Mad'am Zarine,
I guess I can best sum up my problem by saying, I don't feel good enough. I look around me at a lot of my friends that I've known for years and I see people who are accomplished fighters or questers and friends who are leaders and I've never just really clicked with any aspect of the Realms. I just kind of feel like I'm here and that's the whole story. I do my best to cast spells when questing, I've gone to fight practices but I don't feel like I've actually become great at those things. I worry that people just sort of put up with me. What can I do to stand out or to feel more like I belong?
- Feeling Unvalued in Valehaven
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Oh, my poor dear, I know this problem only too well. When I first came to these lands I didn't know my place but plenty of other people seemed to think that they did. Instead of helping me to explore where I fit they tried to put me in a box. The box was determined by ridiculous things like being a girl, being young, who my friends were, what I looked like, and other absurd observations.
For years I tried to fit in that box that everyone else had made for me. Like you, I tried to be a good quester and cast my little stone heart out trying to save the realms from whatever new threat had emerged that weekend to disrupt our ill conceived gathering. I went to fight drills and tried my best, but there wasn't much training being done for my skill set and so I feebly tried to swing a sword that was far too large and heavy for my liking. While that did give me some useful experience in regards to handling parts of my professional life now, I find that even in that arena I would have been far better off practicing with a dagger.
I also felt like people were simply putting up with me. I was just there, like a painting. Sometimes people looked at me and thought I was pretty and I felt so relieved that at least I wasn't useless. At least the box I was in was wrapped in lovely paper and tied with a neat little bow. When life gives you lemons make lemonade, right?
I took somewhat of a hiatus from social gatherings after my divorce and when I came back I found myself in the same damn box. Or perhaps I never quite left it. But either way I still felt like that background character in a play that has two lines that no one remembers, only that they had the most awkward delivery of all time. But time away and new experiences had taught me a lot and I wasn't the same shy and submissive young woman that I used to be. I wasn't alright with 'just making the best of it' anymore.
So why have I turned your question into a tale about myself? Because my earlier days in the Realms are a cautionary tale, dear Unvalued. I allowed other people to mold how I participated in my own life. I allowed other people's opinions to define me. It wasn't until I stopped caring about fitting into their preposterous box that I found out who I was. I was more than a pretty package. I was bigger than that tiny little container that they put me in. I was more than good enough.
So stop letting other people define you. You don't stand out when you try to fit into their box. If you're not good at the things that they are trying to wedge you into, find something else. Stop working so hard to fit into someone else's mold. That mold wasn't meant for you. There are more things to do in these lands than be a 'caster' or a 'fighter'. Think outside the bloody rule book and find your own path. Start working on accepting yourself for who you are and stop worrying about how other people see you. Start embracing what you are good at instead of what other people want you to do. Write your own damn story.
Turns out, when life gives you lemons you can make whatever the bloody hell you want to make with them. And if people don't like what you make, so what? Do you like it? Because that's what matters. So keep trying new recipes until you find the one you like, and don't worry, I promise you won't run out of lemons.
