What's It Do? What's It Do?

In this continuing View feature, we show you a picture of a theoretical magic item. Then you go back to Facebook and in the comments, invent your idea for the powers that this item would have.

Here is this week's item:

What does this ring do? Head on back to social media and let us know!

Throwback Thursday - N/S War 2011

 Photos by Robyn Nielson, Dave Dolph, and Andrew Whitty 

 

Caption This!

 Here's a photo from a Realms event lacking any specific context. Go on back to social media and comment with the best caption you can think of.

A Formal Challenge - Round Six

In this continuing series, our own Jean C'est Magnifique Try Baptise, accomplished writer and scholar, puts his wisdom and wit to the challenge as he takes on a series of written challenges against ChatGPT who plays the character "Dr. Arthur Telligen". Who will win? The man or the machine? We'll ask for your votes and your input on social media after you read both sides!

And yet, this week JB is taking a well deserved vacation, and the one who is stepping forward to challenge the artificial intelligence is none other than Page Margaret August of Voraniss! Let's see how she fares!

View Staff:

Given the understanding that Aurora is the good-aligned goddess of light, write an original parable about the interaction between her and a member of her clergy that is tempted to do something evil.

Margaret:

There was a young Auroran woman named Tiffany. She shone like the dawn, brightening the lives of those around her. She was also fiercely protective, doing her best to help everyone she meets.

One day, in her travels, she came across a wizard. The wizard spoke to her.

“Greetings traveler.” He said.

“Hello there!” She flashes him a smile.

“You seem like a radiant fellow. One who shines brightly. I have a quest for you. If you will accept it” The wizard responds.

“What is your task?” She asks, a twinkle in her eyes

“There is a child. Her name is Annabell. She will grow up to commit many evil acts, bringing a reign of darkness in her wake. I need you to kill her to prevent this suffering” 

Tiffany looks appalled.

“A child? How could I kill a child? Isn’t that wrong?”

The wizard retorts “But it would prevent much suffering and darkness. Is that not your mission?”

Tiffany is conflicted. On the one hand. It would be very easy to stop much potential suffering. On the other hand, she is but a child. Is it fair to punish her for future crimes? Uncertain, Tiffany turns to her faith. 

She begins to pray. ‘Aurora. Goddess of Light. I seek your aid. I am being given an opportunity to rid the world of a great darkness. But at the cost of the life of a child. I need your guidance. What should I do?’

The clouds clear slightly, and the light seems to shine more brightly. A voice speaks in Tiffany’s ears.

“My Child. To snuff out the life of a child is wrong. Our youth are so full of hope and life. It is your responsibility as my faithful to nurture and teach them. To ensure that they do not grow into this potential evil, but as an ally in the fight against the darkness. To kill them is to dim your own light. Your instincts are strong. Stay true to yourself”

The light fades, and Tiffany confronts the wizard. Her faith is strong in her heart, she knows what she needs to do.

“Bring me to the child” She commands.

Editor's Note. To help give ChatGPT some important context, a couple of the pages regarding Auroran lore in the Library of Ivory were shown to the AI.

Dr. Arthur Telligen:

Once upon a time, in the land of Ivory, there was a young cleric named Selena. She was known throughout the land as a devoted follower of Aurora, the goddess of Light and Hope. Selena had dedicated her life to serving Aurora and upholding her tenets of faith, justice, and purity. She was respected by many for her piety and devotion.

One day, Selena received a summons from the High Priest of Aurora. He had a task for her that he believed only she was capable of completing. There was a powerful wizard who was using dark magic to subjugate innocent people and amass great wealth and power. He was a blight upon the world, and his wickedness threatened to undo all that Selena stood for. The High Priest wanted Selena to destroy the wizard and his works and restore peace and righteousness to the land.

At first, Selena was eager to do her goddess's bidding. She had always been taught that evil must be vanquished and that the forces of darkness could not be allowed to triumph. However, as she began to consider the task before her, she felt a strange sensation. She was tempted to take the power for herself. She imagined the wealth and the influence that the wizard possessed and felt a hunger for it. She began to believe that if she were to destroy the wizard, she could take what he had and use it for the good of her people.

Selena tried to dismiss these thoughts, knowing they were not in line with her goddess's teachings, but they persisted. The more she thought about it, the more she was convinced that this was the only way to truly serve her goddess and her people.

As she prepared to leave for the wizard's fortress, Selena was approached by a traveler who asked if he could accompany her. He was a mysterious figure, cloaked in shadows, and Selena was hesitant to allow him to join her. But he was insistent, and in the end, she relented.

As they traveled together, Selena found herself sharing her thoughts and doubts with the stranger. He listened to her carefully, and when she finished speaking, he said, "You are tempted by the very thing you seek to destroy. You believe that you can use the power of the wizard for good, but in doing so, you risk becoming the very thing you hate. The path of righteousness is not an easy one, but it is the only path that leads to true peace and justice."

Selena was taken aback by the stranger's words. They spoke to a truth that she had known deep down but had been too afraid to confront. She realized that her desire for power had clouded her judgment, and she had lost sight of her goddess's teachings.

When they arrived at the wizard's fortress, Selena confronted him in battle. It was a fierce fight, and the wizard used all of his dark powers against her. But Selena remained true to her goddess's teachings, and in the end, she emerged victorious.

