Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Election Day Sarcasm

Election Day In the Realms
by Alex "Lucas" Newbold
...because politics is funnier when its being made fun of...

Noted area psychic, Ezra, declined any and all predictions for the near future.  Ezra also stated that his “Psychic Exemption” should not require him to learn Heal Limb, and the Heal Limb Agenda of the Realms has grown too powerful and must be stopped.  The Healers Guild was unavailable for comment.

Professional orator Lord Aeston of Rhiassa, held a public rally recently.  All participants were given hats, as is traditional, the event continued until everyone in attendance was asleep.  A lone mage identified as Fill O’Buster commented that Lord Aeston had many impressive things to say, excellent command of his hand motions, and that he managed to convey quite a good deal of information.  But O’Buster was not able to recall much of anything that was discussed.

The Silent Scribbler Scandal continues, investigations into possible, partial involvement and knowledge of potentially erased cartoons is still on going.  Local Magi state conflict of interest in the investigation and refuse to investigate, siting a lack of pressure in the matter.  Detective, Syruss O’Leary has publicly stated his interest in taking the case. For matters of integrity.  The View from Valehaven will continue to report on Scribblegate on this inflated issue.

Orc tribes, once populous in the Borderlands, are voicing their support for Jonas Cook. The results of this are confusing, as the general citizenry of the Realms did not believe there were any Orcs, or Borderlands anymore.  Plus, Jonas Cook is dead. Priests of Harlequin have declined to comment.

Members of the Snake Cult are reporting artistic repression from Lord Temorse of Ashenmark.  Two members of the Cult, identified only as Me and Me. Have declared that Temorse refuses to allow them to express their creative freedom through art.  As such, they have combined forces, and their names, to release underground art not approved by the Ashenmark Bureau of Census and Sensibility.  All of their future art will be released under the new name of MeMe.

Lord Malachi of Folkestone, has cautioned against the split forming in his nation.  Supporters of Folke have declared their intention to split from the supporters of Stone.  Malachi stands firm that Folke and Stone must continue to work together, and that any exit of Folke from the union will harm the Realms economy as a whole.  Folke continues to protest this matter through song.

Neden activists for "Undead Lives Matter", have officially cancelled their protest.  Stating that the contradiction of their organizations beliefs had grown too much for them to handle.  Infamous Necromancer, Lord Artex, was unavailable for comment.

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