Friday, September 23, 2016

Ask the S's

Ask the S's
With Sir Syruss and Soft-Nosetti

Dear Syruss and Soft

Winter is so boring! It's like all the bad things that go crunch in the night hibernate! And I'm sure all those terrible peacemongers out there just love that everything is feasts and parties, but where is all the war? Seriously, just let me hit things.


Dear Warbird,
                If you’re bored, it means you’re boring! Most everything is just as vulnerable during the colder months as it is during the warmer, possibly even more so. If you simply thirst for blood slaying beasts that are actually hibernating should be no trouble, but if what you thirst for is combat, try giving hibernating beasties a few good pokes to rile them up first. If that doesn’t tickle your fancy try engaging some of those “peacemongers” you mentioned after they get a few good stiff drinks in them. Perhaps they won’t be so peaceable then. Altogether, my first statement still stands. If you want war, create it. All in life is available for you to take if you only have the ability.
Sin-cerely, Illumier Soft- Nosetti.

p.s- If you really want war just see me at Cecil’s. He won’t be the only one granting wishes.

Dear Warbird,

Thing about winter Warbird bird bird Warbirds the word is while yes some creatures do go to sleep in the winter, some more terrifying creatures come out in the dead of snow… It reminds me of this time my Buddy Sir Quayloth was out riding his smelly snow beast horse thingy when suddenly he saw something in the distance.

Quayloth was all like “Hey, steady girl.  What's the matter?  You smell something?”

Which is a weird question to ask a stinky horse, why not ask “do you see something?” “Do you hear something”

Anyway Quayloth took out a small device from his belt and starts to adjust it when
suddenly a large shadow fell over him from behind.  He heard a
monstrous howl and turned to see an eleven-foot-tall shape covered by the snow storm towering over him.  It was a deadly OgreWampa Ice Creature, and it lunged at him ferociously.

Quayloth was all like “Aaargh!” but years of training he grabbed for his sword with lighting fast reflexes, but as he drew and started to swing armor piercing he realized he didn’t wipe the blade and was hit flat in the face by a huge white claw.  He fell unconscious into the snow and in a moment the terrified screams of his smelly snow beast horse were cut short by the horrible snap of a neck.

The OgreWampa Ice Creature grabbed Quayloth by one ankle and drags him away
across the frozen plain. He took Quayloth to his lair which was nothing more than a jagged face of a huge ice wall with a slight opening. Quayloth hung upside down, his ankles frozen into icy
stalactites, his extended arms within a foot of the snow floor.  One side of his face is covered in a dried mask of frozen blood.  He opened his eyes as a chilling moan of the hideous ice creature echoed off the gorge walls.  Quayloth pulled himself up, grabs hold of his ankles, and
futilely tries to unfasten the ropes.

Exhausted, he droped back into his hanging position, which he liked sort of in a strange way.  As he hung there, he spied his sword hilt lying near a pile of his discarded gear, about
three feet out of reach. He focused hard on the hilt and, as his hand strained toward the weapon, he squeezed his eyes tight in concentration. Just as the ice creature loomed over Sir Quayloth, he realized he was the weapon and then lightning jumped out of Sir Quayloth's hands.

The young warrior instantly ignited the stalactites with magic missiles and swinging down, he flopped to the snow in a heap.  The startled creature moves back, his giant yellow eyes blinking.  Sir Quayloth scrambled to his feet.  He swung his sword and the beast screamed out in pain.

Sir Quayloth then staggered out of the gorge into the dark and snowy twilight.  Weak
and exhausted, he stumbled down a snow bank never to be seen again……….

Until you know he got home and then Scryed over to my place about his awesome adventure and to Warn Neden of the impending OgreWampa Ice Creature invasion….But that is a story for another time.

What was the question again how to have a war in the winter Stiff V Power on the gift swap at Uncle Cecil’s that should do it…

Hope this helps sorry if it doesn’t.

And remember it is like Lord Sir Nymbous O’Leary always says “Yellow snow is not magical lemon snow cones Peanut Butter that is not a thing!!!!”

Love Always
Sir Syruss O’Leary of Neden
Question Master Extraordinaire
Love Guru
All kinds of other title here

Photo by Shopped Photo

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