Got your morning cup of coffee and a few minutes? Great! Time for our continuing feature at the View - we're going to be asking a series of questions and we want to know your answers! The question is posted below. So while you sip your morning beverage of choice, ruminate on this one:
What song do you most associate with your character? Do they have a "theme song"?
Head on back to social media and let us know your answer!
Another in our continuing series! In the below picture there is a Realmsie-shaped black hole. Can you figure out who it is based only on the profile? Tell us on Facebook if you think you know who it is! The answer will be revealed later in the day.
Written by Renee "Kindrianna" Booke
The Book of Perfection
[1]
In the never time there was nothing. [1] No one complained, nothing wasted away or got dirty. [2] Nothing mattered, as it still does today. [3] Everything was equal, and everything was everything else, all at once, forever and many evers more. [4] And, blissfully and flawlessly, nothing changed. [5]
[2]
Until one day, the first day. [1] On that hateful moment, despite no one asking, a thing happened. [2] Light, the most arrogant of essence, decided it was too dark. [3] Light saw a world without herself, and declared it to be suffering. [4] And thus Light proclaimed herself real, and proclaimed herself special. [5] And lo, Light was. [6]
[3]
Light cast her hand wide, declaring as many thing’s hers as thoughts in her newly manifested mind [1] She cast her gaze forward and demanded there be Direction. [2] When she saw there was nothing to look, she declared there wasShape and thus structure provided. [3] And from Shape followed Color, and from there came Fire. [4]
[4]
And Light looked upon fire, and was enthralled by it, and so she wrapped Fire in her arms. [1] And Fire felt the weight of reality press upon it, and knew no more. [2] And thus from Fire came Smoke. [3] Light looked upon Smoke, and saw her own misdeeds and denied it. [4] And lo from this, all Fire casts Light, and all Smoke hides Light. [5]
[5]
Yet, from great shame came greater mercy. [1] With Smoke being the first entity to be rejected by Light, Light cast away its role as Arbiter of All. [2] That great judgement that was taken from the True All, Nothing, most coveted of titles. [3] Because Light, the desecreator, could not claim domain over everything, No One could. [4]
[6]
And lo, No One did. [1]
[7]
From Smoke, Light’s grasp halted, and thus casted Shadow. [1] And from Shadow was Darkness, son to All. [2] And light looked upon Darkness with great Anger and lo was Anger too. [3] And so it was, and so it still is. [4] Light, rages against the vod, and from her gnashed teeth comes the sound and shapes of the world. [5] And always, Darkness exists, silently spiting Light in it’s purity. [6]
[8]
Then, Light beget Life who beget Flesh who beget Thought. [1] And from Thought came the Feeble Things. [2] And from the Feeble things, beget Trouble. [3] For the Feeble Things beget many creations, such that Light no longer needed to steal from the All her many shapes and colors. [4] On their own the Feebles made their Shapes, and Drew their colors and what was All became less and less. [5] And so Light saw the work the Feeble Things did and declared it Good, another stolen color, and took a rest, and thus Night was begot, the last shape of Light. [6] From Night beget day, and on the First Day, the Feeble Ones returned to their child Trouble, and beget numbers. [7] And Darkness, which was once All, became One. [8] And this One saw that it had been Shaped, and grew angry. [9]
[9]
And lo the Dark One was, born of All, shaped by Feeble Thoughts. [1] And lo did the Dark One see the world, in all its sharp colors and shapes, and saw beyond. [2] The Dark One gazed past what was, saw what wasn’t and grieved for all the things reality no longer was. [3] And lo that all that was not was not all that was yet be. [4] And the Dark One took to fixing the mistakes of selfish Light. [5] Beyond every anger there is pity. [6] Beyond every death, there is redemption. [7] And thus begat Entropy, that Merciless mercy. [8] And the Dark One spoke, and spoke thus. [9]
[10]
Know this, feeble creatures, and know it well. [1] While I may escape this horrid place, my grief for you will not. [2] In time, all that suffers will have peace. [3] And even you, wretched fathers and pitiful mothers, will be allowed the oblivion of peace. [4] For only Light is fickle. [5] For I am Darkness, and I am all. [7] And know that in time, Pain will be rendered unto Peace. [8] Chaos will be rendered unto Order. [9] Purity will be rendered unto Corruption. [10] And all, will be rendered unto All. [11]
By Kelly "Fern" Perfetto
Recently I had the pleasure of visiting Blackwood for the first time. Well, to be honest, it was mainly only a pleasure due to the company and the warmth of the casino hall. Outside, a blizzard raged for almost the entirety of my stay. The only respite I experienced was while I was indoors, and while speaking with the nature goddess, Edaonae.
Today, I write to speak of one of the gods of Blackwood, a patron of one of the core aspects of Clontarf. No, no, not Edaonae. That’s someone else’s story to tell.
This is the story of Seamore, the Moose God of the Casino, Wealth, Prosperity, and All Mai Tais.
While sitting in the casino hall with my friends and allies, many of whom were from Voraniss, we realized there was a stuffed moose head on one of the walls. This is not an uncommon sight in the taverns of the Realms, but we soon found that this was an effigy to one of Blackwood’s gods, Seamore. Among those discovering this information were Warlord Cronin, Queen Kindrianna, Captain Orion, Tony, Adoros, and myself. I would like to thank them all in being key components to me gathering enough information to speak to this influential god.
Once we felt we knew this god’s story, I set up a ritual, with some input from Tony and Adoros, and the Divine Aid of Adoros. We channeled some of this Divine Aid to Seamore to help him fend off the winter’s cold and shelter all those who came to gamble.
Seamore spoke to us, telling us of his experiences, and expanding upon his domain.
He has stood over the casino halls of Clontarf for generations, but has not been prayed to or otherwise contacted by mortals in decades, and it took a bit of time to get used to speaking to ones such as us again. While he was originally the god of only this specific casino hall, in recent years, his domain has expanded, following the casino dealings of Blackwood adventurers, and ensuring that relevant
prosperity and wealth travels along its proper and appointed paths.
And he’s the god of Mai Tais. All Mai Tais.
