Janna Oakfellow-Pushee: The OP Insectafae, Bard, Monarch, Knight, Friend Part 1

By Kieran/Kyra/K “Omri” “Mirren” Barry. In truth, merely the orchestrator and compiler of the words that others give tribute to an amazing person

Janna Oakfellow-Pushee née Flannery’s first event was the one where Queen Meg went Under the Hill, Feast of Chimeron X, and it was only uphill from there for the player and their character. Their very first character, Bouquet, an insectafae, would become Nimbus, Queen of Fae. Janna has had a myriad of characters since, both PCs and NPCs, named on Realmsnet.net and unnamed. A current and well known character is Sir Iawen Penn of Eagle’s Rook, with whom many newer faces to the Realms are familiar.

Photo courtesy M.G. Norris photography Leviathan 2019, Dani OP and Janna OP

“Janna’s passion for plot and storytelling is something I always strive to emulate. Even when they were writing many plots simultaneously, everything always connected to create a living and breathing world. One of the best compliments I have ever received was being told I reminded someone of Janna, and I hope live up to that by telling stories and creating worlds like they do for many years to come. 

Janna also teaches us that it’s okay to not be okay, and even when we are struggling there are people who love us. That even when I am sick and suffering, I am still valid. So it is up to us to continue to Love, and to look after each other. Not just when things are good, but especially when they are bad.” Bri “Margaret” Meisser

A year ago in summer, for a Tournaments of the Branch challenge, Becky “Kovaks” Baron had the contestants put together a chronicle of Insectafae. At the time I put a couple of weeks’ worth of effort into it, bound in green, and labelled it a chronicle. I have since worked on further editions of the chronicle, for although it was the first long term plot Janna Oakfellow-Pushee ran and concluded, it was woven into other plots they since ran or had part in, with pieces popping up that would later tie into another plot or even another character’s backstory. Janna had part in shaping peoples’ lives, both in game and out of game, and the Realms would not be the same without their touch, their words, their warmth, their presence, and their love. We are so lucky for their love, that it is directed at this community.

“There are few people who love as deeply or as completely as Janna Oakfellow-Pushee. Certainly the Realms means a lot to all of us, and many consider some portions of the Realms to be their found family. Janna takes that a leap forward, treating every member of the community as if they were not just their kith but their kin. They care about every one of us, our struggles, our goals, our journeys. They’re the first to offer help or to reach out a hand. They ask us questions and truly listen to the answers because they always seek a deeper understanding of each of us. Their grasp of Realms lore is ironclad because those stories are the history of their family so of course they are vital to learn and memorize. They are a Knight of the Realms in the truest sense of that title, someone who willingly and gladly carries the weight of the Realms on their back.” - Jason "Aeston" Rosa

Photo courtesy Sawyer Judkins, Janna and fellow KoEF knights at the (at this article's publishing) latest Knights of the Eternal Flame's knighting.

Janna is an open book. A well written, well loved tome that is bound in beautiful leather, with margins written in that they wrote themselves, taking in notes and marks of love, from letters to rocks that others collect and share with them. Evident in what any says about them is their passion for the game but beyond that for people. They have always taken time for people, and some of their favorite things within this game and without is to see people flourish and thrive. To hear tale of what a friend has gone on to accomplish.

Photo courtesy Kersten Prince, Janna as Iawen taking part in a Black and White questing party called Kebabs of Justice (left to right: Tuilli, Iawen, Cressida as a tree leaf thing, [up] Jean Baptiste, [down] Savage Sarah (Iawen/Janna's child), Omri, Liona)

“I met Janna at my first fight practice, they took me under my wing and helped give me advice for not dying quite so fast. 

Janna ran the first plot that I really got involved in. They drew me in with their storytelling and their desire to get new blood involved in their plot. They let me feel special and important when I didn’t know anything or anyone. 

Janna has always been there to help me be the best me I can be, and has been a mentor and a friend. Their humility, their honor, their love, their determination.” Becky "Kovaks" Baron

A phrase I hear every so often from Janna (aside from 'stop letting your shoulders make out out with your earlobes', a playful reminder to relax my shoulders) ‘the late Dave used to ask me "well were they wrong or did they just hurt your feelings?"’ about situations in which conflict arose and they will take that upon themselves as well, not just something they repeat unto others. A reflective and keen soul, not above admitting that they’re not perfect. They're always trying and improving, not in a self-flagellation way, but in the pure enjoyment for self-betterment, like that zen master who just so happens to dress up and run around play pretend throwing spells and swinging swords.

Photo courtesy Kersten Prince, Janna as Iawen

“Janna is one of those people who will say something once and it becomes a phrase that percolates through the Realms.  Other people will say it, and you'll still hear Janna's intonation.  It is awesome how much attention people pay to what Janna says. 

Bouquet/Nimbus, Sir A/Aberes/Iowen, Jayde... Janna has always found a way to turn a niche into a story that will draw other people in.  Some might be tangential to that story, some may be of critical importance, but anyone who takes part will see Janna as part of the core of the storyline. 

This applies when Janna is EHing, as well.  A Janna story, either with co-EHs or not, is different than every other EH's.  Variety is one of the things that makes our Realms so accessible.  No player will want to do everything, but every player can do something.  Janna is part of the people who make sure no one gets left out.” - Jerry "Pawldo" Pearce

Janna is taking a step away from the game as they deal with their health. That means plots such as the aforementioned time snarls is moving into different hands, for those who wish to take up the mantle. Many think fondly of said plots, old and ongoing, and consider it a pleasure to have been part of their plots either on the Western Flank or as PCs. And Janna is no stranger to Western Flanking in other plots, contributing to the community in all the ways they can.

What Iawen looks like beneath a human facade/glamour.

“There is so much to say when it comes to Janna and how they have changed my life in game and out of it. Janna was truly the first person to make me feel welcome as a newbie. Fresh out of college and full of social anxiety I found warmth and comfort immediately upon meeting them and being welcomed to their weekly game nights. Over the years I would get advice and support as I went from playing to NPCing to EHing, all of which they were most happy to advise me on, and they showed up and NPCd for me when I got started throwing events. They would lead equests that allowed me to venture to new worlds and perform bardics that inspired me to write my own. The kindness and hugs on the hard days kept me going and encouraged me in a way that is truly indescribable. Every day I aspire to be kinder, stronger, and more creative because of their ability to do all three in a way that awes me. Our bond means the world to me and I would not be who I am today without their kindness, courage, strength, resilence, creativity, and love. I am a better larper and human because of Janna.” Crystal "Cressida" Welch

It’s not just in plots that they leave a mark. Though the firesides have been fewer, so I’ve heard, when they sing it’s beautiful. A masterful weaver of words and tunes.

“Janna is awesome! 

Janna and I made a bardic for Cimone for Queen of Hearts one year, and it was really neat collaborating because we each came up with half the tune and lyrics, but it was all blended together.  And it came out good, too – I remember Kevin/Kwartz having to perform after us and saying it was like he had to compete with Destiny’s Child. 😊  We also had fun making filk versions of our own song! 

Janna has a real knack for inventive plotmastering, with deep backstory and colorful NPCs (sometimes literally!) with interesting costumes and props and a great variety of interactions available to PCs.  A lot of people have enjoyed Janna’s plots – from both the heroes’ side and the western flank! 

Janna has always had such a clear concern for others, and checks in with how people are doing and never hesitates to offer genuine care and support.  Janna’s an emotional safety net for so many people, and it comes right from the heart.  

Janna’s a big hugger – they have a hug for anyone and everyone! 

