Bardic Circle: Jean-Baptiste's Winning Bardic from Feast of Leviathan 18

"Baby Wars"

The realms was peaceful for a time

 The home of Tuilli, finest speaker of the nine

 He was famous as a bastard and he wore that title well 

A hit with the kids and the denizens of hell 

Now Neden was a questing town, loaded up with loot 

And robbing it would be quite the bastard thing to do 

Syruss found a letter, Neden will host a event next fortnight 

And it’s called the Baby Fights 

 So register early and don’t forget to prepay 

Or you may miss the most gruesome event yet to date, 

Tulli the bastard’s coming, the man will never quit 

And he’s after Neden’s shi…stuff! 

Now Neden’s well defended, but Tuilli had a trick 

You see he’s well respected by all those under six 

And though they have few spells, they are all awfully cute 

And beneath those sparkling eyes is a cold hearted brute 

So they came in droves, but the guards just let them pass 

A few seconds later those guards just breathed their last 

Tuilli knew he had a chance, he already knew he’d win 

'Cause what monster kills a kid? 

 So register early and don’t forget to prepay 

Or you may miss the most gruesome event yet to date, 

Tuilli the bastard’s coming, the man will never quit 

And he’s after Neden’s shi…stuff! 

Well the event was supposed to begin at dawn so it started at 12 of course. 

All the questers were silent, not sure what was in store 

They yelled “Tuilli come on out, beat us if you can.”

 And that was when the rattling sounds and the crying all began 

An army of toddlers soon swarmed, 20 strong and 3 feet high

 Each of them had armor, and murder in their eyes. 

They had the players surrounded, there was doubt on every face 

But oh well, they already paid! 

So sorceries to the front and let those javelins fly
When has ethics ever stopped us from having a good time?
Tulli ran away, so the armies disorganized
and you’re gonna win this fight

That's right!

[Guitar solo]


Now wipe the blood of your tabards and drink to forget
You just murdered a child, are you proud of yourself yet
Baptise will be busy, veal’s on the menu tonight
And you won the Baby Fights!