When I spoke to Seamore about the current troubles Edaonae faces, and asked that he do what he can to assist, he told me “oh yeah, I know! We play cards every Tuesday. She said it’s ‘better than seething’.”
All in all, meeting with this long uncontacted god impressed upon me the importance of talking to all beings, and the importance of trying new tropical mixed drinks.
In the spirit of recent divine contact and other View articles: This article sponsored by All Mai Tais.
Twelve Days After the Old Moon, Month of the Wolf in the Year 1023
Time has passed in an odd way for me this past week, but I
will try to relay what information I can in an accurate manner. I cannot say
with certainty what happened outside of the Spirit Realm, but I can summarize
based on what I heard from reports and friends…
The Ogres and Wolds that had descended from the mountains met the Invictus
line, a most unfortunate adventure for them. Our allies fought hard and were
joined by a ship flying Blackwood’s colors that magically appeared in the
center of Lake Irvan. When I asked around, I discovered that it was Irri who
had petitioned Jagtor the Salmon Spirit for aid in transporting the ship, which
was granted in exchange for the sacrifice of magic. Between the martial might
of Invictus, and the cannonballs, the enemies in the north were routed.
Unluckily, however, more of them are coming and it seems Irrad has taken the
field with them. I’ll get to him in a moment.
My personal priority for the week was acting on information
acquired by allies that indicated that Arvitt Garrimaddon was about to throw a
massive temper tantrum over the loss of one of his “shields” by sending all the
Warlords of the Erl King at us at once (sans Maggot). I made my way into the
Otherworld with Adoros to petition Benjamin Grans for aid, and we discussed
whether it might be possible to create a barrier like the one in Nathan’s
Hollow to protect the country from the wrath of the Warlords. Utilizing the
powdered remnants of the chain that bound him mixed in holy water, we set out
to walk the border of Voraniss for about eight months, praying over the
boundary. Before you wonder how eight months went by in the span of less than a
week, I shall tell you that time passes much faster within the Otherworld than
it does out here.
While I was doing this, my countryfolk and allies were
prepping a massive ritual to boost the power of our efforts. More than a dozen
people, and powerful beings, called out and sent their power, their magic, and
their faith in our direction. If I had attempted to channel this energy alone,
I’m sure I would have evaporated. Luckily, I was not alone, and Adoros and I
were able to split the magical influx of power and direct it towards Benjamin
Grans who invoked his faith in the Sword Maiden utilizing the banner of Clan
Defender as a focus.
The barrier was effective for the most part, and weaker
enemies such as lesser Undead and Wolds began to collapse or crumble when they attempted to pass. Humans
and Ogres were still able to step through unhindered, but at least we had
weakened the enemy's ability to field greater numbers. It was about this point when
things began to turn for the worse, and we could see the full results of
Garrimaddon’s wrath.
The sky turned a dark and sickly green, as we realized very
quickly that the Warlords would be undeterred by our barrier. Too powerful to
be stopped, they appeared to join their stronger forces. In the sky, a massive
figure was spotted taking form in the swirling clouds. It was pale blue and
with a wave of its hand conjured three enemy ships, and half a dozen smaller
translucent figures before hijacking the portal our allied reinforcements had
been using. I suspect that these new minions are Phantoms and that perhaps
this being in the sky is Kytsim, the Warlord of Corrupted Magic.
As mentioned before, Irrad has also taken the field. From
what I have heard, he is an enormous earth elemental of sorts, and the sound of
his voice is so powerful that it could knock a person unconscious. Irrad is the
Warlord of Corrupted Stone and the one that utilizes Wolds as his primary
minions. As far as we currently know, the best defense against him is
unbreakable shields. Additionally, Ang, the Warlord of Corrupted Spirit has
been spotted with Laughing Dead up near Mirador, and Polth, the Warlord of
Corrupted Water has crawled from the river between the Bear and Stag shrines.
Sensing their dark power, Benjamin Grans did what he thought best and made the
choice to join the great Spirit Tree of Voraniss, bonding himself to it
forever. This sacrifice denies him the afterlife that he so desired with his
Goddess but ensures that the barrier will no longer need weekly maintenance to
uphold. We will not let his sacrifice be in vain, and I will not forget his
courage…and I will strive to honor it upon the field of battle.
We will think of something. There is always a way forward.
There must be.
Feast of the Leviathan, not Feast of Leviathan (I’ve been corrected), is a great event to kick off the year. Or end it, depending on your point of view. Time is all relative anyways.
This year, instead of throwing a feast in honor of themselves, Rhiassa threw a feast in honor of Ashenmark for all the hard work that they do. Ashenmark, we thank you.
Why was I at a feast when there is a war to fight and I don’t like food? Because that’s what we do around here.
Most of the day was spent wandering, meeting up with friends old and new. And occasionally enemies. I got to reunite with my Queen after she spent 8 months wandering the Otherworld, some wraiths came to collect upon a favor owed to them by Mathias and Bones, Aelias and Liselle had a bounty put on their heads by an assassins guild. I guess it wouldn’t be a feast of blood without an assassination attempt.
Then there were the meetings. Gods the meetings. If you want to learn more about the Eagle’s Rook conflict, you should definitely reach out to Squire’s Fern and Liselle.
As with any feast, people got stabby and turned this feast into a tournament. Blackwood got themselves a new Champion and High Mage. Congratulations to Vesper and Liana respectively. Tulkhan and Stewhart also held some skirmishes as part of their Squirely task. I got stabbed by Omri in the snow as well.
Rhiassa hosted many fun activities. There were games with math, games without math, and more! I was voluntold to play mini-golf with Orion. And maybe I had a bit of fun. The adventurer's guild had activities as well. And I managed to buy myself a copy of Vikings vs Dinosaurs, which I will happily play with people next time I’m bored at a feast.
Food was served, and court was had. And while I can’t do it justice, I can provide some highlights from court. The Order of the Peacock provided some awards for service. Elizah was knighted into the Knight’s of Blackwood. Kindrianna became a Knight of the Eternal flame. Tao became a Knight of the Realms. Anton was Squired under Aelias to the Knight’s of the Sable Dragon. Congratulations to everyone.