Just then the stranger revealed her true self. Selena realized that she walked along aside Aurora the whole time as she was guided by her goddess down the correct path. As she knelt before her goddess, Selena felt a sense of humility and gratitude wash over her. She knew that she had been given a great task, and she had overcome her own temptations to do what was right. She realized that the path of righteousness was not always an easy one, but it was the only path that led to true peace and justice. 

Meme Monday

 by the Meme Team

Why I Want to Go: Voraniss Questing 1.5

 The Justin Times presents: "This Justin Voraniss Questing 1.5 Fun!”

Kindrianna: Justin can you write the “Why I want to go:”?

Justin: Uhh which Justin?

Justin: Which Justin?

Justins: Well you’re getting both.

Justin: So like imagine this right, you and your friends show up to a village and it’s a mess, and we hadn’t even done anything yet! There is this big spooky crypt outside the village that was not there a few months ago, so that’s suspicious. So you go inside and find undead, shocker, and you beat them back to bone dust over and over again. Then you keep going deeper and it still smells bad, like come on a crypt should start investing in some scented pinecones or something. Anyways, now we found the worst thing I have ever encountered in my adventuring career, and I fought Rexan! This was a gelatinous cube, giant, slow, ominous, green! Horrible. I got turned to goop, Onyx got turned to goop, Elora didn’t get turned to goop though, so thankfully after I handed them my magic stick I got back in ye olde times of Queen of Hearts, we all became not goop! Luckily, I still got to make a meme out of it, so there’s that. Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah. So, we got deeper, and now there’s this open sarcophagus, but like it's different from the other desecrated and open graves in here. This one has a body that isn’t all bone like, still undead, probably. Anyways, it turns out it’s a vampire. And he’s a knight! And has a cool sword!! So after we opened the next door he left :( But have no fear dear reader, we found him again! Well I found him after the others at the front of the team did. But I actually talked to him, and he seems really nice and cool and mysterious. And has a cool sword. There was something with a ritual that he was talking about not being at because it wasn’t his job to do it, but I wasn’t leaving him because like he was way more interesting that dying to some cultists or something I forget. He is pretty neat. So, then a bunch of undead start to do stuff, but he told them not to touch me, he’s so nice! Did I mention he’s a knight without a squire? Because he is. Oh, I’m getting lost in the story.

 

Uncle Cecil’s rolls around and I get a little help from my bestie Ryu who’s got a magic book, and I get to ask some questions about this cool vampire knight. Turns out that this guy, who I totally forgot to tell yall his name, it’s Sir Roman. And it turns out that his knightly order is pretty cool, they stop bad things from happening to the Realms, so they like stop things from breaking through planes and stuff. Also the name of their order is dope as hell, Knights/Order of the Aberrant Gate, like that’s so cool.

 

So, like now that we get to go see his “boss,” I don’t think he’s really all that enthused about this guy, but idk I’m just some Khajiit that isn’t being paid by him. So yeah, this Lich guy does seem to own Sir Bones’ and Mathies’ asses so we should be doing something about that, so that’s the plan. Oh and the druid people, they seem reasonable, so losing them is probably bad. So yeah. You know what they say, you either get to be a vampire knight’s squire or die trying, and I hate dying. (Undying is ok though.) Don’t get me wrong, this lich guy is definitely a problem, and hopefully it's not just going to be Justin and Justin against the guy, but hey, if this doesn’t convince you to come hang out with the bad ass plot Voraniss has cooked up, then you clearly hate fun, or probably have something else to do.
P.S: If anyone knows how to stop gelatinous cubes please send all relevant information to J’ortsa.

~Justin “J’ortsa” Thibeault

So after our last little excursion to address the problem of some powerful necromancers in Voraniss I decided to start gathering as much information as I could about what was happening with the necromancers and keep an eye out for any new activity. These efforts also included a large amount of crafting to both be better equipped and also to avoid the unfortunate situation of ALL OF MY STUFF BREAKING! Efforts were also made to gain access to weapons that swing either silver or magic to help better deal with some of the more challenging enemies that we may be facing.

I’d like to get more information on the Lich and their goals, but any magic directed at them seems to be protected against or at the least altered to give useless information. This worries me because it means that gathering information on them will need to be done with boots on the ground rather than behind the relative safety of scrying magic. I’m not surprised by this, but was hoping it wouldn’t have been the case all the same.

It also seems that the Lich has the assistance of a vampire knight, and potentially the entire order that they are a part of, though that has yet to be proven. Whatever the case of their relationship to each other is and how it came about caution must be used. The vampire clearly had sway over the undead of the necromancers. 

Further investigation and conversations will need to be had once we get more information this weekend. With any luck we might even get some answers for the questions that we have. For now though, keep your silver and magic weapons sharp and ready. Hopefully we’ll have good news to report after the trek this upcoming weekend.

When I tell you that this quest series lives in my head rent free I mean it. And it’s only on its SECOND full event. The memory of having to go through FOUR different weapon combos in the span of 2 days is still insane to me and set the tone for just how difficult this event series is going to be. And honestly, I love it.

