Buckle up nerds. This was a wild ride.
“There might not be so much difference between the side of light and the side of dark as you suppose. After all, without the dark, there is nothing for the light to burn away” - Cassandra Clare on Lilith
I like to think that I make decisions, not mistakes, but I’m sure that’s up for debate. For the most part, we all knew the mission at hand. Sir Vawn of Eagle’s Rook needed assistance in his noble quest for Vandor; free Garm, and ascend to the Summer Lands. I didn’t know much about this, Garm, or Vandor, but I knew my friends were supporting him and I got along well enough with Vawn, so I decided to join.
Now, I’ve never been one to hide my religious beliefs or bodily anomalies, but I quickly found I may not be welcome on this quest. You see dear realmsies, I’ve followed Lilith for years. She embodies feminine power, resiliency, freedom, and choice. For years she has given me hope, and power to draw from. She does not care how I use it, but only that I have the option to do so.
She also happens to be Asmodeous’ wife.
So there you have it - the odds of unity within the party were low to begin with. Yet, I knew I had to answer the call, and do everything in my power for both my comrades and for Lilith - I owed them that much.
Garm needed to be freed, there was no question there as the day began. The how he would be freed was a bit of a problem, at least for me, as he would likely go on a murdering spree. Double bad for me - if Asmodeous died I had no idea what the fate of his wife would be. I needed to find a solution.
There was never a moment of ease for me, as I knew we would be facing horrible enemies, and my companions could turn on me at any moment. Men and women I trusted suddenly became very distant. I did my best to maintain the trust I’d built through our years of adventure - that had to mean something, right? I slogged my way through the first battles, carrying any possible weapons fighters may need. I kept my eyes open for combat situations, ever aware of the danger we were in. I used my magics to assist with traps and altars, gathering everything we needed as we made our way closer and closer to the crossroads.
Luckily, I was not alone in this day. Followers of Asmodeous were present, also in agreement that Garm needed to be released and order needed to be restored, but not willing to let Asmodeous die. If only we could talk to him - maybe he could be reasoned with. Maybe, just maybe he would make a deal with his followers and a follower of his wife. Maybe the bloodshed could be avoided.
Thus, decisions had to be made.
We needed to restore Garm to keep balance among the gods and maintain order. It was clear that most of the party wanted to take the seeds of hope we gathered to pray to their gods, yet the Asmodeous jar remained minimal to none. I turned to my comrades who gained their strength from him. We needed all the strength we could get for this fight, and perhaps a small offering would help lean his mind in our plea for a non-violent end.
Lilith responded, 'We are equal to each other inasmuch as we were both created from the earth.' But they would not listen to one another. When Lilith saw this, she pronounced the Ineffable Name and flew away into the air.
*clink*
A small handful of my hard-earned hope trickled from my almost-uncertain hand and clinked in the bottom of his jar. This was the decision that changed everything for me - but it was a sacrifice I knew had to be made for a chance, and my soul was already tainted.
In quick order of events, I narrowly escaped the physical wrath of Sir Vawn, but was no longer welcome to assist the party. That was fine, those stones were not meant to help me anyway. Of course I would be lying if I said I wasn’t salty about the encounter, but I doubt anyone would expect anything less from me. I stayed secluded for a great length of time before catching up.
I non-nonchalantly walked into Hell at this point, nothing new to me. I was met with more threats, was actually murdered by one companion, but surprisingly brought back to life by another. I met back up with my comrades and was brought along on a journey away from the party.
There he was - Asmodeous, smug and smiling. From my understanding, with the groundwork laid from my comrades, he was willing to settle for a deal. This filled me with such hope that all could end peacefully on this day - and we could move on into a brighter future for the realms.
Spoiler alert - this was kind of a lie. Nevertheless, this hope lasted quite some time after leaving his presence and re-joining the party. Threats of being unwelcome glanced off a little easier, because I once again had a purpose. At this point, whatever happened to me didn’t matter - I would protect myself and the ones I loved. I would protect Nhadala’s soul, and the soul of Purple who I’ve grown to acknowledge as a dark sister, teaching me balance and secrets of the dark. This strong desire to protect lead to the following events.
Gaol was different than we expected. We perhaps over-planned for how to get everyone out, which ultimately led to our downfall. The soul equation changed, and instead of leaving with one less, each traveler needed to create a soul token in Gaol to gain passage through the door to the crossroads. This was a moral question for some - is it right to take souls of others to free oneself? Here’s how I saw it - this was a prison. In Hell. We’ve done worse for less. Also, these are soul fragments that we are gathering to put back together - it’s almost a service to possible lost “good” souls we were gathering.
Yet, not everyone thought that way. There were four of us left at the doorway. Not sure how he let me behind his back at this point, but Vawn was two spaces ahead of me, his young kinsman between us. He walked through the door no problem, and the young man was next. He hesitated at the door, and was mumbling something frantically towards Vawn. All I could figure out was he didn't have a token, meaning he was stuck
I'd be lying a little if I said I didn't do this partly out of spite - I'm the Salt Queen, come on now. At the same time, I couldn't leave this poor youngin' in Gaol; he wouldn't last five minutes. I threw my token at the gatekeeper, and proceeded to shove the Eagle's Rook squire through the door. He struggled, refusing to taint his soul by using the souls of others, but it was too late. How much worse could my soul get?
The next part happened quickly, but for me it lasted thousands of years. I remember fighting in Gaol and praying to Lilith that I could transport to Asmodeous. I was suddenly out of Gaol and back in the Realms.
I do not wish to speak about what transpired in my mind for 7,000 years. Between the rules of Gaol and Asmodeous' obvious displeasure of me saving the Eagle's Rook boy, it was not a pleasant time.
I'm honestly not sure if I ever woke up, or if this is still all an elaborate dream, but I certainly feel that the power that was keeping me down has faded. The fog was cleared by a bright light as Vawn ascended to the summer lands. He paused as he passed me, staring into my eyes with recognition of what I'd done. I might of shed two layers of salt in that moment.
Although I am left with questions - mainly what happened to Lilith - I do not have any regrets about what I'd done that day. You see travelers, I like to think that I make decisions, not mistakes, but I’m sure that’s up for debate.