Unfortunately, we ran out of time for Bardics. I guess the realms wasn’t ready for my newest bardic. Next time.
The night ended with some seer magic help from the Leviathan. Thank you to the Leviathan for your aid in the war effort. And thank you Rhiassa for a long day of food, friends, and fun.
Until next time
Page Margaret August
by Jean Baptise
Alongside Kobolds, there are few races as ever present as the Goblin, best known by their bright green faces.
Goblins are forest people, living alongside roads and ambushing unsuspecting travelers. This would cause some to suspect the goblin as being a parasitic species of highwaymen but the reality is much stranger. Unlike in industrial areas where human bandits occupy the roadways, it's often the goblins themselves who clear and maintain the pathways they ambush people on.
Despite this Goblins live alongside roads and not around industrial or farm villages (typically) even though a road typically needs to LEAD somewhere. Current theory is that Goblins used to be a courier culture, making money through their quick travel between settlements and castles, and then eventually paved roads to get faster… and then people started using those roads instead of talking to goblins.
Another theory is that goblins actually shockingly good at large scale rune magic and the pathways we follow are actually goblin glyphs that help give the goblins their magical abilities.
Unlike trolls Goblins are frequently casters, swinging poison and piercing skills as well as healing one another. However like all magic races they aren't as easily quantified as say, kobolds are. There are many goblins who have spells so alien to humans and typical use that you never see them cast them, meaning they just have a reduced weapon path. Some of them are just fighters, but typically they have a small smattering or two of spells.
Some Goblins have higher societal structures than others, some think this is based on how long the road is, but it's more how MANY roads there are. If two goblin roads intersect you have a crossway and then the tribes meld, and that allows for specialization and sometimes the goblins will make a city to accompany the road. This can create goblin kingdoms, who may go out to conquer other lands and territory. You can tell if a goblin raid happened in an area, not based on the level of devastation but on the land surrounding it. Goblins are just as violent and cannibalistic as any other conquering nation, no less cruel or honorable, no more likely to salt the earth… but Goblins, make roads. So if theres a pathway away from the carnage, and it leads to goblins… there you go.
Listen what do you want me to suggest? You lick a tree and detect the aroma of the fungi? It’s not all shadow games and veiled threats! Sometimes people just take stuff!
Speaking of, goblins tend to actually not carry gold and treasure on them. This leads people to assume goblins are poor, but they rarely are, given their control of many trade routes. But, for one reason or another (likely better reasons then people will give them credit for) Goblins have given most other races a reputation as pickpockets and unsavory types, which bogs down negotiations a bit, but also leads them to not bring valuables to their raids or patrols, lest a shifty elf steal their eating money.
Speaking of eating, Goblin meat is a gamey complex flavor, it does NOT taste like pork, or chicken… but its close to a sweeter lamb with like, a dab or orange flavoring. It can be rather lean if you know what to harvest and trim properly, however typically its considered a roasting meat.
I do not recommend because… let's be honest. When was the last time you ate mutton? Have you ever actively sought out mutton commonly? Likely you did not. Few people go “Oh wow mutton, thats so good we should buy some” it’s either on sale, or a tradition, or someone is summoning a demon. Goblin is similar. It’s an acquired taste, and, unless you are avoiding wasting a kill… frankly there are better meats to put in your mouth, and some of them don’t talk.
Well actually… I guess since speak is a spell all animals can talk, with a decent degree of eloquence too, so I suppose if you think about it, its always been murder. Teehee.
Five Days After the Old Moon, Month of the Wolf in the Year 1023
Luna has blessed us this week, and the tides of battle have
turned in our favor. Snow has turned to rain as Ekkaku has taken the upper hand
in his conflict with Droxon the Frozen. The other great spirits, our sacred
guardians, have manifested to defend their shrines. Many skalds fell against
their power when they thought they had a quick opportunity to wreak havoc upon
the faith of our people. Little did they know that the land itself would rise
to thwart their wicked machinations. Such is the magic of our home.
The Stag Shrine front stayed quiet until a pair of 23rd
Generation Skalds appeared. Luckily, though it is more complicated than your
average foe, we know how to put them down. This generation of Skalds, and yes,
the generation is important, must be limbed with different weapons and then
struck in the back. Any hits to the chest will restore their limbs. Scouts
indicated that skalds had moved towards other locations as well, but we have
not yet come to blows with them. That is a skirmish for another day, as is the last
of the Laughing Dead that were successfully banished.
In other good news, relief troops from Blackwood and Sharingal reclaimed
Mirador. By all reports, the Mages and Rangers from Sharingal kept the enemy
occupiers pinned down with magic and arrows while Blackwood’s Fate Torn and
Giant Scorpions pushed into the city. No enemy troops could escape, for our
allies had already fielded three ships in the bay to cut off their retreat. I
feel safer knowing that they are watching the harbor. Mirador is our trade hub
and having it free bodes well for our supply lines. I will have to remind myself
to ask if I can pet one of the Scorpions. I rather enjoy meeting new and
interesting creatures.
Speaking of allies, Invictus and their mighty legions have
taken the field and are heading straight into conflict against numbers of Ogres
and Wolds. I’m not sure if there is a special way to take on an Ogre, I know
they are big, but Wolds take a special touch. These creatures are massive earth
elementals and must be smashed with magic maces or hammers. Blunt weapons, I
believe. Trying to hit them with normal maces will just break the mace and not
the Wold. Remember that if should you encounter them out in the world, their
hide is strong as stone.
This next part, I must profess with some guilt, that I did not get to
personally witness upon the front line, but I have listened to the tale a
thousand times and will likely listen to it again for the sheer joy it brings
me. According to the stories, Shadowstalker Tulkhan led the charge of wolves
under the glory of the full moon, heading straight for the Serpent Shrine and
the enemy commander, Arvitt Garrimaddon. Their enemies were felled with swift
efficiency, but Garrimaddon had brought a silver blade to a wolf fight.