At some point in my doomsday prepping and information gathering a few newbies from SMAS started asking about Voraniss Questing and if they should go. Without hesitating I told them that they 100% should go because the first event was awesome! Then they asked how challenging the event would be and how much combat they should expect to see. That made me stop and think of how best to describe exactly how challenging it was for me. This is the comparison I thought was the most fitting: Voraniss Questing is the Darksouls of the Realms.

Let me give you some reasons why this Voraniss Questing is the Darksouls of the Realms, okay? It felt like I spent more time dead on the ground than I did fighting things. I went through 4 different weapon combos in 2 days because of the sheer volume of things that broke. My SHIELD broke half way through Saturday. Anyone who knows me and has seen my shields knows I make those things CHUNKY and out of plywood. I’m not even mad, I’m impressed!

-Justin “Grarr”  B. Hawkes

What's It Do? What's It Do?

In this continuing View feature, we show you a picture of a theoretical magic item. Then you go back to Facebook and in the comments, invent your idea for the powers that this item would have.

Here is this week's item:

What's this pool-float do?? Figure it out and tell us back on social media.

Morning Coffee Break

 

Got your morning cup of coffee and a few minutes? Great! Time for our continuing feature at the View - we're going to be asking a series of questions and we want to know your answers! The question is posted below. So while you sip your morning beverage of choice, ruminate on this one:

Spring is here! Tell us about one of your favorite memories from a spring event!

Now head on back to Facebook and give us your best!

A Formal Challenge - Round Five

In this new series, our own Jean C'est Magnifique Try Baptise, accomplished writer and scholar, puts his wisdom and wit to the challenge as he takes on a series of written challenges against ChatGPT who plays the character "Dr. Arthur Telligen". Who will win? The man or the machine? We'll ask for your votes and your input on social media after you read both sides!

View Staff:

Design and describe the complete recipe to a fantasy dish of your own invention. The protein/main ingredient must be a fantastic creature of some kind and at least a couple other ingredients/spices/cooking techniques must also be magical or uniquely from a fantasy setting. Be sure to describe how the ingredients/elements of the dish would play together and how the overall entree would taste.

JB: 

Oh boy what a mean topic. I never really had a feast to begin with... if I lose this my entire characters gonna erode. I'd have to like... do moral things. Ugh ew gross!

So the obvious answer is Blackwood meatloaf right? However turns out Blackwoods is out of season until the spring... and I have just been informed that's not what "Blackwood meatloaf" means. 

Well that's a misleading name! Plan B. So a proper meal, when we must condense it into a single meal, is not about a dish but dishes! The synergy of flavors is key.

The most crucial component is a drink. First for sharpness we shall use something called Amber Drank, a local drink from Neden, the key ingredient in it is Tenghuanize Ginger (is it too late to talk about the ginger?) which, is turned into a Seerple Syrup, take equal parts sugar, ginger and syrup, boil sugar in water until combined, then place peeled and thinly cut Ginger, simmer for 15 minutes during midnight, steep overnight in a darkened area. Then strain the ginger. Do this in the cover of darkness, as daylight "Activates" the ginger, and the fumes of the syrup will take you into a trip. 

You take 2 tablespoons of this syrup, poor on the round end of the spoon into a shaker with 2 cups of Sprite Spring Water, or other faewyld dew (NOT THE DELTA), and 1 ounce vodka shake and poor over lemon hard candies. Ideally you will leave the hard candy in a icebox to keep the drink cold. The lemons need to be mundane to maintain the normality of the drink and cup. The taste will be sharp, with the sugar of the water and candy doing little to cut the bitter strength of the ginger, however this will not only be a palette cleanser to wash the "Fat" off the dishes with, but will put you in a good mood. This drink will be served first in a one ounce shotglass as an opener, then the full drink will be served with the dish, to be consumed with the food.

The MAIN dish is Nedengiving Gumbo, a rich stew of cranberry and demon served over cornbread. While most people may balk at the choice of protein being a magical ingredient, traditionally Monday Gumbo is made with leftover junk from Nedengiving (Famously on Sunday cause we are late to things), but because a magical ingredient is needed, and I have a reputation, I will instead be serving my own flesh, for one it regrows and consented (So I don't feel as bad about it as if I hunted something else), and in addition there is a natural spicy oiliness of demon meat that is both a pain to jerk but also serves the stew naturally well. 

First for the roux we will use not merely vegetable oil but bacon fat... that's not really magical but a lot of people say it is, and Nedengiving is about honoring people you like so I am adding it for sentimental purposes, then you make it as dark as possible. I like to ask a Necrotic assistant such as Meatball to assist because undead are notoriously patient at these things. 

Now we first take Blackwood bacon, taken from their PIG MINE and NOT their RIBCAGE, and put it in the pot, sizzling it and removing the bacon to leave the fat in there. This is the fat we use for the roux from last paragraph.  This bacon will be crumbled and added in later. 

Celery, onion, green pepper, sweet potato, green bean thyme, mandrake and a sprig of normal ginger for good luck, we add this into the pot with the roux, a stock made of goat bones, and we stir in our 12 herbs and spices (I am competitive), several of them are secret but I can say I use salt, pepper, smoked paprika, smoked salamander scale, and of course, diluted Rexan venom (remember 2 parts aspis venom to 1 part Justari church water to protect the soul!). 