Janna is so good at finding the humor in so many things.  Whether chatting about family life or aspirations, NPCing or plotting, sorting props or making cookies, you’re sure to share in Janna’s sparkling laughter many times along the way!” - Kathy "Mahkta" Fey

Photos courtesy Robyn Nielsen, Janna getting knighted by KoEF, Kathy Fey in front holding the white belt 

I easily admit to bias, as even before I knew it Janna elevated my enjoyment of the game. As the wolf shopkeep Madame J at my very first Black and White they painted my face to better accentuate my character’s nature. They facilitated me and other Riverhawks getting to my very first winter event of Uncle Cecil’s Crazy Taven. And in that car ride they struck up conversation, learned I was only a stone throw’s from their home, and invited me to game nights. Now my character Omri is petitioning their character Iawen’s nation of Eagle’s Rook. It’s a slippery slope between cards and tabards, folks. Joking aside, despite how our relationship has developed positively, they still would’ve behaved exactly the same with someone who may never end up seeing them again.

“There are select few instances in any person's life when a someone gets the opportunity to change a life drastically for the better.  These opportunities are seldom easy to spot, and most often nearly impossible to capitalize on, which is why today I join what Im sure will be a symphony of praise for one Janna Oakfellow-Pushee, who has dedicated their entire adult life to, not just finding, but creating those miracle instances for, what from my perspective appears to be, nearly every single person in the Realms community. 

I could tell you that a decade ago I was a waffle shirt and brown sweatpants newbie with no tabard and a D-Ring belt when Janna dedicated half of their Feast of Leviathan to paving the way for the rest of my life, but frankly that would be underselling it.  I was on the cusp of 16 years old, unknowingly on the brink of homelessness and was alone in room full of adults expressing themselves in a way that I, as a troubled innercity youth, was totally unable to compute.  In that moment for me, none of this was real, it was a silly escape for people who had to have more time and money to spare than I could even imagine- until Janna sat down and asked my name.  They wanted to know who my character was.  They wanted to know what brought Ben here.  They wanted to hear about the music I liked, and how long I'd been playing the guitar I brought, Who brought me, Who I've met so far, Who I thought looked cool and did I want to meet them- and 2 hours later I wasn't the Ben that was scared, jealous and on the outside of an experience that was passing me by.  In that instant I became the very beginning of Pilpus, bright-eyed, curios and bashful, all because Janna decided to be the first person ever in my life to treat me like a person.  Not a kid in need, not someone that could give them something, just me.  Just because, as I would soon learn,  Janna was being Janna.  Janna just gives a shit about people.  Its that simple, and because of that simplicity, I'd wager that nearly every player in this game can tell you the moment that Janna made a difference in their life, gameside or otherwise. 

The next lesson that Janna passively instilled is that being one of many to have been blessed by their presence doesn't make me not unique, or not special, it just made me part of the Realm's family. A family that a decade later has truly become my whole life.  Even if at that table in 2014, I couldn't conceive what this community was or would be, by the end of that conversation, I knew that I wanted to be just like Janna, because Janna was AWESOME! Kind, Smart, Interesting, Rowdy, Funny, Caring, Insightful, Honest and Fun.  If you asked her how she did it, all her signs pointed back to this game, and kid Ben was just gonna have to figure it all out if I wanted to be just like them, and so badly I did, so I started walking that path to wherever it lead. 

2 years later when the game lost Bud Wolfhope, even though I'd never had the pleasure of getting to know him, I saw how devastated Janna was.  I brought my new girlfriend to Blackwood Tournaments to fight with me in Bud's honor because if Janna cared, I cared, even if I wasn't around to know why.  The first event I ever staffed was a WIGOH, because I knew the amazing effect that getting to participate in Janna's wonderful stories could have on a new player.  Fast forward to today, Everything I am to this community and everything I do for it comes from Janna caring so much about our people that it was contagious.  My newborn daughter's middle name is Iawen, because without Iawen Penn sitting at that table to guide me, who knows if she'd even exist, or have the amazing family of people around her that she does.  If Sage Iawen grows up to be even half the beautiful soul her namesake is, I'd be the luckiest man in the world. 

If there is any gray area remaining in my assessment of Janna's impact on my life and this game as it relates, for those of you who haven't yet had the pleasure of your own special moment with Janna to look back on, I will leave you with this final sentiment.  Janna Oakfellow-Pushee is the breathing soul of this community, this whole game, and they have been for at least my entire Realms career.  Everything that is good amongst our people can find its roots in their selfless kindness.  There isn't a belt or crown in existence that could be worthy of honoring what they've done.  Should the sad day come that Janna isn't physically on site working miracles for us- their fingerprints are in every fantasies ink, their voice is in every person who guides you to happiness, and their love is always at the table with you helping make sense of the strange world that is being placed in your hands to build and love in kind.” - Ben "Pilpus" Lacasse

Bouquet pre-loss of wings, fresh to the Realms 

So many truly wonderful people in this community, it’s made better by Janna being part of it. And Janna would say it's made better by you being in it (unless you're an asshole but also that we're all assholes sometimes, try not to let it become something that brings down the community). Hey Janna, we love you. 

A Deeper View of Jen: Keeping the Torch Lit

Written by: Dani “Elizah” Lacasse & contributions from various noted authors 

Edited by: Kieran/Kyra “Omri” Barry

Oftentimes it’s easy to consume content that’s placed in front of us without really thinking about all the behind the scenes work that has gone into creating the masterpieces. From brainstorming to execution, the amount of time and effort that goes into upkeeping a publication like the View is undeniable. Someone who would understand this best is someone like Jennifer DeNardis-Rosa who has played her character Dame Areni Stromgate in the Realms since 2004. 

Photo provided by Jason Rosa 

Now while we don't get to see Areni nearly enough at events, oftentimes Jen can be found contributing on the back end of events, from lead up prep, kitchen help, serving, and so much more. But, her dedication to the game goes far beyond the physical sphere. She joined the View of Valehaven team a decade ago in 2014, eagerly contributing to articles like our beloved “What you Missed” and the various titled versions of  “Questions of the Week” series, all while spearheading others like; “10 questions with an EH”, “Belts of the Eternal Flame” and “Views in the View” to name just a few. She steadily upheld this until the time came that the torch was passed off by former Editor in Chief Angie Gray 2014. 

“It can be easy to overlook Jennifer Rosa. She is soft spoken, thoughtful, and very polite all traits that can be associated with meekness. Working closely with her I learned that beneath the exterior is someone who works hard without a need for recognition, is incredibly ethical, and when necessary will dig in and stand up for her beliefs. 

Working with Jen was one of the things I missed most about working on the View. She was a great teammate who brought us staff Santa hats, made us laugh (if you haven't had a chance to interact  with her to see it she has a great sense of humor under that quiet exterior), and was often the person to notice and support others when they were feeling challenged, and make sure our successes were celebrated.” -Angela “Phoenix” Gray  

After taking on the Chief Editor position for the View in 2016, Jen has continued to be the silent force behind the publications ongoing success. Writing, creating and reaching out to others to partake, became second nature to her. Diligently working through the "dark years" without a fuss, Jen has continued to exhibit her impeccable work ethic and absolute commitment to our Realms community.

Truth be told, I see a lot of myself in Jen and one day, I can only hope to leave as great an impact on the community as she has. Her shoes are some big ones to fill, and I am honored to be part of the three who will step into those to ensure the torch continues to shine bright for those that will come after us. Jen, thank you for all that you have done and will continue to do, the torch is in good hands. 

And I'm not alone with my feelings about the legacy she's created for herself. When asking the community “How has the View positively impacted your time in the Realms?”, measuring how Jen has affected the Realms via this singular aspect, we got several responses.

Photo provided by Jason Rosa

Keith “Saegan” Cronyn

“People often see me as a sort of a quiet person, when in face to face meetings, and I think that the articles I put forth on the view over my tenure really enabled the community to see my personality a bit more, and understand my voice, rather than just a fighter.”

