Tuesday, April 18, 2017

I Can't Even

I Can't Even...
 by Sara "Zarine" Jessop
… Mirrors

            This week, let's talk about mirrors and why you should use one. They are very handy devices that show you your reflection so that you know what other people's eyes are being subjected to when they are forced to look upon your person. They should be used every day before you leave your home and enter the public sphere. Yet so often I question whether or not someone even owns one when I see what they have chosen to present to the world. It's a much more pleasant thought than thinking that they did indeed look in the mirror and decided that their presentation was acceptable. I fear for a Realms that thinks some of these choices are good ones! 

            Now, I know that we all have different perceptions. Sometimes someone will greatly enjoy a certain set of clothing while everyone else abhors it. But for fashion's sake at least look like you tried. I can appreciate making an effort to be a fashion forward trend setter. I cannot support being a lazy, uncaring, hot mess. When gazing upon your reflection try and see yourself through someone else's eyes. I mean, not in some creepy necromantic way. Just try and imagine how someone else may view your personal appearance choices. After all, your outward countenance is a reflection of your inner self and you want people to get the correct idea of who you are. 

            There are all manner of mirrors, from simple to extravagant. Other than their aesthetic contribution to your personal space, they all work exactly the same. A cheap mirror will reflect that hideous color just as well as an expensive one, so no excuses, plebs. A mobile mirror is best if you can only afford one, this way you can move it about to account for differences in lighting.

            Speaking of lighting, it is best to always look good in full on natural light. Darker environs can cover a lot of imperfections, but the light of day will reveal them all. Even if you think that you will be mostly in the shadows, you never know when you may be forced out into the light and you'll want to look your best.

            “But Zarine, I'm just running to the market, it's not like I will see anyone important...” Well you see, dear reader, you never run into more people that you know than when you are not looking your best. Didn't bother doing your hair today because you were lazy? You are now guaranteed to run into your ex lover and their new paramour who is undoubtedly younger and more visually appealing than you, especially since you look like a complete bedraggled ragamuffin. Just throwing on your old moth eaten cloak since you didn't have time to find your newer, less moth eaten one? Congratulations, your going to meet the King today looking like a transient beggar.

            Can't afford even the simplest mirror, or just not have access to one? Do you have a trustworthy friend? If that answer to that question is no, then I am afraid I may not be able to assist you. But perhaps you have someone around you whom you can ask? Find an honest person who won't be afraid to tell you that you do indeed look like you just rolled out of the manure pile. A friend who tells you that you look good when you definitely do not is no friend at all. And significant others are the worst people to ask. Not only are the legally obligated to tell you that you look great, do you really trust the person who just last week slept with one of my best girls that your bum doesn't look fat in those pants? If you are in a bind, I will critique your look for you. I am already silently doing it, I might as well vocalize it for you.

            If you notice a friend who looks like they haven't looked in a mirror recently, help them out. Tell them how awful they look. And if they ask you for help, be honest. This doesn't mean that you have to be cruel. There are pleasant ways to tell someone that they look dreadful. And if someone does tell you that your look is maybe a bit off don't be angry with them. Constructive criticism is a good thing. Learn how to use it rather than discouraging it. If you are unsure of someone's opinions, ask someone else what they think. Getting multiple perspectives is good as long as you don't become a needy pain in the arse.

            Your outward presentation to the world is important, whether you think it is out not. Dress appropriate for the occasion, put in some effort to look your best, and never ever leave your house without looking in the mirror.

            See you next Tuesday.

Zarine is the proprietor and Madam at Alchimia Lupanar, a magic marshal approved practitioner of medicine, an award winning author, and has 36 years of experience in giving her unsolicited opinion.


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