I then add a few glugs of apple cider for flavor. I cook that up, then when its thick, at the last our we add our secret weapon, cranberry sauce (less sugar then typical we want the tartness), to add acid to the dish that will be brighten up the oil of the meat we add in our meats, in this case a slow roasted slab of shredded Baptise thigh, bacon, and a shot of whiskey.  You pour that on corn bread not rice, and get it gloopy like stuffing, we then placed shredded pecan atop. Voila. Monday Gumbo. 

Hot sauce will be provided on the side for those who wish to enhance the heat of the dish.

Chef Dr. Arthur Telligen:

Certainly, I'll give it a try!

Dragonfire Stew: A Fantasy Delight for Adventurous Foodies

Are you a fan of fantasy and looking to spice up your meals with some magical ingredients? Then look no further than Dragonfire Stew, a hearty and spicy dish that will transport your taste buds to a realm of wonder and adventure. Made with diced dragon meat, fire-roasted tomatoes, and a blend of spices and ingredients only found in fantasy settings, this stew is sure to impress and satisfy any adventurous foodie.

But don't let the mythical ingredients and flavors fool you - this stew is still grounded in classic cooking techniques and easy-to-follow steps. The combination of the gamey flavor of the dragon meat, the smoky kick of the fire-roasted tomatoes and phoenix chili paste, and the velvety texture of the dragon bone broth come together in perfect harmony to create a dish that will make you feel like you're dining in a medieval tavern or a dragon's lair.

So grab your apron and get ready to take your taste buds on a journey they won't soon forget. Without further ado, here's the recipe for Dragonfire Stew - a true fantasy delight for adventurous foodies!

Recipe Name: Dragonfire Stew

Ingredients:

• 1 lb dragon meat, diced
• 2 cups fire-roasted tomatoes
• 1 cup red bell pepper, chopped
• 1 cup yellow onion, chopped
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 cups dragon bone broth
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1 tsp coriander
• 1 tsp thyme
• Salt and pepper, to taste
• 1/4 cup phoenix chili paste (made from ground phoenix peppers)
• 1 tbsp honey
• 1/4 cup dragon blood (for garnish)

Instructions:

1. In a large pot over medium heat, add the diced dragon meat and brown until caramelized, about 5-7 minutes. Remove the meat and set it aside.
2. In the same pot, add the fire-roasted tomatoes, red bell pepper, yellow onion, and garlic. Sauté until the vegetables are soft and fragrant, about 5-7 minutes.
3. Add the diced dragon meat back to the pot, along with the dragon bone broth, smoked paprika, cumin, coriander, thyme, salt, and pepper. Stir to combine, then reduce the heat to low and simmer for 30 minutes.
4. After 30 minutes, add the phoenix chili paste and honey to the pot. Stir to combine and let it simmer for another 15 minutes.
5. Serve the Dragonfire Stew hot, garnished with a swirl of dragon blood on top.

The Dragonfire Stew is a hearty, spicy stew that is perfect for a cold winter's night. The dragon meat adds a rich, gamey flavor to the dish, while the fire-roasted tomatoes and phoenix chili paste give it a smoky and spicy kick. The dragon bone broth provides a velvety texture and a depth of flavor that can only be found in magical creatures. The dragon blood garnish not only adds to the dish's aesthetic appeal but also gives a slightly sweet and tangy finish to the stew. Overall, this dish is sure to impress any fantasy foodie looking for a unique and flavorful meal.

Editors note: For those unfamiliar, ChatGPT is an AI language model that generates responses to any input through an online interface. All text attributed to ChatGPT (Dr. Arthur Telligen) in this series is the unedited output of that AI, all text attributed to View Staff is the unedited input given to ChatGPT. Read more about ChatCPT here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ChatGPT

Meme Monday

 by the Meme Team

Guess That Realmsie!

Another in our continuing series! In the below picture there is a Realmsie-shaped black hole. Can you figure out who it is based only on the profile? Tell us on Facebook if you think you know who it is! The answer will be revealed later in the day. 

Throwback Thursday - Ask Syruss

 The View's original agony aunt, Sir Syruss, would tackle questions from readers on topics ranging from the magical to the mundane, dishing out advice and tough love with his signature humor and style. This post was originally published on April 12, 2017:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Syruss,

What do you suggest would be the best familiar that I could claim for my own? There are so many creatures out there, both magical and mundane, it's so hard to choose! I'll stay away from bats of course, since that seems to be your thing and all, but surely there must be a method to this madness...please advise!

Signed,

Imaginary Menag-er-ie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Dear Totally Your Real Name,

This is a tough question. I generally found when choosing a familiar I looked for sentient creatures who could have a real conversation. Like a real conversation, you know what I am saying? Sometimes you need to vent and these little buggers are guaranteed to listen. In fact, they have to and they generally won’t be too judgey to boot.