Lani "Gwen" Jones

"As a viewer, the content that the View from Valehaven provided me with a connection to other members of our community. I loved reading people’s interviews and getting to know more about them in and out of character. I also fondly remember advice articles and blasts from the past from community members who had a specific niche or story to tell. Once I was contributing, I frequently wrote “Why I Want to Go” pieces, and I really loved the opportunity to dig into event descriptions, talk to EHs, and highlight the diverse and wonderful nature of Realms event-holding.

Why I loved working with Jen:

Jen is one of the kindest and most dedicated people I know. She did such a great job of brainstorming new content ideas with the team regularly and she always made sure we had content planned so that the View could be a staple that the Realms community could count on daily. Jen put an incredible amount of thought into the view and its contributors. She always made sure that content contributors saw their work in a timely manner, and that diverse perspectives were represented in our articles. A lot of the things that make the View great are the behind-the-scenes attention to detail, and I think that the imprint that Jen left on this chapter of the View from Valehaven will have a lasting impact on the publication and the community."

Ethan “Jean Baptise” Goldman

“One of my first communications with the realms was through suggesting how the View could better link its articles. In many ways the view is the main avenue people figure out I do anything that isn't inherently comedic. Even though I just post cartoons.”

Kieran/Kyra “Omri” Barry

“I was asked to write my first piece for the View about why I wanted to go to “Tales of a Teatotaler”, an event my friends were throwing. I was honored to be asked, and it ended up being the first of many articles I’ve written for the View since then. The great thing about the view is that anyone can write for it. While I haven’t talked with Jen, seeing how consistent the View is, even through the ‘Quiet Years’, is amazing. And this has provided an outlet for me when I had to step back from writing responsibilities in other parts of my life, allowing me to keep doing what I love when I thought I would have to be done when I graduate.”

Pat "Saka" Bobell

“The View has been a fantastic way for me to learn more about people in the Realms and their creative endeavors. The various interview series, spotlights on writing, crafting, and photography, and Happenings on the Emerald Path have been outstanding for highlighting folks and the varied contributions we all make to the community.”

Nataliya “Shader” Kostenko

“The View is, much like Jen/Areni herself, what one might call a hidden gem–or an unsung hero–of the Realms community at large. It takes time, dedication, and a labor of overwhelming love to create engaging, community-oriented content week in and week out. And it’s not a flashy kind of labor either–it’s not leading an army onto the battlefield, delivering a dramatic speech, or even getting your name onto the EH list. It’s making sure people have something Realms-related to read as they sit down to breakfast. It’s sparking a lively discussion in the Realms discord server. It’s dropping the dankest of memes. It’s curating valuable information about our community–about our events and about one another. And I think it’s easy to undervalue that, to overlook how meaningful it really is. But in times of hardship–whether that be a huge, isolating pandemic or just a week during which you’re feeling down and disconnected–it’s something you can reliably turn to for an immediate sense of connection, community, and friendship. That’s who Jen is too, in my experience. Someone who always offers everyone–the newest newbie and the grouchiest oldbie–a kind, listening ear and an effortless sense of belonging.”

Ryan “Orion” Welch

“Jen has been a cornerstone of the community for many years. In my time working for her at the View, she supported me as I revived the monthly rumors and encouraged me to branch out into other writing topics, often pushing me to expand the boundaries of my knowledge and comfort.

Jen is also extremely persistent. Early on, she declared that the View would continue to publish a new article every weekday, even when we didn't have in-person events to write about. It was her "damn the torpedoes!" moment, and she challenged the whole team to come up with a lot of innovative content. And we did it!

I believe that the View would not have survived the dark times without Jen's leadership. Her vision has shaped the institution into what it is today.”

Dustin “Toah” Mack

“The View helps keep the game going between events, whether it’s just a weekday or winter. It gives players a way to share things they couldn’t easily at events, and event holders a way to promote and enhance their events. It’s a way for the game’s past to stay alive and recent events to be shared with those that couldn’t be there.

A few years ago Jen messaged me asking if I’d want to be an official photographer for The View. I had questions on the specifics and she helped me understand what would be expected. Once I accepted, she worked with me to make sure my posts were up to the standards of the site. She walked me through how to add pictures and answered all my questions along the way. Jen was definitely a huge help in enhancing my contributions to the Realms.”

Jason “Aeston” Rosa

“I’ve watched firsthand how Jen has grown and shaped the View over the greater part of a decade. When Angie Gray was ready to retire from being the Editor in Chief and pass it off to Jen, she had already distinguished herself as someone who gave her all to making the publication successful. In the following years I watched her gather and lead a dedicated staff, put countless hours into crafting articles and features, and just generally do her best to make sure her years as the new “boss lady” (as she used to call Angie) were worthy ones.

The View is a storied publication. It has spanned close to the entirety of the Realms’ existence, from a time when it was printed with dot matrix printers all the way to its current online form. It’s had many chief editors and countless contributors and I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that part of the soul of our community is nestled into its pages, whether they be paper or virtual. Jen, congratulations on joining a historic cast of emeritus editors that have made the View from Valehaven great. I love you.” 

Photo provided by Jason Rosa

 

Jerry Pearce, Pawldo, 30 years of skin in the game

 by Kyra Barry

Towards the end of September an anniversary passed, marking Jerry Pearce's 30th year in this game. Jerry plays the HalfLing werewolf, Lord Sir Pawldo of Alifon, sworn to the nation of Chimeron. From his profile on Realmsnet.net, his first quest “was in late September 993, RSR, fighting against Prospero in the aftermath of the first Wayland War.”

photo by Kersten Prince

Lord Sir Pawldo of Alifon's titles have grown since his first quest, his most recent being at Black and White where he picked up the title of Seneschal of Chimeron. His titles span: Knight of Garm; Royal House of Chimeron; Seneschal of Chimeron; Master of the Single Short; Journeyman of the Spoon; Apprentice of The Pack, and perhaps more he did not tell me.

He was recognized as vassal by Queen Meg and as part of the Chimeron Royal House by King Pyr. Just recently he was recognized by King Cecil for the aforementioned title of Seneschal. It’s a role I am not surprised Cecil bestowed upon Pawldo. Cecil described it as a title for one who acts for those of Chimeron without a subnation, and I can say wholeheartedly Pawldo, and by extension Jerry, is a good fit.

It's difficult to find pictures of Jerry, let alone Pawldo. His contributions to the game and dedication to balance include many events where he's manning the Western Flank or staffing the kitchen as a member of the Servant's Guild.

photo by Kersten Prince

Jerry is more active at fight practices and workshops than events, and I've had the pleasure to get to know Pawldo over e-questing and Jerry over chats and at fight practices, where he's quick with his blocks. His fighting skill is not the first thing that comes to mind when I think of him. I think of a person who’s even tempered and willing to engage, treating newer folk as people worth listening to.

“He was the first person I met at fight practice. He’s been one of my greatest supporters the whole time I’ve been playing” - Becky Baron, Kovaks.

 

The story of his knighting to Garm was incidental yet he roleplays it with dedication. As Ethan Goldman of John Baptiste fame put it:

"Pawldo is a Knight of Garm, and an absolute FANATIC, he heard Garm is a dog, he becomes a werewolf. Dies constantly and always somehow stops being dead, because he will NOT break his fifty/fifty streak. Balance’s strongest regenerator."

 

That man's 50/50 streak can’t be beat.

Amusingly Pawldo was so named before the character became a werewolf, or a Knight of Garm, becoming exposed to werewolf blood and joining that healer's Guild early on in his Realms career. That’s a story to ask him yourself. Although the Pack has become less active Jerry carries on their traditions through his roleplay of Pawldo and Pawldo's magic.

photo courtesy of the Chimeron website

I’ve experienced this flavoring in one of my character’s fondest memories, that follows a traumatic memory of losing his leg and being trapped in a place plagued by unknown monsters and horrors. Due to intervening magic he was able to escape to safety, and Pawldo was among those who came and comforted him. Pawldo gave up one of his Heal Limbs to regrow Omri’s leg, with the flavor of using his werewolf blood to facilitate the process. To this day my character has yet to see another Regrow Limb and carries on the belief blood must be shared. The love shared and reassurance of safety, in no small part from Pawldo, is why that memory continues to be one of my and my character’s fondest memories.

