AITA - An Ask Zarine Special Edition Series

  by Sara "Zarine" Jessop

Issue #5: Introspective Night Elf

Dear Madam Zarine,        

I'm considered an oldbie by many, yet 'oldbie' only meant anyone who had been adventuring more than seven years when I started. And when one started adventuring, one could be anything and become anything they wished!

And then, these quiet, plague and death-filled years have been forced upon us.  When hearing about any adventures to be had of any type in the latter half of the 'thousand and teens', I have found I've become desperate for a crumb, a shred of being remembered (for good or for not-so-good-life lessons), instead of enjoying the recounting of tales with new(er) heroes that saved the day.  And said heroes will always stay about the same age, as I age out.

AITA for not wanting to fade away quietly?  AITA for wishing to be in the spotlight once again, when rightly it ought to be with adventurers younger and more active than myself?

Sincerely,

Introspective Night Elf

Dear Introspective Night Elf,

These ‘quiet, plague and death-filled years’ have caused all of us to be a bit more introspective than usual. When one has a lot of time on one’s hands, one’s mind tends to wander. And it doesn’t usually lead down a road filled with happy trees. Oh no, it wanders deep into the forest of hateful trees that say hurtful things like ‘you’re ugly’, ‘you’re not good enough’, and ‘no one wears that style anymore’. It’s enough to make you want to burn down that stupid forest and laugh at the ashes for being more grey than your once beautifully lustrous hair. Sadly, burning down the forest will do nothing to silence the voices. If anything, it just makes them louder.

Due to a lack of in person gatherings, we’ve resorted to more modern ways of communication. I don’t pretend to be an expert on how the elves manage to deliver our messages to everyone all at once in an instant, I assume some sort of secret magic stored in the points of their ears. These more modern methods tend to attract more… well, more people born closer to the modern day. The voices in the ethereal room are suddenly younger, less experienced, and very excitable. They say new fangled words like ‘yeet’ and ‘equality’ and are named after things in popular culture that we have never even heard of. These young, vibrant, optimistic fools have become the louder faction, and it can be hard to hear your own voice drowned out by a tidal wave of change.

It’s not just new blood that washes away the past. Sometimes it’s your peers that manage to do that. People tell stories of the old days and tick off names of important people that were there and hardly ever mention me. Was I invisible then? Or just that forgettable? It’s hard to realize you just weren’t that important or memorable to people who are important and memorable to you. No matter who or what is making you feel this way, you needn’t remain a footnote in history. It’s never too late to step into the spotlight, and as long as you aren’t dimming someone else’s light to make yours shine brighter (because who would become famous that way, am I right?) I don’t see how anyone could possibly fault you for your late life ambitions.

I don’t think I was wrong for wanting to be noticed, and I don’t think you are either. The desire to be accredited for your accomplishments is not, in and of itself, amoral. Stepping back and allowing the younger generation to step up doesn’t mean that we need to be forgotten. We’re not dead, just older and wiser and drinking at the fire while the ambitious youths who still have two good knees and the ability to drive a carriage after dark are out saving the world.

So, unless you act on those feelings in some abhorrent way, I don’t think you are the arsehole.

Verdict: Not the Arsehole.

So, general plebs of the land, do you think they are an arsehole? No? Maybe? Well, don’t hold back, we all want to know! Feel free to weigh in in the comments.

Have a query about your potential arseholishness? You can send your questions directly to me  (sarajjessop@gmail.com if you have no other contact information for me) or you can reach me through the View’s offices at  areni.daru@gmail.com .

AITA - An Ask Zarine Special Edition Series

 by Sara "Zarine" Jessop

Issue #4: Guarding the Dark

So there I was, guarding an incoming portal. My boss was all over my, er, butt, about letting stinking humans get by me. Well today I was not gonna let that happen. Sure enough, POP, a bunch of humans, and human like things, (Elves, humans, all of them seem to be half somethings, how can you tell the difference, right?). Anyway, so POP! a bunch of them suddenly gate in. it's not like we had a warning, it's all dark down here. Me and some buddies form up a line, the humans seem to be just full of surprises. Now I have been around a few casters, I know a thing or two about spells, and magic items. So it's not really surprising when this tall one and this other tall one, both in full armor with big weapons, start raising each other anytime one of them is down. Great, this guarding gig is going to be harder than normal. Usually down here nothing much happens, a Genie gets loose, living statues, a mysterious door opens or closes, rooms full of bugs, the normal stuff.

So we form up some lines, we push them back and a few of them keep getting up. Now I know what a troll looks like, and this one that kept getting up weren’t no troll. So I started hitting it, a lot, and instead of becoming a gooey mess, little pieces of itself keeps forming back together. Well shit on me, this is not how I have seen other thing regenerate. Must be an item or something really special.

The fight is not really going our way at the moment, so I really want to go help my buds, and I could not have this one get up behind us. I had to stop him from regenerating. Now understand, I did not want any items, the boss’s just take em from us, and all we get is more guarding work to try to get more. So I really don’t give a bless about keeping anything. I just want this invader to stay down. If it stays down I can then go help the rest of my guys. So I start searching it. And as I find things I am just kind of throwing the things behind me. pick up their weapon, hit them, check to see if they are still regeneration, yes toss. Pick up something else, is this a belt pouch? Yes, hit them with my weapon, still regenerating? Yes toss. Search some kind of stick off its back, hit it again, still regenerating, Crap! how much stuff does this one have?

While I was getting very distracted by this, the fighting kind of got out of hand and the boss’s pulled us back to a better position. But one of the bosses asked me why I did not keep the stuff? (so I could “give” it to them, no doubt).

I told him I did not want the stuff, I just wanted this one to stop getting up so I could protect our line and help my buds. Am I the Arsehole for searching stuff off it and not keeping it?

Signed

Guarding the Dark

Dear Guarding the Dark,

I am going to assume common is not your first language so I have taken the liberty of correcting some of your spelling and grammar mistakes. As much as I like to publish letters ‘as is’, I just couldn’t in good conscience leave some of them for all to see. Think of the children. Though if anyone is letting their children read anything I write those children already have bigger issues.

So if I am reading this correctly, you are asking if you are the Arsehole for *checks notes* not stealing? On the surface, this seems like an easy one, however there are a lot of variables to consider. For instance, I am assuming that since you refer to ‘half-human-like-somethings’ that you come from a more, uh.. monstrous society? Not knowing the customs of your culture, it’s hard to say if your boss being angry at you for blithely disregarding potential valuables from your enemy's regenerating corpse is abnormally problematic or not. It could very well be that your entire societal structure hinges on that loot and you just left it there. Could also be that your boss is just a greedy overlord who exploits his guard’s diligent expulsion of intruders for his own personal gain.

Is collecting the loot within your job description? The only information I have is that you are a  ‘guard’; your responsibilities could be quite varied. Did you sign any kind of contract or is there an employee handbook stating the regulations for divvying up, uh… unclaimed property? Sounds like perhaps you need to renegotiate how loot received on guard duty is distributed. Do you have a union? If so, you really should speak to them about addressing this issue. If not, well then you really should start one as it sounds like worker’s rights are unlikely to be a high priority in your current position.

Not having the answer to any of these questions, the only way I can really judge this is using my own set of questionable morals. It sounds to me like you were simply trying to keep a good cadaver down, and quickly too so that you could get back to helping your friends. You didn’t need the copious amount of items the corpse was carrying (really, it doesn’t sound like they did either) so you left them behind rather than waste time gathering them all up for your greedy boss who wouldn’t reward you for collecting it anyways. If said boss wants you to loot corpses, then they should either compensate you accordingly or loot them them damn selves. I can’t see where not stealing from a corpse while there is still a battle to be fought would make you an arsehole.

Verdict: Not the Arsehole

So, general plebs of the land, do you think they are an arsehole? No? Maybe? Well, don’t hold back, we all want to know! Feel free to weigh in in the comments.

Have a query about your potential arseholishness? You can send your questions directly to me  (sarajjessop@gmail.com if you have no other contact information for me) or you can reach me through the View’s offices at  areni.daru@gmail.com .

AITA - An Ask Zarine Special Edition Series

by Sara "Zarine" Jessop

Issue #3: Exhausted and Out of Spells

Dear Madame Zarine

I have been in the Realms for years now. I have met extremely lovely people who I would give my life for, or better yet live for so that I may protect them. 