Now people may not know this but our resident Jerky Master Jean Baptiste is also one heck of a trapper. Now ever since he discovered these powerful magical ball traps he has been bringing ALL KINDS of creatures to the castle. Now some of them have been awesome, like the Nacho Cheese Breathing Dragon, the Sentient Giant Apple Tree or the Whiskey Fairies but some of them have been terrible like the Troll of Smothering. This troll just does not understand personal space!!! Everywhere you turn boom there it is, with its constant need for attention *shudders*

Or the Non-Alcoholic Gelatinous Cube. I was excited when JB told me he was working on a jello shot jerky but when I heard the crash kaboom coming from the kitchen only to see JB, three of our petitioners, and half the kitchen staff being digested, well I lost my hankering for jello.

But if you want solid advice follow Syruss’ five simple steps to picking an animal companion, familiar, and other magical creature friends.

More than a mere spell

Familiars are like family members, as loved as the kids, country members and are a lifelong commitment (or until you unlearn magic and forget that you have a Wookie in the Neden Castle). So before you wander down the ‘what familiar to choose path’ ask yourself these basic questions to check if you’re familiar-ready:

Who’s going to look after it? – let’s be realistic about this one, it is going to be you. No one is walking your T-Rex at 4 am when it needs to go potty. No one is going to feed your War Llama except you.

Can we make sure it gets regular exercise? The thing is that your pal is going to want to get out and about often. Once they have had a taste of adventuring then the life of a castle hawk is not so exciting so make sure they can spread their legs/wings/fins.

What will happen to it when you go away? Who is looking after it when you leave it back at home and how will you deal with the sudden loss of supreme power? Magic is thrilling and addictive. Face it, we always want more. That’s why we learn familiar in the first place to gain access to their natural magical abilities. But remember when they are not around you lose that and they lose out on a fun weekend with their best buddy (you!).

Is your country equipped to deal with its needs? Aka do we need fencing? If your lava hound is known for getting out you may not want to reside in a wooded area. If you have Small Banshee you probably shouldn’t live on a Snow Mountain top.

Can you afford a familiar? – Have you considered what it takes to feed a tiger? Have you seen how much Dragon litter it takes to fill up their litterbox?

Woof, woof or meow or RAWWWWWWWWW?

Dogs, wolves and cats, cheetahs, beholders are still the most popular familiar and it is possible to choose a creature that will fit in with your lifestyle, suit your backyard size and the level of maintenance you’re prepared to outlay. But with so many magical creatures and cross-breeds to choose from, trying to work out which one to get can give you a headache. I try to think of what I handle and manage. If the familiar is more likely to kill me rather than aid me I tend to stay away.

Fur, feathers or scales?

If you’re thinking beyond the typical unicorn or rhinoceros then there are plenty of things to choose from: cat, dog, fish, birds, reptiles, bear with a knife, small mammals, trolls, rodents, crab-shark and even insects. These alternate familiar choices can really work in with your lifestyle and home, especially if you don’t have a Self-Repairing Castle! But don’t be fooled into thinking they’re necessarily low maintenance – even a three-headed goldfish (that can’t be taken into certain fishing villages in Corsica) needs regular water changes and feeding that can be more work than a pedigree Creathorne horse!

Ask the familiar store salesperson all about the level of up-keep required before giving in to your first choice.

Are you ready to be a new parent?

Baby animals are almost as cute as newborn elves and raising a dog from a pup is a wonderful experience. But just like dwarven babies, animal bambinos require a lot of care – think potty training a Grebinar only with a dragon! If you’re not up for the extra effort of raising a creature, consider choosing a grown up familiar with a lot of spell experience or buying down for another spell.

Ah-ah-ah-choo!

If you have an allergy-prone country member, or an asthmatic in the family, you’ll need to think long and hard about the type of familiar that’s not going to turn your village into sneeze city. Familiar fur, saliva, and skin flakes are magical and can set off a number of allergic reactions to an extreme and while there are some hairless breeds, these are still not entirely hypoallergenic. Chat to an experienced Sorcerer about the best pet choice for your allergies.

Familiar and Friends

Owning a familiar can teach you responsibility and give you a special and unique companion that simply doesn’t compare to human friendships. Unfortunately, though, some of your country mates may not get along with your familiar, especially if they thinks it’s funny to pull Fido’s ears, tail, wings, or horns on a daily basis. Before you invest in a familiar, remember that they are not an emergency sacrifice on a quest, someone else’s plaything or someone else’s pet’s chew thing…they are your friend and new family member.

In the end, you are the only one who can decide what creature best suits you but maybe this story Nymbous once told me about selecting a familiar can help:

“One day Nymbous goes into a familiar shop and tells the owner he wants to buy a familiar that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, “Come on, a dog?” The owner says, “How about a cat?” The man replies, “No way! A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!” The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I’ve got it! A centipede!” Then Nymbous said, “A centipede? I can’t imagine a centipede doing anything, but okay… I’ll try a centipede.”

Nymbous gets the centipede home to Neden and says to the centipede, “Clean the kitchen.” Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and… it’s immaculate!  All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away. The counter-tops have been cleaned and the appliances are sparkling. Even the floor was waxed.  He’s absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, “Go clean the living room.” Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room.  The carpet has been vacuumed, the furniture cleaned and dusted and the pillows on the sofa plumped. It even watered the plants. Nymbous thinks to himself, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. This really is a familiar that can do everything!” Next he says to the centipede, “Run down to the corner and get me some whiskey.” The centipede walks out the door.  Ten minutes later…no centipede. Twenty minutes later… no centipede.  Thirty minutes later… no centipede. By this point, Nymbous is wondering what’s going on.  The centipede should have been back after a couple of minutes.  45 minutes later… still no centipede!

