Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Ask Syruss

Photo by Jesse Gifford

Ask Sir Syruss. Sir Syruss is a seasoned adventurer with over 10 years of experience slaughtering undead and charming the ladies, beating up bad guys, frustrating good guys, and grossing out the ladies. So if you have a question no matter how bizarre, weird or funny (the funnier the better then we can sell more issues of the View) consider asking the man who loves to tell you how to live your life……..even though no one tells you how to live your life.

(OOC- Questions for Sir Syruss should be sent to view staff at aearlegray@gmail.com


Dear Syruss,

I'm new to venturing in the Realms and never know what to wear for what occasions.  I see you always look classy and would love to get tips plus know where you shop because I love your cloths and gear.
From,
Under-garbed Newby

Dear Naked Newbie, or should I say, Sir Kaz!!!!!

 That’s right Kaz, I know it is you, I recognize your penmanship anywhere. Also, the judge was pretty specific that the restraining order prevented all contact, you creep.

But great question, and I do love my ego fluffed. So let me break it down for ya with the easy-to-follow, "yes or no" answer guide:

1) Is the gathering a feast or festival? Yes! Wear the fanciest best hat you can, puffiest shirt, and cleanest undergarments -- you’re going somewhere nice, not some cheap joint like William likes to take me to ( >:C Artex Burger *blah*) Caveat: Is this feast and/or wedding associated with a color (red, blue, white, etc)? If so, still wear your nicest stuff, but maybe keep the armor on underneath.
            If NO: avoid wearing your properest stuff as this may result in it getting torn or bloodied or chopped into about 200 pieces and mixed with your goo.

2) Is the gathering you are going to some sort of war maneuver or tournament? Yes? Then make sure, unless you are marshaling, to wear something more form fitting and less poofy -- you don’t want a stray sword slashing up your nice shirt or a rogue arrow piercing your best vest. Also, if you are going to one of these war maneuvers make sure you have the proper footwear. Something with great ankle support; don’t be the “hero” who kills most of the other team only to bawl your eyes out because of a sprained ankle later. (Trust me, no one lets you live it down)

3) Are you going off on an epic quest to slay the Chocolate Pudding Dragon off the Coast of the Dark Isles? THEN PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT WEAR YOUR NICE THINGS. Nothing gets chocolate out -- or dragon's blood, for that matter. When questing, always wear last year’s best -- that way you still look good, but you are keeping your fresh new look for this year’s current trends.
Now for places to shop. For my gear I tend to make a lot of my own, but for those of you with less skills with leather and metal, Grim Gear is always ready to serve. Sir Guilliam taught me everything I know on leather working and is twice as fast and twice as good. Feel free to pen him or seek him out at events, he is the handsome short guy in Grimloch...wait, no, that doesn’t help... just yell "Guilliam!" until someone answers.

Now for clothes. I would plug Lady Effa of Grimloch and said Grimloch Gear, but she has been practicing voodoo lately and is not being very gentle with her safety pins. That, and every time she pokes me I hear Sir Rillan yell from down the hall, which is unnerving. She probably likes you better, so feel free to still seek her out -- she makes great stuff,  it just might be cursed or what have you.

But there are many other fine shops as well:

Karmha Creations: owned and operated by Karmha (Casey Lemay) of Neden. I have been a longtime supporter of this particular seamstress's goods. Why am I a longtime supporter of hers? Besides her quality of gear, it’s mostly because we are great buds but also because she will shoot me with a bow if I don’t plug her here and now. She does award-winning garb, fantastic masks, sturdy tabards, and banners galore.

Vandoria's Vestments:
 owned and operated by Vandoria (Jennifer Cloutier). Now I have only gotten a few things made by her. Belt favors and a banner, but they came out great and they were done in a timely manner. Now my squire orders from her all the time and Grebs always says “GREBINAR wants something to eat, errrrrr GREBINARRRRRR” which, yeah, not super relevant but I think he is trying to say “She made me these really awesome pants with super awesome pockets.”

Realms Outfitters: owned and operated by Sir Therian and lady Kyomi (Steve and Meg Matulewicz). This shop is simply fantastic. Do you need a new bowl? How about a leather pouch? Some armor or a fancy shirt? Perhaps a mask for the Black and White Ball? Well, whatever your needs, they are more than equipped to handle your every desire. They are a conglomerate store with over 5 artisans working to help create their goods -- the shop is comprised of the Chimeron Shop as well as Kyomi’s shop and three others as well. Basically, if they don’t have it, it don’t exist yet.

How do you get in touch? Well, you can find most of these vendors at such events as Feast of Leviathan, Feast of Chimeron, and Tournaments of Creathorne, as well as other big gatherings -- or perhaps maybe, just maybe, you have heard of the “Creepy Book of Faces”? Well you can find them all in "That Book of Faces," just search for the above-listed names.

Now Kaz, now that you have heard of all these great shops, perhaps now you will stop showing up to Grot and Syruss’s Pizzeria (formerly Rohde and Syruss’s Hump House) WITHOUT pants on -- I keep telling you, we are a family restaurant now.