Then there are those whom I despise. Who’s actions and corner cutting and backstabbing sour my stomach. They lie and cheat and are selfish in our adventures who swoop in once all those at the frontline have either been successful/killed/or distracted by combat to reap the rewards. They are obvious favorites of gods because their magic and armor are endless and I envy their blessing. 

As blatant as this is, all of the people of the Realms love them. They are held on pedestals and patted on the head and encouraged to milk their deities' graces.  They are never called upon their hoarding of treasures. While we protect them through our adventures and tarnish ourselves with blood sweat and tears, they proclaim to be the heroes of the day while we are tossed to the side as useless pawns. 

I feel wrong for having this bitterness boil in me, but am I wrong?

AITA for not loving these people? AITA for thinking they are despicable and need to be punished like the spoiled rotten children they are behaving like? AITA for intentionally not being nice to them and plotting with others to commit atrocities that will lead to their downfall? 

Sincerely,

Exhausted and Out of Spells

***********************************************

Dear Exhausted and Out of Spells, 

This is actually three questions and you spelled ‘Madam’ wrong, but I am nothing if not forgiving so I shall answer your questions. Yes, all three of them. Some of this is similar to a question I already answered, so for my feelings on ‘jumping the line and collecting loot like an opportunistic twit’ please refer to Issue #2: Frustrated Front-Line Fighter.

Now, as for them being ‘favored by their gods’ I am going to assume from context that you mean ‘drawing upon more power than the rest of us are blessed with’. I too have encountered these adventurers. The ones who never seem to run out of magical energies. They always have a spell handy, even though they clearly used their daily allotment hours ago when we were stuck on that bridge because we couldn’t figure out that puzzle that was there for literally no discernible reason. 

We could call it a lot of different things; over channeling, favored by the gods, fraud, fortuitous tidings, aggressive borrowing … but the word for this in the mundane language is ‘cheating’. I like that word because it feels harsh and wrong, so that’s the one I’m going to go with. Why do we allow it, this cheating? It clearly bothers people to the point of plotting crimes of their own, so why don’t we do something about it?  I’ll tell you why. No one likes a cheater when they are cheating against them. However, a whole lot of people love a cheater when they are cheating for them. Yes, there are a few who are legitimately good and just people who would call those folks out regardless of if it benefited them. Unfortunately those types are in limited supply and we recently lost one of them. Most people either encourage ‘helpful cheating’, or at the very least overlook it - victimless crime and all that. Add to that the political and social ramifications involved in calling someone out for something ‘harmless’ and most people will just look the other way. 

So we all turn a blind eye while these fine patrons of more powerful gods than the rest of us worship are running amuck with unlimited power and ever growing egos. Do we think this won’t become a problem eventually? That literally sounds like an exact description of like, eighty percent of the articulate villains we’ve fought in these lands. Perhaps this is where our villains come from. Not from far off lands, born under a bad sign or cursed by an even bigger and badder villain. But from here, from our own ranks. The evil within them lovingly curated by us, the citizens of the Realms. We saw it at its infancy, and instead of doing something about it we nurtured it and fed it until it grew out of control. Suddenly, we shun them when they step over some invisible line that moves constantly, then act surprised when they destroy a few nations, move into an abandoned castle, and spend the rest of their natural (and unnatural, I suppose) lives trying to destroy all of us. 

So, are you the arsehole for not loving these people? No, you’re not. You don’t have to like anyone. And you especially don’t have to like people who actively work against the common good in the guise of helping us succeed. There are actually quite a few folks who dislike these people, they just don’t want to make a political and/or social misstep and actually admit it outside their own circles. 

Are you the areshole for thinking they are despicable and need to be punished like the spoiled rotten children they are behaving like? Again, no. These problems need to be dealt with lest they become bigger problems later. As much as I said we create these problems ourselves, that does not mean that the offenders are absolved of responsibility. We create the bigger problem by not dealing with the smaller problems from the start. They start the fire, but we throw on more kindling rather than attempting to put it out, so to speak. So they are sort of the arseholes, but honestly the collective population of the realms are the real arseholes for allowing it to continue and maybe we deserve what we get. 

Are you the arsehole for intentionally not being nice to them and plotting with others to commit atrocities that will lead to their downfall? Alright, so you might be the arsehole here, but I suppose it really depends. Have they already become a supervillain beyond saving? Then no, you're not the arsehole, you're just doing what needs to be done at this point. Are they still savable? Then yes, you’re an arsehole for being a shady little walnut who takes them out from the shadows rather than facing the problem head on. Two wrongs don’t make a right, sadly. Punishing ‘problem adventurers’ should really be a realms-wide effort done openly and honestly and not the secret agenda of small groups on witch hunts. But then again, if no one is willing to do anything about it, sometimes you just need to be the arsehole and take matters into your own hands. 

Verdict: Well, two out of three isn’t bad and you're mostly not the arsehole. Though since you are a part of the greater realms community and really we’re all the arseholes for putting up with this cocamamie, then in a roundabout way you kind of are the arsehole. 

So, general plebs of the land, do you think they are an arsehole? No? Maybe? Well, don’t hold back, we all want to know! Feel free to weigh in in the comments. 

Have a query about your potential arseholishness? You can send your questions directly to me  (sarajjessop@gmail.com if you have no other contact information for me) or you can reach me through the View’s offices at  areni.daru@gmail.com . 

AITA - An Ask Zarine Special Edition Series

   by Sara "Madam Zarine" Jessop

Issue #1: An Introduction 

There isn’t much I love more than judging people. I am going to judge you whether you want me too or not, so wouldn't you rather direct that judgement towards something specific? Guide me to judge something over here and hopefully I won’t notice that thing over there? 

I am unveiling a brand new ‘Ask Zarine’ segment, where you ask me to judge whether or not you are the arsehole in a given situation. I’ll either deem you the arsehole, not the arsehole, the other person(s) the arsehole(s), or maybe a combination of all those, with a brief explanation of how I arrived at this decision. The question and my response will be published in The View and the general public will get a chance to weigh in as well! What’s better than the entire Realms getting a chance to judge you, publicly and with the safety net of being miles and miles away from any physical repercussions? 

Wondering what to ask me? Well, here are a few examples of the types of situations you might be wondering about:

‘I upset my friend by tilting all their pictures slightly and now they won’t invite me over anymore even though I explained that it was a joke, AITA?’ 

‘My boss took a chance on me when no one else would, and I stole from her because I don’t feel like she pays me enough and she’s rich anyways so she won’t miss it. AITA?’

‘I won’t let my friend help with a project even though she’d be really good at it and I won’t give her a reason. I just keep ignoring her request to help and complaining about the other people who I did allow to help. AITA?’ 

These are just totally random examples and have nothing to do with anything happening in my life at all in any way. And as they are only examples (again, not taken from my actual life in any way), I am sure you have all found ways to be an abject arse in ways that I haven’t even thought of. Be sure to include as much detail regarding your personal issues as possible so that I can accurately deem you a terrible person while feeling better and better about my own life choices.

Don’t worry, I’ll keep you anonymous if you request it. And really how bad can it be? Well, alright, it could probably be pretty bad, but think of the entertainment value you’ll be providing to the community by the unfettered honesty released through your query! And you might even become a better person through the self awareness gained by virtue of crowd-sourced veracity.  

You can send your questions directly to me  (sarajjessop@gmail.com if you have no other contact information for me) or you can reach me through the View’s offices at  areni.daru@gmail.com . 

I look forward to judging you! 

Ask Zarine #7

 by Sara "Zarine" Jessop

Dear Madam Zarine

It has been quite a long time since we have all gotten together in our normal questing and feasting fashion. I miss everyone terribly as I had just become accustomed to this new land and culture. Which means it will be even more amazing and joyous when we all gather again! But I am starting to get to my wits end. I have completed all of the tasks I have wanted during this separated time. Improved clothing, weapons, and trinkets. Even taking up journaling. What would you recommend to do to pass the time?