Nymbous couldn’t imagine what could have happened.  Did the centipede run away?  Did it get run over by a cart?  Where is that centipede?  So Nymbous goes to the front door, opens it…and there’s the centipede sitting right outside. Nymbous says, “Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a whiskey. What’s the matter?!” The centipede says, “I’m goin’! I’m goin’! I’m just puttin’ on my shoes!”

Hope this helps. sorry if it doesn’t and remember it’s like Lord Nymbous O’Leary always says “……..What do you want from me? I already told you a story get that pen and paper out of my face!!!!!!!”

Love Always,

Duke Sir Syruss O’Leary

Duke of Neden

Knight of the Blue

Knight of the Potentium

Love Guru

World's Greatest Detective

Dance Master

Neden’s Pogs Champion

Champion of MIN

A Formal Challenge - Round 4

In this new series, our own Jean C'est Magnifique Try Baptise, accomplished writer and scholar, puts his wisdom and wit to the challenge as he takes on a series of written challenges against ChatGPT who plays the character "Dr. Arthur Telligen". Who will win? The man or the machine? We'll ask for your votes and your input on social media after you read both sides!

View Staff: 

Assuming you could craft a magic item that could animate one single mundane task, normally doable by a single person in a finite amount of time, as many times as you want, what item could you produce that would result in the most profit?

JB: 

It's important for this debate to first remember what the limits are. The magic item can not mimic a magical ability, so it does not get to cast heal limb or other spells. The item can not do anything a single human can not, so it may not lift something easier than a human, it does a single task automatically... and I can not make two of them. The item also can't do a particularly complicated task, it cant single handedly run a kitchen.

This is important as this means that the main avenues of revenue for automation are not actually available, which is why I did not create a magical truck. Instead I would either need to automate a single task that is so inconvenient that I can make a business out of using that magic item, or I need to make a magic item that is so useful I can sell it to a single person for the maximum profit.

Therefore, evaluating everything, I have deduced that the single most profitable item for me is a magical dishwasher. The reason is simple. I can rent the dishwasher out for free feast entry, which means I make around 30-60 bucks every feast, which will quickly add up to a few hundred dollars. I can even lend it out to events I am not participating in for actual cash. 

In addition anything else particularly high value like an automated Pike swinger would probably not pass the magic marshal so I need something the staff would WANT to be out at their events without replacing a magical spell... so dishwashing.

Dr. Arthur Telligan:

If I could only make one magic item to automate a mundane task, a magic calculator would be an excellent choice. The ability to quickly and accurately perform mathematical calculations would be invaluable in a medieval fantasy world, especially for tasks like accounting, commerce, and construction. A single individual with a magic calculator could potentially outperform an entire team of workers in terms of speed and accuracy, making them highly sought after and valuable. They could quickly and easily calculate taxes, determine crop yields, and manage complex building projects. In a world where knowledge of mathematics is rare and highly valued, a magic calculator could become a symbol of power and prestige, further increasing its value.

A magic calculator would be an invaluable tool for engineers, architects, and builders in a medieval fantasy world. With the ability to perform complex calculations instantly, builders could design and plan larger, more elaborate structures and projects. For example, they could accurately calculate the materials needed for a large bridge spanning a river or estimate the amount of stone required for a castle wall of a certain height and length.

A magic calculator would allow for more efficient accounting and financial planning, which would drive economic growth in a medieval fantasy world. It would enable merchants to accurately calculate profits and losses, and track expenses and revenues. This information would provide greater transparency and allow for better decision-making, which could lead to increased profits and expansion of businesses. The ability to calculate interest rates and investment returns would also enable individuals and organizations to make better financial decisions and allocate resources more effectively. Overall, the increased efficiency and accuracy in financial calculations provided by a magic calculator would allow for more effective allocation of resources, and ultimately drive economic growth.

In conclusion, a magic calculator would be an incredibly valuable item in a medieval fantasy world as it would greatly enhance the efficiency and accuracy of financial calculations, leading to more streamlined and profitable business ventures. It would also aid in the planning and execution of building projects, allowing for greater expansion and development. Additionally, it would drive economic growth by enabling more accurate forecasting and facilitating larger and more complex transactions. Overall, the magic calculator would be a game-changing item that would greatly benefit any medieval fantasy civilization that possesses it.

Editors note: For those unfamiliar, ChatGPT is an AI language model that generates responses to any input through an online interface. All text attributed to ChatGPT (Dr. Arthur Telligen) in this series is the unedited output of that AI, all text attributed to View Staff is the unedited input given to ChatGPT. Read more about ChatCPT here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ChatGPT

Rumors for March 1023

 [Coventry]

Reality Mages converge to discuss the power vacuum left following the demise of The Champion. It seems that the various Dream Demon factions are trying to make moves to fill the void. Sources close to Minerva report that this cannot be filled by any entity. Dream Demons only need apply. Equal opportunity employer.

