Friday, February 27, 2015

The Bastards Guide to the Nations of the Realms

So your pals Tuilli and Ed have run into all sorts so far in their travels and have encountered many a “character”.  We’ve compiled this wee list of some of the nations we’ve encountered so far and our impressions.  If you are not on the list, then perhaps good for you?



Folkestone:  A long-lasting nation with great storytellers and writers led by Lord Sir Magus Malaki (who may or may not be led in turn by Dame Magus Phoenix).  If you go to a Folkestone soiree, you will be well fed and well entertained… or have to endure a long winded story about “the way things were”...
Do join: If you enjoy being in an nation with rich history and experienced players.
Don’t Join: If you hate hugs from Redheads, or people with knightly titles.

Ashenmark:  They say the black and gold stands for mystery and fading youth.  I’m pretty sure that the mystery part helps them hide in the shadows, but the fading youth is more just to hide the urine stains from when they couldn’t hide.  That being said, they have some new blood, and some guy who won’t stay dead as a leader and he is OK...
Do join Ashenmark: If you love Ashenmark day.
Don’t join Ashenmark:  If you’ve actually been to Ashenmark day..

Chimeron: Another old nation, led by Good King Cecil® is one of the largest in the Realms.They are host to many sub-nations and one shindig by the name of Uncle Cecil’s Crazy Tavern.
Do join Chimeron:  If you want to belong to one of the biggest groups in the Realms.
Don’t join Chimeron:  If you can’t help but laugh every time you encounter someone from a sub-nation called Griffindor.  Yes, this is a subnation of Chimeron.

Neden: a bunch of debaucherous, depraved madmen (and Karmha to round it off), but enough nice things about them, lets get into the bad parts...
Do join Neden: If you hate wearing pants, and love having fun.
Don’t join Neden: If you like being able to have people Google your nation’s name without worry.

Creathorne:  A nation filled with strong opinions; mostly those of their leader, Sir Shean.  They hate anyone who is not human or an “proper” elf; drow need not apply.  They are the host the famous Tournament of Creathorne, a “fight hard, play hard” sort of tourney from what I hear.  We have availed ourselves of the Tavern there on a few occasions and found it well stocked and also a fun place for a fight.
Do join Creathorne:  You enjoy a good tavern brawl.
Don’t join Creathorne: If you are prone to bring “trophies” in the form of a 30 foot long tentacle from some multi-limbed and dangerous beast you just killed back to the tavern and are not expecting the soul crushing rejection of offering it to Sir Shean as a trophy for the tavern only to be painfully rebuked.

Blackwood:  Not much is known to us about Blackwood (we didn’t really bother to ask).  They put on a fine tourney, have some of the top gambling houses in the Realms and are glad to take all your (and your childrens) money.  Members that come to mind are Zatarra and Tao.  Both of them you have to watch your coin purse around, although chances are, Tao will be more likely to swindle you out of coin and home on the Blackjack tables...
Do join Blackwood:  If you love gambling.
Don’t join Blackwood:  If you hate losing all your money to Sir Tao.

Northern Alliance:  they run a RP-only campfire which is pretty awesome, plus they are the ones typically docked out in the most fur and leather gear.  Well garbed for sure but they seem to get a bit tetchy if you try to speak with a Swedish accent (or worse, like the Swedish Chef).
Do join the NA:  If you love roleplaying so much that you snore with a Nordic accent.
Don’t join the NA:  If you are a member of PETA.

Grimloch:  A nation that chose to live in a swamp filled with necromancers and undead.  Yeah, they are that sort of crazy.  Run as a militant oligarchy by the Warlords and Warmarkes, they are the nation to call when you need something absolutely, completely and irrevocably dead.
Do join Grimloch:  If you like stabbing people.  Hard.
Don’t join Grimloch:  (The author will not fill in this section as he would prefer not to get stabbed, hard or otherwise)

Rhiassa:  Feastocrats and fancy hats.  Run by Lord Sir Aeston Stromgate, Knight of the Realms (and of the Eternal Flame, Rhiassa, the Blue Rose), Lord of Rhiassa AND Vinehaeven, and Patriarch of the Oaken Guard (yeah, lots of titles, he puts the Folkestone people to shame).  Rhiassa has some of the top feast events in the Realms, thanks in a major to Sir Sir Gwen (she just got knighted in a two-for-one special at the last Feast of Leviathan).  They also are responsible for the grand event that is the famed Queen of Hearts Tournaments and War Tourneys.
Do join Rhiassa:  You enjoy serving the community as well as good food.
Don’t join Rhiassa:  If you hate Aeston’s hat or people with too many titles.

Mayerling:  A bunch of well-dressed adventurers who all have taken the spell “Launch ALL the arrows, and let Tuilli’s throat get in the way of all of them”.  You can pick them out at the feasts as the ones who are sometimes more armored than Grimloch.  Mayerling’s armor is prettier.
Do join: If you love ranged fighting.
Don’t join: If you want heraldry that is easy to reproduce…

Saurabia:  a relatively new nation whose ranks include a bunch of dinosaurs and a Canadian.
Do join Saurabia: if your characters name could be made hilarious by adding “-saurus” to the end of it.
Don’t join Saurabia.

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