“Jerry cares. He cares a lot. Many of us are vocal about how much we care for the community. Jerry shows his passion through service, as he always has. It is not that Jerry lacks opinions - he just lets his actions do the talking. Thankfully for us all, Jerry's main opinion seems to be that we all deserve tasty feast food, help supporting new players, and dry humor in spades.” - Matt Brenner, Cecil.

 

He's not often in the spotlight, a true supporter to fellow oldbies and to newbies alike. There are times where he steps up, takes charge when it’s needed, and corrals the herd of cats that are adventurers. He’s more likely to spot someone he thinks fits the role or could if encouraged, and does just that, encourage them.

photo by Jason Rosa

I asked him once what his favorite part of being in Realms were.

“As a player: seeing the continuation of 1st year to keen rising star to vet to teacher.

As a character: seeing how my continued presence makes sure that threats to those I care about are pushed back so that they can continue to grow and excel.”

He's certainly overseen the growth of many people. 

I’m at the age where there aren’t too many people still around that were veterans by the time that I started playing, but Jerry was certainly one of them. From the very beginning of my time in Realms, Jerry was a friend, a mentor, and an example worth following. 

Service towards the game is one of the most important ideals that keeps the Realms a strong and enduring community. Generations of Worcester Realmsies have learned that lesson from Jerry, stretching all the way back to myself and the other newbies of my era. From grunt NPCing to serving to setting and cleaning up sites, Jerry has always been one of the first to volunteer to help in any way he could to make events successful and to elevate the people around him. His kindness, humility, and compassion always shine through.

I am extremely glad I had the opportunity to learn from Jerry but am even more glad that today’s newbies get to benefit from that same experience. I can’t imagine a better person to be an ambassador of the Realms and to make sure newer players grow into roles and responsibilities that suit them best. I’m honored to call him my friend and thrilled to celebrate his 30th year in the Realms.” - Jason Rosa, Aeston

 

Another notable memory where Jerry’s presence actively elevated my enjoyment in the game includes him drawing on mutual experiences and knowledge, and a gift from my character to his. It became an experience that required both of us and our input. It was something he could've easily done on his own if he had wanted to, although it would have gone differently. There are always other routes. But he actively chooses the ones that causes collaborations and efforts from all involved. He drew me in and together we did something meaningful that was only possible through our combined efforts.

photo by Kersten Prince

I honestly hope that when it’s time for me to hit the 30 year mark I can emulate the sort of person Jerry Pearce is. He’s a wonderful friend and a valued member of our community. I’m very glad to have had the pleasure to get to know him. 

A Tribute to Conrad

Realms lost one of it's own last week- Conrad Barnes, who played Garharz. His loss is felt deeply across the community and by those who knew and loved him best. In tribute, we have gathered memories that friends and family had posted or sent to us in the wake of this sad news. We hope that you read these words below and remember him in your own way. <3

Henry Giasson (Guilliam)

Conrad was always good to me. He was a positive and uplifting presence who was eager to share a drink, share a story, help the people around him, and treated everyone that I ever saw him interact with well. The world has lost someone who could bring a smile and some light wherever he went.

You’ll be missed. Tonight I’ll drink a toast for absent friends.

Sara Jessop (Madam Zarine)

My first memory of Garharz was during a large war tournament. I don't remember which one, only that it was at Andy's. He'd set up a mystic forge, and was repairing people's armor like a madman. 'I fix it fast, I fix it good' is the only part of the verbal I remember, rapid fire over and over in that crazy accent.

The character was the total package. Look, accent, personality, spell build... Everything tied together into a cohesive, real character. But I remember thinking, often times people who play characters that quirky often burn out, and while it was cool it wouldn't last. Eventually he'd lose the accent, or tone down some other parts of the character for ease of play. But he never did. While I'm sure he grew and changed as a person, he still stuck with who Garharz was at heart.

Conrad added to the immersion of our game so much, and in a way few do. He was more than that goofy accent. He roleplayed his spell build in a way that I'd never seen done before, and without sacrificing effectiveness. He proved that you could be a great roleplayer and also a great combatant at the same time, without needing to sacrifice any of one for the other. He was an inspiration for a new generation of combat casters. Off the field he helped introduce new tavern games and he was always willing to help anyone, new or old, learn how to play them. He was welcoming and friendly and easy to strike up an in character conversation with. He didn't take himself too seriously and just played his character with such pure joy that was infectious.

I didn't spend too much time with him outside of the game, but at a friend's wedding a few months back I realized I liked Conrad the real life person a lot. We tend to spend so much time in a game world with each other that we often forget to get to know the players behind our alter egos better. We should do that more before we realize it's too late.

The world will be a little dimmer without your light, my friend. Safe passage to whatever comes next.

Beth Tozier (Freesia)

Hail to the traveler as he goes!

Lo, do I see you as you are, were, and could be,

I see you as you go where we cannot follow.

Hail to the traveler as he goes!

Lo, do I see you as you go,

Joined by those who have gone before; those that will guide you away from us.

Hail to the traveler as he goes!

Though tears may be shed,

We see you as you go and know we are more for having had you with us.

Hail to the traveler as he goes!

We raise a glass to you. We cheer your deeds.

We remember and we see you.

Hail to the traveler as he goes, until we all meet again.

Hannah Blood (Nhadala)

I haven’t really had the words to express how sad I am to be losing a friend.

When I first joined the LARP community, Conrad was there. Not just as a character, but as a person. He helped me get started, taught me how to play, created backstory together (Nhadala and Garharz were childhood friends, both from the same small northern village, iykyk). He taught me how to run Blacksmith, which I ended up loving and became a huge part of my play style. He taught me how to make my own fun, and to have a big personality.

But outside of that he made sure I was welcome. He let me crash on his futon instead of camping in the woods. We ordered sushi and laughed about life. We talked about video games, board games, movies. We shared our relationship woes and truimphs. And we were always smiling and laughing, always rooting for each others success. Conrad brought honesty and true joy to those around him.

The last event I went to I was surprised to see Conrad there. We spent hours catching up, playing games, and generally heckling. It was as if no time had passed between our last visit, and it made my day so much more memorable.

Nhadala lost a childhood friend, and in reality it feels the same.

Cheers, Conrad - until we meet again.

Gerald Chartier (Gray)

Like a lot of people, I met Conrad Barnes at Realms. We bonded at a Folkestone Questing event during a big field battle, when he was operating a Mystic Forge and I was operating a Circle of Healing right next to each other.

Conrad was a delight to be around. He had an infectious enthusiasm and was always fun to banter with. He made things better just by his mere presence. In character or out, at an event or hanging out IRL, he made the people happy just by being around them.

I'm really going to miss you, Conrad.

Zach Senchuk (Loken)

I've been good friends with Conrad for nearly half my life. I have been with him through many of the later chapters of his life.

At Conrad's first event he was my backpack "caster" as we were both on Green for Green and Gold. Even back then he had his accent and story exactly where he wanted it. I used to bring my entire computer setup over to Rad's to have LAN weekends with him in his tiny, but cozy, apartment on the outskirts of Leb. We even spent a week living together after his second dislocation and subsequent surgery for his shoulder to make sure he had someone around to help take care of him. It was a week full of silver linings, bottomless tea, and as many microwavable meatballs as could fit in a single man's freezer.

I got to see his journey into the Realms community at large, and literally infect those around him with his joy. For those who had the pleasure to know the man behind the blacksmith, Conrad truly was one of the most positive people I have ever met. Even in the most sorrow of times he was a lighthouse out of the fog for those around him.

