Thursday, August 4, 2016

Piper's Queen of Hearts (23) Bardic

PIPER'S LITTLE LIST

Based on "As Someday it May Happen" from Mikado, by Gilbert and Sullivan




(Piper:)
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list — I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!
There's the rhino-hiding fighter who will never call his shots — 
All casters who can't seem to fit Heal Limb into their slots — 
And while we're on the subject of the healers we don't like — 
Let's scratch off all the ones who try to raise you on a spike — 
It's like “if they're impaled, your efforts should cease and desist” — 
And I don't think you'd be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed! 

(Chorus:)
He's got 'em on the list — he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed. 

(Piper:)
There's the t-shirt tabard garber, and the others of his race,
And the combat sneakerist — I've got him on the list!
All people who hate role playing and shove it in your face,
They never would be missed — they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All tournaments but this, and all past quest lines but his own;
The newbie from the Institute who looks like she might cry,
Who "once had studied fencing, and would rather like to try";
And all unarmored fighters on a night quest won't exist — 
For I'll put them on the list — and they'll none of them be missed! 

(Chorus:)
He's got her on the list — he's got her on the list;
And I don't think she'll be missed — I'm sure she'll not be missed! 

(Piper:)
There's the super anal generals that like their charts and graphs,
And floor you with them flat — you know it's just for laughs.
All little tykes and nuisances that love to run around — 
If I put them on the list, I'd end up underground!
At this time, our queen would like to make mention of her pet peeve:
All people who duct tape their greaves onto their legs.
______________________________
The task of filling in that blank I'd rather leave to you.
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For they'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed! 

(Chorus:)
You may put 'em on the list — you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed!

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