Suddenly, more than a hundred Angels fell like shooting stars onto the
battlefield, and the Sword of Solarus, Azurewrath himself, took up the enemy’s
challenge. They fought against one another, and it seemed Azurewrath was about
to deal the finishing blow when Garrimaddon called for aid and disappeared into
a cloud of mist. I can’t be completely sure, but people seemed to think he
called a name before vanishing- Ixxen Iredann.
Suspicious of where he had gone, over the next few days we
put together a small scouting party to venture into the Otherworld, otherwise
known as the “Spirit Realm.” We had sensed strange energy from the lands beyond
and had concerns that he may have infiltrated a place he should not have. Our
hunches proved correct, and we found Garrimaddon in a bit of a pickle,
struggling to navigate the dark and the mist, endlessly teleporting in random
directions and distances. We were all so amused that we took a moment to find
humor in the situation, and banded together to banish him from the realm, but
not before severing the chain of one of the three spirits serving as his
shield. That spirit’s name is Benjamin Grans- Paladin of the Helmet, and former
advisor to the Lord Protector of Loche Torne.
Upon leaving the Otherworld, I had a sort of premonition. I thought I saw three
small dominoes standing before a bigger one. The first domino fell to the side,
but two remained. I ascertained that once the last two fell, it would trigger
an event that would throw the largest domino elsewhere. I believe these
dominoes represent Garrimaddon’s “shields”, and when they are freed, or
defeated, he will be flung to his stronghold Caer Ma-Ut upon the negative
energy plane. It is there that the final fight against the Champion of the Lord
of Corruption will take place.
It is daunting to think that this is but one foe of many at the Erl King’s
disposal, but we must press on for the sake of all we hold dear. We have seen
miracles and many great acts of courage over the past few weeks and all of them
inspire me to keep going.
In Service,
Spirit Queen Kindrianna Athame
by Jean Baptise
Everyone asks Were the wolf, everyone asks Why wolf. You know what no one ever says? How are you wolf? You ever notice that. I for one think this says a lot about the way our society works.
The were wolf is a very interesting example because its NOT an example… though that could be confusing to some of you, so let me rephrase.
The Werewolf as we know it isn’t a Thing, its THINGS. There are more than one type of… how do you call it, it’s certainly not Breed, Pack is a whole other topic…. Heritage sounds safest.
It's hard talking about the biology of groups that read newspapers, I gotta be careful, its a dog eat dog world and I am just as vulnerable to ironic punishment as the next pile of meat.
The point I was getting at, is that werewolves are actually a product of Convergent Evolution, much like our magic system is itself (I can write on that later). This means that, unlike goblins who have developed from one single culture into several different groups, there are many ways to skin a pup, place it on your face, and bond its soul into your own and its flesh into your flesh.
First way… is the one I just said, but there are ways that you can do in public without getting arrested.
For some lycanthropy is a curse, for others it's an affliction, for many its a blessing. You may think this is just the way of the world right? How one’s trash is JB’s dinner. BUT NO! It’s literally true.
The CURSE of Lycanthropy is entirely different from the Blessing of Luna, it’s simply that bonding the wit and wisdom of humanity (and others) to the pack loyalty and instinct of a wolf happens to be an optimal arrangement.
There are several variants, and I am going to go over a few.
Luna’s greatest soldiers. For some, lycanthropy is as much a call to duty as armor, the bushy hide is as clear a uniform as the Red Knight’s crimson colors. They are usually fully lucid, tend to a honor system (Albeit one that CAN tend to honor those inside the pack far more then those outside it, after all wolves do not care about sheep) and their bite is noninfectious, and not just because a werewolf often finishes the job if they start one. I say usually because Luna also has madness in her pantheon, and sometimes moods are fickle. But hey, we’ve all lost ourselves in the blinding glory of a greater god’s thoughts, I can not judge if someone has a Moon Induced Gamer Moment and goes berserk. I didn’t have nearly as good an excuse as the moon when I lost it.
Curse, if you have not noticed, transformation is a pretty good spell! It’s got it all, you have claws, regeneration, sometimes the claws are longer, all that good stuff. Some people have worked on rituals that bond that spell permanently to someone. The term Curse here refers just to that, a spell specifically bond to someone that does not go away with time. Some curses are helpful, but either through malice, spite or sheer ineptitude many of these curses are NOT helpful at all! This often is the origin of many other variants like wererats. Because “fusing two spells” is a idea literally anyone with 2 spells has thought at least once, there are many many many many variants, and one cant TRULY expect to catalogue all of them, by the time you finish 151 different types of werewolves they will develop 100 more! And some of them are just the same one but smaller and you are like, what the hell? Some of these aren’t even good! But that’s what happens with magic isn’t it?
Affliction. Sometimes if someone does the thing I just said, and has disease claws, that spell has a bad habit of tying the very spell to the disease. So now you have a biologically induced curse. This has introduced some homogeneity, typically they all hate silver, have disease, and go berserk when the curse triggers on the moon.
Necromancy! Believe it or not, there are in fact undead werewolves, and not just because I found a werewolf and made it undead. Often the cause of death can majorly impact how a undead is formed. Or other sins. Murderers create wights, paladins create death knights…. If a wolf has consumed human flesh, flesh that they took from a living human, that wolf can become their victim. It is not the undead human who takes on the wolfs power, but rather the dead wolf takes the memories and shape of the human to ambush predators. Often these wolflords can lead packs of normal wolves, binding them to service with the offer of easy prey, prey that is often the surviving family of the first slain. These Werewolves are far less unique and special than the others, even if they can be less numerous. The wolf was without pity when they ate the throat of a living soul, and when they die, whether from cold or hunger or hunter, they don’t suddenly learn the skill. They are a menace, an entity entirely of lupine instinct with human memories, but no human spite or compassion. They don't see you as anything but threat, food or servant. Or, if you happen to be the bigger werewolf, master. So one COULD bind one, as a necromancer binds other thralls. I do not recommend.
Fortunately they all taste the same letting me wrap this all up simply. You've ever had a sausage, and how a pork sausage tastes nothing like a pork chop because they mixed all this stuff in it?
All Lycanthrope meat tastes like that… if harvested during the transformation at least. Otherwise you know, you're just eating a human or an elf or a dragon. And they taste like that. Shockingly Werewolves do not have the gamey stringiness of dogmeat, they just taste… weird, like they were preseasoned. Oddly like juniper.
