This is not a story about me. I was there but I was watching it. I am the… seventh most important person in this story. And do not worry, I will give you the rankings as I go.
This story starts when Prince Orion (6) had a no good very bad idea. Orion said, outloud, to a room with people “I should run a Hunt It Kill it Eat it”. And all the royal advisors, whose job it is to stop madness and pride from dooming a kingdom, did not say anything. So, we had a event.
Now I, liked HKE, but that’s because I was PLAYING HKE, meaning I did not have to look at non-euclidian spreadsheets. You see… HKE it was not a event, it was not two events.
It was TWENTY events. Run by numerous teams. But for the purpose of this story we shall focus on only one team. My team.
My team was a humble team, for some reason the A-listers never hang out with me, I don’t know why. You ask a few white belts if the dry age creates natural marbling and suddenly you get assigned to watch children? Either way the team line up included Sarah (5), Dani (3), Omri (Im not going to number literally everyone), Sir Tulli the Bastard, knight of Chaos, and some wolf person I never met before who WASNT from Vorainess yet.
Oh and Iawen.
The One.
Now the story starts, for me, with Iawen quickly setting me aside and going. “Okay JB, you realize that I am not a fighter, Tulli is a spellcaster, and the others are new right? Your going to be our main fighter for this event.”
Which I responded with “No, I didn’t know that at all.”
But what was I supposed to do? Die? (I mean… I did). So the event goes on, monsters are hunted, cows are rescued.
Then number four shows up. A artillerist (4). He starts speaking in this thick fae accent “Ah wee wee, my sister (2), she is…. How you say? Crazy? The bombs, she uses them to blow zee people up. It is wrong, you must stop her.”
And I said “Wait isn’t this a hunt? Aren’t we supposed to be eating what we kill.”
And he goes “Ah, don’t, how you say, worry about it. The food, she will come, for now, the saving yes?”
So… I guess we are just killing sisters now. Not the first time…
Now I don’t know if you know this about bombs, but if you can survive a explosion it turns out you can survive most anything else. Including swords.
Now a second thing you might know about bombs is that if you can survive a explosion you still cant survive three of them. So all we had to do was take the bombs the artillerist was throwing, and carefully bring them to be fixed up into real bombs to throw back. And my aim was BAD! I mightve been the teams best fighter, but a missile user, I was not. In addition, these bombs were HEAVY, even in bits. So we had to slowly lug em all the way up ten feet of hill. Well it felt like a lot at the time.
And during this time we look to our side and see a small twenty tiny bomb hit Dani in the back of the foot. “Aw” She said, as she burst into flames, dying on the spot.
And Iawen decided she wasn’t having that. Oh she was not having that at all.
Iawen descended upon the sister like a storm upon a small fishing boat, the bombadiers total immunity to sword blows being only the most technical of protections against the knights wrath. In a last ditch effort to save her own hide, the artillerist quickly drew a second bomb, and struck Iawen right dead center in their chest.
Iawen blinked for a moment, their wrath forcibly halted. “Dead.” They call, until realization struck. “Wait a minute, no! Knight fucker!”
The artillerist took a step back and threw again, but Iawen simply called knight again, and then the Artillerist simply gave up, turning tale and running. And Iawen ran after, chasing the artillerist in circles until me and Sarah mercifully blew the artillerist back to hell.
Where she was safe.
And then Iawen ate some pomegranate and rabbit skewers.
You forgot this was a feast event didnt you?
Blackwood