Sincerely,

Bored And Crawling Up The Walls

     *************************

Dear Bored,

I can completely sympathize with your problem. At first I was quite content to stay at home and finally have some time to myself. Constantly entertaining others is quite rewarding work but it can also become a bit tedious. You know what's more tedious though? Listening to Sven and Miguel argue over soup seasoning for the forty-seventh consecutive day. Yes, my household has become stir crazy and they are all acting like fools.

Did you know, my dears, that 'stir' in the term 'stir crazy' is slang for 'prison'? Well, if you were using your recess from normal life to study the etymology of phrases to use while dispensing free advice maybe you would have. Learning new things is a great way to pass the time and as someone who will need to listen to you all on a regular basis when things are once again routine, improving your vocabulary would be a fantastic place to start. As someone who has to read what you all have to say while we are socially distancing, grammar would be an even better place to begin.

Since you mentioned journaling I assume that you like to write. There are many places where your prose could be useful. The folks here at The View are always looking for content and accept all sorts of features in a variety of mediums. You could start your own publication if you desire more freedom, though I warn you with too much freedom comes much postponement of actual work especially if you are easily distracted. I find that having clear goals for writing can help you procrastinate less, which is why I like a combination of writing for multiple publications with varying degrees of expectations and deadlines.

While the above are great suggestions to help battle your ennui (which is pronounced like ahn-wee by the way, you uncultured harlequins) they don't do a lot to battle the loneliness caused by isolation. If you don't live in a home full of vibrant and entertaining people like I do you may find yourself craving social interaction. And even if you do, you might find yourself craving it with different people than the ones with which you have been sequestered. I suggest finding a way to still be social but from a distance.

Have you considered having a pen pal? I know what you are thinking, 'pen pals are for school children'. Well, my darling, you are wrong. Letter writing is an art form, my dears. It is also an excellent way to get to know someone new! Someone should start a pen pal program, like a matchmaking service for aspiring letter writers. Maybe I'll start one if the boredom becomes too much to bear.

You mentioned that you are new to these lands, and what better way to learn more about them and it's people than by helping me with my new project. The Public Information Society is always looking for folks to add to our archives. Many people seem reluctant to gossip lately so we could use a social, friendly person to convince them to do so. Perhaps if they don't like writing and you do, you could offer to write down their information for them. You'd be getting to know people from a distance and helping out with an ambitious new project that could use some more hands.

There have been a number of successful socially distanced gatherings in The Realms in the last several months. We seem to have found a way to project our voices and even our images across great distances. I have no idea how this is done from a technical standpoint, but I'm sure it's some kind of magic. There is one coming up in just a few weeks. The annual Black and White ball will be happening, presumably from the respectable distance once should stand from their dance partner. I wouldn't know, I've never been one to maintain a proper waltzing distance. But while these gatherings may be different than we are used to, they are nevertheless a way for us to maintain some sort of normalcy in a very abnormal time. I plan on attending and you should as well. If nothing else, we should support the folks who are trying their best to alleviate our boredom.

All of this seclusion can be hard on folks. Even introverts need some outside interaction from time to time and can struggle with long term isolation. Those magical means of communicating I mentioned previously have gotten far more advanced in recent years, presumably due to running out of the elves who used to deliver all of our communication. Find some friends to communicate with regularly, and make sure to have a trusted group that you can contact if you are having a really tough time. Visit the Realms Tavern and have a chat with other folks who are likely just as desperate for interaction as you are. You never know who you might meet there.

Just remember, you are not truly bored out of your mind unless you randomly cause a scene on the town common. Shouting obscenities, posting controversial opinions on the job board, removing other people's postings or just tacking your own directly on top of theirs, digging through the trash pile for last years arguments to rehash, and my favorite; reminding people that we should all just get along in the way most likely to cause an altercation. You should try it, it's great fun... I'm just kidding, please don't. In fact, stay away from the common. There isn't a lot of sense there.

I hope that some of these suggestions were helpful. Even if they weren't, reading it took up some time out of your already self described monotony, I suppose. I am nothing if not a reliever of people's dull and uninteresting lives, after all. Happy to be of service. 

Ask Zarine #6

by Sara "Zarine" Jessop

Dear Madam Zarine,

There's someone I care about a lot that is in my group and I think it's probably mutual, but I'm worried that if I act on it anyway, if it works out or not, it will make things strange for our other friends. They dated someone who is also in the group, though that person rarely plays and shows up now they're still friends with everyone. I'm sure there's no perfect answer to all of this but what's the best way to minimize the damage that might be caused?

- Realms Romeo

*************************

It's not often that people realize that their association with each other also affects folks outside of that relationship. All of our interactions have consequences on those close to us. Our communities are closely intertwined and can easily be disrupted by the relations of others. That being said, sometimes you need to do what is right for yourself. We have no way of knowing the future, other than through seer spells which tend to be vague and only understood after the events have come to pass, which quite frankly makes them rather useless in my opinion. All that we can do is ponder the effect that our choices might have in the here and now and hope that the future works out in the best interest of everyone.

Let me tell you about two wonderfully lovely people that I know... well, one of them is lovely, the other is a bit of a disgruntled old curmudgeon. Anyways, these two were going through life as very close friends. They used to jest about how they would make great second spouses to each other someday, as they knew their relationships with their current companions were doomed to failure. They knew their current relationships were tolerable if not great, their relationship with each other was good the way it was, and their friends all around them were happy with the way things were. Why shake up the status quo when it was working for so many other people? But eventually love finds a way, or so I am told by people with more of a romantic outlook on life than myself, and at long last they found themselves in a relationship with each other and you know what they discovered? That their friends and family were not only happy for them but that they had been waiting for them to come to their senses and get together for years.

The people around you are not blind. Oftentimes they can see what's right for us even before we see it for ourselves. All of their friends could see that they were meant for each other and most were willing to sail through some rougher waters for a few months while everything settled into place so that two people that they cared about could find happiness in another port. And the ones who weren't, well some were people who needed to be cut loose anyways, and others maybe just needed some time to come to their senses. But eventually the dust settled and everyone found comfort in the new status quo.

So what happens when those two inevitably break up? I have no idea. The two twits are still together somehow, defying everything I know about love and it's inescapable suffocation that slowly kills everyone involved until someone finally gasps for air and destroys the illusion. But I can tell you from the experience of watching it happen to many others that communication seems to work best. Your friends will take their queues on how to handle the situation from the two of you. It might be awkward for a bit on either end, but the more open and honest you are the more your friends will be put at ease about it and become more accepting. The same goes if you decide to end the relationship. Let them know how you plan to handle it and what you expect of them as your friends. If it's an amicable break up it will be much easier of course. If the two of you create a war zone, well don't be surprised when your friends take up arms and join the fray.

So, the real question is, how much do you love this person? Because there is a possibility that this will negatively impact others. And of course there is the possibility that it could ruin your friendship. Some say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but I find that to be utter rubbish. It isn't always better. Every possible couple combination in the world has a different answer to the question 'is it worth it', and only you can decide that.

Of course, we still don't know if this mysterious other person even reciprocates your feelings, so step one would be figuring that out. If they don't, well then none of this even matters and you are worrying over nothing. If you wait too long they may assume you aren't interested and find someone else. Life is shorter than you think, so don't waste it worrying about 'what ifs'. We regret the things we didn't do far more than the things we did.

And when this all crashes down and you find yourself miserable and alone, come have a cup of tea with someone who knows all too well the cost of misplaced love. You can tell me about how terrible it all was while I wallow in the depths of someone else's misery for a while and reaffirm my own status quo.

Ask Zarine #5

Mad'am Zarine,

I guess I can best sum up my problem by saying, I don't feel good enough. I look around me at a lot of my friends that I've known for years and I see people who are accomplished fighters or questers and friends who are leaders and I've never just really clicked with any aspect of the Realms. I just kind of feel like I'm here and that's the whole story. I do my best to cast spells when questing, I've gone to fight practices but I don't feel like I've actually become great at those things. I worry that people just sort of put up with me. What can I do to stand out or to feel more like I belong?

- Feeling Unvalued in Valehaven

********************

Oh, my poor dear, I know this problem only too well. When I first came to these lands I didn't know my place but plenty of other people seemed to think that they did. Instead of helping me to explore where I fit they tried to put me in a box. The box was determined by ridiculous things like being a girl, being young, who my friends were, what I looked like, and other absurd observations.