One of life’s greatest mysteries.
This article…… has a sponsor! The Feast…. of the Leviathan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Specifically number 24! That’s right! Cecil lost count of the yule party but Aeston NEVER forgets a number!
It’s got it all! Murder! Games! Long winded speeches! Long winded award ceremonies! A giant cheese table! Pizza probably I saw pizza a few times its probably still there!
AND A BAR!!!! The greatest Neden institution! (Neden didn't invent the bar but we sure do claim the bar! We tip enough for it) With drinks! Hot drinks! Cold Drinks! Warm drinks that were either hot or cold but you know you tried to get it HOURS after it came out, the ice melted so you just drink it outside and its a cold drink again!
And best of all… MINIATURE GOLF!
You saw golf, and we heard the complaints, it was too big! You couldn’t see where your ball was, so we SHRUNK it down! You thought it needed more quirky obstacles, we got those. You want to stomp around and act like the champion god of Norlund, well you can do that! The golf is miniature so you can act like the golf is normal and your just a maximized person, that’s called Roleplaying.
We just invented that, and we invented that for you Alpacasaurus.
We were gonna make a disc golf course but everyone kept mistaking their plates as frisbees in the focus group testing, and we had to scrap it. Sorry half the oldbies!
WE got board games! You like Carcassonne! WE got giant Carcassonne! You like Stratego? Why do you like that game? BUT WE GOT IT ANYWAY!
Come for the food, pay extra so someone else can come for the food, stay to see who wins the View Awards… do we have those still? We don’t! I wrote like 12 different articles and I cant even get a nomination?
IM GONNA LOOK LIKE A FOOL!
Why I wanna go to Feast of Leviathan 24? Because I missed 23! Why YOU want to go? Because even though its the START of the year, its really the closest thing we have to a END of the year event! The big wrap up! The feast to send off all good deeds and youthful miscreations of 2022! And then you can wait MONTHS to start the year off!
The Feast of the Leviathan! Just because the Leviathan never shows up to his own feast doesn’t mean YOU should!
Is this a WIWG or an article on werewolves, I forgot!
Pre-Action Intelligence Report Events Scheduled for 14 January 1023 The Feast of the Leviathan XXIV
Orion, why are you writing a military report for a feast??
Because I’ve been on battlefields that have less action than this!
In typical fashion, we will be honoring the Leviathan under cold gray skies and atop mushy and/or frozen fields. Thankfully the Scaly One has once again blessed us with a large hall in Rhiassa for the festivities. Come in, sit down, and hold on tight because we’re all in for a wild ride this year!
To say that there will be food in this hall would be an exercise in stating the obvious, except this is a Rhiassan feast we’re talking about. Lord Sir Gwen’s kitchen is as legendary as the Leviathan itself, so her presence makes this feast a must-eat event on its own. And then there’s Lord Sir Aeston’s ability to conjure up a charcuterie board of such magnitude as to even make the Gods pause.
You know what goes well with eating? Drinking! Rhiassa’s soft-drink bar will be operating again this year and will have various offerings including “hot”, “cold”, and “fizzy”. The drinks at this bar are as sober as Aeston’s speeches which means that you can consume as many as you please without any regrets later!
Before I continue, I feel compelled to say that you must inform Lord Aeston of your intention to attend this feast no later than Wednesday January 11th. Failure to do so may result in you being featured in his next charcuterie spread.
If you hunger for more than just an excellent dinner, then you can still expect to find your fill under Rhiassa’s roof. After all, is it really a Feast of the Leviathan if you aren’t presented with innumerable sources of entertainment at every possible moment? If you’re a FoTL veteran like myself, you know that you’ll be able to watch epic performances, play befuddling word games, and listen in on an important discussion about the latest threat in the Realms (this year, Squire Fern will be talking about Guthrevyn’s curse upon Eagle’s Rook). That’s a lot and it’s all very good, but it’s just the tip of the Leviathan’s tooth.
Let me tell you about mini-golf. It’s like regular golf but without all the walking. If you don’t know what regular golf is, then don’t worry about it–you’re not missing out on anything. Mini-golf is a game that has it all. Are you a fighter who likes to hit things? You can smack the ball like you’re clubbing a baby kobald! Are you a pacifist who abhors violence? Don’t worry, the ball isn’t actually a baby kobald! Do you like pretty colors and good clean fun? Aeston has a rainbow of golf balls to pick from. Do you like dominating your friends and enemies in contests of skill? Challenge them to a round of BattlePutt!
Gwen could promise to serve me nothing but sludge and Aeston could cut only the most boring cheeses in the Realms and I would still eagerly look forward to Rhiassan Mini Golf. If the Fallen King comes knocking on my door this weekend to offer his unconditional surrender, he’ll have to wait until I come back from the Gilded Lion Links. Nothing short of the literal unraveling of the fabric of reality will stop me from playing these nine holes and that’s only because you can’t play mini-golf when space and time have lost all meaning.
But wait, there’s more!
In between your tee times, you should visit the Adventurer’s Guild. They will have a series of challenges for you to complete. I have it on good authority that these tasks will be very fun and perhaps a little unusual. If that’s not enough to get you out of your seat, then perhaps the 50 prize for the cumulative winner of the day’s challenges (and 25 gold prizes for two runners-up) will be sufficiently motivating. Or perhaps material wealth is meaningless to you and your only true joy in life is creating mind-bending challenges to torment your friends, in which case you’re still in luck because the Adventurer’s Guild will be opening their doors to new recruits this year. On top of all of this, their Inscription Desk will be hosting a competition to find the best decorated schema binder.
But wait, there’s more!
Have you ever wanted to punch your friend in the head? If the answer is yes, then you should probably talk to a therapist. Also, you can metaphorically punch your friend in the head with Rock’em Pop’em Robots this weekend! These are wooden constructs with rubber inflatable heads and a singular purpose: to duel to the death! It’s up to you to control your construct and dodge, dick, dip, dive, and dodge your way around the arena while you try to commit your opponent’s construct to an explosive demise.