Over the years, as many of us do, we find and lose many connections. I consider myself fortunate to have been around to witness Conrad finding someone he deserved, for many reasons, but not least because she made him as happy as he made others. Gabby brought joy to this man in a way no one else ever did. The connect you two had was, is, and will continue to be so special.

I have always been moved by the strength of the Realms community and it's ability to support each other when we lose one of our members to tragedy. I find myself particularly moved this time because beyond what he did for us, he did for so many of you as well. I am not surprised by the number of stories that have come out to honor Conrad, but each one moves me as if it was the first I've read.

When I think of "camp" I think of home. A group of my closest friends, the smell of fire, good food and laughter as we tell stories through the night. The perceptive of you will have noticed, but Conrad was often the first face you saw when visiting us. This was no mistake. It is wise to put your best and most charismatic face to the front, and there was no confusion to who that was. I mourn my friend, I too however, mourn those new faces who might visit in the future who will never be gifted with a greeting from our favorite blacksmith, because they will not know what they are missing, and I will.

Grief and celebration for me are the same coin. I *know* what I am missing, but to the best of my ability, I choose to celebrate what I was given. I will never again be able to put my garb on again without thinking of Conrad. The drama of that statement is lofty and intentional, all the more powerful because it is true. Do not be confused however, this is no curse, but a generous gift. I will forever be reminded of these joys and more. Were we all to live our lives to such fullness I am certain the world would be better off for it.

In some ways this is Conrad's last chapter, but like all those before it, will continue to be told at our fire, will continue to bring us joy, and will continue to mean the world to me.

I will miss you Conrad, Thank you.

John Rescigno (Gordon)

Conrad was the first face you saw when you came to NA Camp. With a smile on his face, he would say hello, introduce himself, and make you feel welcome whether it was your first time or your hundredth coming to visit us.

I’m especially thankful for him being a welcoming friend for my wife when she came to the game and was nervous about being around all the new people. He made her and so many others comfortable in a highly in-character environment that was intimidating for many, including myself at first.

Being such an active player, Conrad was often the first NA member that people would meet, and we couldn’t have asked for a better person to give that first impression to the community.

To our Diplomat, Garharz.

I’ll see you on the other side of the Dark River one day my friend.

Memories of Dave - Part 3

From Angie Grey:

Dave touched so many lives. I wish I had an epic story of a single profound moment but I don’t.  I don’t even remember how or when I met him. I don’t remember how we became friends, other than he appeared and began to treat me like one.  I remember being surprised by our first invitation to his house, and even more surprised the first time he told me they’d be in Vermont and were coming to visit ours.  

He made a point of getting to know people in and out of character. He remembered surprising small details from conversations.  He made a point of always balancing his Realms and personal life and in doing so proved it was possible to stay relevant without being on the field every weekend.

Dave and I were planners. I’m fairly certain we are two of the people who have played a key role in organizing the most Queen of Hearts teams and enjoyed combining our efforts.  He loved to strategize and analyze. His enthusiasm was contagious.  I agreed to help organize more than one team because doing so meant another opportunity to work with Dave. 

Dave loved fruity drinks.  It didn’t match what most would have expected from a man his age.  His unabashed enjoyment of them (and bacon, and Hawaiian shirts, and… well you get the picture) made his friends smile, but likely got him a sideways glance in some circumstances. Yet I can’t imagine a time when Dave would have been concerned enough about what people thought of him to have made a different choice though.  Dave took the time to explore the world. He found the things he loved, and he loved them, deeply, without apology.  It was an inspiration to me, someone who was raised to believe it was better to fit into the “normal” mold, especially because he was skilled, smart and would have succeeded anywhere.  By being his awesome self, I know he inspired not just me but a lot of us to embrace who we are. I can’t imagine a more powerful gift. 

From Dani Lacasse: 

I'd like to take you to a time that wasn't too long ago but happened to be my first year in the realms. 2016. My first year in the game. And in 2016 the community held an event that holds a special place in my heart to this day. The realms hosted a fight-a-thon in honor of someone I never had the pleasure of meeting, Bud. 

And being my fourth ever, I was just so excited to go out there and fight, and if you could call me getting my ass handed to me 225 times to be exact, I did. 

And once we finished up, Dav came up to me and asked who I was and introduced himself to me and we chatted and took me over to a tent set up on the back corner of the tourney field and casually asked me what weapon sock I liked best. 

Flash forward a few events, this man who I vaguely remembered me and remembered that weapon sock I loved, he presented me with my first ever realms sword with that very sock. Standard 3 8", nothing eccentric to anyone else, but to me it meant everything.

You told me that not only did you decide to give me a weapon because of the fighting potential you saw in me but because I had inspired you, by participating in a fight-a-thon. Raising funds for someone I had never met and doing with a smile on my face the entire time with a community I barely even knew.  And I thought you were crazy at the time me inspiring someone like you!? Like John had said previously, you were someone who had been pointed out to me as someone I could always go to with any questions. It was surreal, but you told me that that was what this community was about. Coming to the aid of others when it's needed or required but when it feels right.

That very act of kindness and gesture from you is something I've held with me since, and maybe unbeknownst to but also a few lessons I'll never forget, a small gesture can impact someone so greatly.

And that you'll never know who's watching and whom you may inspire. 

So thank you Dav for not only allowing me to inspire you just that once but for also being one of my biggest inspirations.

photo by Beth Tozier

From James Murphy: 

It was a multiday quest, it was Saturday, it was summer, it was on Abe’s land in CT about 7? Years ago, it was hot.

We had to go all over site, fight uphill to get to the location, find a box? Do the puzzle, open the box get the things inside to get put together to make the McGuffin. Dav had brought his magic 6’6” I had my big shield. I decided I was going to be his wing man. We moved through the quest, sometimes being the front line, sometimes the back line. Different heroes came and went. But every time we encountered the enemy, we were in the center of it. Just about every encounter Dav had a few things to say; “stay with us”, “go help them”, “stay in a line”, “together”, and my favorites “get that person up”, and “Now!”

Several times we switched him on shield me on the 6’6”, His magic 6’6”. I felt honored. After a long day of fighting the monsters, we make it back to the fire pit. We are collecting our thoughts when a specific player talks about keeping everything for themselves. Some of the party thought that this was a pretty shitty thing to do. The player in question then said something like: well I am going to keep the stuff just the boxes I solved. I yelled a bit. I was hot, tired, exhausted, I had never been near the boxes. We were needed to keep the monsters at bay. The player then decided to share what was found.

As we were getting ready to break for dinner, Sir Vawn comes up to me and asks me what I meant by my yelling. Tao said something about sharing and putting together the thing and all of us working together. And Vawn agreed that these were things we should be doing. And then he said, “James does the player know you were speaking in character?” I was at a loss for words. I hoped they did. But I had not gone up to them and made sure they knew. In that moment I was embarrassed. I was humbled, I was quiet.

After dinner I sought out the player and we talked. This interaction has changed how I played the game. Any time I get into it with a PC, I always make sure that we both understand IC vs OOC.

I will never forget the fighting that day. But I will also never forget the lesson Dav taught me at break.

photo by Robyn Nielsen

From Michel Venne: 

I almost won a game of munchkins once versus Dave and his friend Thom. All I had to do was defeat a Lame Goblin. Because it’s munchkins, they both pilled buffs on the Goblin and I ended up losing. The amount of glee he took to remind me of this loss and my goblin trauma for over five years kept reminding me that despite claiming to not have a fantastic memory, he always remembered the things that would make us laugh. 

photo by Tom Burchell

From Janna Oakfellow-Pushee: 

When my FolFox treatments started sending me downhill, Dave was doing his own treatments at Emerson as well. One day we figured out we were separated by a curtain (but knew who the other was due to stating your name and birthday loudly to the nurses). I told them to check his ID, make sure he was old enough. He told me to keep it down over there and he'd get whatever drugs he damn well liked. We eventually made such a good ruckus the nurses opened the curtains and we piped down once we could actually see each other.  Soon we each drifted off to sleep in our chairs.