[Darkvale]

A long standing statue of Justari seems to have begun growing strange black veins in the foundation. Nobody seems to be able to identify the source or treat it. Local priests and herbalists are bewildered. Experts in scrying have reported vertigo when trying to discern details.

~~~

Settlers on the western borders of Darkvale report occasional tremors in the lake, corroborated by the builders and masons who have started to set up camp there over the past weeks.

[Library of Ivory]

Artifacts seem to have been going missing. Historians and archivists stress that they have an amazing security system, typically Sir Cain just scowls. In a follow up interview, the same Ivory representatives reported that there certainly are no items missing, but they don’t recall building that east wing of the building. “All this dust. It’s hard to keep track of everything, you know.”

[Southern Wastes]

Seemingly overnight, the BC Guild has arrived and has started doing odd jobs, cleaning, fixing, and such. They have offered to collaborate with some local guilds on less desirable jobs. They’ve stressed how this could be a financially beneficial friendship. Accused thieves and assassins of the Realms were seen gathering nearby. They’ve assured us that it’s just a coincidence and they are in fact not planning to assassinate anyone.

Meme Monday

 by the Meme Team

Morning Coffee Break

Got your morning cup of coffee and a few minutes? Great! Time for our continuing feature at the View - we're going to be asking a series of questions and we want to know your answers! The question is posted below. So while you sip your morning beverage of choice, ruminate on this one:

Describe the plot of a Realms Event badly.

(example: Getting together to worship a big fish by eating food that a fish could never have possibly heard of)

Now head on over to social media and give us your best!

What's It Do? What's It Do?

In this continuing View feature, we show you a picture of a theoretical magic item. Then you go back to Facebook and in the comments, invent your idea for the powers that this item would have.

Here is this week's item:

What's this megaphone do? Put on your magic marshaling hat and tell us in the comments on social media!

The View Retrospective - Boff Brawl

Throwback from March 19, 2020 - the first round of the Boff Brawl! Who do you think should have won this round? Discuss on social media!

Player 1 - Temorse. Character, Demona. 

Strategy: I would likely choose Demona as she is willing to use firearms, has the ability to fly, cunning, and the longevity of being a gargoyle.  Given most others wouldn’t have access to firearms she could easily keep distance utilizing her flight and defeat enemies at a much greater range than anyone else. Also I'm pretty sure she can use magic.

Player 2 - Avendar. Character, Lion-O. 

Strategy: I would use the Thunder Symbol to summon my friends to help me. Then I would use the sword of omens to give me sight beyond sight, which I'd use to discover my enemies' weakness. Then with all my friends we'd work together to win.

Player 3 - Cecil. Character, He-Man. 

Strategy: There is no problem that cannot be overcome with sufficient power, and much like a Cecil, He-Man is the most powerful man in the universe. He is, in fact, a Master of the Universe.

Player 4 - Asharn. Character, Aang. 

Strategy: He's got the same kind of weird combat style as I do, which involves a lot of running around and attacking from a distance. He also has the ability to throw lightning so that's gotta happen at some point.

Choose the Winner of This BOFF BRAWL by voting on Facebook!

Last time, Avendar won with Lion-O! Will he win this round again??

A Formal Challenge - Round Three

In this new series, our own Jean C'est Magnifique Try Baptise, accomplished writer and scholar, puts his wisdom and wit to the challenge as he takes on a series of written challenges against ChatGPT who plays the character "Dr. Arthur Telligen". Who will win? The man or the machine? We'll ask for your votes and your input on social media after you read both sides!

View Staff:

Would it be advantageous or disadvantageous for Realms civilization if magic was so universally accessible that every peasant could cast a plethora of different spells?

JB: 

I have been informed I have occasionally relied on moral arguments, and while I am not sure how to argue which scenario is "Better" without morality. I am going to entirely sidestep a argument about whether or not more heroes then villains would be produced, or whether we have a right to gate-keep magical power or blah blah. Instead I will say this, Magic being accessible to peasantry would improve society by raising the standard of living on a whole.

Ignoring how useful seer-ing the weather would be for farmers, and so forth, there are two key spells that can revolutionize the world if accessible not only to sellswords and sociopaths (And people who don't live in Neden) but anyone.

These spells are circle of healing and Mystic forge.

In terms of military usage, these spells have a niche value in certain sieges or war-lines, but in times of peace, these spells can industrialized all industries mechanical and biological.

Meat industry can, and I speak entirely from personal experience here, greatly benefit from the ability to regenerate the tissue you harvest, which means you don't need to slaughter hundreds of cattle (Admittedly this is because you are slaughtering one cattle hundreds of times but at least that's less mouths to feed). Substance Farming will be a thing of the past when potato blights can be cured with a cantrip, as well as general medical advancements that can be furthered when the safety net of resurrection is applied to consenting lab-rat people.

But this is nothing compared to the speed of production mystic forge and reforge allows. With the ability to magically blacksmith we will be able to outfit all trades with top of the line equipment and reduce day long jobs into mere verbals. This will allow for the free time and incentive to allow for innovation. With shovels being a simple spell to create, newer tools will be devised to maximize the ability to dig dirt, and whether that involves mass use of intervention or new mysterious super shovels is unknown... but it will happen. 

The advantage of worldwide magic use is not simply something like "fairness" but with more power comes more ways to USE that power, and improve the day to day life of the citizens and even us, as these benefits will allow more magic users to specialize in different fields as the "must have" spells get industrialized and mass used. Thus I believe universal magic is good both for its own sake (Though I have not bothered to further that argument) but also good as it furthers the ends of progress.

