Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Ask "Queen" Syruss

Photo by Jesse Gifford
Hey there! You over there behind that bush! Yeah you with the creepy half skull face thing going on! 

You looked lost and confused. Maybe you have a question about combat? How about questing? about courtly etiquette? Or about blood rituals that will leave you sleepless for let’s say 6 days 9 hours and 47 minutes? 
Awwwww you do, but you haven't known who to ask? Ask Sir Syruss. Sir Syruss is a seasoned adventurer with over 10 years of experience slaughtering undead and charming the ladies, beating up bad guys, frustrating good guys, and grossing out the ladies. So if you have a question no matter how bizarre, weird or funny (the funnier the better then we can sell more issues of the View) consider asking the man who loves to tell you how to live your life……..even though no one tells you how to live your life.
Today’s question comes from the heart of Thorn Valley….
Dear Sir Syruss, How should the average adventurer handle "wuv, twu wuv" and other such romantic nonsense in the Realms? From, Not Bitter At ALL First off you might want to see a healer for that speech impediment you got going on, you have the worst case of Sir Elmer Fudd mouth I have ever read…..and that should be an indication of how bad it is that, you are writing the way you speak.
Secondly I try never to touch twu wuv, the stuff it gets too sticky. But if you are going to invest time, gold, and patience in developing this bright little flame into a burning inferno of love, then you might want to do your research. Ask yourself the following: A) Is your true love a necromancer? No? Rock on you Shiny diamond this might be the real deal B) Is your true love an alchemist? No? Awesome! Don’t need to worry about those instant poison breakups
If you answered yes to either of those two questions seek A Seer and A Healer immediately. You may not be in true love at all, you may be under a terrible spell making you feel things in the cockles of your heart that are simply not there. People please coercion through magic is illegal, and is not honest to goodness wham bam thank you ma’am kind of love. They are warping you mind your perceptions and your heart and it is wrong. Combine that with the use of love potions it is just rape. Friends don’t let Friends drink love potions and then walk off with the first person they see. I hope this helps, but probably not. Love, Sir Syruss of Grimloch Knight of the Potentium Knight of the Blue Rose Member of the prestigious Order of the List (2012)

*** The views expressed by Sir Syruss, do not reflect those of the View staff, who would usually give MUCH different advice.

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