Besides a Friend, Knight Commander, GISHWHES Team member, fellow Toastmaster, mentor, and so, so much more...Dave was also a huge lifeline of support for me during the treatments, at the roughest time of his own set.  I won't forget the pieces and side effects and stories he shared with me, since they were (terribly) unique to our situation.  Because of him, I became a lot braver going forth in Life.

photo by Dustin Mack

From Ben Lacasse:

Dave to me has always been more than a person to me, but more an ideal to strive towards.  I met Dave when I was 14 years old, and I’d grown up a poor inner city kid, wrapped up in all the trappings of inner city life.  My prospects were few save a good brain for word play, and a love for high fantasy media.  Dave, through facilitating Riverhawk practice, unknowingly opened a door to a life that I love to lead, and wouldn’t have had access to otherwise.  Through doing something so small as showing up to a fight practice and whipping our asses relentlessly, he fostered a group of nerdy kid’s love of Dungeons and Dragons into an infinitely more productive pass time.  That pass time made us lasting connections across a vast community of people who span the entirety of our region.  In my case, I work in the field I do because Dave helped connect me to a community that contained someone who was willing to take a chance on me when no one else was.  Dave connected me to a community where I,  who had an extremely complicated home life, was able to connect to respectable and genuinely good-hearted adults who cared for me like I was one of their own, Dave being one of them.  I’d never had that before, and I only have that now because by some twist of fate, our paths were able to cross.

 It goes deeper than that though.   Dave was golden enough to be an ideal, but was down to earth enough to be a real person, which is a blessing I’ve counted on many occasions.  My favorite memory that I feel best defines the kind of person that Dave is is my wife’s birthday a few years ago.  Those readers who know me know that I live woefully far away from everything I participate in, which leads to a lot of frustration come the end of eventing season when the new england weather makes driving long distances less enjoyable/possible.  That also means that usually when Dani and I have celebrations and don’t have the cash/time/wherewithal to plan them up to 100 miles away from our house, it usually results in relatively small gatherings because it’s hard for people to make those long treks.  Dani had had a particularly long eventing season that year and on a wednesday night I’d planned an impromptu birthday gathering a night or 2 before and just put out a mass invite and hoped for the best.  He and Christina were among a very select few who made it a point to be present for her on a day that many might consider small, but seeing Dani’s eyes light up when he came through the door of the restaurant was a moment I’ve relived regularly this last week when I needed a pick me up.  Dave was always willing to go the distance for those he loved, and there was never a time I was in his presence that I didn’t feel that.

The last time I got to play with Dave was Leviathan 2019, where he had taken the time to craft a special personal plot for Torolf where one of his old viking tribesmen had come seeking a ritual combat of some sort.  The whole scene was a labor of love that Dave personally crafted and gave to someone whom I love and respect deeply, and I felt so honored that when Dave needed somebody to help him that he reached out to me for the assist.  For everything that Dave’s done for me, I am just happy I was able to give him something in return, even if it will never compare to what he’s done for me. 

I love you Dave. Rest in power, brother. I wouldn't be the man I am without having you to guide me. When I need you, I'll look to Valhalla.

by Angie Grey

From Jamison Bancroft: 

Dave and I never really had a close relationship. Over the course of two decades, Dave and I didnt often find ourselves in the same place for long periods of time, and we didn't often find ourselves spending time with the same people. Despite that, Dave was still one of my biggest role-models within the game. 

See, that's the magic of Dave. You didn't need to know him or be close to him to feel the effects he had on everyone around him. Dave embodied everything good about the Realms and it's community. Dave was a genuinely awesome person, and he will live on in the minds and hearts of every person who had the privilege of knowing him, interacting with him, and even those who only get to hear stories of him. He is a legend.

by Dustin Mack

From Steve Nelson:

A memory I’d like to share of Dave was from about four years ago. It wasn’t any particular occasion, but he had something for me. It turned out he had commissioned a wood carving of my Realms character. He was all excited, telling me all about the process of working with the artist on the design. It’s incredible, and I thanked him for it but also asked why he had done it. He said that since his health problems, he occasionally wanted to do things like that and decided he didn’t have to wait for occasions or even really have a reason. It was just an uncommonly thoughtful thing to do.

by Robyn Nielsen

From Keith Cronyn:

At fight practice, I remember asking him how he was doing. He said he felt like he wasn’t in control of his health anymore, that he was just along for the ride. This was a somber moment. I told him when it seemed like there was no other choice, his choice was to keep going. To keep f***ing going. I didn’t realize at the time how much that meant to him; until he did keep going. Because he did. That was years ago, he fought through so much. And I’d like to think his spirit is still fighting now. Love you buddy. 

by Matt Norris

From Owen West:

One thing that will always impress me is the inherent value Dave saw in everyone around him. For me, it manifested in how excited he was to welcome me into his life and serve as my mentor. Put generously, I was a driven teenager who didn’t know his place in the world; little in comparison to the many accomplished adults who held Dave in high regard. Dave saw in me potential that not many had recognized, and his support and encouragement helped me grow in ways that would have been impossible otherwise. His constructive criticism was a perfect balance of a call to be better and an acknowledgement that none of us are perfect. 

Thankfully, Dave’s boundless energy enabled him to help countless young men and women like myself fulfill their potential. Dave was one of the best people I know and he will be forever missed.

From Beth Tozier:

Have you ever sat down to write, and had your mind flooded with images and moments? None seem distinct or complete, but they each represent a different moment in time with someone.

That is what just happened. I sat to write of times with Dave and Vawn and even that other guy he played for a bit, but my mind would not let me settle on one thing. I will do my best to put into words as many moments as I can.

I don’t remember exactly when or how it happened, but one day we were friends. I don’t remember us meeting, shaking hands; the beginning of our friendship isn’t there. At this point, it feels like Dave and Christina were always a part of my life.

He and Christina came to my wedding. We went to concerts. We drank fruity drinks. 

Had deep conversions. Argued. Went to KRF. We fought together, we fought each other. Always there was Dave and Christina, always there was Vawn. 

Here are small bits of what I can remember:

I was helping out, not so many years ago, at an Uncle Cecil’s Very Merry… whatever the title was that year. I was behind the bar getting things ready with Jake/Gideon. This is (roughly) how things went:

G- Who is that that looks like Vawn?

Me- (only seeing the guy next to Vawn) Who? That guy? He looks nothing like Vawn and I don't know, some newbie.

G- It is so weird. How can you say it doesn’t look like him?

Me- How can you say it does. First of all, that guy is at least 5 inches too short and has blonde hair.

G- What?! No, not him, the one in the Eagle’s Rook tabard.

Me- Really? REALLY?! *I shake my head and motion for Dave to come over* Hey Gideon, I would like to introduce you to Vawn. Vawn, this is my idiot friend Gideon.

Dave and I laughed that Jake didn’t recognize him. Naturally all night I was introducing them to each other, and introducing Gideon to everyone in the hall. Dave laughed, he rolled with it, and every time he was introduced to Jake, he reached out with a big grin and shook his hand.

Did you know Dave and I had similar surgeries in 2005? Yup; we had matching scars on our throats from thyroid surgery. For months, after we were healed, we would joke about how Freesia and Vawn got them. Beth and Dave; we would talk about what it meant. Me with half a thyroid, him with none; me with a benign diagnosis, him with malignant. We did our best to support each other, and I did my best to be there during those early (the easy) treatments.

