I Can't Even...
… Spring Cleaning
The Spring
Series continues this week with a topic near and dear to my heart: cleaning.
Even though I employ many people to clean for me, I myself still receive
immense joy from the physical act of sterilizing messy spaces. In fact, my
housekeepers are not allowed into my private quarters as I dislike others
touching my things and cleaning improperly. My rooms are organized and cleaned
according to a strict regime that is only realized in my own head and therefor
cannot be performed by others.
Spring is
the perfect time to clean. I don't mean a simple cursory dusting and sweeping.
Oh no, Dear Reader, I am speaking of actual deep and thorough cleaning of
everything in both your living and work environment. All winter long buildings
have been shuttered against the cold while we build roaring fires for warmth
and light candles to see by. The soot from these flames permeate everything and
it must be eliminated. Not to mention the germs and bacteria that has festered
in your hovels from winter illnesses and filthy holiday guests.
It has been
too cold for fresh air. After all, who wants to let in air that hurts your
face? But that weather is behind us and warmer days are here. Windows and doors
can be flung open to welcome in the warm breezes that will show you just how
much dust has collected under your furniture since last it graced your home.
Rugs and curtains can be taken outside and the nastiness beaten from them as if
there were a misbehaved child.
“But Zarine,
my house is such a mess I don't know where to start...” Don't worry loves, that
is what I am here to help with. Well, not physically help with (not that I
don't want to, I love cleaning other people's clutter, I simply do not have the
time to do it for everyone) but rather to give you advice on how you should
proceed. Below are my suggestions and tips to make it easier, more efficient,
and most of all, fun!
Just start:
It can be overwhelming if you are the sort to allow your home to fall into a
complete and utter disaster before tackling it. The important thing isn't where
you start, but simply that you start. Pick and spot and go!
One space at
a time: I always a chose a small space and completely organize and sanitize it
before moving on to a new space. If I find something there that needs to go
elsewhere, I merely put it aside for later. Otherwise I would spend my time
bouncing back and forth in some kind of attention deficit cleaning frenzy and
nary a thing would get done.
Get rid of
things: Can't remember the last time you used something? Get rid of it. Donate
it to charity, sell it, burn it, whatever, but please, just get rid of it. (But
no really, please consider donating all of your unnecessary items to charity).
I myself am a sentimental person. When you grow up with nothing you tend to
want to hold onto everything. But all of those things are weighing you down.
That doesn't mean that you need to get rid of everything. I still have quite a
few mementos that I cling to. But only keep what you have room for. Otherwise,
let it go.
Move things:
Literally, move stuff. Furniture and large kitchen equipment collect a plethora
of dust, dirt, and grime. We may often move small pieces of furniture, but how
often do you move your bed, sofa, or ice
box? My guess would be never your
squalid pleb. So do it now. Get some friends to help you if you must, and then
help them in return.
Rugs: Rugs
are disgusting hives of scum and toxcicity. They need to be cleaned thoroughly.
It's an awful task, and admittedly one that I outsource to others. If you must
perform this task yourself be sure to wear some kind face mask to prevent
breathing in the offending filth as you beat it from the fabric. I personally
find carpeting to be unsanitary and have minimized it, though there are areas
where it is nice to have a soft, warm, cushion but please clean them annually
and be sure to clean beneath them as well.
Draperies:
Like carpets, draperies gather a lot of dust throughout the year and need to be
thoroughly cleansed. The fabric is easily bleached by the sun, so every few
years or so they will need to be re-dyed as well, or replaced if you can afford
it. You don't want people coming into your home and seeing that your carpeting
doesn't match your drapes, do you?
I could go
on and on about cleaning, but alas, other duties are calling me. I will leave
you with one last piece of advice: Clean up your person as well. After all of
that nasty cleaning, you'll likely feel quite gross. So reward yourself with a spring
makeover! Trust me, you need it.
See you next
Tuesday.
Zarine is the
proprietor and Madam at Alchimia Lupanar, a magic marshal approved practitioner
of medicine, an award winning author, and has 36 years of experience in giving
her unsolicited opinion.
