I Can't Even …
...Chartreuse
Today is the
first day of spring. Of course, you'll be reading this on the second day of
spring, but nevertheless winter is over and springtime is here! Soon, the snow
will melt and flowers will bloom, or at least that's what my gardener claims.
It is time to cast of the heavy vestments of winter and don our lighter, more
colorful apparel.
Speaking of
color, I suppose we must address the elephant in the room. The Order of the
Peacock announced at this years Feast of the Leviathan that the spring color
would be Chartreuse. “Zarine, what the bloody hell is Chartreuse,” I was
immediately asked by half the room. The only ways that I can think to describe
it involve either excrement and/or regurgitation, so it's easier for me to
simply show you:
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| From the famous painter, Pantone. I'm sure you've never heard of them. |
Now, I'm
pretty sure that I have made my opinions on this decision quite clear. About
one percent of the population can actually pull off this color. My guess is
that the person who made this decision is one of these one percenters and the
rest of us are just supposed to gad about looking ridiculous. Well I for one
refuse to do it. Who are they to tell us what to do anyway? Some people who
just up and decided that they were in charge of fashion in the Realms? Why are
we listening to them?
So I sat
down with some fashion periodicals and color samples and started my research
aimed at discrediting this entire idea, and coming up with a rival color for
you all to wear, when I made an incredible discovery: There is an actual
alcoholic beverage called 'Chartreuse'. My research then shifted to this
mysterious liquor. Apparently the ingredients are a secret, but it's made with
one hundred and thirty herbs and plants. Herbs and plants are good for us,
right? It's also made by monks. Monks wouldn't steer us wrong. So I procured
some bottles and recipes to see for myself just what this awful colored
concoction is.
After much taste
testing the color improved tremendously in my eyes. Of course so did the
comeliness of many of my clients and my overall love for the people of the
Realms. Since I still think it's a completely distasteful color to wear on ones
person, I think perhaps we should use it an an accessory, and what better
accessory is there than a cocktail? Cocktails can make even the filthiest pleb
look classy and sophisticated. In fact, after three or four of them just about
everyone will look attractive.
Since I like
to be a helpful individual, I have compiled a list of cocktails suggested by
the makers of Chartreuse themselves. I am legally obligated to tell you to
'please enjoy them responsibly', but what I want to say is 'accessorize with as
many as possible'.
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| Cocktails for the fancy sort of people. |
Chartreuse on the rocks:
If you need a recipe for this, please jump off the nearest
height guaranteed to eliminate you from existence.
Chartreuse'ito
Directly in the glass:
Crush 8-10
fresh mint leaves
Add 1 cl
sugar cane syrup
Add 1.5 cl
lime juice
Add 3 cl
Green Chartreuse
Fill the
glass with 4 cl sparkling water
Stir well with a bar spoon
Garnish with a sprig of fresh mint
Brandy Daisy
Chilled with ice cubes:
2 cl Green
chartreuse
4 cl Brandy
2 cl Lime
juice
Strain into a glass
Top with sparkling water
Bijou
2 cl Green Chartreuse
2 cl Gin
2 cl Vermouth
refrigerate the ingredients for a few hours
choose a fancy glass
add the vermouth, the green chartreuse, and the gin in that
order
pour them delicately over the back of a spoon to keep them
separate and create a beautiful layered effect
Leave the cocktail for 2 minutes so that the ingredients
separate out completely
Sip it slowly for the best flavor
Green Chaud
Add a teaspoon of Green Chartreuse in a mug of creamy hot
chocolate
(For the uncouth among us, 'cl' are centiliters. It's a fancy
way of measuring and I am sure that you can find some kind of conversion chart
somewhere.)
So there you
have it folks. A variety of ways to enjoy the horrid color that we have been
presented with. There are other recipes out there as well, these just happened
to be my favorite in either flavor or presentation.
As much as I am loath to admit it, this
questionable color choice has lead me to this wonderful new flavor so I suppose
I should thank the order of the peacock for that. You may not have made me
explore new areas of fashion, but I made a remarkable discovery non-the-less.
See you next
Tuesday.
