By Paul "Grindin" Tilton
A new opportunity to learn! Cultural exchange! What a wonderful opportunity to spend the day at SnakeU and our friends in Zimeya. If I was to succinctly sum up the experience: Snekromancy rules, all other departments drool.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. After a welcome by 3 professors to SnakeU, we took a brief and inscrutable questionnaire to sort us into three houses: Snekromancy, Snistory, and Snarkeology (Unfortunately the study of artifacts, and not snide remarks). That really set the tone for the level of puns we were subjected to throughout the day. Having been sorted, we were led indoors to our departments’ tables, where we read some background on Zimeyan culture, got to see the Ziggurat in the center of the hall, and received our first assignments.
Snekromancy was the first out of the hall, and down into the catacombs. We delved into an ancient crypt, filled with puzzles, hidden runes, moons, and the need to complete a ritual. Alas, that ritual was not completed successfully by the end of our hour’s time, but we sure did get close. Along the way we received our silver Artifact of Ascension, and a smattering of energy, both of which we needed to try and ascend the Ziggurat.
In our first break, we were fed soup! A delicious soup that some people had some level of moral quandary about, but I was focused more on the spinning of the Artifact of Ascension, so that we could clearly show everyone the excellence of Snekromancy. Unfortunately, we had not gotten much energy, and fell behind. I knew that if we tried harder next time, that we could make up the difference.
Our next adventure was delving into some catacombs. We freed some spirits via some puzzles, we energized some wisps and made them fly, then the diseased and possessed guardian of the catacomb was accidentally thrown into a lava river. Then we used the wisps to collect a box out of the lava river, in which was the spirit familiar of the aforementioned guardian. Realizing our unforeseeable mistake, we retrieved his body, performed the well known ritual of singing twinkle twinkle little star, and exorcised him. I truly wish Gary the best at all his future Catacoomb defending ventures.
The next break was a “salad” course, of spring and sushi rolls. I’m unaware of any moral objections to this course. And of course, this was when the Snistory team struck a blow against Snekromancy. Whilst traversing the Ziggurat, we fell down a snake, falling even further behind. And then… Snistory played a card that caused that setback to be even worse. Little did they know, that was the most deadly mistake they could have made. I declared war, they argued that they “had” to play the card, because they bought it (patently false). By the end of our second break, Snekromancy was far behind our competition, and things were looking grim.
Our final assignment was doing something with a burial ritual in another cavern. Honestly, I did not interact with anything, other than trying to hold off an unending assault of undead. Ask Swift if you want more details.
Which gets us to our final break period. 3 Delicious goops were served. Special shoutout to the staff of SnakeU for making too much food, so that I could bring leftovers back to Highmarket and keep eating it all week.
Our unparalleled success on our final mission (I assume) procured the Snekromancy department much energy. Some may say it was because the spirits of the land felt bad for how far back we were, but I know it was based solely on merit. Armed with so much energy, and such a distance to traverse, we knew there was only one move: Prevent Snistory from winning. We purchased cards in the hopes of finding detriments, and detriments did we find. We halved their movement, we stole energy, and hoped for them to land on a snake so that we could send them back a further 5 spaces.
With dwindling energy reserves, both our friends in Snarkeology and the evil Snistory departments neared the top, but could not quite finish the deal, as they needed exact numbers to summit the Ziggurat. I glanced back at our massive pile of energy (some of which were stolen, but hey, they were ours now). My mental math was quick: we had done enough to the competition, and it was time to make a break for the top. And sprint up the Ziggurat we did. As we passed the final snake, we knew that nothing but unfortunate dice rolls could stop us. Each member of Snekromancy took a turn spinning, hoping for a 2 to finish our ascent. On our second to last roll, I took another spin… and managed to land a 2! Against all odds, and the treachery and deceit of the Snistory department, Snekromancy had emerged victorious. The Ziggurat opened, and spilled out its various treasures, which were quickly shared about the room, as all rivalries were forgotten in the revels of treasure (Much love to our yet again friends in Snistory).
A wonderful time was had by all, even if there were a few rumblings about burning the cooks at the stake for some perceived slight.
