Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Things Janus is No Longer Allowed To Do in The Realms

62 Things Janus Kil’tra is No Longer Allowed To Do in the Realms.
By Christopher "Janus" Donnelly

People think that part of being a hero is not making mistakes.  Rather, it’s about overcoming them.  Over my decade-plus of adventuring I have made many mistakes.  Some are bigger than others.  Here is a small sampling of those mistakes.

  1. I will not summon a creature to confirm it is dead, regardless of how certain I am it is dead.
  2. Death is not a substitute for sleep.
  3. I will not give any of the following in exchange for power: My mind, my sanity, or my soul (or any part thereof).
  4. I will not use seer spells.
  5. I will not cast more seer spells to fix the problems my previous seer spells caused.
  6. I will not scalp trolls with Magic Missile.
  7. I should not refer to the full moon as "that time of the month" in polite company.
  8. Being granted Regionals from a being doesn't weaken it. It makes it stronger.
  9. I will not wish for more chips while in the dreaming. I'll get too fat (OOC: I really wish the chip summoning was IC.)
  10. Snowballs are not a Magic Missile prop.
  11. "It worked at the ninja event!" is not a reason to do anything.
  12. Do not charge the mana battery, regardless of if you are out of the "blast zone."
  13. I should not cast repair armor on a troll whose armor comes back faster on it’s own.
  14. Reading is not overrated. Neither is writing.
  15. Especially if there is a Tenghuanese auction.
  16. Combat Raise Dead and vials of Lycanthrope blood are not the same thing.
  17. Paths of magic are meant to have at least 2 spells from inside that path.
  18. A 5-body-deep pile of people feigning death is only amusing when it happens by accident.
  19. I shouldn't say "If i die, I'll shout for help" nearly as often as I do.
  20. Don't speak to evil people.
  21. Don't think in the dreaming.
  22. Magic Missile and daggers should not be on the front line of a line battle.
  23. When I cast Commune with Spirit, I will not scare the neighbors.
  24. I shall not turn myself, or any part of myself, into a snake. It never helps.
  25. True Name and birth name are not the same thing.
  26. Gates to Hell should not be opened, especially if you do not have the power to close them again.
  27. Voices in one’s own head are a sign of insanity, not what one should do.
  28. Rituals are not a replacement for bug-spray.
  29. I will not stab enemies who blow up.  That's what Magic Missile is for.
  30. A spatula should not be a magical weapon, nor should it steal life force from your enemies.
  31. A balloon should not be a weapon.  Nor should it deal damage.
  32. Never enfeeble an inanimate object.  They fight back harder than creatures.
  33. I should stop being so powerful, evil villains from the future are trying to kill me.
  34. On second thought, I should just stop drawing attention to myself.
  35. I will not be worshiped as a god.
  36. I will not talk someone into seancing the "Wise God Janus" to see what happens.
  37. I will not forget the verbal to the spell which keeps Reality from failing.
  38. I will not perform an elaborate ritual to cast a spell with no verbal or active component.
  39. I am not the king of Chimeron.
  40. Seer spells are not for learning foreign languages.
  41. I will eat at least once a day.
  42. I will eat at least once a week.
  43. I will eat at least once a month.
  44. I will eat at least once a season.
  45. I will not cause doppelgangers to gain their own thought process.
  46. Resist Magic is to get me out of bad situations, not into them.
  47. When casting a Ward spell, have a plan in place for when you stop chanting.
  48. Silver daggers are not meant to lose their plating within a day.
  49. Light Grenades are meant to take out many creatures or a gate to bedlam, not a single bois.
  50. I will not willingly enter Gaol.
  51. I will not be in a plane as it falls apart.
  52. I am not siege weaponry.
  53. My arm and dagger should not extend over 10 feet in length.
  54. Being able to magically keep women away from me is rarely a good thing.
  55. I will not wager on the outcome of Shut the Box, unless it says that someone will lose.
  56. I will not use Resist Magic on the moon
  57. The goblet they chose to poison is the one with my apple cider in it.
  58. I will not tear anybody's soul out of their body and shove it in a container without their permission.
  59. I will not allow deities to reside in my body unless I am actively worshiping them.
  60. I should not fly if I flap my arms.
  61. The spell speak is not for translating long lost texts.
  62. Apparently, being a Lord of Hell is considered “Evil” by many.


  1. I feel like there is something missing...

    1. do some combination of 4 and 5 cover it?

  2. Hmm... There are several things which would be better on a To Do list :P