For years I tried to fit in that box that everyone else had made for me. Like you, I tried to be a good quester and cast my little stone heart out trying to save the realms from whatever new threat had emerged that weekend to disrupt our ill conceived gathering. I went to fight drills and tried my best, but there wasn't much training being done for my skill set and so I feebly tried to swing a sword that was far too large and heavy for my liking. While that did give me some useful experience in regards to handling parts of my professional life now, I find that even in that arena I would have been far better off practicing with a dagger.

I also felt like people were simply putting up with me. I was just there, like a painting. Sometimes people looked at me and thought I was pretty and I felt so relieved that at least I wasn't useless. At least the box I was in was wrapped in lovely paper and tied with a neat little bow. When life gives you lemons make lemonade, right?

I took somewhat of a hiatus from social gatherings after my divorce and when I came back I found myself in the same damn box. Or perhaps I never quite left it. But either way I still felt like that background character in a play that has two lines that no one remembers, only that they had the most awkward delivery of all time. But time away and new experiences had taught me a lot and I wasn't the same shy and submissive young woman that I used to be. I wasn't alright with 'just making the best of it' anymore.

So why have I turned your question into a tale about myself? Because my earlier days in the Realms are a cautionary tale, dear Unvalued. I allowed other people to mold how I participated in my own life. I allowed other people's opinions to define me. It wasn't until I stopped caring about fitting into their preposterous box that I found out who I was. I was more than a pretty package. I was bigger than that tiny little container that they put me in. I was more than good enough.

So stop letting other people define you. You don't stand out when you try to fit into their box. If you're not good at the things that they are trying to wedge you into, find something else. Stop working so hard to fit into someone else's mold. That mold wasn't meant for you. There are more things to do in these lands than be a 'caster' or a 'fighter'. Think outside the bloody rule book and find your own path. Start working on accepting yourself for who you are and stop worrying about how other people see you. Start embracing what you are good at instead of what other people want you to do. Write your own damn story.

Turns out, when life gives you lemons you can make whatever the bloody hell you want to make with them. And if people don't like what you make, so what? Do you like it? Because that's what matters. So keep trying new recipes until you find the one you like, and don't worry, I promise you won't run out of lemons.

Ask Zarine

by Sara "Zarine" Jessop

"How do I teach werewolves table manners?"

********************

Oh, honey...

I don't have any experience in training werewolves. Where I come from we kept our dogs outside. However, I have lived in Invictus for several years now and I've lived with both Trent and Daekara, so I do have some experience in the area of teaching resistant, crazed lunatics how to behave properly for brief periods of time.

Change like this does not happen overnight. Well, I mean, unless there is a full moon. So, I suppose firstly you'll want to do this at whatever time of the cycle that werewolves are at their most domesticated, and for goodness sake, don't let them know what you are trying to do! If they get the slightest hint that you are attempting to change them for the better they will very likely run for the hills and then you'll be even further from success than when you started. This would all be much easier and less dangerous if they want to learn, so tricking them into having a desire to become more well mannered is highly recommended. Perhaps give them a small treat when they do well. They will associate that with good behavior and want to improve.

Typically I would start with general manners if they do not possess them. Saying excuse me, please, and thank you, are basic staples of good comportment in any situation. Easy things like keeping elbows off the table, using a napkin instead of their arm, and actually using the flatware instead their hands are all obvious and fairly easy things to learn. They are either doing it or they are not. Make sure that they have these basic things down before moving onto more complex things like multiple forks, big and small spoons, and other things that sound dirty but are legit things everyone should know about table settings.

Adults, much like children, learn by example. Invite people to dine with you who already bear the ability to eat in a sophisticated and refined manner. I would gladly help in this endeavor. In fact, if you have specific individuals in mind, I would gladly host a nice dinner for them at Alchimia Lupinaar. Being in an environment that fosters a more elegant and formal ambiance will make it easier to break old habits, trust me.

Let us remember, I was not brought up to be as I am, I had to learn. And I didn't have the luxury of someone to teach me other than myself. Good breeding means nothing. Plenty of us mongrels have elevated ourselves beyond our so called 'birthrights'. If a dock tramp's daughter can learn how to tell a salad fork from a soup spoon, I'm fairly certain a werewolf, or any manner of creature with the propensity for intelligent cooperation within society, can do the same. It might be more difficult, but anything worth doing often is.

Good luck, my dear, you are going to need it.

Ask Zarine

Madam Zarine, Thanks for writing these! I have a problem I need advice for. I really love being a part of the Realms and I want to be an important heroic person like a lot of the people I look up to, but if I’m honest with myself, I’m kind of dorky and there’s already lots of jokes about how awkward I am. It’s not like it’s not fun to joke about but I also kind of want to shake off that reputation and become more respected. Any advice?

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I am not sure exactly what this 'dorky' is, but it doesn't sound like a synonym for sophisticated. In fact, after asking some of the stable boys it appears that it is quite the opposite. They told me that a 'dork' is something like a 'hank', and now I am quite concerned for your well being.

Have you tried not being so awkward? It's not as difficult as one might think. I was once quite awkward myself. Growing up on the docks and aboard ship doesn't exactly lend itself to high class elegance. Not everyone is born with a silver spoon in their mouth. In fact most of the world isn't. But that doesn't mean that you cannot elevate yourself and become a person of poise and refinement.

Now of course you are wondering 'how do I do that'. Well my dear, you simply fake the ever living hell out of it until you forget that this isn't even who you are. Now, now, I am not saying to forget where you came from. Never, ever do that. Where you came from made you who you are. I am saying to focus instead on where you are going, because that is what will make you who you wish to become. Who you are isn't all you will ever be. At least, it doesn't have to be.

Take a glance at the people that you look up to. Observing them will give you the answers you need on how to be more like them. Of course, you don't want to be exactly like them. That would be quite boring. You should want to surpass them.

How do they carry themselves? I'm quite sure that they are confident and well spoken. Confidence comes with accomplishments and accomplishments come with time. Go out and become good at something. Become the best at it. Win an award for it. You'll still think that you are terrible at it, but others won't, and that's good enough.

What is it about them that makes them heroic? People don't decide to be heroes and leaders, they just are. And this whole 'people are born heroes' is a load of rubbish. People aren't born as anything other than crying, tiny bundles of annoyance. Your experiences and choices make you heroic or cowardly, follower or leader. Most folks fall somewhere in the middle, though probably closer to cowardly follower if we are being honest. You can't 'want' to be a hero. In fact, that's just the surest way to never be one. Most heroes are humble people who never set out to be important and the best leaders are the ones who never wanted it.

Just live your life the way you want to. You might become a hero or a leader, and you might not. The important thing is that you respect who you are. Respect is earned, and the most important person from whom to earn it is yourself. People will treat you how you show them you wish to be treated. One of my heroes once said that 'no one can make you feel inferior without your consent'. If you feel inferior, then do something about it. If you don't, then don't.

People are always going to pick on you. That doesn't change no matter how well respected you are. The difference is that once you are well respected you can sort your friends from your enemies quite easily because only your friends will continue to do it to your face. If your friends are teasing you, it is most likely that they are well meaning and simply want to include you. But if it bothers you, stand up for yourself. It sounds as if you are alright with some good natured joking, but there is a line somewhere that they sometimes cross. Don't be afraid to show them where the line is. Trust me.

Good luck to you, my dear, it sounds like you are going to need it.

Have a burning question for Zarine? Send it along to areni.daru@gmail.com!

Ask the Editors: Armor

I’m sort of new to the game. I’ve been playing off and on for a couple years and just recently I started playing more. Up until now I’ve been borrowing armor from friends or using loaner armor from the armor bin. Are there cheap options for buying or making two-point armor that I can put together for my own use?

Cheap is a relative term, because it's sort of dependant on what you have for disposable income. The answer to this question is “yes there are”.

We see some armors pretty commonly, because they hit the right crux between cost and skill level to make. Neoprene chainmail for example, using the Japanese 4 in 1 style weave, if you make it on your own, can cost you in the ball park of $130.00. I say ball park because if you go in on a bulk order, I think you can probably get it for cheaper than that, and it also depends on the size shirt you're making. Tucker Noyes made an awesome tutorial on how to do this some years ago, that’s still posted in the Realms Facebook group’s documents section. Another common armor piece we see is the assassin’s helm. You can order those online for about 65.00, last I knew.

