Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Ask Zarine


by Sara "Zarine" Jessop


"How do I teach werewolves table manners?"


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Oh, honey...

I don't have any experience in training werewolves. Where I come from we kept our dogs outside. However, I have lived in Invictus for several years now and I've lived with both Trent and Daekara, so I do have some experience in the area of teaching resistant, crazed lunatics how to behave properly for brief periods of time.

Change like this does not happen overnight. Well, I mean, unless there is a full moon. So, I suppose firstly you'll want to do this at whatever time of the cycle that werewolves are at their most domesticated, and for goodness sake, don't let them know what you are trying to do! If they get the slightest hint that you are attempting to change them for the better they will very likely run for the hills and then you'll be even further from success than when you started. This would all be much easier and less dangerous if they want to learn, so tricking them into having a desire to become more well mannered is highly recommended. Perhaps give them a small treat when they do well. They will associate that with good behavior and want to improve.

Typically I would start with general manners if they do not possess them. Saying excuse me, please, and thank you, are basic staples of good comportment in any situation. Easy things like keeping elbows off the table, using a napkin instead of their arm, and actually using the flatware instead their hands are all obvious and fairly easy things to learn. They are either doing it or they are not. Make sure that they have these basic things down before moving onto more complex things like multiple forks, big and small spoons, and other things that sound dirty but are legit things everyone should know about table settings.

Adults, much like children, learn by example. Invite people to dine with you who already bear the ability to eat in a sophisticated and refined manner. I would gladly help in this endeavor. In fact, if you have specific individuals in mind, I would gladly host a nice dinner for them at Alchimia Lupinaar. Being in an environment that fosters a more elegant and formal ambiance will make it easier to break old habits, trust me.

Let us remember, I was not brought up to be as I am, I had to learn. And I didn't have the luxury of someone to teach me other than myself. Good breeding means nothing. Plenty of us mongrels have elevated ourselves beyond our so called 'birthrights'. If a dock tramp's daughter can learn how to tell a salad fork from a soup spoon, I'm fairly certain a werewolf, or any manner of creature with the propensity for intelligent cooperation within society, can do the same. It might be more difficult, but anything worth doing often is.

Good luck, my dear, you are going to need it.