Dr. Arthur Telligen:

As a medieval fantasy scholar, I would argue that universal accessibility to magic would be disadvantageous for a medieval fantasy civilization.

One of the main reasons for this is the potential destabilization of society. If every peasant were able to cast a plethora of spells, it could lead to an increase in social tensions and conflicts, as some individuals or groups may have more powerful spells or abilities, creating a hierarchy of power within society. This could lead to power struggles and even wars, potentially destabilizing the entire civilization. Furthermore, the proliferation of dangerous spells and practices, such as dark magic or necromancy, could pose a significant threat to the safety and well-being of the general population.

Another issue with universal accessibility to magic is the potential for misuse or abuse. If every peasant were able to cast a plethora of spells, it could lead to a lack of regulation and oversight, potentially leading to dangerous or unethical uses of magic. This could range from minor offenses, such as using spells to cheat in business or personal affairs, to more severe crimes, such as using magic to harm or manipulate others.

Additionally, universal accessibility to magic could have a negative impact on social mobility. If magic is too accessible, it could lead to the proliferation of magical guilds or families who monopolize power and knowledge, making it more difficult for individuals outside of these groups to gain access to magical resources and opportunities. This could reinforce existing social hierarchies and prevent marginalized groups from gaining access to the benefits of magic.

In conclusion, while the idea of universal accessibility to magic may seem attractive on the surface, it could pose significant risks to societal stability, safety, and social mobility. Therefore, it is important to carefully consider the potential consequences of such a system before implementing it.

Editors note: For those unfamiliar, ChatGPT is an AI language model that generates responses to any input through an online interface. All text attributed to ChatGPT (Dr. Arthur Telligen) in this series is the unedited output of that AI, all text attributed to View Staff is the unedited input given to ChatGPT. Read more about ChatCPT here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ChatGPT

Meme Monday

 by the Meme Team

Morning Coffee Break

Got your morning cup of coffee and a few minutes? Great! Time for our continuing feature at the View - we're going to be asking a series of questions and we want to know your answers! The question is posted below. So while you sip your morning beverage of choice, ruminate on this one:

If your character was transported to an anthropomorphic 1980s/90s action/adventure cartoon which one would they best thrive in?

Head on back to social media and let us know what's on your mind!

KoEF Training Day Spotlight: Guided Expeditions to the Western Flank

 Every good adventurer understand that they have a duty to serve on the Western Flank from time to time. If nobody ever fought on the Western Flank, there would be no Realms for us to Adventure in.

Are you a new adventurer who wants to learn about the Western Flank before your first tour? Are you a seasoned quester who wants to sharpen your skills? Come to the KoEF Training Day and join Sir Orion and Squire Ryu for guided expeditions to the Western Flank of the Realms. You’re likely to encounter all kinds of different situations on the Western Flank, so these training sessions will teach you how to prepare for them in advance and what you can do once you’re in the moment. Each expedition will take less than an hour, so you will have plenty of time to engage with the other training sessions available that day. We look forward to seeing you!

((OOC: There will be two parts to this NPC workshop: for the first half of the event, we will be running short academic-style lessons on writing engaging NPCs and scenes. We will repeat these lessons at regular intervals so that you can drop in whenever you are able to. The lesson will culminate with an exercise that can be completed at your own pace: writing a short scene and accompanying NPCs to fit a prompt. During the second half of the event, these scenes will come to life as you play these NPCs… but for a scene that someone else wrote!

All materials will be provided. Participants are encouraged to bring a plain black shirt or to wear one under their normal garb. You do not need to have any prior experience with NPCing or scene writing, though to get the most out of these lessons you should have already attended at least a couple of questing events.

This workshop will run all day and you will be able to attend other workshops in addition to this one. The lessons in part one will take 15-20 minutes and the writing exercise could take up to an hour to complete. The scenes that we will run in part two should also 15-20 minutes each. We may add time to debrief after each scene if the schedule allows for it.))

KoEF Training Day Spotlight: Feast Mode

Presented by Jason "Aeston" Rosa

The best of what Realms has to offer is fueled by the fire of the Feastocrat’s kitchen. That’s sure a dramatic way of putting it, but in my opinion there’s a lot of truth to that statement. Feast events are, of course, a long-standing and well-loved tradition in our community but that’s only a part of the story. Social events, tournaments, even quests. All types of events benefit from people being well fed by quality food prepared with love.

The “Feast Mode” training module is dual purpose. You’ll be working in the kitchen throughout most of the day and a lot of what you’ll be doing is helping to prepare the menu of the day, including dinner and dessert. Beyond that, however, you’ll become a student of the Rhiassan kitchen as Gwen, Areni, and Aeston talk you through the finer points on holding a feast and also preparing food at non-feast events. Menu planning, budgeting, preparations, and day-of execution will all be a part of what we teach. You should end the experience feeling confident in your own ability to handle the food at any type of event you want to enrich with your efforts. Please be advised, there is limited room in this training module and it is first come, first “serve” (see what I did there?).