Now can you do better than that? Absolutely. It all depends on how creative you are, and how much you're willing to do in terms of crafting. If you have access to a sewing machine you can make yourself some brigadine armor for the cost of a bunch of washers. As a community, we can be pretty lenient with our armor rules so long as they look okay, or it seems like you're trying to meet them.

Also, don't hesitate to ask for help in armor making, we have a plethora of really skilled craftsmen in the game that can give you advice if you just let them know you're looking for it.

Keith “Saegan” Cronyn



Welcome back to the game! Are you a particularly crafty person or do you have very crafty friends/acquaintances? Learning to make your own armor can help cut down on costs but it can be pretty time consuming; and without knowing your specific situation I’m afraid I can’t give you exact advice in that regard. If you do want to try crafting, the neoprene chainmail is one option that tends to be widely accepted in the Realms. You won’t bake alive in it, and if you go in on a ring order you can cut down prices like Keith mentioned.

Leather armor is also an option. You can get entire cow sides for less than $100 when Tandy or Garlinn-Neumann have sales and probably make yourself a suit of leather squares attached by rings while still having leather left over for other projects. Leather looks amazing and gives you a lot of options for customization if you get into the tooling, but it is pretty warm and probably heavier. Just something to keep in mind. If crafting isn’t your thing, check out the wide variety of shops in the Realms. Some of them do take gold for armor or armor pieces and try to be accomodating. If that also fails you, https://www.medievalcollectibles.com has a lot of differently priced armor pieces and I’m sure it is not the only website where you can find similar stuff. Hope this helps!

Renee “Kindrianna” Booke



I probably shouldn’t start out by suggesting that Armored Cloaks are pretty cheap to make, huh? Kidding aside, I do remember when I was a newbie at UCONN a lot of my fellow Oaken Guard members had leather armor that was studded. From what I understand this was pretty cheaply done. Jason had taken everyone to a biker store where they all bought clearance leather vests for less than $20, and then he had bulk purchased a bunch of leather studs online. Attaching them is easy, you cut a couple of very small slits with a knife, stick the metal tabs through and fold them over with some pliers. It took several hours but it wasn’t very expensive at all.

Something else to keep in mind is to look around at auction sites or used item sites. I know at least a couple of people who got their armor off of eBay.

My best advice, however, is to make use of the Realms’ best resource. Community! There are lots and lots of extremely skilled crafters in our game and I’d bet just about every single one of them would happily give you a couple hours of their time to teach you how to weave chain mail or bang together rivets into leather. Materials are usually a lot cheaper than finished products (especially if you get them used as well). Don’t be shy about asking for help or even asking who to ask. This game is full of people who like to help and love to share their expertise.

Lani “Gwen” Jones

Ask Zarine

Dear Madam Zarine, I’m new to the community and I went to Tourneys of Creathorne a couple weeks ago and mostly had an amazing time. It was fun watching people fight and I even competed a little bit. The evenings were also a lot of fun watching people celebrate, but I just didn’t feel like I fit in with anyone. I’m introverted so it’s hard to just put myself out in social situations. What should I do next time to find a way to click with people and have as much fun as they’re having?

***

Many people might think that this is a difficult question for me to answer because clearly I have many acquaintances and I always know just what to say. The truth, my dear, is that I haven't always been that way. There was a time when I was new to these lands and quite shy. There are probably some who wish that I would go back to being so quiet and unassuming, but once you find your confidence you'll find that it can be quite intoxicating and you'll want to flaunt it at every opportunity. But how do we get you there, that is the question.

Have you tried drinking? I find that whenever I am feeling a bit bashful and modest all it takes is a few drinks to loosen me up and suddenly I feel much more friendly and uninhibited. Now, being new I wouldn't suggest over imbibing, you'll want to keep your wits about you as you don't know who to trust yet, so find that fine line between overconfident stupidity and social awkwardness and you'll be all set.

If you don't drink, or can't drink, quite frankly things might be more difficult as you are going to have to actually address your problem head on. In the end this is probably for the best, but truthfully it's a lot of work that I personally would prefer to skip and skipping all the healthy coping mechanisms is why I am such a well balanced individual. So take that under advisement.

Tournaments of Creathorne is a rather large event with a lot of craziness going on. Some people thrive in that type of imbecility and some do not. If you are the shy type, I would assume that you would not. Perhaps try smaller gatherings where it is easier to meet people and the people you might meet could possibly be sober at some point during the weekend. While at a larger gatherings such as ToC, find the smaller gatherings within it. Befriend someone who can bring you around to the different fire pits and find ones you feel comfortable at. Hang out for a while and get to know some folks. During the day on the tournament field is also a good time to visit different groups of people. It might be less intimidating than during the night, though I will warn you some inhabitants of these lands are far more frightening to look upon in the full light of day.

If you like to gamble that can be another excellent way to meet people. It can be a very social activity depending on who is around at the time and who's dealing. I you don't gamble but would like to there are always folks willing to teach new plebs like yourself, and most of them won't even take advantage of your inexperience. If gold is a problem I find that if you just stand nearish to the casino complaining about it gold just appears in your hand, or other various places if you're into that.

Have you considered that it's alright to just be shy? It's completely acceptable to simply sit and listen. Just don't be creepy about it or anything. You can learn a lot about people and the realms by paying attention to what others say, which is much easier when you aren't the one doing all the talking. You can then take all of those things you learned about folks and come sit with me and tell me all about it. I may seem intimidating because I am so popular and mean, but really I am quite easy to talk to and love conversing with new people.

If you need someone to introduce you to new people, help interject you into a conversation, or get you into a poker game, come find me. I'll make sure you're having a good time.

Ask Zarine - First Edition!!

by Sara "Zarine" Jessop

“Madam Zarane 

I had a bad breakup with my boyfriend but we’re both in the same nation and I don’t want to leave the group or come around less often. The problem is he has a prominent position in the group and I’m worried he’s going to make it more difficult for me to stay involved. What can I do to make sure I can avoid any issues that might come up?”

~Anonymous

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Oh, my poor dear. Breakups are always difficult, and it sounds as if yours is being complicated further by your proximity to each other and shared social circles. It can be a bit hard to give advice with such vague information. Knowing the reason for the breakup would allow me to give more detailed guidance. I'll just assume you spelled his name wrong, which appears to be a trend. I've discharged people from my life for less. Fortunately for you, I'm in a forgiving mood today, and I will do my best to answer your very depressing question.

I understand that you both reside in the same nation. If it is a larger nation, perhaps you can avoid each other, at least for a bit until things become less awkward. Nations are full of peasants, perhaps befriend some of them if you've had all of your vaccinations. Joining a sewing circle or a cult is also a great way to meet new plebs like yourself. Now, I am not saying that you should give up your old friends and leave your current social circle entirely, but if you had a lot of mutual friends it might be good for you to both make some separate acquaintances. It would do you both some good to have some time apart with people who have no preconceived notions of your relationship. It would also give you a friend circle to go to if he's around and your shared circle and you feel the need to remove yourself.

His issues are just that, his issues. They are none of your concern. If your nation members are truly your friends they will remain so even in the face of this debacle. If not, well, at least now you know and you can find some better friends. Should your former paramour attempt to use his higher ranking to make things difficult for you, then he his a downright arse who needs to be put in his place. Hopefully his fellows will do the noble thing and thoroughly trounce him as he deserves. However, my dear, if there is one thing I have learned in this life is that you should never expect people to do the right thing, so you will very likely have to do it yourself.

So how do you go about protecting yourself? Now, my love, I am going to get into the really important advice, so pay attention. You say he is in a prominent position in your nation? Outrank him. Become more important than his weak self esteem can handle. He can't control your position in your circle if he's beneath you. Be aware that this may take some time, but never take your eye off your goal. Eventually you'll end up on top, and then you'll command the game, and the name of the game is making sure that he doesn't ever have any power over you. The only person who should ever have power over you is, well, you.

I know this is all a lot to take in, and you are most likely in a very vulnerable spot. Just know that if you fail at taking my advice and your bygone lover causes you any emotional or physical harm, you can always come to me. No man is ever atop me unless I allow him to be, and even then I'm just lulling him into a false sense of security. I will make sure he gets taken care of. I promise.

