Friday, March 22, 2013

The Grimloch Tribune

The Grimloch Tribune
By Callahan “Syruss” Marsden
 
 
LEAD STORY: WE ARE BACK!!!
 
(A non canon fact update as told through the eyes of Theddy Quill)

Welcome back to the longest running newspaper in Grimloch history. We apologize for the lack of printing since our last issue as Akakios’ men thoroughly trashed our entire printing operation.
 
Now it is not all bad, our loving Warlord Jaha just so happens to love the work we do here so he has graciously updated our facilities with some of the latest inventions from the good town of Westwood.

So enough about us let's talk about US and the things going on down in Grimloch.  The constant battle between Akakios and Grimloch continues  throughout this harsh north winter.

The problem with undead in the snow is they feel no irritation due to the cold, which makes hiding in a snow bank really easy, so ambushes on our roads and our Rohde is at an all-time high.

Winter Solstice was not without its incidents.   Our resident curmudgeon Sir Nighthawk was visited by four specters. The first ghost came as a warning saying that three more would visit and haunt him if he did not change his ways.
Nighthawk who would not be intimidated by some ghost called the only people to call in a situation like this the “T.H.U.G.S” (Terrors Horrors Undead Ghoul Squad) agents.
 
Sir Rohde, Dell and Priest Syruss quickly dispatched these specters’ who were easily taken down by enchanted magical blades.

After the solstice was over the Grimloch crew went right to work fortifying the areas that they currently held.

In recent news both the ranks of Grimloch and their training camps grew a bit larger this winter. The stage was set at the Knights of the Eternal Flame's annual tournament.  The ranks of Grimloch poured into columns and the two Warlords stared down their ranks of proud warriors and looked at the hopeful prospect of the adventurer known as Effa.

She wielded not blades but instead arcane magic, because of this she decided not to meet the challenge ahead by herself but instead opted to pick a champion to fight alongside her so she could demonstrate her support casting abilities.

The fights were fast and exciting.   Her spells flew through the air with deadly accuracy and her raises were readily available for when her champion fell.
 
At the end she stood tall gaining victories by both her offense and defensive spells showing that she has the potential to fit in real nice in the Grimloch ranks.

Congratulations Effa but do not get comfortable your journey has just begun and it is a long road ahead.
 
But Effa was not the only one to run their first Gauntlet but she was the only one to run a petitioner's Gauntlet.

Very few people had the honor to be approached by Sir Warlord Blade to join the original cast of Grimloch even fewer pasted up on the opportunity.   Blade does not offer too many second chances  but every once in awhile there is a person that just fits with our mold, our mentality, and our family.  The first time might not have been the right time or place, but now almost a decade from the original creation of Grimloch one of its original members found its way home.

With the lines already set and each member salivating for another challenge especially at someone Blade considered to be an Original.

At the end of the battle tested tunnel known as the Gauntlet entered a Knight, a Knight who recently tied for 3rd place in the Order of the List Invitational showing he is still among the elite fighters in all the lands.
Sir Eldritch entered this day, with a smile on his face that his friends know could mean two things:
 
Either he is going to party or he is going to fight.  It was quite apparent he was here to fight.

Entering the gauntlet with Grimloch coined sword and marn he prepared to battle what would be become his countrymen. Matching blow for blow with his peers. He would show all that stood there that day why he was considered for an original member as well as why he is still very much relevant to the growth of this fighting powerhouse.

Congratulations to Sir Eldritch for coming home!

A deadly taste of Heaven: Recipes from Empress Katasha of Grimloch

Hey guys, back from the depths of hell a.k.a Katasha’s cooking space and have I got something great for you. Have you ever gone to a Feast of Folkestone or a Grimloch Grill and Games?  Maybe you have been lucky enough to have purchased one of those fancy private dinners from our culinary connoisseur Katasha and was all like “Holy Crap that was the best thing ever” or “BY ODINS BEARD I would go through dog status to eat like this”?  You're in luck because now that I have FOUR DOGS yes that’s right count em’ four, I no longer have to risk life and limb to get you a recipe for that coveted cookbook . So this week my main man Grebinar now sporting two black eyes and thirty two stiches brings you this weeks “A Deadly Taste of Heaven”
 

Ingredients

Original recipe makes 7 servings
  •  1 (19.76 ounce) package Johnsonville® Italian Hot Sausage Links, casings removed*
  •  1 large onion, diced
  •  3 cloves garlic, minced
  •  2 tablespoons chili powder**
  •  1/4 teaspoon cumin
  •  1 (15.5 ounce) can black beans
  • 1 (15.5 ounce) can red kidney beans
  • 1 1/2 cups corn (frozen or fresh off the cob)
  • 1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes
  • 2 tablespoons tomato paste  
  • 1 (12 fluid ounce) can or bottle dark beer (or light beer or beef stock)
  • Salt and pepper

    Directions
  1. Decase the sausage and saute in a large pot; use a wooden spoon to crumble the sausage as it cooks. Once the sausage is nicely browned, stir in the onion, garlic, chili powder and cumin and continue cooking until the onion softens about 5 minutes.
  2. Add the beer and allow it to simmer for an additional 5 minutes scraping up any brown bits from the bottom of the pan. Stir in the tomatoes, tomato paste and allow it to simmer, uncovered for an additional 10-15 minutes on med-low, stirring occasionally. Taste and adjust seasonings with salt and pepper.
  3. Finally stir in the beans and the corn. Let this come to a simmer and it's ready to serve!
 
Dygen Presents Clean Joke time.

Hey Guys,
T.H.U.G.S agent and all around kicker of tushies Dygen here, and do I have a joke for you.

Do you like to laugh? Do you like to be able to laugh without looking over your shoulder to see if it's cool to laugh? Well then this new segment is here to put a smile on you face without putting dirt in your brain.
 
A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."

"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."

The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."

The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!"
 
 
Well that's it for this issue I am Theddy Quill along side Syruss reporting the facts, the whole facts, and nothing but the facts. Stay safe see you next week
 
NOTES from the Author
Hey Guys,
I am back and going to try and provide stories more frequently. What would help, would be kind reviews letting me know what you want to see more or less of.

Also I am willing to write articles both satirical and informative on other countries, plot lines, or shop plugs.
If you have a story you want out there please consider using the Grimloch Tribune as a method.  I can make it to most events to do a real interview or I can be reached on the OOC list, my Facebook page or my twitter account.

I am looking forward to making you laugh
<3
Cal “Syruss”

8 comments:

  1. Eldritch tied for 2nd at order of the list. Not 3rd.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have a hard time believing Nighthawk would call in anyone for ghost issues.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Eldritch did in fact tie for second.
    I will make a retraction next issue :D

    Also Nighthawk is far to busy to handle such a minute thing as ghosts. He has people for that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My only complaint is that I cannot +1 your snappy Nighthawk comment.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Very few people had the honor to be approached by Sir Warlord Blade to join the original cast of Grimloch even fewer pasted up on the opportunity"

    "Pasted up"? Please get an editor.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I do have an editor.

    I'm sorry this got by us.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous,

    Please stop being rude. If you want to make a correction make it. There is no need for the added edge.

    -Dagger

    P.S. Hideing behind anonymous is cowerdice.
    (feel free to correct me. I am writing from a phone)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Informative and witty writing as always! It's great to hear about Effa and Sir Eldritch, congrats to both of them and to Grimloch!
    I can't wait for the next issue you guys put out!

    ReplyDelete