We went to a lot of Ani Difranco concerts (an average of one per year from 2004 to 2019). At one show in Portsmouth NH, Dave and I headed into town a few hours before the show. We went to some little shop because he assured me they had a “Life altering cheese”. He was not wrong. In the heat of the summer show, outside in the sun… Dave, myself, Jarrod, Wendy, Robyn and Eren demolished a brick of cave aged cheddar from Ireland. And, my life was certainly changed with that cheese!! It turns out, we sent so many people there looking for “Life Altering Cheese” that the store added a sign to their display “Cave Aged Life Altering Cheese.”

Bedlam; Vawn was entirely opposed to us opening Bedlam to get Bouquet out. He reg'd for the event, he showed up, and he refused to enter hell with us. 

“You cannot put the whole of the realms at risk like this. You don’t know what you are going to unleash.”

“And neither do you. We will handle whatever happens when it happens. But, we have to get her… Vawn, I have to get her.” 

“I’m not going in”

“Okay. If I don't come out, tell them I fell for something I believed in.”

I’m not entirely sure, but I do not think Vawn ever forgave Freesia for that. Though, when we emerged he was there. Yes, Dave stayed in the parking lot at the event where we started. Vawn waited to see if we would make it out and what would follow after us. And, over the next 8 years, he fought with us to undo what we did.

The most recent, and final memory I have was dinner just a few weeks ago. Neil and I sat with Dave and Christina in their living room. We ate take out, we laughed at the “You were the scary guy” story (ask Christina to tell you). We joked about the past, we spoke of the future. 

Neil and I would have sat there all night if we had been able. But, we couldn’t do that and we eventually had to say goodnight.  As we left, I hugeed Christina, told her I love her. I hugged Dave and I told him, “I love you. Thank you for being my friend.” He told me he loved me too. 

That last dinner, that last hug, that last moment, I will hold on to for the rest of my life.

Memories of Dave - Part 2

 From Christina Clements:

When I agreed to write this story of Dave, I assumed that on further contemplation one perfectly Dave anecdote would eventually come to mind.  Afterall, I have known the guy for more than fifteen years, alarmingly close to half my life.  But the harder I thought, the more I came up empty. There were so many short, important memories of Dave, so many 5 minute thoughts that are precious but insufficient to embody his influence or personality, as the background is muddy and too long to tell.

Dave managed to get my parents to drive 3 hours to Belchertown to see my knighting but to keep everything a surprise he made sure I was so busy and distracted I did not notice my own parents loitering at the event site until after I had received my belt that night. His grin at my surprise was entirely Dave.  He seemed to enjoy orchestrating surprises and gifts for other people. 

When I got a new car as an idiot 22 year old he checked my owners manual when I had stepped out to make sure it had a tire pressure warning light. His plan, he admitted to me, was if it did he would add the little colored stem caps that alert you to low pressure on tires.  I know he would have done it. 

He did once tell me if someone ever intentionally left me on the side of the highway he would come get me. I truly spent my entire early twenties believing that if I was ever truly in a bind and needed a no questions asked ride out of a bad situation Dave Hayden would have been that ride. He managed to do the impossible dance of both treating someone like an adult while watching out for them. 

A lot of people have said he was the ultimate knight, and obviously I agree, but he was also such an amazing friend.  He was the least judgemental dispenser of advice, patient with the errors of youth and inspiration to us all. Mr. Hayden, you will be deeply missed.  I hope I never stop hearing your stories or advice in my mind. Thank you for helping me grow up, and I will try to use your example to keep improving on my own path.  

Photo provided by Christina Clements

From Pat Bobell:

There are many examples of Dave's strength of character in the context of the Realms, so I'd like to share a brief story about him from outside our community.

Back in January of 2020, I needed to precisely-cut a couple hundred pieces of foam board for a board game prototype. I'm pretty good with an X-Acto knife but am not a masochist, so I asked Dave if I could use the laser cutter at his maker space. Luckily for me, he said he planned to spend Martin Luther King Day working there and said I was welcome to stop by.

When I got there, Dave wasn't working on any of his own projects. It turned out he was there to help a boy (who had been through his own health saga) to make a project he was excited about. Even with everything Dave had on his plate, he was incredibly generous with his time and skills helping both that boy and me with the things that we wanted to accomplish. I'd come to know Dave over the years as a thoughtful, giving person who strove to embody his ideals more consistently than most people I've known. This example of his drive to encourage and work for others, however, stood out to me. Seeing the effect Dave's attention and care had on the boy that day left a powerful impression, and inspired me to be more proactive with volunteering my own time.

That boy and I are just a couple of the many, many people whose lives have been improved by Dave's direct action or indirectly by his example. Through each of us, Dave's light and life will continue to shine.

photo by Dustin Mack

From Kyle Yazinka:

In 2012 I took a Knights of the Realms challenge to general one of the large war maneuver events. I decided North/South War 2013 was where I wanted to complete that challenge. When the event staff asked who wanted to be general, I was the only one who wanted the position. Dave did not think the general spot should be won unopposed so offered a two out of three match against me to decide who would general. After the fights Dave told me he expected the outcome of the fights to go exactly how they did but that he didn’t think someone should be given a spot without any type of opposition. I don’t know if he knew it was my KoR challenge but helped me whenever I needed it throughout the whole weekend. He mentored me to be the best beginner general I could be and taught me numerous things that still help me to this day to be a better leader and role model for our game and in life. Before this interaction I don’t think we had ever had a one on one conversation and I am grateful that he took the time to work with me so I could approve at something that I love. Everyday he showed the characteristics I strive to replicate in my life.

photo by Angie Grey

From Leanne Micciche:

Dave was someone who, no matter what, went out of his way to make people feel included.  One of my favorite outings with him was the last concert we went to.  He had messaged me online and asked if I wanted to go with him.  He asked a bunch of questions about the venue, if I was up on any of the latest music, and such.  His excitement was palpable even online.  I told him I'd love to, but only if it wouldn't be weird going with a very pregnant woman to a Judas Priest concert.  He said he would be delighted to go with me and offered a very surprised and excited congratulations!  He went out of his way to make it a fun and enjoyable trip even though the logistics and planning of our very different schedules made it challenging.  

photo by Robyn Neilsen

From Matt Brenner:

I wrote this roast for Dave’s celebration of life party a month or two ago. I knew that other people would rightfully want to talk about Dave as a paragon, or Dave as a mentor. That was not our relationship, though. Dave and I joined the Realms right around the same time, and our growth in the community closely mirrored each other’s. I wanted to poke loving fun and share a memory from before we were knights and leaders. Even a paragon starts out as a person with a few ideas and a sense of humor. We all start somewhere, and that makes our growth all the more impressive when it happens.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

So, I am trying to think about what I was going to say tonight, and it was suggested to me that I do a roast. And I was all, “Holy crap, you mean I could stand in front of the room, make fun of Dave, and everyone has to listen? Sign. Me. Up.”

There’s a formula to roasts, right? You need to make fun of the target’s minor flaws and moral inconsistencies, but you never hit the major ones. You want people laugh, but not to go, “Oh no you didn’t!” This is Dave we’re talking about, so I’m thinking damn, I have this so easy. I don’t have to worry about accidentally hitting on any huge moral failings, so all I need to do it pick out the little things that we all do. Awesome.

For example, there is this one thing that Dave . . . no, no. That’s not actually an inconsistency. Instead, let me tell you about the time he . . . shit. That’s not actually bad thing at all. Ok, fine, but there was the one time at my Christmas tavern where . . . fuuuuuuck. That’s actually being a decent person. What the hell am I supposed to do here?

Oh, and by the way, the worst part of trying to put this together? Dave’s the guy who sits so high and mighty with holding fast to his moral compass, and he’s not even going to care that I just used a bunch of expletives. Damnit Dave, that’s a low hanging fruit. People who can take their ethics so seriously should at least be willing *tisk* *tisk* us about our language. Give me something to work with!