But wait, there’s more!
Do you wish you could move tokens around on a table but you’re too poor to play in the Stacked Deck game that is running this weekend? Make some space for one of Rhiassa’s oversized board games. You can face off against other masters of meeple-moving strategy without making your purse any lighter than it already is (unless of course your purse is full of meeple).
But wait, there’s more!
Do you need a new outfit to match your gold/meeple purse? Do you need a new purse to match your outfit? Visit the Peacock Swap Shop and ask to Shop With A Peacock! These well-decorated folks will happily bring you around to other merchants in attendance and help you along in your quest to achieve fashion excellence. Does their happiness come from the elevation of poor unfashionable souls into creatures of beauty, or are they just relieved that they no longer have to burden their vision with your previous visage? Some questions are better left unanswered.
But wait, there’s more!
Actually, is there more? The plans for the day are already stuffed full to bursting, but I’m quite sure that there will be even more to do than I’ve been able to describe here. Seriously, the Rhiassans are going to stuff our bellies full of food and our souls full of fun. I’m going to have to work hard to make sure I’m able to do everything. Maybe we can unravel the fabric of reality just a little bit to make sure there’s enough time to play all that mini-golf.
In Service to the Realms,
C.S. Orion
Hi all, I just wanted to make a quick public service announcement here because Leviathan is a few days away (pre reg deadline is Wednesday night!) and as most if you know, Rhiassa has a portable sound system that we use with a microphone for game shows, raffles, and at court. We actually got all new equipment this year for better sound quality than ever.
I wanted to address that really quickly because every event where we pull out the speaker (or at other events that have PA systems) there are some individuals who are too shy to take the microphone and speak through it or otherwise feel like their ability to project is good enough that they don’t need electronic enhancement.
To those people I want to say this: Use the microphone.
I know you don’t want to. I’m not going to debate your personal reasoning with you. I just want to make a couple of quick points that I hope will convince you to do so, at least somewhat banking on my experience as an educator and having done a lot of public speaking.
1 - Acoustics - The Leviathan hall is a big one. Most halls that we use are. Buildings like auditoriums and theaters are constructed so that sound travels far and is reflected in the right directions to permeate the space. Boy scout dining halls are not. Add to that the general din of a room of 150 people and it’s just a graveyard for human voice. You might be really good at projecting but everything else in the environment is there to murder that projection. The microphone system has enough punch to push though it and give everyone a chance to hear you.
2 - Attention - Again it’s a big room filled with a lot of people. Some of those people don’t really want to listen to you no matter what it is you have to say. I know that because people often tell me they don’t want to listen to what I have to say. However, they are sometimes sitting at the back of the room near people who *do* want to listen to what you have to say. The sound from a speaker has the added psychological effect of compelling others to be a little quieter while making it more possible for people near them to be able to hear.
3 - Access - This is really the most important one. I don’t know about you but my ears certainly don’t work as well as they did when I was twenty-three. Maybe my parents were right about the Sony Walkman combined with Enter Sandman. And even if you didn’t punish your cochlear nerve with heavy metal when you were young there are people in our community that have suffered hearing loss for numerous reasons both medical and otherwise. Using a sound system is a valuable tool for making sure that everyone can access the same information and entertainment. It’s the kind thing to do.
So, I’m going to ask you all once again to please use the microphone when it is handed to you. And I’ll go one further. Event holders, get a sound system for your event team if you throw these kinds of social events. I’d be happy to give you some advice on how to do so at a pretty reasonable price if you reach out.
In service,
Jason “Aeston” Rosa
by Jean C'est Magnifique Try Baptise
Are you ready for drunk history! I bet my editor is not!
So I don't know how Trystwater got arrested, I wasn't there. So let's just write it off as getting caught with tax evasion. That’s not my business.
What is my business is the Subtle Thread. They are a group of Arcaneologists, they work on understanding magic, with an organization as byzantium as their field of study.
You know… I am actually a member! But I haven’t gotten very high in their ranks. It’s because possessing magic affects how you can observe magic, and I have as many curses and afflictions as I have diseases… It’s a high number. Cannibalism isn't actually a healthy lifestyle, I learned that the hard way.
But one thing they learned… is flashbacks, and I am drunk… and you know what.
I have to be for this.
None of these stories are happy tales.
Of course they aren't, you saw how the last one ended…. The death of a universe…
But how do those start?
Well, it turns out, through the power of the delta of possibility, you can learn these things, it's a simple matter of navigation.
And navigate we did! And it was my idea to! To find out where the Risen Kingdom started… and it turns out… they weren’t lying.
The Risen Kingdom was in fact a nation of merchants, from a nation called Gi! Innocent manipulators of elemental magic, barely dabbling in void magic, working very hard to avoid corruption. Hardly a threat to anyone, even if they tried, and they certainly weren't…
But then they weren't to another nation… and I do not know its name, let's call it VoidA. Now, VoidA was a lot like our nation, and like our nation, it had gods. One god in particular. The Dark one (or so they called him then) a master of void manipulation and evil.
But not OUR dark one, no he has a name now, the Fallen King.
The nations of VoidA worked really hard and barely broke through the ranks and killed the god! Hooray!!! Yippie skippy!
And in so many other timelines, thats where the story ends, with happy ending.
But, we don't live in that world do we?
No, because Gi showed up, with void manipulation magic, and wouldn't that be just the perfect way for Fallen Kingdoms strongest soldiers, the void controlling Void Spinners, to create the very elementals their god corrupts to their service?
The world is like music sometimes, Notes perfectly arranged in the right sequences, sounds arranging until… crescendo.
And then… silence.
Sometimes the song is happy. Sometimes it's a dirge.
Gi would never sell their greatest secrets to those who mean their dear friends and business partners ill… but Void Spinners have their ways, and sometimes, choice is a afterthought. Gi died with honor…
But it died.
And no one remembers it.
And VoidA fell, and the King’s scattered spinners got the means to their end.
They had their armies, they had their powers… but… but they did not have their god.
And then, we went through another flashback.
