By Spoon (Kieran/Kyra Barry)
Recipe at bottom:
No kernels in this soup because there were no colonels during this event. I thought there was but turns out she was a general but also not really because she was maybe a demon. Possessed? Used to be a colonel. So, corn chowder.
This is my recipe for Kernless Corn Chowder Mushroom Soup. If you find any kernels in your corn chowder, strain that out!
Coming up with this recipe was a doozy. First I went to Feast of Blackwood because I heard they had good soup, but figured it would be even better if they had me, Spoon, in the kitchen because I make the best soup. Soup so good it brings you back to life! But I messed up the timing and arrived early, where a bunch of people were gathered to fight some orcs! Spore orcs. Sporks are good for eating soup with because you can spear the chunks and drink the broth in one go.
General formerly Colonel Ridley of the Arcanum Core directed us on things to do. Like free a village from Orcs and find out their weak points! Ryu was some sort of feathered important person, kept bossing orcs around and they listened to her, seemed scared of her. At one point I approached a pig orc, Perimeter Pig, with my trusty knife and tried to get him to let me pet his pig. He knocked me down instead, rude. Must have thought he killed me because when I jumped up later and declared I cannot die, he and his pig ran away scared shitless. Later he became Town Pig One Fear. I am his one fear, for he cannot defeat me in any way that truly matters.
Mel was someone becoming an orc and could hear the whispers of the mushroom network throughout Blackwood which the orcs were using them to gain power via souls. Swoop was a psychopomp trying to unlock the power of death.
Literally! A Marduath follower had harnessed an Avatar of Death in a ritual to fight the orcs, but the orcs killed that follower (probably) and just kept the Owl of Death in a lot of bags. We freed them.
Next day there was an Orconomist who was eating people in exchange for money, a potential new way for the orcs to be. People were interested in his club so killed him to investigate it since it had magic. Turns out whoopsie Orconomist couldn’t come back to life because the King of Orcs saw his soul in the mycelium network and killed his soul forever. The group got a glittery club out of it.
There was a sewer crawl, a play we put on for the Avatar of Death (I was a main character! King Deimos’ dad). Some saw the future of Torolf in Valhala. All sort of culturally relevant things with themes of death so that the Death in Blackwood could regain their (her?) power.
A power crystal was put together and Ridley said that it could be used to finish the orc threat. People looking into the future saw immense loss and death. People argued about whether it should be used. Spoon hid in a dark corner.
Ridley said the time had passed and people don’t like feeling they missed out on things so reset time and allowed Ridley to use the crystal. It destroyed a dimension of souls and killed all the orcs there. People didn’t like that, and went to get Ridley but Ridley second chanced away.
Split into two groups, one group went to fight stuff, my group went to a shrine graveyard and figured out whose shrine is what. One was a shrine to Santos, ex-ruler of Blackwood. Figured out who gets what stuff. Then Swift had us say nice things to the gods.
Oh yeah, and Nos of Blackwood had gone missing earlier during a ritual. Turns out he was stuck in past echoes of events in the life of the first ruler of Blackwood. Fought a lot of ghosts and water spirits. When we failed the battle would be reset. Orion made a circle to fix people's armor. People got better at fighting as we pushed into the castle. Spoon didn’t, Spoon made magic soup and laid low.
We finally found Nos but there were a lot of creatures and a jellyfish that Ridley was controlling. I snuck up on the Jellyfish and was eaten but I woke up inside and filled it with my 5 heat soup, soup so hot it’s like acid, which destroyed one of its tentacles. When Spoon crawled out the hole Spoon was able to tell others what happened, which made a lot of people keen to get inside the jellyfish. Good thing its stomach was in another dimension. Kara told people what to do. Tempeste (mmm tempeh) went inside and sang it to sleep. Ridley was taken prisoner to be tried for crimes at court the next day.
But that’s another story for I was in the kitchen making soup. And eating soup. Here’s soup recipe!
Ingredients [goblin measurements]
1 and a 1/4 lots of sliced fresh carrots (leave out if you don’t like)
1 a lot of chopped celery with leaves (leave out if you don’t like)
5 potatoes diced (leave out if you don’t like)
3/4 to 1 of a lot of sliced fresh mushrooms (what is the point if you leave out)
1/3 of a lot of flour (can’t make roux without it)
3 onions, sliced (leave out if you don’t like but I don’t like you)
5-6 of a lot of water or stock (bad soup if you leave out)
1/4 of a lot of butter, cubed (at least use some sort of fat if you leave out!)
1/4 of a lot of heavy cream (mmmm cream)
1-1/2 of a lot of corn kernels (make sure to pick out each one at the end or!) 5 ears of corn (easier to strain out if not finely cut) (what is the point if you leave out)
1/2 of a touch of seasoned salt (bad, don’t leave out!)
Whatever mix ins you want! Ham, tempeh, beans, etc.
How to cook:
In a large saucepan, saute onions until tender in the butter. Then saute carrots, celery, mushrooms in the butter until tender and mushrooms are golden brown. If you need more butter add it. Goblins do not fear butter. Put in soup pot. Add flour little bit at a time to make roux. Stir. Stir in liquid a little bit at a time once roux is golden brown. Bring to boil. Stir in the corn, seasoned salt, potatoes and mix-ins, reduce to simmer. Once potatoes tender; take off fire and stir in heavy cream. If desired, serve with garnish.
