named VI (photos)

 [Editor's Note: all photos by View Staff]

A Deatheater watches over the battle

Students on an adventure

Fighting Inferi

Adventurers had to blindly brush a rune onto paper after grinding flower petals into paint

Bowtruckles attack

Undead Inferi attack the hill

Dagger versus the Deatheater

Sounding their strident cries, Fwoopers swoop in to attack the students

Transfigured students gather fwooper eggs with their claws

Transfigured chizpurfles carry eggs in their claws

A Transfiguration gone horribly wrong

A creepy yet delectible spread awaits at Borgin & Burkes in Knockturn Alley

Mr Burke talks with the students

A puzzle awaits in the woods

Working on said puzzle

Fighting Devil's Snare

Spider goes after a unicorn while Bright tries to reason with him

A chill permeates the air as a Dementor appears amid a horde of Inferi

The items needed to force Voldemort's appearance are placed on the pillars

Voldemort is forced to Apparate in front of the students

The selfless sacrifice of Lavender Brown

At long last, Voldemort lies dead in defeat

Dumbledore presents Grebinar with an item of power

I Can't Even

I Can't Even...

By, 

Sara 'Zarine' Jessop

... Change 

I think we all know that I don't like change. I prefer things to be in an orderly fashion, and in the same order all of the time. If my morning tea gets set down on the wrong side of my breakfast plate I basically lose my mind. So you can only imagine how difficult is was to make some revisions to how things are done here at Alchimia Lupinaar. 

I have advisers who tell me what the most effective way to run a business is, however most people's business isn't, well... people. It takes something of a strange moral compass to do what I do and I didn't like the way I was being advised. I certainly do not think of myself as a good person, dear reader, but even I know that people are more than commodities. So I fired them. "But Zarine, what will your guests be entertained by..." You're wondering that because you're an idiotic pleb that thinks that I fired the people who keep me in business and you warm at night. Well, you're completely wrong. Unless you're being kept warm at night by one of my business advisers, in which case your only half wrong.  

What every pleb is thinking right now....

So things are changing here. 

At first I didn't like it because almost no one likes change. We all like the status quo because it's at least familiar. We are all a little bit shy when it comes to new things and are slow to accept that the world can't always stay the same. But sometimes things need to change. 

Oh, don't worry, you won't notice any difference in the quality of your service. The adjustments mostly only effect my coin purse. You might notice some of them only because I have pointed the possibility out to you. I've shared this information both because it will make you curious and increase my bottom line, and because I hope that it teaches you a valuable lesson about change; it's not always bad.

There are many times that change is good. Changing your clothes, for instance, is something that you should all do far more often. Changing your attitude is another good example. Most of you could do with a bit of a personality adjustment. Changing your tune would also be great since it appears that most of the Realms citizens are born completely tone deaf, myself included. Change of pace? Please do, as my girls are getting quite bored with the lot of you and your fondness for doing everything at a medium pace. 

What's the moral of this whole article, you are probably wondering? I was going to tell you, but I've changed my mind. 

See you next Tuesday. 

Arc Sphere Distortions

Arc Sphere Distortions

by Steven "Therian" Matulewicz

Flashback Friday: The Event Which Must Not Be Named I

As the Harry Potter event series draws to a close this year with the sixth and final event, we take the time to take a trip down memory lane to the event that kicked off the series in 2012. Editor's note: all photos by Casey Lemay.

Hogwarts awaits, banners, aloft, the sorting hat ready to do it's duty.

Delicious treats are just part of the wizarding experience.

Each new student got sorted according to their personality.

A runic puzzle, using what the students learned in Runes class.

Many dangerous plant monsters lurked in the forest near Hogwarts castle.

This dangerous scarecrow was one of many magical creatures the students had to contend with.

Trolls are dangerous enough by themselves, let alone when they are in groups!

Collecting Mandrake Root while fighting off enemies.

Hargid teaches the students in Care of Magical Creatures.

Happy students listening intently.

Gargoyles were one type of dangerous magical creature.

The Sphinx asked riddles of it's foes.

The heroes attempt to collect Devil's Snare in the woods.

More sneaking up on that dangerous plant

The always boisterous Hagrid and his pink umbrella.

The heroes attempt to collect Devil's Snare in the woods.

Wizard duels begin, Graham faces off against Naj

The professors look on as their students duel.

Razmith steps into the wand dueling arena.

The lesson from Runes class sits on the chalkboard.

Kaelkatar about to strike the final blow in a wizard's duel.

Grebinar hoists the House Cup after Gryffindor wins!