Ask the Editors - On Squiring

I’ve always wanted to be a knight. I’ve been playing for a couple years now and I’d like to try to become a squire. How do I get started on that path and find a knight to squire me?

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This is a challenging question for a number of reasons. The foremost being that different knighthoods have different methods of taking squires; some squires are squired to the knighthood as a whole, some squires as squired to individual knights. Some knights have several squires, some try not to take any. Some knights expect the squire to approach them and ask to be a squire. Some knights find that insulting, or presumptuous.

See, it's a mess.

My recommendation would be to decide what you stand for as a character, and then to find a knight or knighthood that also stands for that. Hang out with them, talk to them, ask them about their order. Be effective towards your own goals in whatever you may be doing. Be patient. Focus on other things, but have the conversation. Take your time in choosing, in my opinion joining a knighthood can kind of be like getting a tattoo. It's different, in that it doesn't take expensive surgery to make it go away, but it can have a lasting effect if you make the wrong choice.

Keith “Saegan” Cronyn

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An excellent question, friend! Firstly, I would ask you if you had a particular Knighthood in mind. If not, do some research and figure out the tenets of the different orders. Do any mesh well with the type of character you aspire to be? If so, approach them and ask them questions about their process. Like Keith explained, different Orders and Knighthoods have different methods of taking on Squires. Nobody is going to get mad if you ask questions for informational purposes; plus it can help you to build a better rapport with the members. If you aren’t sure whether or not a Knight would be open to you flat out asking about Squireship, you can always approach the conversation in a different way such as “What do you look for in a potential Squire?” etc. It sounds less presumptuous to people I would think. For more information on some of the Orders you can check out the Library of Ivory or talk to various Knights or Knight Commanders in person. ( http://library.cityofivory.org/1453/Knighthoods---Knightly-Orders)

Renee “Kindrianna” Booke

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First step is finding a knighthood that you would like to be a part of. Saying “I want to be a knight” can be really vague in our game, as there are a lot of different knighthoods with different in character and out of character meaning. What kind of knight do you want to be? Why do you want to be a knight? What does being a knight mean to you? Are you looking for in character or out of character context? From there, express your interest. Ask about the knighthood, ask members how they became a knight, ask advice for joining. Also, follow up! Make sure you’re at events where the knighthood is present, hang out with them, follow up about squiring.

Hannah “Nhadala/Salt Queen” Blood

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I too have asked pretty much exactly this same question. In general, the Realms takes the concept of Knighthood pretty seriously, so it can be intimidating to seek a starting point. My fellow editors have made some great suggestions about researching orders and getting to know people, and I won’t disagree with any of the things they’ve said. But if you are like me, you may feel the need to take a more… direct approach.

Personally, I was more interested in the lessons I could learn as a squire than the tenets I would embody as a knight. I straight-up asked my first knight to take me as her squire because she had already been my mentor since I started playing and I really liked the dynamic that she had with her knight when she was a squire. She was happy to formalize the mentor-mentee relationship and we worked together for several years. If you have someone in mind who you would like to squire to, it could be worth asking them about it explicitly. If you already like them as a person, then you probably will also like what they stand for as a knight. Remember that being a squire is in equal parts 1) a way for knightly order to see if you are a right fit for them and 2) a way for you to see if you are a right fit for the order. It’s also perfectly ok to change your mind about joining an order as you grow during your squireship. Your knight may be disappointed to see you go, but in the end, they want what’s best for you--even if that means letting you move on to other things.

Finally, consider how much energy you are willing to put into a squireship. Some knights will be looking for a large commitments, while others want to have a more low-key relationship with their squire. Make sure that you and your potential knight understand each other’s expectations.

Ryan “Orion” Welch

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First and foremost this is a community of people who work together to make this game happen and in a lot of ways becoming a squire is like making a commitment to taking a greater personal role in that task. So the first think you need to ask yourself is how you want to make your impact upon the community. Do you want to do it through combat, through role playing, through crafting, through marshaling, through holding events… or any combination of those or other ways to grow personally and help the community grow as well. Once you have a more solid idea of the way you want to add to the game, you’ve already started to answer the question about which order you should seek to squire to. Take the time to ask around and learn which knightly orders and which individuals have strengths and goals that align with your own.

After you’ve narrowed down which orders you think you’d be interested in, the best thing to do is just start talking! If you know someone in that knighthood, you can ask for more information. If you don’t, see if someone you know can introduce you. Most knights are happy to talk about their orders with people who have a genuine interest. If you’re intimidated by the idea of striking up a conversation with someone from a knightly order that you don’t know, then you can ask a friend or mentor more established in the community to make an introduction for you. The most important advice is this: don’t just think about it. Go out there and start asking questions and start talking to people. The community relies of those who are willing to step up and do more and you’re surrounded by people who want to teach and pass on what they know. There’s no reason to hesitate!

Jen “Areni” DeNardis-Rosa

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Ask the Editor - New Nations

Question: 
My friend and I were considering starting a group/country. We have a couple people who could join with us, but we want to make sure we do it correctly and people take us seriously. Do you have any advice for us?

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Just do it. My advice would be to have an idea of your countries background and culture when you come in. Ask yourself questions like “Who are we?” “What tropes do we fit into?” Build yourselves up a little. Have a Heraldry, uniform, or other unique recognizable quality. My other advice is that when you unveil yourselves to the community, do it as a group. What I mean is have as many of your people as you can. We get new groups in our game. New nations, knighthoods, guilds. It's a thing.

Keith “Saegan” Cronyn

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I say go for it too! It is a wonderful chance to be creative and contribute to the community in your own way. I’m in the unique position of having started a new nation just a little more than a year ago and we put a lot of focus on creating a cultural identity for ourselves before the big reveal. This made it very easy to answer the “Who are we?” question that Keith mentioned. What makes you unique and what is the goal of your group? Be able to answer those questions even if they are as simple as “We’re a group of friends looking to have fun together.” If you can do that, then people will have a better understanding of your identity and purpose and respond appropriately. As for advice beyond that, be prepared for a lot of work! I’m not saying that to discourage you, but rather to prepare you for any crafting, meetings, and team building activities that may come up. Creating a nation is a very rewarding and challenging experience and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Best of luck!

Renee “Kindrianna” Booke

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Although it’s nice to hear that you want to be a part of the community, I’d say don’t worry too much about what other people think of you. Starting a nation/group means that you are already with like-minded people. I’d focus on your own culture, what you stand for, government structure, etc. Let the community worry about you on their own. Do it!

Hannah “Nhadala/Salt Queen” Blood

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I would say, create your group or nation first, and the rest will follow. In terms of the “correct” way to form a group, most people follow the same process, which you seem to have started as well - gathering together a group of like-minded people that want to play and hang out together, both in and out of character. This is the first, and most obvious step.

But there is also a but of thinking and discussion that needs to occur between you and your friends as well. I feel that one of the most important things you need to decide when starting your group/ nation is what you want to stand for, and what you want your contribution to the game and community to be as a whole - almost like creating a mission statement, or deciding on a group identity. Decide what you want your heraldry and colors to be, and how you want to present yourselves (Tabards? No tabards? Specific makeup or other characteristics? Are you human?) 

As for other peoples’ opinions of you, or the fear of not being taken seriously - I wouldn’t let that stop you. Your group’s reputation will grow and change as you start to hit more events, play together as a unit, and interact with others. Above all, you just need to be true to yourselves, your vision for the group, and how you want to play your characters moving forward - and make sure you're having fun and enjoying the game while doing so! Everything else should flow naturally from there.

Jen “Areni” DeNardis-Rosa

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Ask the Editors - New Plotholders

Me and my friends have all these great ideas for plots and quests and I really want to throw them. But I don't have any event holding experience. Is there an easy way to start throwing plot without just jumping into throwing whole events?

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Many events have opportunities to throw scenarios.  For example, Chimeron Questing that is coming up in July averages 100 possible scenarios during the time of the event.  If you have ideas and want to start small, a venue like this is the way to go.  I also cannot stress enough to find an experienced EH and bring them on board, even just as a mentor/ consultant.    Regardless of the size of the scenario or event, they could give you valuable insight into how to make your dreams a reality for everyone.

