Madam Zarine, Thanks for writing these! I have a problem I need advice for. I really love being a part of the Realms and I want to be an important heroic person like a lot of the people I look up to, but if I’m honest with myself, I’m kind of dorky and there’s already lots of jokes about how awkward I am. It’s not like it’s not fun to joke about but I also kind of want to shake off that reputation and become more respected. Any advice?
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I am not sure exactly what this 'dorky' is, but it doesn't sound like a synonym for sophisticated. In fact, after asking some of the stable boys it appears that it is quite the opposite. They told me that a 'dork' is something like a 'hank', and now I am quite concerned for your well being.
Have you tried not being so awkward? It's not as difficult as one might think. I was once quite awkward myself. Growing up on the docks and aboard ship doesn't exactly lend itself to high class elegance. Not everyone is born with a silver spoon in their mouth. In fact most of the world isn't. But that doesn't mean that you cannot elevate yourself and become a person of poise and refinement.
Now of course you are wondering 'how do I do that'. Well my dear, you simply fake the ever living hell out of it until you forget that this isn't even who you are. Now, now, I am not saying to forget where you came from. Never, ever do that. Where you came from made you who you are. I am saying to focus instead on where you are going, because that is what will make you who you wish to become. Who you are isn't all you will ever be. At least, it doesn't have to be.
Take a glance at the people that you look up to. Observing them will give you the answers you need on how to be more like them. Of course, you don't want to be exactly like them. That would be quite boring. You should want to surpass them.
How do they carry themselves? I'm quite sure that they are confident and well spoken. Confidence comes with accomplishments and accomplishments come with time. Go out and become good at something. Become the best at it. Win an award for it. You'll still think that you are terrible at it, but others won't, and that's good enough.
What is it about them that makes them heroic? People don't decide to be heroes and leaders, they just are. And this whole 'people are born heroes' is a load of rubbish. People aren't born as anything other than crying, tiny bundles of annoyance. Your experiences and choices make you heroic or cowardly, follower or leader. Most folks fall somewhere in the middle, though probably closer to cowardly follower if we are being honest. You can't 'want' to be a hero. In fact, that's just the surest way to never be one. Most heroes are humble people who never set out to be important and the best leaders are the ones who never wanted it.
Just live your life the way you want to. You might become a hero or a leader, and you might not. The important thing is that you respect who you are. Respect is earned, and the most important person from whom to earn it is yourself. People will treat you how you show them you wish to be treated. One of my heroes once said that 'no one can make you feel inferior without your consent'. If you feel inferior, then do something about it. If you don't, then don't.
People are always going to pick on you. That doesn't change no matter how well respected you are. The difference is that once you are well respected you can sort your friends from your enemies quite easily because only your friends will continue to do it to your face. If your friends are teasing you, it is most likely that they are well meaning and simply want to include you. But if it bothers you, stand up for yourself. It sounds as if you are alright with some good natured joking, but there is a line somewhere that they sometimes cross. Don't be afraid to show them where the line is. Trust me.
Good luck to you, my dear, it sounds like you are going to need it.
Have a burning question for Zarine? Send it along to areni.daru@gmail.com!