By the way, that last bit only worked because I lied. When has Dave ever actually lorded his personal sense of ethics over us? I’m serious. He’s not doing that – that’s us. We’re the ones looking at his standards and going, “Damn, I don’t know that I can live up to that.” Dave’s the innocent one here, we’re the one casting aspersions on ourselves.

Innocent. Hah, ok, finally something I can run with. One thing I admire about Dave is that he is a man who can mildly embrace his vices. The man mixes a damn fine cocktail, and don’t even get me started on his homemade cordials.  . . . that’s it. I mean, he can drink and party with the best of us, but I can’t think of a single time that I had to clean up after some sort of physical or emotional mess that he left behind. Looking around the room, that’s a damn sight better than I can say about many of the gentle people gathered here tonight.

On the topic of vices, I wish I could talk more about his poker skills, but I’ll be the first to say that I don’t belong at the tables he plays at. But it’s funny, though, that a man who is so devoted to the ideal of truth is also such a solid poker player. I mean on some level, poker boils down to lying to your friends well enough that you can take all of their money. Now I’m trying to imagine some sort of Star Trek mirror universe where we have Evil Dave effectively bilking everyone out of their hard-earned money while stroking his goatee. You know he’s evil because he has that goatee.

WAIT! Oh my God, Dave, are YOU the evil one? I can buy that this is the twisted, evil mirror dimension – I’ve done my share of doom scrolling over the past few years – but are you the EVIL Dave? I hate to go there but if you’re the evil Dave, what the heck would good Dave be like? Of course . . . Vawn.

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I’m sure tonight is going to have people sharing a ton of Realms memories. I want to share one of my favorites with you. The obvious choice would be to talk about when I got to recognize Dave as a Knight of the Realms, calling out his achievement and bringing him into the highest service order our community has. But no, I want to go a little further back – I want to say it was 21 or 22 years ago at Time Everlasting, the Final Moongate. This was one of those epic quests – it concluded a few years of events in a grand open world adventure where we meet new and alien creatures before slaughtering them mercilessly in the name of advancing the plot. Anyway, during a down moment, out comes Dave in standard NPC blacks, a black domino mask, and a black shady cap. It was the height of turn-of-the-millennium Realms fashion. Anyway, Dave is nonchalantly walking about as some NPC, and eventually a young adventurer stops him and asks who he is. I’m sure he used some flowery language because this is clearly a role-playing NPC, right? When asked, Dave just sort of plainly say, “Oh, I’m the Destroyer of Worlds.”

“The Destroyer of Worlds? Really?” Because this seems pretty dubious, right?

“Yes. Oh, where did you come from?”

“The gate to our plane is right over there past the hill.”

“Thanks!” And so off goes Dave, the Destroyer of Worlds, to the gate that leads back to the Realms.

Now this whole thing just feels surreal, even for an event, right? Like it this a real NPC, or is Dave just f***ing with us? But that’s not my favorite part. My favorite part is that whole exchange is so ridiculous that up storms Lackey – he was playing Subutai at the time, some Mongolian-themed Man-Lion archer with an outrageous accent that was definitely not Mongolian. Anyway, up storms Lacky, screaming at the top of his lungs, “When the Destroyer of Worlds asks where you are from, you DO NOT tell him where your home is!”

The rest goes as you might expect. Destroyer of Worlds get to the Realms, Cecil banishes the Destroyer of Worlds, and the Destroyer of Worlds shrugs and disappears. It actually went on for a handful of events, and that was a fun story while it lasted. It mostly centered around how bad we had screwed up, which is pretty typical for us heroes. But after all of these years, the one thing we don’t know is was this Dave’s grand design from the get go, or was Dave just f***ing with us in the beginning, never once thinking that the heroes would actually find a being called the Destroyer of Worlds and immediately without hesitation show him where we keep all our stuff? I’d like to think that he was just trying to f**k with us, and us heroes on that quest got to contribute in some small way to Dave’s eventual descent into cynicism with the so-called heroes.

I know that there are going to be a lot of heartfelt stories tonight. What I really want to say is that I remember when we were all a lot younger and dumber, and it’s been an absolute pleasure to grow beside you my friend.

Photo by Cal Marsden

From John Rescigno:

My favorite memory of Dave is the one I shared at his party before his passing.

At Feast of Teng Hua, we were all very excited about the Game of Thrones final season premiere, and we’re all itching to get home after the feast. 

Dave was in the kitchen pretty much the entire day helping prep food and primarily washing the mountains of dishes from the hundreds of Dangos that we all feasted on over the course of the day. 

While we were cleaning up, the only two things on our mind were Dangos and the premiere. To pass the time, we started singing the word Dango over and over to the tune of the Game of Thrones opening song. 

Dave’s eyes grew wider than the dish he was drying as of to say “I’m surrounded by crazy people”, but he kept on working and serving.

From Cal “O’Leary” Marsden:

This was tough for me to do; picking and choosing which memory of a friend to share. What story makes me smile the most? Was it the time he led Eagles Rook up a small mountain for a private quest? Was it a dinner party, or meeting up to craft something, or the time he gave me my fireball and said some of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me? How can I pick just one?  I put off putting a lot of what I was feeling in writing as somehow writing things down made things much too real and perhaps this was me avoiding the reality of this situation. That a really meaningful wonderful and supportive human being, someone I was lucky enough to call a friend, had passed on leaving a void that can never truly be filled as it is when we lose someone we love.

So, instead of a Realms story I wanted to talk about how Dave, throughout the years, taught me one of my biggest life lessons; something I take into my counseling practice when working with social emotional students. Something I will use throughout my life and something that I try to instill with everyone I work with. 

"You are not the sum of your mistakes."

Back in my early years of Realms I started off as more than off putting. I was a divisive player who often put his own fun over those of other players at events. I was quick to do bad things, help villains and laugh it off as evil RP. Due to those actions, often times I left the event feeling great and someone else would leave the event feeling crummy. 

Dave was one of the first people to offer me guidance on this. At a time when I was looking to grow I had already burned a few bridges because of some of my more sinister IC actions. When I was looking to change and evolve as a player both by playing New Characters with different Role Playing personalities but also as a player taking on bigger NPC roles to test my theatrical chops, I was reasonably met with hesitation and in a lot of cases had people not wanting to utilize me outside a crunchy role. 

I couldn't come to grips with people hating Cal the player because Syruss was a jerk. 

Dave was the first person to tell me, "Well, do people ever see Cal or do they only see you as Syruss the jerk?" That profound statement led to me taking more and more on in the community. With the help of Dave letting me be a part of Eagles Rook and getting to play a good guy that led to me having more relationships with the people Dave Role Played with. I started showing up to events early with him to set up and stayed late to clean. He helped me to reach out to the Chimeron crew too so I could help marshal Green and Gold which led to me helping marshal other events and evolved into me loving to Marshal those big events such as North South War (when I wasn't playing) or Queen of Hearts which is one of my favorite things to do. All the while making social strides. 

One day when I was picking up pikes from Dave for a What Lurks Beneath event we got to talking about where I was and where I am now,  noting that there is always still room for more growth. I thanked him for being so awesome to me over the years and for giving me the push to become better. I told him it would have been easy for him to write me off like others had done and that is when he said those fated words of, "Cal, no one is the sum of their mistakes and we are all capable of change." It was a powerful moment that shaped me as a person. 

Through my years of psychology schooling I focused on change and what makes people change and why. There are two things that are present in changing; a person's desire, without this change can't happen and a catalyst for change, something to help motivate and cause a person to want to change. Dave was my catalyst. He never gave up on a friend he saw potential in at a time where it would have been easy and understandable to do. He saw someone capable of more and fostered that and truly helped me grow. 

So Dave, on behalf of myself and every student I have had the pleasure of reaching and helping evolve as humans, thank you. Thank you for being not only a kind friend when I needed one but for being my catalyst of change.