I Can't Even...
… First Impressions
You never
get a second chance to make a first impression. Once you've done something once
you can never do it again and claim it was the first time. That's just the way
time works. Many things that we do aren't effected by the fact that it's the
first, second, or hundredth time we've done it. If you completely bungle it one
of those times, you can often simply do better next time. Introducing yourself
to people just doesn't work that way.
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| No, you're an over used Meme! |
It takes
approximately three seconds for someone to evaluate you and form an opinion of
your person when they first make your acquaintance. “But Zarine, that can't be
right...” But it is. It sounds crazy, does it not? Yet we all form these quick
conclusions about people and places all of the time and it's almost impossible
to stop our minds from doing it. Once we have made these immediate judgments
it's fabulously difficult to change them. It's almost like the quicker the
assessment of someone or something is made the more deeply rooted in our minds
it becomes. I'm sure someone more sciencey can explain the actual psychology
involved.
While I may
not be in the appropriate medical field to understand exactly how our minds
work, I can tell you what all of this means: First impressions are
extraordinarily important. Where is this train of thought coming from, you
wonder? Well, dear reader, if you'll remember that just last week we had a few
new plebs introduce themselves to the Realms at large and let's just agree that
we were all a little uneasy about their intentions towards our very large but
relatively tight knit community. Since I tend to over think just about
everything you could possibly imagine, I analyzed this entire interaction to
death. You see, just because it was the written word doesn't mean that we
didn't form an impression. On the contrary, we likely form an even stronger yet
less accurate impression.
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| One Sean Bean Meme Deserves Another |
Since I have
hopefully opened your eyes to the importance of the first impression, allow me
to impart upon you the wisdom of how to make your first impressions in the
future be excellent ones. There are many ways to rendezvous with someone for
the first time. It could be in person, written correspondence, or magical long
range verbal communication. You could not even realize you are being observed
and make an unknown impression on someone. Always be on your toes and follow
these pointers from someone who makes a lot of first impressions.
Be on time:
you don't want people to think that you are irresponsible and/or disrespectful
of others time. Make sure that you are at least fifteen minutes early the first
time you will be meeting someone. Unless of course it is the type of fancy
party where being fashionably late is celebrated, then being early would be
quite awkward.
Be
confident: first encounters are always a bit stressful for everyone involved.
Being relaxed and confident can help put everyone at ease and you will all get
a better impression of each others natural selves.
Be yourself:
While you want to put your best foot forward, make sure it is indeed your own
foot. Pretending to be someone you are not may make a good impression, but what
happens when you correspond with that person again? Even if their opinion of
you is bad, its better to be a bad opinion about the real you, than a good
opinion about a you that does not even exist. Eventually they will find out
that you were presenting a false persona and then their view of you is going to
take quite the nosedive. They will never be able to fully trust you, and trust
is the foundation of even the most basic of affiliations.
Look your
best: When meeting in person the absolute first thing someone is going to
notice is your outward appearance. Dress appropriately for the occasion. Don't
over or under dress, though always err on the side of over dressing if you are
unsure as it's a far more forgivable offense. Be well groomed. If you look
good, that usually translates to feeling good, which adds to your confidence
and ability to be yourself.
Use proper
grammar (and spelling if applicable): This is especially important for the
written word. If you say something slightly incorrectly people are a bit more
forgiving as it's instant and non retractable. If your written correspondence
is poor however, then they will think that you couldn't even take the time to
proof read it. That then leads to the conclusion that they were not worth your
time and effort. It will also lend credence to the conviction that you are
uneducated and of lesser intelligence.
More on
confidence: A firm handshake and eye contact are very important. It will tell them that you are not a doormat
or a victim and anyone who might be looking for such will be quickly be
disabused of that notion. And ladies, don't worry, there is nothing wrong with
being a strong, confident individual with a dominant personality. (note:
dominant personality isn't just fancy talk for being a bitch). Gentlemen, it's
alright to shake a woman's hand rather than slobber all over it. Just use the
appropriate interaction for the situation. If it's a business or military
meeting, go with a handshake. If it's a social gathering, go with the hand
kissing. If you're unsure, allow the lady to present her hand first and go from
there.
Be
respectful. As much as I am fond of the phrase “respect is not given, it is
earned”, everyone is deserving of basic respect and decency until they prove
otherwise to you. So, be polite and pleasant.
People are
often fond of criticizing first impressions, that we shouldn't form an opinion
on someone based off of such limited information. But it may not even be a bad
thing. The fact that we can walk into a room which we have never been in
before, quickly catalog everything in it, and then make a quick decision on our
comfort and safety level is quite incredible. Or meet a person and every sense
you possess processes everything you could possibly know about them and you
decide how to proceed within a matter of seconds. It's an example of just how
unbelievable our minds are. And just like our “fight or flight” response, it is
the most intellectually agile among us who can do it most quickly an
accurately.
Perhaps we
are not being shallow and dismissive. Perhaps we are actually using our minds
the way that nature intended to analyze situations and recognize both dangers
and securities. Perhaps we should stop questioning the involuntary functions of
our minds, as they likely evolved that way for a reason.
See you next
Tuesday.
Zarine is the
proprietor and Madam at Alchimia Lupanar, a magic marshal approved practitioner
of medicine, an award winning author, and has 36 years of experience in giving
her unsolicited opinion.
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| Unrelated to the article, but amusing to the editor. |