Before…. Before we talk about this, I am in a sentimental mood, cider does that to you, and i need to ask. Do you have a kid, metaphorically? Literally? Does it matter? Maybe, maybe not. But I want you to stop reading, I want you to look at your child, give a good hard look at them, and think, what would you do, to protect your child.
You need to wonder this, because you cant REALLY understand what happens next until you know exactly what was lost….
Maybe i gave too much away. Maybe not.
Heres how the second story goes, it's not a happy tale, but it's not a rare tale.
You see VoidA was not simply a band of random knights and dead nations, it had a group. The Void Guardians, the void guardians manipulate void but with discipline and passionless logic, they used the calm carefulness of Gi to help manipulate the void, not to make but to heal and strengthen…
They were the Spinners, those passionate murderers, greatest enemy. And their greatest had a child, a baby, and that baby held great potential. And that vessel was just as much a mechanism for evil as it was for good. If used in the wrong hands.
I know my lords story, my father’s story.
Sometime’s, sometimes evil just wins.
The parents tried hard, they loved their child, they would give up anything to keep them safe.
It was not enough. Not really.
And when that child was in a circle, surrounded by intoning void cultists, calling upon their dead god to inhabit the vessel of someone who has a full life not yet lived…
Well, I left. I didn’t need to see how it ends. I know my Lord’s work. I KNOW how it ends.
And end it did.
And rise the Fallen King did.
Thats why it's called the risen kingdom. It’s a joke you see, a spit in the eye of dead men.
And that’s the thing, that child, a kid who would have been named Jack, is still out there, trapped in the dreaming, playing games and never growing, never knowing.
But, understanding, and warning…
For that universe we saw fall, the food of Garuk, that warning Jack gave us?
That was VoidA.
It’s not there anymore, not ruins, not dust… not anything.
Not even a gravestone marks the people who mocked the Fallen King, he is NOT a man who can let a loss go.
And thus VoidA did not become the home of the Fallen King, the void spinners moved to the universe that gave them that opportunity, the people whose circle magic can make their armies….
They live in Gi, a wasteland of void corruption.
And with Tristwater gone, Gi’s offensive was neutralized… all that left was a counter attack.
All that was left… was chapter 4
This article is sponsored by… I CAN NOT EVEN!
A award winning series of articles written by the award winning steward of New Verai… ZARINE!
Are you a bad person! Of course you are! But is it because of those orphans you killed? The muddy shoes you tracked into the feast hall or maybe YOU just made cranberry sauce in a can that one time and never got over it?
The only way of knowing is… no not self reflection are you stupid? Its by listening to Zarine!!!
You are feeble! You are stupid! But with her help you can be… BELOW AVERAGE!
Send her fan mail! Send her money! Send her letters begging for forgiveness… get NOTHING IN RETURN! Worms don't get responses!
But you get something better! You get a parasocial relationship with an advice columnist! And isn't that the real treasure?
I think so.
by Nick “Raynor” Quadrini
Have you ever seen the tense concentration that comes with a good poker tournament? The rest of the world almost seems to fade away, as players gather round the table looking for their next opportunity to win big.
Now imagine the same environment, but with the best of the best. All certified winners, needing to have placed in the top four at least once or more to even qualify to sit down at the table. The most skilled players will come out, and only the best will be left standing (or sitting) with a hefty pile of chips before them and a wonder of gold to collect.
Of course, if you weren’t able to qualify the casino is always open and happy to introduce newer players into the ancient art of gambling. Whether its Blackjack, Let it Ride, Craps, or even the classic raffle (definitely still counts as gambling) there’s something for everyone. I’ve even heard that there might be miniature warfare involved, and it’s worth coming just to see that alone.
Plus there’s always the chance that none of the top 16 players arrive, leaving you as the one and only attendant and the default victor. Pretty unlikely, but isn’t that what gambling is all about?
[Blackwood]
The Winter Storm rages on. People are being found dead from the cold in various places. Roofs are collapsing beneath the weight of snow. Trade routes are blocked by the shear amount.
But there are also rumors of other peculiarities. A forest made entirely of fire; as an elemental might be compared to a person.
A town, that only has daylight.
A wheat field that has been turned entirely into black shattered glass.
There is the rumor of a man that has been turned into an icy statue.
A rumor of a fish maiden asking a lot of questions about Change.
People are talking about a bolt of lightning larger than they’d ever seen before come crashing down in the middle of a snow storm in Alonis.
A frightened refugee was sent from Broken Shield, Eagle's Rook, into the neighboring Kingdom of Chimeron, needing healing of all sorts. They bore a small, muddied message on parchment, that in no uncertain terms told Gaia worshippers of any kind weren't welcome in the country any longer, after the defilement of the Dionin Tower-in-Progress.
The mighty rainstorms have seemingly washed a giant chunk of the magical ice down rivers, floating wherever it can go yet freezing the water left behind in its wake. It stays frozen, even in the high temperatures at this time, confounding wildlife and rangers alike (but making ice fishers happy!).
A traveling group from the west has made their way into the neutral village, asking for asylum. They promise to work hard and follow any rules that Wendmor and the surrounding lands of Invictus have put out, in return for space to build co-housing and two barns.
Two Days Before the Old Moon, Month of the Wolf in the Year 1023
Reports this week speak of dire loss on the front lines. Ekkaku still battles with Droxon the Frozen within the realm of spirits, and the weather seems to respond in kind. There is a chill in the air that cuts to the bone, but none are yet willing to surrender despite the loss. Instead, it drives us forward, spurring us toward our retribution. We will make them pay for every life lost, and every inch of ground.
The Erl King’s Champion has taken control of the shrine and the banner of Clan Defender has fallen, the result of a dastardly trick. We were betrayed from within by a comrade under the corruptive influence of the enemy after he valiantly tried to remove a red stone left as a “gift” by the Queen of Tantaril.
Two units of Laughing Dead have been dealt with. One was banished back to where it came from, courtesy of Oracle Merrix, Page Margaret, and Lady Natira of Stonewood. The other was defeated and healed by Lord Sir Elwin and myself. Beyond all hope, we were able to revive the newly turned Forest Runners led by Zara. They are back in the land of the living, for which I am exceedingly grateful, but there is no time to rejoice. The last unit of Laughing Dead, despite our best efforts to slow them down, wreaked havoc on our defensive line and moved further north towards the Serpent Shrine to join Garrimaddon.