-Steven “Therian” Matulewicz

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One of the things that makes Realms really special is that anybody with the gumption can tell their own story. I think it’s wise that as a new event holder you aren’t trying to jump right into throwing a three day quest (been there, done that, and there is quite a learning curve). There are lots of ways to start out small until you build up your confidence to throw a whole event on your own. For example, in the past, there have been whole events dedicated to helping newer players throw their own plot, such as Learning to Fly. If you can team up with experienced event holders who can help fund and staff your event, well then, congratulations, you are in a golden spot to really run with your ideas while getting feedback from the experts. If you don’t actively have a mentor, or such a call for plot isn’t out at the time, it might be a good idea to reach out to EH’s to see if they would be interested in having you run a small encounter at their event. This usually flies better at tournaments or feasts where there is less in the way of active questing going on. In addition, you might be able to throw a whole night quest if you can find the right event and EH to team up with. The moral of the story is that you are going to have to do some work to pull this off. You are going to have to ask questions to people you might not know very well, you are going to have to be prepared to hear the word no and not get offended by it--but if you are willing to put in the work, there are venues out there for you to test out the event-throwing waters. Good luck!

-Lani “Gwen” Jones

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The easiest way to get experience with plot is to volunteer to help throw it with someone else. The experience is pretty valuable, in my opinion, personally I’d even say the best experience you can get is from joining the team that throws your favorite event series. It may seem like a bit of a sacrifice, but if you really want to get into the Event Throwing side of things, the team that throws your favorite events is probably the team you want to learn from.

Outside of that, infrequently there are events that offer slots for smaller quests, like Storytellers for example, or Convergences once upon a time.

-Keith “Saegan” Cronyn

Ask the Editors - Quest Involvement

I've been on a few quests now but mostly I find myself standing near the back and just watching people around me solve things. Occasionally I'll beat a monster and get something that looks important but someone else will ask for it, and then I don't know what happened with it. How can I better get involved in these quests so I feel like I'm not just a tag-a-long?

****

Becky Baron, aka Kovaks, teaches a great class on essentially how to be useful during a quest.  I highly recommend talking to her about your specific concerns.  The main thing for me is remembering that our LARP really is about active participation.  If you feel you are standing around a lot, the first question you should be asking yourself is “What is there to do/ how can I help?”  Depending on your skills, you could be dragging bodies, getting food and water for people, working to support a fighter or a caster.  But the best way to get more engaged with the plot/ quest, is to go to someone you see as leading the quest IC and let them know you want to be involved more.  OOC, let the EH know before the quest that you really want to be involved.  Letting people know what you want, in combination to finding gaps and filling them, are some of the best ways to be engaged in every step of the process.

-Steven “Therian” Matulewicz

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Thanks for asking such an important question. Going to events and adventuring out on a quest is supposed to be fun, and not knowing what is going on can really put a damper on things. Here are some things you can try that will help you get your bearings and make you feel like a more active participant in the plot.

Gather information. Start by reading the event description before you head to the event. Some plot throwers even chronicle the history of their plot so you can get quite a bit of backstory before you even show up. When you get there, ask questions. Talk to those people who seem to know what is going on and ask them to give you the run-down so that you know what the goal of the quest is and some pertinent information you need to be helpful. Throughout the quest, don’t hesitate to ask questions, you can learn a lot just by asking and then, and this is key, listening to the full answer.

Find your niche. For years, I felt lost on quests. I was a middle of the pack fighter, not really engaging in the battle and not really interacting with the other aspects of the quest. I honestly thought questing just wasn’t my thing until I became a 3-path. For me, making that change improved my experience dramatically because I was able to both actively become a part of the combat encounters as a support healer, and engage with the various puzzles and thinky parts of the quest too. This is not me advocating for you to change your character build, but it is a push to figure out what part of quests you like most and participate in those specifically. Even when you are wearing a suit of armor, there is no law against you asking what everyone is huddled around and making it your business to help. (Side note, carrying a pencil and some paper is a great way to keep track of important details and is often super helpful for puzzle solving if that’s your thing).

Play nice with others. It can be tempting when you finally get that awesome drop off a crunchie that you painstakingly killed to want to keep it all to yourself--after all, it was yours. However, if you want to be more involved with questing in general, and you don’t know what the thing is for in the first place, your best bet is to share, while communicating your desire to be more involved at the same time. If you find a neat widget, and someone wants it, ask what is is used for, and if there is something you can do to help push the quest forward. Try saying, “I found this thing! I’d love to know what it’s being used for and help you do X.” Holding up the quest because you want to hang on to a critical component isn’t going to help you get more involved, and it’s not going to endear you to the rest of the party.

-Lani “Gwen” Jones

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So getting involved in Quests can be challenging for a lot of people. Part of it is on the Event Team, recognizing the engagement level of their players and helping them to get involved.

But there is a lot of it that just falls on the player. Being able to stand up for themselves and say that they want to be involved.

Advocating for yourself is a real world skill, that everyone needs to be able to do, but it absolutely applies to people when they’re questing. Even if it’s just saying “Hey, I’ve been fighting the bad guys with you the whole time, I need to know why, or what we’re doing?”

A lot of times you’ll hand something off to the player in the know and they’ll go get the job done, and just move on to the next job. So simply asking that person “hey, what happened with the thing?” is fine, they’ll usually let you know, and may even tell you what the next objective is.

Passing out information on a quest can be hard. Event Teams do the best they can, but when everyone it wandering around in the woods, sometimes you just need to ask and make sure you’re on the right page.

Outside of advocating for yourself, advertising for your role within the questing party can be good too. A person’s role within the party isn’t always apparent, especially with spell casting, and even more so with weird plot powers that sometimes arise. A person’s role can be challenging to play, if you’re trying to get involved in questing, I’d recommend a role that encourages team building--that helps the team, or other people in general. Everyone needs a healer now and then. Are you the guy with long weapons that likes a line? Or are you the loner off in the woods by yourself away from the quest entirely?

I know sometimes fighters have a hard time getting involved in questing because they tend to be too busy fighting the monsters that come along. If you’re getting left out on the details, you can take a step back from fighting. And if they try to tell you that you’re needed on the front line, that’s a perfect time to advocate for yourself and say that you need to know what the group is doing and why, first.

Advocate for yourself, know your role and play the part, be active; that’s my main advice.

As an aside, another easy way to get involved in questing, or plot in general, is to make choices that you know are probably dumb. Experience makes for smart choices, we’ve all read the stories, seen the movies, and heard the myths. We know taking the candy from the demon will end poorly for our character. But poor choices create conflict, create story, and they will get you involved very quickly.

That being said, you should probably have a hard line too. For example, don’t jump into the inky blackness, that event holder warned you was three tick doom. The only story that will guarantee to create is a new character. A quick review for the kids in the back; demon candy is okay, but Bedlam isn’t a kiddie pool.

-Keith “Saegan” Cronyn

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Start with what you're good at or what you like the best! Are you a fighter? There's usually always plenty of room at the front or sides of the questing party where you can help beat back the hordes of bad guys. The same goes for casters with offensive magic. One of the quickest ways to feel more involved is to feel like you are actually helping and contributing to the party's progress. So make a decision to get out of the back of the party and into the action. Just grab your weapons or props and get busy! Are you a caster? There are still plenty of things you can do to help the party and at the same time provide you with a more involved and interactive experience - whether it be healing, blacksmithing, providing potions, shielding with wards or CoPs, or casting divinatory magic, everything has it's place to shine at some point during quests.

There's also no need to watch people solve things. I know it is easier said than done, but a good way to get involved in solving the puzzles or other mechanics is just to put yourself out there and jump in when there's something like that going on. See a lot of people huddled around something? Don't be afraid to ask questions! Offer your help. Try to gather as much information as you can - many players carry notebooks with them while questing to write down important tidbits and information to reference later. Or if you have a friend or acquaintance on the quest who always seems to be in the middle of the action, see if you can stick with them to help draw you into things.

It's always a good idea to share drops from NPCs with the rest of the party, especially if it looks important. But that doesn't mean that you have to give it up entirely! Make sure you know who you give it to, if you do, and make sure that you continue to ask questions throughout the quest about the item and it's purpose. Remember, EHs provide the content, but it is usually up to the player to determine how much they actively want to participate in that content. You don't have to be relegated to the back of the party forever, but it might take a bit of effort or stepping out of your comfort zone in order to engage in what's going on around you.

-Jen "Areni" DeNardis-Rosa

Ask the Editor - Fun at Feasts

I love eating at feast events but I feel like sometimes there isn't as much to do at them, especially because I'm not great at being social. How can I fill my day with more fun at a feast event?

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The best feasts I have been to for over- all enjoyment have not been what the feast provided, but the company I kept.  I learned early on by this that “making your own fun” and the expectation you bring to an event like that is almost more important than anything the staff may provide beyond good food.

Also keep in mind that a good event will try to provide you with opportunities  for engagement and fun, but if you are not in the right place in your mind, you may miss those opportunities.

That being said, bring some easy to transport games  ( I tend to carry dice or a deck of cards).  Start a round of songs with friends.  Bring crafts and make hand puppets.    Create some questions you IC or OOC would like to have people answer, then interview people (and possibly publish a View article about the answers).  Worst case, ask staff about things to do, or ask others if they know about things to do.  Sometimes random plots and “intrigues” will be started.  It does not hurt to ask around.

-Steven “Therian” Matuelwicz

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This question is tough for me, because I almost always find my way into the kitchen at a feast event, and that is certainly my favorite way to stay entertained for the day. So I guess I’ll start with, if you want to know where the real fun happens, it is often behind the scenes. If you can’t cook or prep, there is always a need for someone who can wash dishes, or run food, or even clear plates. This gets you meeting new people because you can’t work quietly in a kitchen, and also gives you something to do. If you are planning on staying outside the kitchen doors (what madness is that?) I can tell you most feasts feature quite a bit of entertainment these days. From gambling, to light questing, to tournaments, there is usually plenty of stuff to get involved with if you can muster up the social energy. If you are bored and shy, try whipping out your spellbook and playing a game of hangman or something. I always keep a deck of cards in my pouch so that I am never bored, so if you want to play some cribbage sometime, hit me up. As a last ditch effort, consider talking to the people next to you at your table. We all have things in common in the Realms, so starting a conversation about latest plot you’ve been a part of or the standings in the Stacked Deck tournament is a great way to stay in-character and enjoy yourself.

-Lani “Gwen” Jones

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I relate to this question on a personal level. Feasts can be challenging for me, and it’s not because I don’t have an appreciation for them, but rather because I’m not super talkative, and generally speaking, I don’t gamble.

So what do I do at Feasts?

The answer is usually, business. Honestly I can’t remember the last time I was bored at a feast because of it. And it’s all made up business, whether it’s plot related, like say I need to get into an argument with Torolf about Ragnarok, or its about something to do with one of my knighthoods, or generally the Kingdom of Blackwood, I tend to find that I don’t have much time to sit around and eat at Feasts.

I’m just busy. That being said you might be saying to yourself that that’s all well and good, but maybe you’re not part of a Knighthood, or you’re not part of a kingdom, and you’re not involved in a plot. Well that’s fine, I’m sure your character has goals that they need to work on too. Like maybe you want to learn the secrets of Beast Runes, and you need to talk to someone about that in order to progress your understanding.

I, personally, find I’m a lot less shy about things when I’m working on a project or towards a goal. It works for me. And if you need help figuring out who to ask, come find me, and I’ll do my best to direct you.

-Keith “Saegan” Cronyn

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I tend to follow Gwen on this one, in that more often than not you will find me in the kitchen at a feast - that’s where I have the most fun, helping to prep and cook all the delicious food and bring the feast-o-crat or EH’s culinary vision to life. In the kitchen, I find that I am usually never bored, as there’s always something that needs doing to help the event run smoothly. Not only do I find staffing in kitchens enjoyable, but it’s also one of the ways in which I can give back to the Realms community. If you’re a newer player (or even an older one) looking for something to do at a feast, reach out to the feast-o-crat or EH and offer your services! You never know when they need an extra pair of hands. Plus, this gives you a great behind-the-scenes look at how the food portion of feasts run.

If that’s not your thing, though, fear not. Most feasts will offer plenty of other things to do. Board games, bear pits, fighting tournaments, non-combat tournaments such as drawing or bardics, casinos and gambling (and gambling tourneys), auctions or raffles, side quests, carnival games, in-character shops and vendors - and of course, eating! Even if you’re not the most social person, you can still participate in all of these activities, as well as socialize with your friends at your table. So when in doubt, find an activity that’s going on that looks interesting and jump in!

-Jen “Areni” DeNardis-Rosa

Ask the Editors - Summer Garb

I know it's going to be hot this summer and it's hard not to want to wear shorts or other hot-weather clothing in order to not be uncomfortable at events. How can I stay cool but not look like I'm disregarding garb standards?

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I have one word for you: Linen. It is more expensive. You need to ask the maker if the linen is pre- shrunk/ what the cleaning procedure is. But I have worn black linen in 90+ degree weather with little additional issues.
You can also look into garb that have warm weather alterations. Examples are “wrap”/ “idiot” pants. They wrap around your legs and hold together rin boots, but because the sides are slit, you can ties them or change the wrap to be above the knee. There are also “skirt hikes” to tie up skits or even 
robes…. There are options. -Steven “Therian” Matuelwicz

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My go to summer look is leggings and my armored cloak, which is made of lightweight cotton and usually makes the heat a little more bearable. I pair this look with sunscreen, bug spray, and plenty of water. Skirts or kilts are a popular summer choice and definitely allow for a nice breeze, but beware of ticks please, otherwise you might end up pairing your summer with some doxycycline and plenty of shade. Ultimately, looking for lightweight fabrics is a great idea and it’s certainly worth checking with your local merchant to put together a summer outfit that you can pull out when the weather is right. Try to avoid street clothes including sneakers and clearly anachronistic sandals and people shouldn’t give you too much grief. And ultimately, it helps me to remember that it is summer and I’ve chosen to spend the day sweating my butt off outside. Don’t stress about the sweat--you aren’t the only one that smells bad.
-Lani “Gwen” Jones

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How can you dress for summer without disregarding garb? Personally, garb doesn’t make the game for me. I enjoy costumes, and I enjoy the people that put effort into them, but I don’t find it necessary for me to have fun. 
I just don’t. 
That being said, I can put in some effort here or there, and some garb can get hot. A medieval answer might be: Go naked. But I’m sure you can see how that may not be considered appropriate, depending on the event. So what can you do? 
There are other answers, lightweight fabrics, kilts, or skirts. But I say: “Be creative” and invent an outfit for your character. This is a fantasy setting after all, while we are generally medieval, I can’t put claim to know what the elves or orcs were wearing back then. So long as it reasonably looks the part, people will know you’re trying--and I think generally speaking, that’s what matters. 
Keith “Saegan” Cronyn

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Realms vendors are always a good first choice when looking for period garb, and summer garb should be no exception. I’ve seen plenty of short sleeve tunics and chemises at many a merchant’s table, and these make a great base for a good summer outfit. Bottoms can be a bit more tricky - longer skirts can get in the way of fighting so you’d want to go with something shorter, and I haven’t seen a lot of shorts for sale (as these can be tricky to make) although you could probably score a pair of pantaloons or even a pair of wrap pants - with open sides, these allow for a good amount of ventilation. I personally wear leggings all summer even when it’s hot, as I’m always worried about bugs, ticks, and sunburns. But you’d need to find what works best for you. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you can most likely get away with wearing some street clothes - specifically bottoms - as long as you are careful and follow some ground rules. Absolutely NO logos of any kind is the cardinal rule in my opinion. Look for something in a dark or neutral solid color without any type of modern accent such as side stripes or other detail. Try to avoid mesh “basketball shorts” and other fabrics like these. You could even get a pair of cotton pants, cut them into shorts, and get a crafty friend to finish the leg holes with some bias tape to make them more period-looking. 
In terms of footwear, I’m going to say that it doesn’t bother me to see people wearing sneakers while keeping the rest of their garb as period/in-character as possible. As someone with foot and ankle problems, I need the support that sneakers give me while running and fighting over terrain that isn’t always flat, and I wouldn’t begrudge anyone else the same.
- Jennifer “Areni” DeNardis-Rosa