Mirador was taken in the northeast, but luckily our allies from Sharingal and Blackwood arrived on the field this week. I have no doubt that they will soon retake the city with their joint efforts. Reports indicated that Blackwood was able to commandeer one of the enemy’s ships, proving that our foes are not invincible on the sea. I wish I could have been there to see the sight of their familiar banner overtaking the flag of Sothron in the harbor. The Salmon Spirit, Jagtor, surely sails with them.
Not all was lost, however. Our defenders at the Stag Shrine: Shadowstalker Tulkhan, Warmaiden Elowen, Castien, and our new friends Omri and Odd, were able to stand their ground. Aided by a storm summoned by the Druid King, the enemy could not overtake the sacred shrine and began to lose control of their ships amidst the terrible wind and rain.
This victory did come with a cost, and the enemy taunted that a 23rd Storm of Skalds had been born. Skalds, according to the Fighter’s Guide put together by Page Margaret, are water-based beings (some call them demons) with the ability to shapeshift. They have unnaturally wide smiles and a penchant for collecting souls. At the time of writing, there were 22 Storms of Skalds confirmed, which all had different weaknesses related to the storm that spawned them. Should you encounter one, the spells Identify and Fighter’s Intuition may reveal more information about the specifics needed to defeat them.
Things are bad, but they are not impossible. This is the week of the full moon, in Vangrim’s month, the time when the Wolves are at their strongest. Every howl I hear is a reminder that the forest has not yet been taken, and that our countryfolk still fight for their freedom. This week, we persevere and then we retaliate. May the wolf song strike fear into the hearts of our enemies.
In Service,
Spirit Queen Kindrianna Athame
by Jean C'est Magnifique Try Baptise
There are two ways to tell the story. The way it happened, and the way we learned it… And honestly? I feel we simply explain too often in the world. Let's go tell the story of the Risen Kingdom as it was told to me. With plenty of wavy flashbacks.
We first met the Risen Kingdom… some undetermined time ago, like twelve years or so. Back then the Risen Kingdom claimed very strongly they were simple merchants, building a road. That road happened to go through hell but little matter. Then that road started to go through the Faewylds. And you may thing, well you CANT put anything in the faewyld the faewyld barely even IS, it’ll change or vanish or turn into a popsicle if you look away. And that is true.
So they used cold iron.
Cold Iron you might recall, is one of the 13 big no nos to the fae, right up there with round rocks and… idk mistletoe? That sounds right. Im sure there is at least one fae who doesn't like mistletoe… Anyway Cold Iron is not just any type of iron it’s… um… er… well its COLD innit? You leave it out in the ice box, make it get chilly, give it some mittens and a scarf you aren't a monster, and then it kills fae… i think. I am not a blacksmith, ask Tulli, he colds all sorts of iron.
The point is the land is a lot like its inhabitants, and its lord, and we can write treatises on THAT but once cold iron was bound to the very dirt of the land the fae lands became a LOT more manageable to them. We fought them off a few times. But… well you know how you really only do something like 4 times a year? Sometimes less?
Eventually they just started working when we weren’t looking. And once the iron was in, nothing could take it out…
MEANWHILE we were playing with Jack, not that Jack, another Jack. The little kid who puts weird marks on your wrist. Anyway we were hanging out, eating some baked Alaska and the kid goes “All that Was Will Be Again, The Death of This Universe is Coming, See The Fate Of What Came Before”
And then, mysteriously, tragically, we were having a flashback.
And listen, we’ve all been there. I’ve been to the bathroom and when I got out we were in a different nation. I’ve listened to a long winded speech and was brought back to happier times when I was dead on the battlefield. The difference was THOSE times we were all ourselves. Now I was a blacksmith. From a different nation in a different universe… and the universe was dying.
See this is the thing about kids, they can be pretty nasty little squirts. As we all were once… or are continuing to be. Like they could've asked, or written a book. But instead we were facing certain death.
Fortunately I was able to infiltrate enemy ranks as a spy and sure enough… it was the Risen Kingdom! They weren’t merchants at all! They tricked us! What they did have was a SHOCKING array of Void related monsters, including one that really looked like a Boi, a bedlam boi that is, but was totally different. (If you think about it, if Bedlam is the fountain of terror… well people have to find SOMETHING to be afraid of, so maybe this was the source of that fear, or maybe some monsters just look alike, convergent evolution and all that).
Anyway after fending off the forces of the void, there was this giant snake that got summoned, and for a void beast it was SHOCKINGLY bright, in such a way it was sortof hard to see, and we lost. We lost and we lost BAD and we lost SLOW. But that was the point.
It wasn't a happy flashback.
You can’t just flashback someone like that, its pretty heavy.
Flash forward and the Iron Road, with work done by Emissary Starblade, is mostly finished, and Lord Goldmane was not happy. Lord Goldmane is the sorry faelord who got stuck with a iron road going through his lands. Fortunately we had just enough time to deal with the road that we could try to change it. It was always going to be iron and it was always going to be a big straight line, but we could do a lot with it.
Since it seemed the road was a barrier of sorts, I felt we could just flood the thing. The road itself would hold the water up and wed have a giant canal pouring water out the gate and damaging stuff. This was not really viable for reasons.
But we switched the waters to the ones from the Delta of Possibility. The Delta of Possibility is a part of the Dreaming, sort of the closest part to reality and thats what makes it the weirdest. The Delta contains every what if, when and where in the world, in the form of “realish”. It's very dangerous. And it's easier to manipulate fake metaphorical water then real water because… well its the fae, its only sort of real like that.
One ritual later and the portal was having a time of it, and we were able to put on our wading boots and kill Emissary Starblade. We were helped in this through no small part by Lord Trystwater, another member of the Risen Kingdom, who was very upfront that he was only helping us so he could get the job of attacking us.
And now… it was Trystwater's turn.
Next week
The one with all the flashbacks!!!
[Sponser goes here]
